06/19/2023
Wonderful words by Ruben on grief and supporting someone who has lost ❤️❤️
Wonderful words by Ruben on grief and supporting someone who has lost ❤️❤️
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Wonderful words by Ruben on grief and supporting someone who has lost ❤️❤️
05/08/2023
We are so grateful for the incredible Benefit Concert gifted to the Grief and Loss Center by the Wilshire Baptist Church Sanctuary Choir directed by Doug Haney and for Ken Medema, guest artist. A very special thanks goes to our clients who shared their stories of hope - Flavia Carr, Hannah Murray, and Daniela, Diego and Martina Hudson. Generous donors gave over $13,000! Our hearts are overflowing with gratitude.
04/30/2023
Unable to join us tonight? Here's a link to livestream the concert and enjoy the Wilshire Sanctuary Choir and Orchestra and singer and recording artist, Ken Medema: https://www.youtube.com/.
If you are unable to attend the event and would like to contribute to the Center, visit this link to make a donation - https://www.aplos.com/aws/give/GriefandLossCenterofNorthTexas/donate.
04/28/2023
Join us Sunday, April 30, at 6:30 p.m. at Wilshire Baptist Church for a concert featuring the Wilshire Sanctuary Choir and Orchestra and songwriter and recording artist, Ken Medema.
If you can't attend in person, but would like to donate to the Center visit https://www.aplos.com/aws/give/GriefandLossCenterofNorthTexas/donate.
04/26/2023
Sheri Mosser is joyful, empathic and has a heart of pure gold. She came to the Center several years ago when she realized she had never truly grieved the deaths of her beloved parents when they died twenty years earlier. After processing her own grief, she immediately became involved in our SAM’s program for grieving children and teens.
Sheri has served as a facilitator in SAM’s for nine years mostly with our third through sixth graders. “They are the most wonderful children who have been thrown into such a turmoil, sometimes anticipated and sometimes suddenly,” she explains. “I try to help guide them into their own understanding of what their emotions mean and help them understand that they are not alone. Other children have lost loved ones, too.”
Volunteering became part of Sheri’s life when she became involved in her son’s sports teams. She worked as a Garland ISD speech/language pathologist for 26 years and recalls the many volunteer opportunities that came with that position. She also volunteered for several years for the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life.
Her decision to work with children who are grieving came from her own experience at the Center. “I learned how to grieve the deaths of my loved ones and how to move forward with hope. Then I realized I could offer this all I learned on my own wonderful and amazing journey to sweet children on their journey.”
Sheri continues, “The most meaningful thing about volunteering at the Grief and Loss Center is when the children start to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts and feelings.”
And what would Sheri say to others who might be considering volunteering at the Center? “Volunteering at this Center is a joy! Through all of the grieving that has filtered through these halls, people begin to learn to find happiness again. It’s so rewarding. This is a great place to volunteer. It leaves you with a sense of peace, understanding and love."
Send an email to Laurie Taylor at [email protected] to learn more about volunteering with the Center.
04/24/2023
Your Grief Feels Enormous When Someone Dies, Here's Why
People often underestimate grief. Partly because it’s a normal part of being human and partly because it’s hard to imagine the breadth of it when you’re not living it yourself. But to the person going through it, it’s a mysterious experience that involves incredibly nuanced dynamics. Humans are complicated, and relationships create systems as entangled as balls of yarn. And when loss happens, it’s as though someone cuts your ball of yarn clear in half, leaving a hundred loose and lonely ends.
To better understand why your grief feels so overwhelming when someone dies, let's consider all the types of things a person might grieve.
04/21/2023
Blog — Grief and Loss Center
In the weeks and months following the death of a loved one, we continually process the events of the days preceding their death, their actual death, and the days following their passing. The tapes play over and over again with no relief from the devastating sounds, conversations, and images of losing one we love so deeply. The incredibly bright spotlight of grief shines on these most difficult memories blinding us to the beautiful, precious memories we shared with them before they died.
News, blog, and resources from the Grief and Loss Center of North Texas. As a community 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, the Grief and Loss Center of North Texas offers hope, purpose and belonging to those who suffer loss. We provide unconditional acceptance, compassion, understanding and confidentia
04/20/2023
Join us Sunday, April 30, at 6:30 p.m. at Wilshire Baptist Church for a concert featuring the Wilshire Sanctuary Choir and Orchestra and songwriter and recording artist, Ken Medema.
