Landlubber Logistics

11/11/2025

Billy here.

I’m alone for most of my day. I like it that way. It gives me time to think about things I like to think about. World domination, civil unrest, new ways to punish bad Landlubber guests, all together slightly evil things, and etc.

Most of the time I’m driving in endless figure eights, to and from markets to villas and villas to markets. On occasion the very freeing enjoyment of my rather dark daydreaming is shattered by the ever growing reality of how badly everyone drives and parks their cars on this island.

My side view mirror has been decimated multiple times by passerby who cut edges around the various corners I am forced to take on the daily to deliver things. Come to think of it, NONE of our delivery vehicles have intact passenger side mirrors and by no fault of our own. We HUG turns like homeless kittens.

Random panels across the side of my car have been bludgeoned by parking lot heathens too scared to face me after bashing into my unattended delivery steed, the Red Dragon (my RAV4), fleeing the scene before I return in cowardice.

I can’t even park on the road i live on without incident!

When we returned from vacation this past year I found new dents on Red Dragon and like an angry parent whose child was punched in the eye by a neighborly bully I had to walk around with a broken piece of my wheel well and ask adult people that live on my street, “Did you do this?”

One gentlemen finally fessed up to the fender bender but due to inconsistencies in our spoken languages he just smiled and weirdly tried to put the obviously destroyed piece back on our car. After getting it to stay on briefly he just continued smiling as he walked away only for it to fall off again moments later.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally innocent either. I have my moments and been known to tailgate a tourist going below 18 mph on a straight away myself from time to time but as far as scraping paint with strangers, I truly put the Virgin in Virgin Islands (knock on wood).

Regardless of my actions, I’ve had it so here are some inventions I’ve patented (in my mind) to help bring peace back to the automotive anarchy that this island has become plagued with.

The “Annie are you Okay” passenger side mirror:

Driving on island is a combat sport. I know better than most since I basically drive all day. People don’t like sharing the pavement with oncoming traffic and the result is obliterated passenger side mirrors.

With the “Annie are you Okay” side view mirror, you too can instill everlasting trauma into these roadway hogs of the solid yellow hash line. This mirror is actually a mannequin head that screws into the former home of your now displaced side view mirror. The mouth has a mirror installed so it does act as a useful replacement for your old mirror and it does fit the guidelines for renewable vehicle registration.

Where the real fun comes into play is when someone hits Annie! Annie’s head has a contact based speaker system that lets out a blood curdling scream for up to 10 seconds after being decapitated from your passenger side door frame and a blood bag attached at the base for added realism.

Watch as your passerby shudder in fear and contemplate the quickest and easiest way off island to avoid vehicular manslaughter charges as Annie’s bloody head rolls down the road shrieking.

Comes in male mannequin head as well. Both the “Adam are you Okay” model and “Annie are you Okay” models come in a myriad of hair, skin and eye colors for added realism.

“BACDAFUK Off Me” Parking Spacers by BACDAFUK UP Inc.

Here on St. John people are not only bad at driving, but parking too. If I had a dollar for how many times I arrived back to my perfectly parked car to find less than 10 centimeters between my car and the car next to me, I wouldn’t have to deliver groceries anymore. There is nothing more aggravating than trying to contort my body across my passenger seat in the midday island heat just to be able to get into my drivers seat. Worse yet is when 2 cars decide to sandwich me in on either side and I have to crawl in through my hatchback. Crazy but true!

Well worry no more. These easy to attach spring loaded bumpers will clip onto any make or model vehicles wheel wells. Made of carbon fiber, each rod is outfitted with a galvanized steel fist on the business end of things. Just set the proximity meter to a desired range of comfort to re-enter your vehicle on either side and go about your day without the worry of arriving back to your car sandwiched into a ménage a trois of extremely limited spatial concern from strangers.

If anyone decides to park within the range you set, their car and/or their knee caps will be pummeled repeatedly into submission by the rapid and relentless punching power of the BACDAFUK Off Me piston system. The first few jabs are a warning. After the first 10 seconds if your ‘too close for comfort’ neighbor doesn’t decide to move, stage 2 will kick in and send both paint and/or flesh flying and won’t stop till the sensors are no longer breached.

By all 4 BACDAFUK Off Me Parking Spacers and the lovely people at BACDAFUK UP Inc. will throw in their front and rear bumper units from their “Double Park and Find Out!” series.

Batteries not included. Any injuries sustained during use or vehicular damage is solely responsible to the purchaser of BACDAFUK UP Products.

