I’ve written about this before, but I’m bringing it back around again because it’s something I wish everyone could understand:
Anger is an emotional response that signals to us that we are feeling something deeply…usually something very vulnerable. It could be that we are feeling misunderstood, or that we feel letdown/disappointed by someone who we wanted to be able to count on; it could indicate that we are feeling ridiculed, rejected, disrespected, overlooked, undervalued, etc. A lot of times, we can trace large triggers for anger to attachment wounds from our childhood experiences.
It’s very common for me to hear men (mostly men) describe themselves as logical, non-feelers, but then they go on to exhibit anger in many areas of their lives.
I have to break it to them that they are, in fact, very deep feelers, but were never allowed to show their true emotions, were dismissed if they tried to express themselves, or were never taught how to express those emotions in the first place.
The next time you feel yourself triggered into anger, take notice of that anger and ask yourself if there is a more vulnerable emotion underneath the anger (i.e. rejection, abandonment, feeling forgotten or overlooked, disrespected, etc.). Once you know the vulnerable emotion, it’s easier to heal that part of you and it’s much easier to communicate effectively in your relationships.
N Central Expressway
N Central Expressway
N. Central Expressway
La Sierra Drive
La Sierra Drive
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Associate under the supervision of Jeremy Pierce, LMFT-S.
Operating as usual
I’ve been super quiet on here lately, but for good reason! In October, we found out some amazing news that has kept me busy: we’re having a baby boy!
Baby and I are doing so great, and are now at the halfway point of the pregnancy!
At this point, I’ve been able to tell a majority of my clients in person, but wanted to share the news here for anybody who I haven’t seen face-to-face in a while.
We truly cannot wait until we meet our little guy in June. 👶🏻
Back in June, I began feeling a shift in my spirit, as if a transition was around the corner. God always seems to bring transition into my life in the fall.
Well, my feelings weren’t wrong because I’m moving into a new office space! *scroll for photos*
I’ve been working hard behind the scenes this month trying to find the right place for me and my business, and I’ve finally found what I was looking for.
Come visit me here! I’d love to sit in this space and listen to ALL of your stories.
If there’s no conflict happening in your relationship m, at least one person is stuffing down their emotions. It may or may not be a conscious effort on their part - they could be completely dissociated from their own emotional experience - but nonetheless, something is being suppressed. If you’re the one in the relationship that is “totally cool with whatever, always,” I’d challenge you to dig down deep and ask yourself if that is truly the case or if it’s a coping mechanism to detour rejection at all costs.
As a therapist, I’ve noticed that many clients begin therapy hoping for an easy, quick course of action - a speedy treatment plan that will heal their symptoms within a few sessions. And I get it…that’s how doctor’s offices work, and we’ve been conditioned to have that expectation from all healthcare workers.
The danger in placing that same expectation onto therapy, though, is that if your life doesn’t magically get better after a few sessions, you might feel an urge to place blame onto either yourself or the therapist for not “doing enough.”
Let me be real and honest here: your mental health journey will be a lifelong process, and therapy itself might take months - if not years - for you to see lasting fruit.
Sure, we could talk about coping skills for your anxiety/depression until we’re blue in the face (and we do talk about coping skills), but until we dig down and heal the emotional abandonment wounds underneath, and until you begin doing the really hard work of showing up vulnerably when it’s scary to do so, coping skills will only function as temporary bandaids.
The sooner you accept that your mental health journey is a sanctification process that will last your entire lifetime - the more grace you’ll have for yourself when you make mistakes.
We’re all a work in process, and that’s perfectly okay.
Married at First Sight ...y’all ever seen that show? Well, it’s my latest reality tv obsession. It’s a train-wreck-and-a-half, but it is a great look into the psychology of relationships so y’all know I’m gonna eat 👏🏻 it 👏🏻 up 👏🏻.
