Shiloh Counseling

10/06/2022

⚡️Anger ⚡️

I’ve written about this before, but I’m bringing it back around again because it’s something I wish everyone could understand:

Anger is an emotional response that signals to us that we are feeling something deeply…usually something very vulnerable. It could be that we are feeling misunderstood, or that we feel letdown/disappointed by someone who we wanted to be able to count on; it could indicate that we are feeling ridiculed, rejected, disrespected, overlooked, undervalued, etc. A lot of times, we can trace large triggers for anger to attachment wounds from our childhood experiences.

It’s very common for me to hear men (mostly men) describe themselves as logical, non-feelers, but then they go on to exhibit anger in many areas of their lives.

I have to break it to them that they are, in fact, very deep feelers, but were never allowed to show their true emotions, were dismissed if they tried to express themselves, or were never taught how to express those emotions in the first place.

The next time you feel yourself triggered into anger, take notice of that anger and ask yourself if there is a more vulnerable emotion underneath the anger (i.e. rejection, abandonment, feeling forgotten or overlooked, disrespected, etc.). Once you know the vulnerable emotion, it’s easier to heal that part of you and it’s much easier to communicate effectively in your relationships.

01/12/2022

I’ve been super quiet on here lately, but for good reason! In October, we found out some amazing news that has kept me busy: we’re having a baby boy!

Baby and I are doing so great, and are now at the halfway point of the pregnancy!

At this point, I’ve been able to tell a majority of my clients in person, but wanted to share the news here for anybody who I haven’t seen face-to-face in a while.

We truly cannot wait until we meet our little guy in June. 👶🏻

09/27/2021

Back in June, I began feeling a shift in my spirit, as if a transition was around the corner. God always seems to bring transition into my life in the fall.

Well, my feelings weren’t wrong because I’m moving into a new office space! *scroll for photos*

I’ve been working hard behind the scenes this month trying to find the right place for me and my business, and I’ve finally found what I was looking for.

Come visit me here! I’d love to sit in this space and listen to ALL of your stories.

09/20/2021

If there’s no conflict happening in your relationship m, at least one person is stuffing down their emotions. It may or may not be a conscious effort on their part - they could be completely dissociated from their own emotional experience - but nonetheless, something is being suppressed. If you’re the one in the relationship that is “totally cool with whatever, always,” I’d challenge you to dig down deep and ask yourself if that is truly the case or if it’s a coping mechanism to detour rejection at all costs.

09/17/2021

As a therapist, I’ve noticed that many clients begin therapy hoping for an easy, quick course of action - a speedy treatment plan that will heal their symptoms within a few sessions. And I get it…that’s how doctor’s offices work, and we’ve been conditioned to have that expectation from all healthcare workers.

The danger in placing that same expectation onto therapy, though, is that if your life doesn’t magically get better after a few sessions, you might feel an urge to place blame onto either yourself or the therapist for not “doing enough.”

Let me be real and honest here: your mental health journey will be a lifelong process, and therapy itself might take months - if not years - for you to see lasting fruit.

Sure, we could talk about coping skills for your anxiety/depression until we’re blue in the face (and we do talk about coping skills), but until we dig down and heal the emotional abandonment wounds underneath, and until you begin doing the really hard work of showing up vulnerably when it’s scary to do so, coping skills will only function as temporary bandaids.

The sooner you accept that your mental health journey is a sanctification process that will last your entire lifetime - the more grace you’ll have for yourself when you make mistakes.

We’re all a work in process, and that’s perfectly okay.

07/20/2021

Married at First Sight ...y’all ever seen that show? Well, it’s my latest reality tv obsession. It’s a train-wreck-and-a-half, but it is a great look into the psychology of relationships so y’all know I’m gonna eat 👏🏻 it 👏🏻 up 👏🏻.

In the 10th season, there was a girl named Katie who reiterated a few times that the sole factor in her decision to either stay married to her husband or to get a divorce was the level of her happiness in the relationship. I watched as she went on an emotional rollercoaster throughout the season as her happiness swelled, then plummeted, swelled again, then plummeted. This happened over-and-over again until the end. Spoiler alert - Katie did not stay married to her husband. Which didn’t shock me, considering her basis of commitment was rooted on something so volatile (a feeling).