Any investors feel free to email me for a complete business package and marketing packet.

On a lighter note, in between dodging 4 wheeled death carriages, we here at Landlubber have been BEYOND BUSY!!!

The following dates are totally and completely booked:

11/15
11/22
12/26
12/27

Other dates are bordering upon total closure but if you hurry you still may be able to make the cut!

Email us to check availability at:
Stjdelivery@gmail.com

To see more of what we do or deliberate over pricing visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

And for the love of all things holy stay left… far left and give a fellow driver some room to breathe!!!’

And now for fridge pics, feral cats and other Landlubber antics!

Thank you everyone for your support!!!!

09/28/2025

Billy has returned….

Good day to all you lovely Facehookers!!!

Tis we, the uncrowned princess and pauper of luxury grocery delivery, Cory and Billy… better known to most as:

The Landlubbers!

September Sabbatical has drawn to a close and this Sunday marks the last official day of our vacation. Come Monday we are back to slinging massive amounts of groceries across the entire island into the unsuspecting fridges of visiting strangers villas!

Same rules of engagement…
Same spectacular pre arrival delivery services…
Same salty attitude for those of you who don’t play nice!

Few new options to offer this year for pre arrival delivery including things like:

-local cigar vendor delivery
-Australian beef and organic chicken delivery options -CBD pickup and delivery

And as usual the same old stuff you’ve grown to love:

-choice of available grocery items from ALL St. John locations, not just Starfish
-arrival meals from most St. John eateries
-pre-mixed gallons of painkillers, rum punch and other island treats at Our Market Smoothies
-beach rental gear delivery from Beach Bum and many more locations
-coffee and other tasty treats from St. John Spice
-pickup and delivery of just about anything that works with our hours of operation!

Big thanks to all of you who make this Landlubber adventure possible each year. This marks the 6th year of our salty little service and we couldn’t do it without our staff, wonderful return guests, amazing new guests, the markets and the vendors who willingly (some sort of willingly) deal with us on a daily basis!

Fun filled and somewhat surly posts soon come. Being as refreshed and rested as I currently am, I don’t have any hellfire to hurl… yet. Sunshine and rainbows Billy won’t last very long, I promise.

That all being said, here’s to a safe and successful 2025-26 season!

Few things to note:

Saturdays in November and December are already super booked up. Get any requests in asap!

12/27 The Saturday after Xmas and before New Years is already COMPLETELY BOOKED! Crazy I know but it is notoriously super busy each year so no surprise.

If you are arriving or want delivery on 12/27 from us you will have to contact your property management company and see if your villa will be vacant and available on 12/26 because we are beyond our limit for 12/27.

Also, we are closed on Sundays BUT, if your villa is vacant and available the Saturday before your Sunday arrival, we can deliver the day before with the permission of your property management person or company.

Lastly, be sure and get your reservation requests to us as early as possible. Each year more and more people find out about our services and more people book earlier and earlier. Don’t procrastinate and then get mad at us when your date is closed.

Email us early at:

Stjdelivery@gmail.com

For more details about what we do, visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

That’s all for now. Here are fridges from last year, some feral cats, our cats and vacation pics.

See you at the markets!!!

09/14/2025

Billy and Cory are almost home….!!!

We survived vacation and while we are sad it is over, we are excited for another season of grocery slinging and sarcasm.

See you at the markets come spooky season, October 1st….

Return to grocery glory post and vacation photo dump soon come!!!

Email us as at stjdelivery@gmail.com for reservation availability asap because our calendar is already cooking!!!

08/05/2025

Billy here…

Another year has passed, both for Landlubber and as of today, for me too. Here’s to 11 years of Land-Lubbin’ and 66 years of me roaming around on this snarky little planet…

I’m kidding, Landlubber is actually only 5 years old and I’m actually immortal but to prevent mortal jealousy or becoming a science project, I’m 46.

I must say, this year was pretty amazing. No names were carved into my trusty yet menacing Book of Doom and we once again outperformed the year prior.

As we grow each year, we collect more and more amazing clients. Our large roster of returning far away friends that we shop for willingly, pretty much annually and without a doubt, extremely meticulously, are awesome people and Cory and I are forever grateful for their continued support.