In the 10th season, there was a girl named Katie who reiterated a few times that the sole factor in her decision to either stay married to her husband or to get a divorce was the level of her happiness in the relationship. I watched as she went on an emotional rollercoaster throughout the season as her happiness swelled, then plummeted, swelled again, then plummeted. This happened over-and-over again until the end. Spoiler alert - Katie did not stay married to her husband. Which didn’t shock me, considering her basis of commitment was rooted on something so volatile (a feeling).
Here’s the truth: God’s heart is to heal, to refine, and to give grace through love. He knows that true joy comes from our transformation into his own likeness. He also knows that the road to full sanctification requires a level of discomfort.
Therefore, Marriage will be a context in which we become uncomfortable enough to be refined into the image of Christ. Marriage does feel good a lot of the time, but not always. And it certainly does not make us happy 100% of the time. If our primary measuring stick for a healthy marriage is measured in happiness, we will fall short and experience so much disappointment along the way.
Tell all your friends: I’m currently taking new clients! Click the link in my bio for more info about counseling costs, free consultations, and scheduling a session!
Dating is a rollercoaster of emotions. Here’s a good measuring stick - until there is solid peace, and a deep knowing that your partner is right for you, keep moving along...and guard your heart!
Happy Friday! I thought I’d do a personal intro for those who are new around here:
I’m Megan. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate practicing in Dallas, Texas. I opened my practice in 2020 amongst the chaos of COVID ‘cause ya girl needed some income and no one was hiring. Honestly, it has been the best decision for me! I’m absolutely in love with all of my clients right now because I get to focus on issues and demographics that I feel the best suited and tailored to help.
At Shiloh Counseling, I specialize in Christian counseling for Gen-Z and Millennials, and I see individuals, couples, and families.
I currently have openings for in-person sessions and for telehealth video sessions, so if you’re in Texas and you want/need counseling, send me a DM or click the link in my bio to go to my website and contact me there!
According to Dialectical Behavioral therapy (an extension of the popular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), when we experience pain within a situation, we have four problem-solving options:
1️⃣ Solve the problem - in situations where we have a level of control, we can choose to solve the problem ourselves (leave a toxic environment, etc.).
2️⃣ Change the emotions/reactions that surface in relation to the problem (self-soothing, practical coping skills, prayer, etc.,)
3️⃣ Radical Acceptance - in situations that are beyond our control, we can aknowledge that we cannot change our circumstances — nor our emotions — even when we do not like them. Example: a car accident kills a loved one. Because that situation is out of our control, there would be nothing we could do to change the situation. Also, our emotions associated with the death will always have sadness and grief attached to it. Acceptance allows us to lean into our emotions, accepting them for what they are without trying to fight or change them.
4️⃣ Stay miserable
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.
Did you know that? You can be an effective leader as a messy, imperfect, mistake-making, still-learning-still-growing individual.
You can inspire, impact, and create change right now where you are without having to read one more book, without having to learn one more thing, without having to buy one more online course.
All of those things are wonderful, but you do not NEED them to begin changing the world and impacting others right where you are.
You have something (a talent, a skill, a craft) within you that God specifically designed for you. He wants to co-labor with you in that skill, and yes, he does want to grow that skill over time, but he does not require perfection from you ever.
In fact, if we all would accept that we will forevermore be weak, and from that humility let ourselves invite God to take over, that’s where true, lasting impact occurs.
The world likes to boast of strength and growth, but let us be a people that boasts of our weakness.
“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
For all my fellow conflict avoiders: healthy individuals CAN handle your emotions, your needs and your messiness. It is not your job to abandon your own voice to soothe someone else’s emotions. If someone cannot handle your opinion, emotions, pain or messiness, it is usually their own mental journey that needs watering and growth.
Note: obviously, using wisdom in how we communicate our intentions to others is important when we use our voice to assert ourselves. :)
I’ve noticed this trend from my clients lately: an inability to sit with uncomfortable emotions.
They’re coming to me because they feel stuck somehow, but when I ask them if they’ve allowed themselves to “go there” into their emotions, they shake their heads. Instead, they ask about meds, “would medication help me feel better?”