Here’s the truth: God’s heart is to heal, to refine, and to give grace through love. He knows that true joy comes from our transformation into his own likeness. He also knows that the road to full sanctification requires a level of discomfort.

Therefore, Marriage will be a context in which we become uncomfortable enough to be refined into the image of Christ. Marriage does feel good a lot of the time, but not always. And it certainly does not make us happy 100% of the time. If our primary measuring stick for a healthy marriage is measured in happiness, we will fall short and experience so much disappointment along the way.

07/13/2021

Tell all your friends: I’m currently taking new clients! Click the link in my bio for more info about counseling costs, free consultations, and scheduling a session!

07/08/2021

Dating is a rollercoaster of emotions. Here’s a good measuring stick - until there is solid peace, and a deep knowing that your partner is right for you, keep moving along...and guard your heart!

04/30/2021

Happy Friday! I thought I’d do a personal intro for those who are new around here:

I’m Megan. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate practicing in Dallas, Texas. I opened my practice in 2020 amongst the chaos of COVID ‘cause ya girl needed some income and no one was hiring. Honestly, it has been the best decision for me! I’m absolutely in love with all of my clients right now because I get to focus on issues and demographics that I feel the best suited and tailored to help.

At Shiloh Counseling, I specialize in Christian counseling for Gen-Z and Millennials, and I see individuals, couples, and families.

I currently have openings for in-person sessions and for telehealth video sessions, so if you’re in Texas and you want/need counseling, send me a DM or click the link in my bio to go to my website and contact me there!

04/07/2021

According to Dialectical Behavioral therapy (an extension of the popular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), when we experience pain within a situation, we have four problem-solving options:

1️⃣ Solve the problem - in situations where we have a level of control, we can choose to solve the problem ourselves (leave a toxic environment, etc.).

2️⃣ Change the emotions/reactions that surface in relation to the problem (self-soothing, practical coping skills, prayer, etc.,)

3️⃣ Radical Acceptance - in situations that are beyond our control, we can aknowledge that we cannot change our circumstances — nor our emotions — even when we do not like them. Example: a car accident kills a loved one. Because that situation is out of our control, there would be nothing we could do to change the situation. Also, our emotions associated with the death will always have sadness and grief attached to it. Acceptance allows us to lean into our emotions, accepting them for what they are without trying to fight or change them.

4️⃣ Stay miserable

04/01/2021

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.

Did you know that? You can be an effective leader as a messy, imperfect, mistake-making, still-learning-still-growing individual.

You can inspire, impact, and create change right now where you are without having to read one more book, without having to learn one more thing, without having to buy one more online course.

All of those things are wonderful, but you do not NEED them to begin changing the world and impacting others right where you are.

You have something (a talent, a skill, a craft) within you that God specifically designed for you. He wants to co-labor with you in that skill, and yes, he does want to grow that skill over time, but he does not require perfection from you ever.

In fact, if we all would accept that we will forevermore be weak, and from that humility let ourselves invite God to take over, that’s where true, lasting impact occurs.

The world likes to boast of strength and growth, but let us be a people that boasts of our weakness.

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭

03/31/2021

For all my fellow conflict avoiders: healthy individuals CAN handle your emotions, your needs and your messiness. It is not your job to abandon your own voice to soothe someone else’s emotions. If someone cannot handle your opinion, emotions, pain or messiness, it is usually their own mental journey that needs watering and growth.

Note: obviously, using wisdom in how we communicate our intentions to others is important when we use our voice to assert ourselves. :)

03/09/2021

I’ve noticed this trend from my clients lately: an inability to sit with uncomfortable emotions.

They’re coming to me because they feel stuck somehow, but when I ask them if they’ve allowed themselves to “go there” into their emotions, they shake their heads. Instead, they ask about meds, “would medication help me feel better?”

I also hear this, “I had an emotionally taxing weekend, and by Sunday I was completely wiped out - I didn’t do anything all day. I hate that. How do I stop it? I hate vegging and being lazy, I wish I could have been productive instead.”