Music will include excerpts from Gabriel Fauré's "Requiem" and Howard Goodall's "Eternal Light".
Childcare is available by reservation for infants through pre-K.
This event is free to attend and donations collected will benefit the Grief and Loss Center.
04/19/2023
Our Hero — Grief and Loss Center
My children and I lost our hero, Gilbert Garcia, when he passed due to su***de on February 19, 2021. Gilbert had the bravest heart I have ever known and motivation like no other. He was the best father he could be, and our kids loved all his goofy moments. His laughter was so big you could feel the rumble in your bones.
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Read more of Amalia's Story of Hope below.
My children and I lost our hero, Gilbert Garcia, when he passed due to su***de on February 19, 2021. Gilbert had the bravest heart I have ever known and motivation like no other. He was the best father he could be, and our kids loved all his goofy moments. His laughter was so big you could feel the....
04/17/2023
Shanna Reed is the mother of four children who loves and nurtures the little ones in our youngest group of children in our SAM’s program for bereaved children and teens. Her huge heart and servant spirit are well known not only at the Grief and Loss Center, but also in her community.
Shanna has volunteered at her children’s various schools as well as having served as a Boy Scouts troop leader and Girl Scouts assistant in addition to volunteering at the North Texas Food Bank. Giving back and serving others continue to be a big part of her life.
“I originally connected with the Grief and Loss Center in early 2020 after the loss of my son, Sean,” Shanna shares. “Laurie and the Parent Support Group were a lifeline during the first year of my grief journey.”
I decided to volunteer because the GLC has helped me so much,” she explains. “I feel as though helping others is the least I can do to give back a little for how much Laurie and the Center have helped me.
Shanna has this advice to offer to those who might consider volunteering at the Center: “Please consider volunteering. It is so rewarding and cathartic. I encourage everyone I meet whether grieving or not to contribute to the Grief and Loss Center either monetarily or through the gift of time.”
Thank you, Shanna, for loving and caring for the youngest children in our program as they process their grief following the death of a loved one. You are appreciated!
Send an email to Laurie Taylor at [email protected] to learn more about volunteering with the Center.
04/14/2023
Does Grief Make You Tired? - What's Your Grief?
A common question about grief that we often hear asked is: Does grief make you tired? The simple answer is, yes, it’s perfectly normal to feel exhausted after experiencing significant loss. Grief and loss can cause mind-body mayhem, which comes as a surprise to those who thought grief would be a purely emotional experience.
A common question we often hear asked is: Does grief make you tired? The simple answer is, yes, there are many reasons why grief can make you feel exhausted
04/12/2023
Hugging the Cactus — Grief and Loss Center
Embracing grief is like hugging a cactus. It’s big, filled with sharp barbs and excruciatingly painful. Some choose to walk around the cactus. Others turn and run the other way. Some stand in place, close their eyes and pretend it’s not there. No matter how hard we try to ignore it and how intimidating it is, hugging the cactus is the only healthy way to make our way through the wilderness of grief.
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Read more in Laurie's Latest Blog.
Embracing grief is like hugging a cactus. It’s big, filled with sharp barbs and excruciatingly painful. Some choose to walk around the cactus. Others turn and run the other way. Some stand in place, close their eyes and pretend it’s not there. No matter how hard we try to ignore it and how intim...
04/10/2023
Not Only Siblings, But Best Friends — Grief and Loss Center
Anything good about me pales in comparison to my brother. I can be smart; Christian excelled in academia, lead trivia teams to victory, and could blow through an episode of Jeopardy. I can be funny; Christian headlined the comedy show in college, won a pageant for his acting and impression abilities, and lit up every room he walked into with witty humor. I could be dutiful; Christian was unwaveringly devoted to those he loved, showing up at every event and being impeccable with his word. I’m creative; he was a true artist, primarily with his duct tape art and replica work. The ties of our shared parentage allowed us to be family, but our similarity and respect for our differences allowed us to be friends. We watched other siblings fight, abandon, and act with vicious intent towards one another, always agreeing that we could never be like that. To never give up on one another.
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Read more in Flavia's Story of Hope.
Anything good about me pales in comparison to my brother. I can be smart; Christian excelled in academia, lead trivia teams to victory, and could blow through an episode of Jeopardy. I can be funny; Christian headlined the comedy show in college, won a pageant for his acting and impression abilities...