The random stranger appears from time to time, new to the process, foreign to the island terrain. We are quick to help, as always, and gather a few things for them. Some are nice. Some aren’t. Some I suspect don’t even know how to read based on their impulsive oversights to how our process works but many of them do make the cut for a one off delivery. Could be a bucket list trip, a virgin Caribbean conquest or the last place that will welcome them due to their nefarious travel manners. Regardless of their motives, we still make sure our services are stellar.

Fortunately for us, much like opiates and the Carribean itself, one trip just isn’t enough thus making one Landlubber delivery just not enough and some strangers soon become Lubberjunkies, unable to disband from the idea of the arrival day ecstasy we offer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the occasional one delivery stand but the reality of our services is once you use us, you are more than likely going to use us for all your future trips. It’s just science… and addiction… but not considered a disease by many.

It’s super cool knowing that we have become an integral part of so many peoples vacations here on St. John. At this very moment, one of you is likely contemplating the idea of courting us for a delivery or chatting with your travel mates about whether using Landlubber for your 2026 visit is a good idea or not. That’s crazy to me! In my early 20’s when my name was mentioned behind closed doors it came equipped with adjectives like ar****le and muthertrucker. It probably still does but many of those same people then order groceries and ask me to put their items in the fridges of their vacant 7 days homes.

But, like any crazy person, there is a dark side to this scenario. It’s called doubt and I trouble myself with this idea at the end of each season. Even though Landlubber is always gaining speed and new guests, I’m one of those people always contemplating when the wheels will fall off. Each year I question whether or not our services will continue to be popular. Using the Book of Faces for most of our marketing I’m forced to peruse various travel pages to ensure our name isn’t getting unjustly used or mingled into any sort of slanderous musings.

Thankfully the adjectives that are commonly grouped with our services (still not me, just Landlubber) are things like amazing or great or even sometimes awesome. That’s not what I worry about.

It’s the rise of adult lunchables (people packing food for 7 day stays to save a few C notes), the constant yammerings about prices and the daily fearmongering that social media promotes that worries me.

Will these pork chop packing, chicken breast smuggling, Teddy Graham hoarding heathens overtake the need for sellable groceries at all travel destinations?

Will grocery prices go so high that people begin fasting for their entire 7 day stays?

Will AI create a similar service, invade our island and enlist an army of drones and sort of cute yet highly deadly robot pack animals to replicate what Landlubber does minus the salty satire and mean spirited vibe we enlist to keep our edge and sh*tty people away?

It sucks that small island businesses like ours have to worry about these pitchfork carrying, imaginary milk crate standing, online and possibly robotic creatures but you can’t help but wonder how much of the interwebs uncooked spaghetti actually sticks, right?
Cory says I’m crazy. I think I’m careful.

I don’t even like shutting down for September. I fear that my bio engineered twin brother who was thought to be dead after a botched railroad heist in the summer of 47 will resurface and start his own grocery delivery service here on St. John and upon my return from vacation I will be forced to fight him to death atop Peace Hill to preserve our dual gender (Cory is a girl, I’m a dude, we are a team, thus dual gender) alpha position atop the grocery delivery hierarchy. Sounds nuts but could happen…

The only thing we can do is just keep doing what we do, regardless of my crackpot and slightly schizophrenic ideations.

Each year I can say with confidence that our staff made sure each and every one of our guests got everything they asked for THAT WAS AVAILABLE on this island for their arrival day and most importantly, were happy with what we do.

If they weren’t, well shame on those that didn’t report their displeasure. We can’t fix what we don’t know and while we are far from perfect (but pretty close), we are profoundly responsive to our errors.

If that’s not enough to avoid being overshadowed by robot delivery drones or overtaken by fictitious twin brothers returning from the dead to usurp us, well, then I don’t know…

What I do know is that our official last day of this season is:

8/23/25

If you would still like pre arrival delivery this month, email us at:

Stjdelivery@gmail.com

For more details about our services, visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

Please note that we are still available for emails and requests for in season deliveries all throughout September. Last year somehow it got portrayed that we were not and then on October 4th when we returned from vacation we got like 300 emails all at once and it was horrifying. Email us during September so you can reserve your arrival date because starting the end of October things get weird (and spooky, yay!). Email early or dates may get booked completely.

We are again available to start delivering:

10/10/25

Thank you to everyone who partook in our services this year and thank you to all of you for your delightful birthday wishes.

Truth be told, I can’t even express how grateful I am to have Cory, my cousin Derek, our employees, our clients and our many, many, many indoor (2) and outdoor (31) cats. Landlubber has allowed me to carve out a pretty cool niche on an island oasis in the middle of the Caribbean and never in a million years did I think I would be slinging groceries to strangers on St. John at 46.