My response: Maybe all of these avoidance tactics are keeping you stuck in your grief (which can look like, or even lead to, depression).

Instead, what would it look like for you to face the sadness head on, allowing yourself to sob, and get angry, and seek answers in the presence of a God who understands first hand what it’s like to experience great sorrow and disappointment?

The Bible says BLESSED are those who mourn, for they SHALL BE comforted. If you’re avoiding the process of mourning, maybe you’re also blocking yourself from receiving comfort from the pain.

Press into the emotions. Sit with them and allow yourself to feel them. Seek God and invite him into the process...even if it looks like you getting angry and complaining for most of the time (he can handle it).

Whatever you do, don’t avoid the grieving. Don’t busy yourself or medicate yourself or numb yourself at the first sign of an uncomfortable emotion. There is no easy way around it...the only option is to pass THROUGH it by allowing yourself to feel.

**this does not apply to anyone who is having active suicidal thoughts. Treatment for strong suicidal urges looks different than treatment for high-functioning individuals struggling through grief or adjustment disorders.**

12/31/2020

We’ve walked through so much this year. But we’re not giving up because someday things will get better, and we deserve to see the goodness that is waiting for us on the other side of this mess.

Drop a 👏🏻 if you agree.
#2021 #2020

12/31/2020

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12/30/2020

I feel very attacked by this 🙋🏻‍♀️🐶🤣

12/30/2020

Attachment Theory

During childhood, an attachment style is developed based on a child’s relationship with his/her caregivers. These attachment styles carry over into adulthood and affect how an individual relates to others interpersonally. These attachment styles are not permanent and can shift and change based on life experiences.

THE FOUR ATTACHMENT STYLES

1️⃣ SECURE

* Comfortable and confident in their relationships
* Freely able to communicate needs, and express themselves without fear
* Allows others to be themselves
* Recognizes the importance of having close relationships, and openly welcomes healthy levels of dependency and trust.

2️⃣ ANXIOUS

* Fearful of being abandoned due to inconsistent caregiving in childhood
* Jealous for attention
* Conflict avoidant
* Preoccupied with worst-case scenarios (being abandoned, cheated-on, lied to, etc.).
* Controlling

3️⃣ AVOIDANT

* Caregivers were emotionally unavailable in childhood
* In adulthood, become independent to a fault
* Rely only on themselves
* Guarded
* Lone wolves

4️⃣ DISORGANIZED

* Childhood caregivers were wildly inconsistent - or abusive - in how they responded to the child’s needs (warm/soothing followed with with rage/anger/abuse)
* These children were distressed when the parent was away, but also distressed when the parent was in the room
* As adults, these individuals deeply desire connection, but are terrified of letting anyone in

Which attachment style do you identify with the most right now?

12/28/2020

Can we stop with the “Oh, you’re a newlywed? just wait until the honeymoon phase wears off.”

Or this one: “Just wait until the terrible twos...oh, and the teen phase...”

And this one: “1st year married? Must be wondering what you got yourself into...”

Truth is - while life, marriage, and children are difficult at times, everybody’s story is different with peaks and valleys hitting at different points on the timeline. Speaking word curses like these over someone’s life isn’t going to benefit you, nor is it going to be a blessing for them.

Use your words to speak life and encouragement instead.
@ Shiloh Counseling

12/26/2020

You are more than what you are dreaming for. That career, that husband, that baby, that house...you are more than all of it.

First and foremost, you are a daughter (or a son) of the most high God.

If you cannot be content in that identity, you will never be fully content with any of the things listed above.

12/15/2020

Praise be... 🦾🙌🏻✝️🤣

12/15/2020

Because it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on this account, and because there are some new followers around here, I thought I’d share a little bit about what I do at Shiloh!

✨SWIPE, SAVE & SHARE✨
@ Dallas, Texas

12/14/2020

Have you watched my IG live with ? If not, it’s saved to my IG Live highlight.

👉🏻SCROLL to see a brief overview of our talk about boundaries vs. self-preservation.

