I’m Dr. John Schinnerer, founder and CEO of Guide To Self, a company focusing on scientific tools to achieve your professional and personal potential. I do behavioral health coaching - this helps you create habits of success by identifying where you are stuck, listening to your inner wisdom, discovering your deepest values and transforming your goals into action. My work draws on the principles of positive psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy and the latest in goal setting research. Everything I teach is based on science. In coaching, I focus more on your present than your past. I put more emphasis on a fulfilling future than past disappointments. In fact, therapists in my office suite used to give me a hard time, “How come your clients don’t leave your office looking guilty and gnashing their teeth? Why are they smiling and laughing?” That’s because my goal is for my clients to leave feeling better than when they arrive. And frequently, that is exactly what happens. By focusing on solution-oriented tools and highlighting your natural strengths, I help you to maximize your personal and professional potential in areas such as:
managing anger or anxiety
managing stress
effective communication
and dealing with life transitions such as divorce
In my 20 year career in psychology, I have been fortunate to write an award-winning book entitled, How Can I Be Happier? I was honored to serve as a consultant to Pixar’s Academy-award winning movie, Inside Out. I am a fellow of the National Anger Management Association. And I hosted a daily prime time radio show several years ago. On top of this, I have helped thousands of clients in person and on the web to significantly reduce anger, anxiety and stress while increasing their satisfaction with and engagement in life. The foundation of effective coaching is the relationship I establish with my clients. Research has shown that the technique the therapist or coach uses is not as important as the relationship you build together. As the work progresses and trust is created, you will use the alliance between us as a workspace, to resolve problems in your life. As a client, regardless of the areas that you would like to address, please know that you will be understood, validated, and respected. Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change. Give me a call at 925-575-0258 or email John@GuideToSelf.com to see how we can transform your goals into action.
10/28/2025
For an important talk on the importance of self-worth which impacts your love life, your ability to get paid what your worth, your happiness and your ability to receive love, check out the interview I just did with Jay Scherr.
Just did an interview with on his radio show. Topic: Understanding and developing self-worth. In my opinion, it doesn’t get more important than this! https://flaglerbroadcasting.com/stations/wnzf/
09/22/2025
New Evolved Caveman now out!
How Men Can Successfully Navigate Modern Manhood
How do we effectively show up as men in such a politically-charged environment? Join Dr. John as he dives into an eye-opening conversation with , a seasoned men’s work expert. Raised amidst the gritty streets of 1980’s East London, Laurence shares his tumultuous journey from success to addiction to near-bankruptcy, and the brotherhood that saved him. Now a key figure in The Mankind Project UK, and co-founder of Masculinity X, Laurence offers practical insights on modern masculinity, breaking destructive generational patterns, and finding a badass balance between strength and vulnerability. Tune in for a rollercoaster of laughs, deep revelations, and unconventional wisdom on building a fulfilling, emotionally-aware life for men.
Link in profile (or search “Evolved Caveman” on any major platform).
09/12/2025
Latest episode of The Evolved Caveman is here!
Have The Radical Courage To Face Your Own S**t
In this episode, Dr. John shares his profound wish for
the world: that everyone develops the courage to face their own inner challenges with
radical honesty. What a world this could be if everyone had the courage to take radical responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions
He emphasizes that true loving-kindness is not just about wishing others well but involves facing personal fears, shadows, and emotional struggles head-
on. Dr. John discusses the destructive habits and psychological barriers that prevent individuals from taking accountability for their own actions and emotions. He invites
listeners to turn inward, practice emotional maturity, and cultivate deeper, more loving relationships.
Ultimately, his message is a call to action for self-improvement that starts
from within and spreads outward, healing relationships and, eventually, the world. Listen
in for practical advice, profound insights, and an inspiring message about the
transformative power of self-awareness and emotional courage.
Link in profile.
Timestamps:
01:12 The Importance of Facing Our Own Issues
02:18 Cultural and Psychological Barriers
03:48 The Power of Vulnerability and Accountability
05:21 Practical Steps to Emotional Maturity
07:33 The Universal Wish for Courage
10:18 The Ripple Effect of Personal Healing
09/02/2025
New episode of Love Isn’t Enough!
Healing The Pattern Beneath Every Fight You Have - Once & For All
In this episode on attachment styles, Joree & John take attachment theory off the page & into real life, breaking down patterns into tangible examples of how anxious & avoidant patterns play out in the middle of an argument.
Arguments in love are never just about the dishes or the eye rolls; they’re often old wounds & hidden fears playing out in real time. A very common pattern underneath the dynamics is the anxious partner’s fear of abandonment, the avoidant partner’s shame and shutdown, and the painful stories of being “too much” or “not enough” that fuel disconnection. With humor, vulnerability, & hard-won lessons from their own relationship, Joree & John unpack how to slow down reactivity, spot the deeper patterns, & ways to practice repair that leads to true secure attachment. This isn’t theory — it’s the messy, human reality of how fights can either break you apart or bring you closer.
