I’ve written about this before, but I’m bringing it back around again because it’s something I wish everyone could understand:
Anger is an emotional response that signals to us that we are feeling something deeply…usually something very vulnerable. It could be that we are feeling misunderstood, or that we feel letdown/disappointed by someone who we wanted to be able to count on; it could indicate that we are feeling ridiculed, rejected, disrespected, overlooked, undervalued, etc. A lot of times, we can trace large triggers for anger to attachment wounds from our childhood experiences.
It’s very common for me to hear men (mostly men) describe themselves as logical, non-feelers, but then they go on to exhibit anger in many areas of their lives.
I have to break it to them that they are, in fact, very deep feelers, but were never allowed to show their true emotions, were dismissed if they tried to express themselves, or were never taught how to express those emotions in the first place.
The next time you feel yourself triggered into anger, take notice of that anger and ask yourself if there is a more vulnerable emotion underneath the anger (i.e. rejection, abandonment, feeling forgotten or overlooked, disrespected, etc.). Once you know the vulnerable emotion, it’s easier to heal that part of you and it’s much easier to communicate effectively in your relationships.