@ Dallas, Texas

11/17/2020

“Raise your hand if you are a professional long-jumper...jump[ing] to conclusions and making up crap in your mind.” 🙋🏻‍♀️🏆🏃🏻‍♀️

11/10/2020

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

11/03/2020

To all my clients, followers, friends and family: I care for you, and I respect you no matter who you’re voting for.

This year has tried to rip us apart in so many ways, but I won’t let that happen. Next week will come, and you will still be someone I love spending time with.

I’m here for you now, and I will be here for you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day after that.

❤️💛🖤🤍

10/27/2020

We’re all human which means arguments are unavoidable in relationships. Happy couples are no less human than unhappy couples, and therefore are still prone to shouting, name-calling, saying things they regret, blaming, and stonewalling.

The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples, then, is not that one has more “heated fellowship” than the other, but how successful they are in repairing the relationship after an argument has happened.

𝐈𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡, 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 “𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐯𝐬. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬” 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.

👉🏻👉🏻Swipe to see a list of example repair statements.

What’s more interesting, though, is a repair attempt in-and-of itself is not ENOUGH for a happy relationship. The repair attempt has to be accepted by the other partner, and this is dependent on the overall emotional connectedness of the pair.

𝐈𝐧 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭. 𝐀 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬:

1️⃣. You don’t have to be perfect to have a successful relationship (praise God).

2️⃣. You now know that growing your friendship with your partner, and utilizing appropriate repair attempts are at the core of successful conflict resolution.

Comment with this emoji —> 👏🏻 if this was helpful or if you learned something new!
@ Dallas, Texas

10/15/2020

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Not sure who creates these days and months...most of the time it feels overwhelming trying to keep up with them all, but I’m glad this is being talked about.

Before my miscarriage, I had NO idea how common it actually is to miscarry. The statistic is somewhere around 20%…20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and even that number might be low since early miscarriages in undetected pregnancies are commonly mistaken for regular periods.

One of the most healing things for my heart during my miscarriage was hearing the stories of other women who have experienced it themselves. It really is much more common than people let on. Which, you’d think would make my anxiety spike. But it didn’t. Knowing this statistic, and knowing that women who’ve miscarried have gone on to birth healthy, happy babies, was so soothing to my hurting heart.

Please know that if you ever have to endure such a heartbreak, it is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong, you are not a bad mom, and there was nothing you could do to stop it (preaching to the choir here). Also, there is still hope. The devil will always come to kill, steal and destroy, but Christ came down to earth to give us life and life more abundantly (John 10:10). I’m not God, so I can’t sit here and guarantee that you’ll have a baby, but the hope that I’m personally holding onto is the fact that other women have been where I’ve been and are now holding beautiful babies; AND that I am promised in the Bible that God has a future and a HOPE for me (Jeremiah 29:11). No matter what happens in my future with children, God still reigns, which means that my life will always hold within it beauty and power that only he can give.

@ Dallas, Texas

10/06/2020

Shiloh Counseling offers faith-based counseling services to teens, Genz, and Millennials wanting to grow personally, spiritually, and/or relationally.

I currently have availability for in-person sessions as well as telehealth video sessions for individuals, couples, and families in the DFW area (telehealth sessions available to all Texas residents). Specialties include anxiety, grief, relationship issues, infidelity, self-esteem and identity issues, post-divorce or break-up, infertility, and pre-marital counseling.

A free, 15-minute consultation is available to all potential clients, so click the link below to schedule yours today!

www.shilohcounseling.com

As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, I’ve been trained to see problems systemically. Even when seeing an individual, I conceptualize situations in terms of the contexts and systems surrounding the client: family-of-origin, friend relationships, romantic relationships, work or sch...

10/06/2020

The website is live, and I’m in love! 😍

If you’re in Texas, and you’re searching for the right therapist, click the link below to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation (or book an appointment straight away)!

www.shilohcounseling.com

Website cred:

10/05/2020

10/05/2020

Common symptoms of Imposter Syndrome:

⁃Anxiety

⁃Perfectionism

⁃Self-doubt

⁃Fear of being found out as a fraud (or as incompetent)

⁃Fear of failure

Okay, maybe I’m outing myself on this one, but are there really people in the world who DON’T struggle with this? Statistics say that around 70% of people experience this syndrome, which honestly, seems kinda low if you ask me. My guess is that everyone has struggled with this syndrome to a certain degree in their lifetime, with some of us experiencing it at higher levels, or more consistently over time.