Link in profile.
08/25/2025
One Human Family: Exploring Global Peace with Mandar Apte
In this episode of The Evolved Caveman Podcast, Dr. John interviews Mandar Apte, a
former petroleum engineer turned peace advocate. Mandar shares his fascinating
journey from working at Shell Oil to teaching meditation practices to over 2000 Shell
employees, and founding Cities for Peace in 2018. They discuss how to create a culture
of peace in communities and the importance of individual healing. Mandar also shares
his experiences working with law enforcement and former gang members in South
Central LA, and the profound impact of meditation and breathwork on overcoming
trauma. Additionally, they explore the concept of interconnectedness and the ancient wisdom that binds humanity as one family. Join Dr. John and Mandar for an inspiring conversation filled with actionable insights on fostering inner peace and compassion.
Find out more about Mandar’s exemplary work at Cities4Peace.com.
Link in profile.
07/22/2025
A conference put on by a good friend of mine, Dr. Jim Bramson of EBMC. Their keynote speaker is Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of a fantastic book - Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Joree and I both read this book cover to cover TWICE. It’s not just about parents, it’s about people in general - how to identify those who are emotionally immature, why it’s important and how to deal with them effectively. We’ve got our tickets. It should be amazing! See below for your tickets!
Battling Burnout: Tactics for a Balanced and Fulfilling Life
The latest episode of The Evolved Caveman has dropped, and this time it’s about stress & burnout, comparing the two, unpacking why you should care and what the hell to DO about them.
Burnout is a soul-crushing abyss, not just tiredness, but a full-blown system crash caused by chronic stress. Dr. John Schinnerer highlights the grim reality:
82% of employees are at risk of burnout, with healthcare workers, teachers, and
younger workers suffering the most.
From financial strain to digital overload, from lack of
control to toxic workplaces, John lays out the causes of burnout. He also explores the
symptoms—mental exhaustion, cynicism, physical issues, and bad behaviors like
drinking and Netflix binging. Differences between stress and burnout? Stress can be
productive; burnout is a hopeless black hole. Take a listen if you’re interested in the
fixes for burnout. If you’re drowning in the burnout ocean, don’t be a hero; seek help.
And hey, be sure to leave a review if this episode saved your sanity, and of course,
subscribe so you never miss an episode!
Link to episode in profile (or wherever you find the top !
07/01/2025
06/09/2025
New episode out!
Evolving Beyond AI: Why Emotional IQ is Men’s Ultimate Advantage
In this episode of the Evolved Caveman podcast, Dr. John explores the next wave of the AI revolution, emphasizing emotional intelligence over
technical prowess. Addressing an audience of modern men, he stresses the importance of evolving beyond outdated ideals of stoicism and rugged
individualism. Dr. John outlines seven practical steps to enhance emotional
intelligence, including naming emotions, staying curious, seeking therapy, practicing vulnerability, slowing down, listening to understand, and taking responsibility. As AI rapidly develops emotional nuances, men are urged to
prioritize connection, authenticity, and empathy to stay relevant and fulfilled
in a rapidly changing world.
Please be sure to leave a 5 star review and share with someone who needs to hear this message. Both help us to build a bigger audience and
teach more people. Thank you!
Link in profile.
06/02/2025
From Conflict to Connection: Transform Your Marriage with Rich Heller
In this episode of The Evolved Caveman Podcast, Dr. John sits down with Rich Heller—a marriage whisperer with two decades of experience and the
brains behind the *Rich in Relationship* podcast. Think of Rich as a relationship mechanic who helps couples stop setting emotional fires and start building actual connection (without needing a fire extinguisher or a
therapist on speed dial).
They dig into the juicy stuff: Rich’s own WTF moments that shaped his career, how generational trauma likes to crash your relationship uninvited,
and why shame is the sneaky gremlin screwing things up behind the scenes without your knowledge or permission. They also take a
sledgehammer to outdated ideas of masculinity (spoiler: being emotionally
clueless isn’t s*xy), and explore how to create relationships that don’t suck—with actual tools, not just good vibes.
This one’s for anyone who wants less drama and more connection—minus the woo-woo fluff.
Link in profile.
05/13/2025
New episode of The Evolved Caveman is out!
The 4 Horsemen of Looming Divorce: The Criticism &
Defensiveness Edition (Part 1)
A special joint episode of The Evolved Caveman and Love Isn’t Enough, where Joree and John lovingly drag your relationship habits into the light—so you can stop sabotaging your love life one passive-aggressive comment at a time.
In this episode, we’re saddling up with the Four Horsemen of the (Relationship) Apocalypse, straight from the research of the OG love nerds, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. These four bad boys—criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, and stonewalling—aren’t just annoying. They’re statistically proven to predict divorce with a freaky 92% accuracy rate.