Pretty awesome so see you next year and screw you Eric Maupen…

And now, for one last time this season and before our triumphant return, here is some fridge p**n and feral cats for your eyes to feast upon!!!

With much love,

The Landlubbers… see you in the fall!

07/18/2025

07/17/2025

Billy here…

It’s July and things are definitely getting stuffy and sticky. I don’t know what it is about the summer months and customer service jobs but everything seems exhausting and somewhat annoying. It’s not your fault. It’s a seasonal thing.

While doing my usual rounds monitoring social media, checking to make sure all is well in the world of hearsay and half truths, I found myself on Trip Advisor investigating details concerning a recent email inquiry we received. A random guest messaged us asking if we could prepare a 7 day itinerary for August, complete with round trip tickets, dinner reservations and pre planned excursions. A real red carpet roll out.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. The audacity to not only burden me with grocery shopping but your entire trip! What sort of new, awful breed of diabolical clientele was this?! Did the average needy and helpless traveler evolve into an even more needy and helpless super creature?

Moments after the first email he sent a second, rescinding his initial request stating that he went to our website and realized that he must’ve misread the Trip Advisor post concerning our services.

I instantly shouted from my man room (the second bedroom in our house that isn’t cool enough to be a man cave, so it’s just a man / cat room)

“What devil posted that we were a concierge service on Trip Advisor?! This must be stopped immediately!”

Cory heard me from the other room angrily yanmering and slamming things but did as she usually does and ignored me. Screaming in aggravation about guest emails is a common occurrence in our household at night.

I searched through endless Trip Advisor St. John forum posts and I found nothing even closely alluding to the fact that we were paid by the hour, hand holding, trip planning prostitutes. I did find a lot of awesome people supporting our services and saying nice things about us. That was super cool. Thank you strange people of Trip Advisor.

I did find one thing that was rather upsetting.

First off, you think I write a lot? On Trip Advisor people detail their entire trips, start to finish. They are so detailed that one lady even made mention of their waitresses eye color and blood type. It’s crazy. Ten, fifteen page tales about strangers and their vacations. Totally weird. I guess it’s helpful to others but to me, weird and I myself am super weird.

The thing that bothered me was how many people complained about how sad and haggard people that lived here seemed during their June and July visits. Go check it out. It’s crazy.

Well, let me the first to tell you, this isn’t Disney World folks. We aren’t paid actors. We are tired service industry people who have been going hard since October.

Cory and I have had 48 days off since October. You should be happy that many of you don’t even see us because if you did I have a funny feeling we wouldn’t be as popular as we are.

Give the people that work here some credit. You are here for like 7 days and in that time SOME of you should be thankful no one punched you in the face. Many of you are awesome but I’m 100% sure there are a few of you that are quite familiar with random black eyes.

Seriously, I know as a a visitor people get here and go “how could anyone be sad in such a lovely place???”

Because we live here year round.

We pay for the same over priced groceries you complain about daily.

We experience ALL the power outages not just the 2 hour one that ruined your friend Jen’s Bachelorette cocktail party.

We see the sargassum in the water and smell it each time we drive through coral bay.

Yes our days off are spent on pristine beaches but during high season it’s not even worth it to go to any of them until after 4:00. Any earlier and we have to pray for empty spaces in the overflowing beach parking lots or just concede and join in on the hazard of illegally undulating cars on the roadsides. Once we arrive the once beautiful and serene ocean views are blotted out by makeshift Gypsy tents and blue tooth speakers blaring country rap and other assorted musical atrocities. There is no escaping.

So yeah, by June and July, we aren’t the cheeriest of bedfellows but please, cut us some slack.

Restaurant workers have greeted thousands of people before you and more than likely a few of them didn’t tip them.

Bartenders have heard thousands of stories, none of which interested them in the least but all of which stole minutes of their lives they will never get back.

Property managers know that some of their villas are old and falling apart but guess what? They don’t actually own the villas. You know how many people they have to call to authorize a squeaky door replacement or to remove a patio paver that you and only you consider a tripping hazard. Plus, the people that stayed in that very same villa last week didn’t complain, so get over it.

Some of you that are reading this must live in or near a touristy area. End of season is always bitch and still just as busy. No one gets any medals or raises for participating, they just don’t get fired.