02/27/2023
Carla Neal has a huge heart. One of her greatest joys in life is to serve others. She is compassionate and a doer. She doesn’t just talk the talk. She walks the walk.
Carla’s service to the Grief and Loss Center began in 2018 when a friend who had had a positive and healing experience at the Center introduced her to Executive Director Laurie Taylor. Carla shared her desire to conduct a teddy bear drive so each child who attends our SAM’s program could receive a sweet expression of our love and care.
By 2019, Carla was heavily involved as a SAM’s facilitator and has also volunteered on our grant-writing team. She shares, “I was searching for a way to give back, and Laurie and I connected at the exact right moment. The Center had a need and I had a want and it was a perfect match.”
Witnessing children make meaningful and powerful connections is what touches Carla’s heart most. Her gift of understanding and her unconditional love for each and every child is evident and is the catalyst for the love from the children she receives in return.
And what would she say to others who might be considering volunteering? “Jump in! You are a lighthouse to someone just by being there.”
Carla explains, “Volunteering at the Grief and Loss Center has traveled with me through ups and downs and different seasons of my life, and it is consistently one of the most humbling and rewarding experiences of my entire life.”
We are incredibly grateful for Carla’s commitment to the Center and for the love and nurture she so beautifully shares with our children and their families.
02/24/2023
Rediscovering Hope After Losing My Mom — Grief and Loss Center
When I was 22 years old, I lost my mom to Stage IV colon cancer. I had just graduated from college and had been living in Los Angeles for nine months when I got the call from my dad that things were getting worse. I jumped on a plane and headed straight to the hospital when I arrived in Dallas. My mom passed away a week later. She was only 52 years old.
When I was 22 years old, I lost my mom to Stage IV colon cancer. I had just graduated from college and had been living in Los Angeles for nine months when I got the call from my dad that things were getting worse. I jumped on a plane and headed straight to the hospital when I arrived in Dallas. My m...
02/23/2023
How does grief affect the brain?
Grief is something nearly everyone will experience at some point in their lives. It can be overwhelming and confusing, and it can make the death of a loved one difficult to navigate. But when someone is experiencing grief, what exactly is happening to their brain?
Grief can trigger a number of cognitive, behavioral and physiological changes.
02/21/2023
Blog — Grief and Loss Center
I have the honor of meeting monthly with our Child Loss by Su***de group. They graciously share their pain, their stories, their children and their journeys. They truly are beautiful stewards of their suffering as they love and support one other. These beautiful parents are my teachers. I am the learner. Following are some of the most important things they’ve taught me and that they want you to know about the death of a child by su***de.
Read more below in Laurie's Latest Blog.
News, blog, and resources from the Grief and Loss Center of North Texas. As a community 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, the Grief and Loss Center of North Texas offers hope, purpose and belonging to those who suffer loss. We provide unconditional acceptance, compassion, understanding and confidentia
02/18/2023
Vicki Carlisle is the epitome of kindness, dependability, and compassion. She has served as a volunteer even before the formal inception of the center in 2011.
For several years Vicki co-facilitated many of our adult support groups and then became the facilitator of our Family and Friends group. Currently, she volunteers in SAM’S, our children and teen bereavement program. In addition, she has coordinated our annual Mother’s Day Tea for moms who have experienced the death of a child.
Her decision to volunteer at the Grief & Loss Center stemmed from her participation in our very first group for loved ones of those who completed su***de. “Being a part of the su***de loss group allowed me to grieve the loss of my father for the first time, even though it had been many, many years since his death. Afterward, it was very important for me to find a way to honor his memory. Having the chance to possibly help someone who was going through a similar situation seemed like the perfect fit for me,” Vicki explains.
When asked about the most meaningful aspect about volunteering at the Grief & Loss Center, Vicki shares, “The fact that our clients trust us enough to let us walk with them during such a raw and vulnerable time in their lives is not something that I will ever take for granted. Hearing them share stories about their loved ones and watching them as they process their grief is very rewarding.”
To those who are considering becoming a volunteer, Vicki offers these words of encouragement. “Don’t be afraid to give it a try! There are lots of ways you can contribute, and we have a great group of volunteers.”