Who struggles the most with imposter syndrome?

-Individuals who grew up in critical/high-performing/high-expectation families

-Individuals who work in industries that require constant feedback or constructive criticism

Ways to cope:

1.Ask for help/vulnerability - perfectionism and self-doubt will trick you into believing that asking for help is the WORST thing you can do to soothe your anxiety…it feels like outrightly exposing your own imposter-ness (I.e. “hey guys, I’m so incompetent that I have to ask for someone else to help me in order for this to get done.”). But actually, asking for help when you feel paralyzed by fear is the one thing that can propel you further toward your goal.

2. Admitting that you don’t have all the answers - I’m never NOT shocked when mentors or counselors outrightly tell me that they don’t have a solid answer for the issues I’m struggling with… “what do you mean you don’t know?? Aren’t you supposed to be full of wisdom, knowledge and life experience?” My shock quickly turns into a breath of fresh air, though, because how comforting and relieving is it to know that even people we look up to don’t have all the answers?? It’s so relatable, so respectable, and such a good model of how to counteract the debilitating fear of perfectionism that comes with the imposter syndrome.

09/29/2020

“For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace.”
- 1 Corinthians 14:33

Let that sink in.

Wherever there is confusion in your life, Satan is most certainly at play.

But God’s truth always brings with it a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Also, this 👇🏻.
“For wherever there is jealousy (envy) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices.”
‭‭James‬ ‭3:16

The devil has his fingerprints on anything dealing with jealousy, selfish ambition, disunity, and confusion. The great news is that “greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world.” 🙂

09/18/2020

“People are not afraid to
start their dreams, they're just
embarrassed to be seen starting small.” - Brendon Burchard

I can relate to this so hard.

I mean, I’m a smart woman. Well-educated. I’ve got a masters degree. I don’t know everything there is to know about counseling, but I’d say I’m pretty dang good at what I do.

But a business owner? Nope. Don’t really have a clue about how all of this goes…(the irony is that I have a business degree. Ha!)

What I’m slowly learning though, is how to give myself grace even while stumbling through all of the learning curves.

The crappy first attempt at something is the first step toward a brilliant 40th attempt at that same thing.

Better for that first attempt to happen now than to put it off... because no matter when we start, We MUST make the crappy first step in order to get to the brilliant 40th. That’s just. how. it. works.
@ Dallas, Texas

09/17/2020

SHAME vs. GUILT

Yes, it really is possible for you to mess up AND still be a great person worthy of love and respect.

If you find yourself thinking horrible thoughts about yourself after messing up, that’s a big indicator that you might be struggling with shame.

Instead of letting the nasty negative self run wild, opt for communication that sounds like this, “I’m sorry, I messed up. In the future I will do XYZ so that this doesn’t happen again.” And then make sure to do “XYZ.”

You’ll find that most people (people worth your time) will show grace because we are all human and we ALL mess up (go figure).

09/11/2020

I’ve been feeling deep grief and compassion lately for people going through divorce. Every month seems to drop breaking news of marriages ending. It’s felt like a constant, heartbreaking trend recently on my instagram feed.

As a marriage/family therapist, I see divorce often. But instead of propelling me deeper into empathy, the frequency of divorce in my office develops a numbing within me…my body’s defense mechanism against the heaviness of it all.

It’s been several months, though, since I’ve seen divorce in my office which has provided a thawing of my heart, and a growing empathy toward those going through it.

If you’re on the brink, in the middle of, or just beyond the finalization of a divorce, please know you are cared for and prayed for by me.

I can’t imagine your grief; I don’t fully understand the heartbreaking reality of future dreams shattered; I’m aware that my words will never fix your heartache; but I’m sincere when I say that I’m here for you, that I’m praying, and that you are loved and worthy of respect in the middle of all you are walking through.