05/27/2025
We do not see the same storm.
When therapists sit with a struggling teen, we scan for roots: trauma history; grief; sleep hygiene; executive functioning; attachment patterns. We know that behavior is the language of unmet needs.
Yet teens tell me the messages they hear outside therapy often sound like: “You just need more discipline; it’s a phase; get off social media.”
Well-meaning, yes; but a narrow lens can shrink a teenager’s sense of safety and silence the very symptoms that signal they need help. When we reduce complex inner worlds to willpower or attitude, we teach kids to hide the parts of themselves that feel “too much.” Hiding rarely heals; it hardens.
If you want to open a healthier dialogue with the teens in your life, try these two evidence-backed steps:
- Name the iceberg, not just the tip.
When a teen snaps or shuts down, pause and wonder out loud what might be beneath the surface. “I’m noticing you seem on edge lately; I’m curious if something at school or with friends feels heavy.” Curiosity signals safety; safety invites honesty.
- Swap advice for partnership.
Before offering solutions, ask, “What feels hardest right now, and how can I support you in tackling it?” Collaborating protects agency and shows respect for their insight into their own experience.
Teen mental health flourishes where complexity is welcomed and shame is quieted. Let’s broaden the conversation; our kids are listening.