02/15/2023
85 Years of Laughter, Beauty, Strength and Perserverance — Grief and Loss Center
In May 2021, my world was turned upside down. Thursday, April 22nd, 2021, my sister returned to Texas after staying with our mom to help her recover from an aneurysm surgery. I was scheduled to go to Arizona to help continue her recovery. Mom had been given a good report from the doctors a few days before, so I was confident she would recover. However, the next night my mom had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. Because of her age, they ran multiple tests, including the use of contrast. My mom already was suffering from kidney failure so contrast was not supposed to be used. Consequently, she was admitted to the hospital. I arrived Sunday, April 25th, to take care of her, never dreaming this would be the last week of her life.
In May 2021, my world was turned upside down.Thursday, April 22nd, 2021, my sister returned to Texas after staying with our mom to help her recover from an aneurysm surgery. I was scheduled to go to Arizona to help continue her recovery. Mom had been given a good report from the doctors a few days b...
02/13/2023
Why Does Grief Make You Angry at Friends and Family? - Whats your Grief
After experiencing a major loss for the first time, many of us look back on how we handled it when friends/family went through something similar in the past. We realize how much we screwed it up or didn’t understand. We surveyed ~1500 grievers about this. 98% said that, after their loss, they realized they’d said or done things in the past when friends and family were grieving that they now regret.
Many notice that when grieving, grief causes anger toward friends and family in unexpected ways. Understanding why can help you cope with anger in grief.
12/31/2022
As we look back at 2022, we reflect on the 725 individuals who allowed us to walk alongside them as they grieved their loved ones.
12/04/2022
11/14/2022
Thanksgiving can be difficult for people who are grieving. Many of the values, traditions, warmth, comfort, gratitude and family togetherness may be in direct conflict with their actual reality. Remember that it's okay to feel not grateful. It's okay to acknowledge that you’ve had a difficult year and to recognize your grief, apathy and sadness.
We know the world has robbed you of someone incredibly precious. However, in the midst of this difficult holiday season, these words remind us of what we can truly be grateful for.
This season
I am thankful for my mind that still remembers you,
my voice that still speaks of you,
my spirit that still hears you,
my heart that still loves you.
09/23/2022
We are thrilled to announce that we surpassed our goal and received $40,614 yesterday! From the bottom of our hearts we say THANK YOU!!
We are blown away by your generosity of our mission to provide emotional support and grief education for grieving children, teens and adults by rebuilding hope and community.
*Our total includes a Halftime Golden Ticket prize sponsored by Communities Foundation of Texas.
09/23/2022
Joy and Sorrow Can Coexist — Grief and Loss Center
Laura and her husband eagerly anticipated the birth of their first child. Little Everett was deeply loved and appeared to be a healthy little boy. Then everything changed when he was born. The unimaginable happened. Read Laura’s story of hope as she journeyed through profound grief. Your donations make it possible for us to offer support when it seems the world has ended.
This June marks seven years since the day my husband and I left our house full of joy and headed to the hospital with eager anticipation for the arrival of our first child. Two weeks later, we left the hospital in absolute devastation, with empty arms and shattered hearts.
09/23/2022
A Love Story That Never Ends — Grief and Loss Center
Reagan’s beautiful wife, Ursula, suffered from vascular dementia for four years before she died. All the dreams of spending their retirement years together ended. Read Reagan’s story to see how your donations help us offer hope during the most painful times in life.
Ursula and I met in 1985, at the small downtown Houston bank, where we both worked. Within three months, we got married. Ursula’s four daughters, all grown, welcomed me into their family.
09/23/2022
Every Day in Every Way He Remains My Boy — Grief and Loss Center
Cindy starting attending our group for senior adult moms who have lost an older adult child when her son, Erik, died from brain cancer. Read her story to see how your your donations make it possible for us to provide a loving, nurturing group for her and other moms to continue the healing process.
As a mom who has lost a beloved son, I belong to the “Senior Adult Moms Loss of Adult Child” support group, provided by the Grief & Loss Center of North Texas. Each time we start our monthly group meeting, we go around and introduce ourselves and our children whom we have lost. I smile and say, ...
09/22/2022
GriefCenter2
“I was on a mission to find a good place so my children could express their feelings. And also another important thing was for them to see that they are not the only children who have lost a parent.” - Daniela
Daniela's Story
09/22/2022
WAHOO! Our organization has won the Halftime Golden Ticket Prize from North Texas Giving Day. Thank you to Communities Foundation of Texas for sponsoring this prize and the $1000 award! We appreciate all of our donors who have supported us this year and during the NTX Giving Day season.