I also hear this, “I had an emotionally taxing weekend, and by Sunday I was completely wiped out - I didn’t do anything all day. I hate that. How do I stop it? I hate vegging and being lazy, I wish I could have been productive instead.”
My response: Maybe all of these avoidance tactics are keeping you stuck in your grief (which can look like, or even lead to, depression).
Instead, what would it look like for you to face the sadness head on, allowing yourself to sob, and get angry, and seek answers in the presence of a God who understands first hand what it’s like to experience great sorrow and disappointment?
The Bible says BLESSED are those who mourn, for they SHALL BE comforted. If you’re avoiding the process of mourning, maybe you’re also blocking yourself from receiving comfort from the pain.
Press into the emotions. Sit with them and allow yourself to feel them. Seek God and invite him into the process...even if it looks like you getting angry and complaining for most of the time (he can handle it).
Whatever you do, don’t avoid the grieving. Don’t busy yourself or medicate yourself or numb yourself at the first sign of an uncomfortable emotion. There is no easy way around it...the only option is to pass THROUGH it by allowing yourself to feel.
**this does not apply to anyone who is having active suicidal thoughts. Treatment for strong suicidal urges looks different than treatment for high-functioning individuals struggling through grief or adjustment disorders.**
We’ve walked through so much this year. But we’re not giving up because someday things will get better, and we deserve to see the goodness that is waiting for us on the other side of this mess.
Drop a 👏🏻 if you agree.
I feel very attacked by this 🙋🏻♀️🐶🤣
During childhood, an attachment style is developed based on a child’s relationship with his/her caregivers. These attachment styles carry over into adulthood and affect how an individual relates to others interpersonally. These attachment styles are not permanent and can shift and change based on life experiences.
THE FOUR ATTACHMENT STYLES
* Comfortable and confident in their relationships
* Freely able to communicate needs, and express themselves without fear
* Allows others to be themselves
* Recognizes the importance of having close relationships, and openly welcomes healthy levels of dependency and trust.
* Fearful of being abandoned due to inconsistent caregiving in childhood
* Jealous for attention
* Conflict avoidant
* Preoccupied with worst-case scenarios (being abandoned, cheated-on, lied to, etc.).
* Caregivers were emotionally unavailable in childhood
* In adulthood, become independent to a fault
* Rely only on themselves
* Lone wolves
* Childhood caregivers were wildly inconsistent - or abusive - in how they responded to the child’s needs (warm/soothing followed with with rage/anger/abuse)
* These children were distressed when the parent was away, but also distressed when the parent was in the room
* As adults, these individuals deeply desire connection, but are terrified of letting anyone in
Which attachment style do you identify with the most right now?
Can we stop with the “Oh, you’re a newlywed? just wait until the honeymoon phase wears off.”
Or this one: “Just wait until the terrible twos...oh, and the teen phase...”
And this one: “1st year married? Must be wondering what you got yourself into...”
Truth is - while life, marriage, and children are difficult at times, everybody’s story is different with peaks and valleys hitting at different points on the timeline. Speaking word curses like these over someone’s life isn’t going to benefit you, nor is it going to be a blessing for them.
Use your words to speak life and encouragement instead.
@ Shiloh Counseling
You are more than what you are dreaming for. That career, that husband, that baby, that house...you are more than all of it.
First and foremost, you are a daughter (or a son) of the most high God.
If you cannot be content in that identity, you will never be fully content with any of the things listed above.
Got on the scale this morning...
Praise be... 🦾🙌🏻✝️🤣
Because it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on this account, and because there are some new followers around here, I thought I’d share a little bit about what I do at Shiloh!
✨SWIPE, SAVE & SHARE✨
@ Dallas, Texas
Have you watched my IG live with ? If not, it’s saved to my IG Live highlight.
👉🏻SCROLL to see a brief overview of our talk about boundaries vs. self-preservation.
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