Just be happy that we are here and doing our best to be helpful. We are about a month away from the sweet embrace of slow season so please, sit back relax and enjoy the island. Be nice to everyone you encounter and I promise we will be pleasant but if you are looking for backflips, choreographed dances and overflowing amounts of funtastic flare, best get off in Orlando this time of year.

Be nice to your service industry friends or else you WILL suffer the consequences!

If you would like groceries delivered before you arrive we are still stuffing fridges till August 21st.

Email us soon to get on our calendar before we flee the island. The last few dates available are filling up as we speak and if you are planning a winter holiday here on St. John, best get your requests in sooner than later because November and December are already nuts:

Stjdelivery@gmail.com

To see more about what we do visit:

Landlubberlogistics.com

Thank you and now what you have all been waiting for: fridges, feral cats and our own inside fur monsters, Renfield and Lance Bass!

Thank you everyone!!!

06/10/2025

Billy here…

Last year a guest of ours coined the term:

“Landlubber and Chill”

Maybe you are asking yourself:

“Why? I thought that was a Netflix cliche for movies and naughty time?”

That’s because that is exactly what our service offers... sort of… more like groceries and relaxation with the option of naughty time if the situation arises. The bonus being you know you have snacks for afterwards.

Landlubber gives guests the ability to arrive on island, check into their villa or resort, and…. chill.

Not figure out what’s missing from your “other companies” delivery, deciding who’s going to go back out and get the items you didn’t receive or wonder why you paid these strangers to deliver only half of your order.

Our service allows our guests the ability to not worry about how they are going to eat once they arrive. It gives you the option of not just one store but all stores on St. John.

Worried that the ordering site we provide doesn’t have all the things you want?

Tell us and we will tell you how we can get them for you. The island is your flower and we are like the bees, the bees that get the pollen and bring the pollen from multiple flowers to your flower so we can pollinate with the pollen of many flowers, your flower… properly….? That doesn’t sound good at all. Just ask us and we will tell you how.

Don’t feel like cooking? Order an arrival meal from one of the many restaurants we offer pickup from or our in house chef friend, Chef X. Just reheat and eat.

Don’t like store bought coffee? Order some from St. John Spice.

Need beach rental gear? Order from one of the many rental locations we work with and we will deliver it with your groceries.

And here’s the best part yet. If you have ANY issues with your order or delivery rather than waiting 6 weeks to post about it online to further feed the hordes of pariah piranhas scouring social media for negativity nuggets or troubling your therapist with another costly session about your self induced consumer PTSD, email us! We will fix it, likely that same evening or the following morning. Crazy right. We are humans and we make mistakes too. Only difference with us is unlike most humans, we fix our miscues rather than posthumously mentioning them to strangers.

Basically if you think the idea of arriving to your villa with everything you could possibly need already delivered and neatly arranged, email us.

If packing a suitcase full or chicken thighs and jiffy pop is your thing, then by all means, rock on with your poultry packing self. We get it.

Like meandering around new places, aimlessly searching for food items with the “fam” so you can tune into the vibe of island driving, do you. Just stay left and look out for road holes that might disembowel the undercarriage of your rental or large trucks eager to make your pastel colored wrangler a speed bump.

I’m talking to all the:
-Late arrivals
-Parties of 2 only staying for a 3 day weekend
-Parties of 4 or more with no space in their jeep rental
-Parties with small people of little age who they love dearly yet are extremely annoying to deal with in public and have to be fed almost hourly
-Solo travelers who enjoy having strangers do things for them to feed their ego
-Single parents
-Tired parents
-Parents traveling with grandparents
-Agoraphobics
-Introverts
-Extroverts who feel like introverting
-lazy young people
-tired old people
-wanted criminals who were unjustly sentenced and have fled the United States and can provide us with enough evidence via email to convince us of their innocence, thus making it ethically ok for us to aide and abet a wanted fugitive with groceries
-Bill Murray or any member of season 3, 5 or 27 of Saturday Night Live

We didn’t reinvent the wheel here folks. We just do our best to make sure the wheel you get has all its spokes and spins well enough to get your arrival night rolling in the right direction.

If you too would like to “Landlubber and Chill” email us at:

Stjdelivery@gmail.com

There is some (and I say some lightly) availability left in June.
Saturdays in July are already pretty much cooked.
People are already booking dates in December.
This isn’t a service you can call the week you arrive anymore and still get a delivery. People know about us and have told other people…. Don’t procrastinate!