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We are thrilled to announce that we surpassed our goal and received $40,614 yesterday! From the bottom of our hearts we say THANK YOU!! We are blown away by your generosity of our mission to provide emotional support and grief education for grieving children, teens and adults by rebuilding hope and community. *Our total includes a Halftime Golden Ticket prize sponsored by Communities Foundation of Texas.
📌 SAVE THE DATE 🗓 This year's North Texas Giving Day is Thursday, September 22. Every dollar given to our Center helps multiply hope for those grieving the lives of their loved ones. Here’s a look at last year’s North Texas Giving Day. Mark your calendar for this year’s event on 9.22.22 to find your passion and give with purpose.
The Dallas Foundation
🎉💛THANK YOU! 💛🎉 We SURPASSED our goal!! We are running out of words to describe your awe-inspiring generosity that raised $37,700 from 126 gifts yesterday! Because of YOU, preschoolers, children, teens and adults will continue to receive free grief support.
You're Not Going Crazy... You're Grieving
It's Not Our Job to Fix It
The Healing Power of Listening
Getting Through the Holidays
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In a world that is often unkind and unable to offer love and comfort, Hope innately recognizes a hurting heart and gently offers unconditional love, acceptance and a listening ear.
Read more about Hope, the therapy Beagle, at https://mygriefandloss.org/the-beagle-beside-me.
Read more about Hope, the therapy Beagle, at https://mygriefandloss.org/the-beagle-beside-me.
"For months after Ursula’s death, I was still in my caregiver’s mode. I still slept with the phone by my side. I found myself at the grocery store, mentally picking out items that Ursula might still be able to eat. I felt wound up, ready for the next battle, the next obstacle in caring for my wife, my beloved. I was still on duty. During her illness, my sole job in life was caring for, and advocating for, Ursula."
Read more of the Cartwright's Love Story That Never Ends at https://mygriefandloss.org/a-love-story-that-never-ends.
Read more of the Cartwright's Love Story That Never Ends at https://mygriefandloss.org/a-love-story-that-never-ends.
We are holding space for you today 💛.
"A few years ago, I made a life altering discovery. I finally came to understand that grief is love. When someone we love dies, our love for them becomes so painful and difficult that we call it grief. As the pain intensifies, it becomes even more difficult to recognize it as love."
Read more of Laurie's latest blog about Grief and Love below.
Read more of Laurie's latest blog about Grief and Love below.
"You wake up every morning and you’re still shocked with the realization that they’re no longer beside you.
Your friends and family hope your grief will go away, but you dread the day it does.
It‘s your grief that reminds you they existed..."
Read more of Gary Sturgis' article about spouse loss.
Your friends and family hope your grief will go away, but you dread the day it does.
It‘s your grief that reminds you they existed..."
Read more of Gary Sturgis' article about spouse loss.
Grief Comes in Waves
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Tips for Getting Through Holidays
Laurie Taylor, Executive Director
Getting Through the Holidays
Holidays are difficult when someone we love has died. The empty chair at the table, seeing families who are still intact and remembering traditions magnify the absence of our loved one. Everyone else seems so joyful and full of the holiday spirit. Don’t they remember that we are grieving? Don’t they remember that our precious loved one died?
Getting through the holidays becomes exhausting and taxing and difficult. We hope these simple suggestions might help you as you make your way through these very hard days.
1. Remember that the anticipation of the day is often more difficult than the actual holiday. Decide what you are going to do on the day. Keep it simple and remember you can change your mind depending on how you feel when the actual day arrives.
2. Acknowledge that you are sad and that this year is different. You are not going to be blissfully happy and filled with holiday cheer. You are grieving the loss of someone very special in your life. Grief doesn’t disappear on holidays.
3. Give yourself permission to experience all of your feelings and to process all of your thoughts.
4. Keep your expectations realistic. Keep holiday plans manageable and bite sized.
5. Remember that it’s perfectly fine to get away for the holidays (following strict COVID precautions) and to do something entirely different this year. It’s also perfectly fine to do nothing and ignore the holidays.
6. Remember you don’t have to do it all. Ask others to take some of the responsibilities you have done in the past.
7. Remember you don’t have to accept invitations to gatherings, even virtual ones. Follow your heart and do only what you think you can manage.