That’s right. If these habits are riding around unchecked in your ‘ship, you’re not just arguing over the dishwasher—you might be headed for Splitsville.
Today, we’re going deep on the first two horsemen: Criticism (AKA “Let me tell you why you suck”) and Defensiveness (AKA “Oh really? Well what about YOU?”). Joree and John keep it real with personal stories, hilarious moments of self-awareness, and insight from working with clients who, let’s just say, learned the hard way
What You’ll Learn (Besides How to Stop Arguing Like 5-Year-Olds):
* Why your nervous system flips out in the middle of a fight
* How criticism is NOT the same as feedback (and why one will wreck your
weekend)
* The sneaky ways defensiveness kills emotional safety
* How to stop being a porcupine when your partner needs a hug
* Simple ways to shift from reaction to curiosity (yes, even mid-argument)
* The absolute magic of non-defensive listening (hint: your partner might cry happy tears)
* And how to actually connect—even when you’re pi**ed
Because the goal isn’t just to stop fighting. It’s to fight smarter, love deeper, and maybe—just maybe—not feel like you’re stuck in a never-
ending episode of “Who’s Hurt More?”
Link to show in profile or wherever you find your .
Address
913 San Ramon Valley Boulevard Suite 280 Danville, CA 94526
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Hi. I’m Dr. John Schinnerer, founder of Guide To Self, a company focusing on coaching high performing clients using scientifically proven tools to achieve professional and personal potential. My goal is for my clients to be successful and happy at home and at work. Short of this, there is no true success.
Let me share a case study with you to give you a clear idea of what I do. Note: This is a mash-up of several clients and the name has been changed to maintain anonymity.
A former client of mine, “Bob”, came to me and said, “I live in a prison. I am a slave to my family and my work.” Bob is 51 years old, married with two sons - one in college and one in high school. At our first meeting, it was clear he had lost his passion for life. When I spoke to him about a positive future, he didn’t have one. He was simply going through the motions. Bob and his wife bickered frequently. She was “not attracted” to him anymore. At work, he was valued, appreciated, successful and knew what was expected of him. At home, he was in the way, struggled with communication, suffocating in his marriage, and rapidly losing the respect of his sons.
He told me, “I’m lonely, even when my wife is around. I’m sad and lonely if I’m being honest. I want to feel loved again. Appreciated. Adored. Valued. I miss my wife — the way it used to be.”
For Bob, it was easier to stay at work, than to come home and be with his wife. “I know what’s expected of me at work. It’s clear. When I come home, I’m in for a ration of s**t. And I just sort of stopped wanting to be alone with my wife because every time we’re alone, it ends up in an argument.”
“Years of burying myself in my work have led me to become maritally brain dead. I sacrificed everything to provide for my family. Now I’m losing them because of my sacrifice. What do I do? It’s been a long slow process of bloodletting - drip, drip, drip. My life is so normal now, and, by that, I mean fu***ng boring. How did we wind up here? If you looked at us, THEN, and look at us now,....sheesh! When we first started dating, we’d never scream at each other. We had s*x all the time. We never went days without speaking. We weren't this pi**ed off and hurt. Now we just get on each other’s nerves...all the time. We have become so hardened with petty hurts and slights and exhaustion that we just don’t fit together anymore.”
Marriages don’t typically end due to one large transgression, like an affair. Marriages die due to thousands of tiny paper cuts -- a long, slow process of disappointments, resignations, grudges, annoyances, and hurts which caused Bob to turn away from his spouse instead of towards. As the paper cuts accumulate, they lead to stonewalling, contempt and disconnection. They lead to a dynamic in which there is no room for course correction. Despite their love for one another, the smallest hurt now leads to angry withdrawal. They give up out of self-protection, and resignation. They stop trying to connect because of the anticipated lack of connection — the rejection is just too painful. And nothing ever gets resolved or improved. Their dance of numb survival continues.
Unfortunately, this hurt and anger didn’t leave Bob when he went to work. It packed a bag and went with him. And it made itself known as irritation and impatience with those he managed. It slowly eroded his social capital within his firm. He lost trust. He began to manage out of fear and intimidation. And his employees began to leave his company, because, employees don’t leave companies, they leave managers.
So I taught Bob. I taught him scientifically proven tools to improve his communication with his wife, his sons, his employees. I began to teach him how to motivate others positively rather than negatively. I taught him how to master his own mind — thoughts and emotions. We developed a plan for a positive future so he has goals and a vision to look forward to — both personally and professionally. I taught him about forgiveness as the way to let go of those past hurts and disappointments. He learned about passion, positive emotions, and awareness. He became more realistically optimistic, and as a result less pessimistic and less depressive and irritable. Now he no longer is at the mercy of his anger, his fear, or his hurt. He is happier at home and at work. He enjoys life again.
Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change — at home and at work. You need happiness, purpose, and satisfaction at home AND at work for a truly contented and satisfying life. Give me a call at (925) 575-0258 or email DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com to discover your peak performance.