For more detailed information about our lovely little grocery slinging business visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

Thank you again to all who support us. We really can’t express how tired we actually are but we can tell you that we are grateful. Grateful and exhausted, but still smiling with only a bit of muttering.

And now for some freaky deaky fridge p**n to satiate all you straight line and symmetry lovin’ Lubberjunkies out there! And some feral cats as a topper.

05/07/2025

Tell us in one sentence why it’s not a great idea to not pay Landlubber Logistics after they invoice you for arrival day services?

Because they receive fan mail from correctional facilities…

Thanks Broheem!

05/06/2025

Billy here…

Finally had a moment to come up for some air after “Water Week.” I think it was 7 days straight of gloomy, wet weather. Put a real damper on my already not so bubbly demeanor and made delivering groceries across the island a rather dreary event but we did as we always do and got it done. Now for some updates from the Landlubber World:

All you Corona Light cans people, you really did it now. You asked about Corona light in cans SO much that Corona Light bottles got pi**ed and have vowed never to return to St. John. Good job.

Truth is, Corona Light is really gone for good. Seriously…

Corona Zero is coming… When, no one really knows, but it is coming.

In the meantime I did actually buy the last 5 cases of Corona Light so that any guests of Landlubber that ordered it over the next few weeks, we can still provide it for them. If that ain’t customer service I don’t know what is. Whatever doesn’t sell I will be auctioning off on Facebook Marketplace in the coming weeks.

In other news, we are just 4 months away from September Sabbatical. May and June are booking like crazy so either school is ending earlier than usual this year or parents that home school their children have added class trips to the Caribbean into the curriculum.

Carnival on St. John is the last week of May into the first week of July. We are not delivering on 4th of July this year. It’s not because of increased patriotism. That’s actually at an all time low. We just don’t enjoy driving in 3 to 5 mph semicircles around Cruz Bay while dodging pedestrians to deliver groceries to strangers as much as we used to. I have a new soft shell, electrified bumper for the Red Dragon (delivery vehicle) on order so there may be a return to service next July 4th, 2026.

Parking has become a bit of a blood sport these days. Earlier this week I witnessed a husband order his wife and youngest son to stand in a parking spot at Starfish and await his return around the parallelogram shaped market lot. Some people drove past, agitated by the human “no parking” cones. One family in particular was not having it. They sent their shiny new stepmom and youngest daughter out to fight the preexisting duo for parking space dominance. Blood was shed and only one family shopped that day.

In other news, a dangerous trend has been put to rest by the Virgin Island Police Department. Tourists who rent vehicles on St. Thomas so they can shop before taking the car ferry over to St. John have been strapping toddler and teenage children to their wrangler rooftops to make room for Pricesmart and Cost U Less bulk packs. Parents have been playfully calling it “Getting Roofied” in an attempt to goad their kids into thinking it was a Tik Tok challenge. The wide range of culturally unacceptable aspects to this space saving deviant behavior are endless. So are the fines. No children were hurt during this nearly tragic trend but many were remanded to child services. When asked why the parents didn’t just strap the food to the roof, they said, and I quote “they didn’t want it to melt.”

Gluten free protestors took to the streets on Monday, infiltrating local markets to insist on more stock for their dietary needs. Taking a page out of the PETA playbook they came armed with bags full of monistat chanting “yeast is the beast!” and smearing it on all gluten filled products. Unfortunately for them there was a sale on 2 day old French baguettes the day of their up”rising.” The predominantly gluten eating public of St. John took up arms and bludgeoned the crowd with stale bread sticks. To say the gluten free protestors spirit crumbled behind the onslaught is all too fitting.

Lastly, the recent rumors pertaining to our newest employee, Derek Phibbs, origin are not true. Many people found it hard to believe that he is in fact my cousin due to the differential in height and physical appearance. Rumors erupted that he was the kidnapped Nephew of long time, unpaid Landlubber debtor, Eric Maupen. While it is not outside my scope of vengeance to kidnap a loved one and force them to work off their families debt in place of Landlubber non payment, this is not the present situation at hand. Derek is my cousin and is working with us based on his own volition (and because of a bet he lost when we were 11)

That being said, those of you arriving this month or in June, better get to emailing us for Saturdays are already basically full and weekdays are filling up at a fever pitch.

Email us at: stjdelivery@gmail.com

For more details about our services or to read more Landlubber news, visit:

Landlubberlogistics.com

As always, thank you everyone for your Facebook love and Landlubber support. We are forever grateful for your awesome fanfare!

And now for some fridges and feral cats!!!