8. If you do participate in a holiday event, have an exit plan. Before you go or get on the Zoom call, decide how long you are going to stay and leave when you need to leave. You can always change your exit plan if needed.
9. Be aware that you may have grief bursts or grief tsunamis as the holidays magnify your loved one’s absence and you miss them even more.
10. Remember you can honor your loved one by preparing their favorite dish, getting an ornament in their honor, lighting a candle, etc. You can share with family and friends that you are honoring your loved one or you can honor them privately.
11. Know that it’s okay to buy a gift for your loved one. Remember that your need to get something for them is important. They don’t need a gift, but you may have a need to buy one for them.
12. Remember that just because you do something different this year doesn’t mean you’ll do it this way the rest of your life. Remember that you have the opportunity to keep some traditions, put some traditions on hold, change some traditions or add new traditions.
13. It’s helpful to practice responses in anticipation of invitations that you may choose to decline if you aren’t up to attending or if the host pressures you to attend. You don’t have to give an immediate response. You can say, “Thank you. Let me think about this.” You can also say, “Thank you. I’m not up to it this time, but please ask me again.”
14. Remember to take good care of yourself during the holidays. Rest. Spend time alone if you need it. Give yourself permission to cry, to laugh, to smile and to do whatever you need to do to get through the holidays.
15. Be proud of yourself for making it through this very difficult time of year. Grief is hard. It’s not a question of “if” you can get through the holidays. You are already doing it.
Laurie Taylor, Executive Director
Getting Through the Holidays
Holidays are difficult when someone we love has died. The empty chair at the table, seeing families who are still intact and remembering traditions magnify the absence of our loved one. Everyone else seems so joyful and full of the holiday spirit. Don’t they remember that we are grieving? Don’t they remember that our precious loved one died?
Getting through the holidays becomes exhausting and taxing and difficult. We hope these simple suggestions might help you as you make your way through these very hard days.
1. Remember that the anticipation of the day is often more difficult than the actual holiday. Decide what you are going to do on the day. Keep it simple and remember you can change your mind depending on how you feel when the actual day arrives.
2. Acknowledge that you are sad and that this year is different. You are not going to be blissfully happy and filled with holiday cheer. You are grieving the loss of someone very special in your life. Grief doesn’t disappear on holidays.
3. Give yourself permission to experience all of your feelings and to process all of your thoughts.
4. Keep your expectations realistic. Keep holiday plans manageable and bite sized.
5. Remember that it’s perfectly fine to get away for the holidays (following strict COVID precautions) and to do something entirely different this year. It’s also perfectly fine to do nothing and ignore the holidays.
6. Remember you don’t have to do it all. Ask others to take some of the responsibilities you have done in the past.
7. Remember you don’t have to accept invitations to gatherings, even virtual ones. Follow your heart and do only what you think you can manage.
8. If you do participate in a holiday event, have an exit plan. Before you go or get on the Zoom call, decide how long you are going to stay and leave when you need to leave. You can always change your exit plan if needed.
9. Be aware that you may have grief bursts or grief tsunamis as the holidays magnify your loved one’s absence and you miss them even more.
10. Remember you can honor your loved one by preparing their favorite dish, getting an ornament in their honor, lighting a candle, etc. You can share with family and friends that you are honoring your loved one or you can honor them privately.
11. Know that it’s okay to buy a gift for your loved one. Remember that your need to get something for them is important. They don’t need a gift, but you may have a need to buy one for them.
12. Remember that just because you do something different this year doesn’t mean you’ll do it this way the rest of your life. Remember that you have the opportunity to keep some traditions, put some traditions on hold, change some traditions or add new traditions.
13. It’s helpful to practice responses in anticipation of invitations that you may choose to decline if you aren’t up to attending or if the host pressures you to attend. You don’t have to give an immediate response. You can say, “Thank you. Let me think about this.” You can also say, “Thank you. I’m not up to it this time, but please ask me again.”
14. Remember to take good care of yourself during the holidays. Rest. Spend time alone if you need it. Give yourself permission to cry, to laugh, to smile and to do whatever you need to do to get through the holidays.
15. Be proud of yourself for making it through this very difficult time of year. Grief is hard. It’s not a question of “if” you can get through the holidays. You are already doing it.
The Dallas Foundation
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