11/17/2025
Godspeed to the penny
Obituary for the Penny
It is with mixed emotions (and jingling pockets) that we announce the passing of the American Penny, born 1793, died November 12, 2025, at the age of 232.
The penny lived a long, underappreciated life. Once able to buy a piece of candy or a newspaper, it spent its final decades mostly trapped in car cupholders, sofa cushions, and that weird little pocket in your jeans no one uses.
Beloved by some, cursed by cashiers everywhere, the penny is survived by its mother Dollar and father,Bill; siblings Nickel, Dime, Quarter; and their digital cousins Venmo and Cashapp.
Preceded in death by Common Sense and Exact Change.
Services will be held at Coinstar, where friends may gather to say their final beep-beep goodbyes, followed by a green burial, pirate treasure style. In lieu of flowers, please donate your remaining pennies to literally anything that still accepts them.
Rest easy, little copper colored friend. You were never worth much, but you meant a lot.
