I’m Dr. John Schinnerer, founder and CEO of Guide To Self, a company focusing on scientific tools to achieve your professional and personal potential. I do behavioral health coaching - this helps you create habits of success by identifying where you are stuck, listening to your inner wisdom, discovering your deepest values and transforming your goals into action. My work draws on the principles of
positive psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy and the latest in goal setting research. Everything I teach is based on science. In coaching, I focus more on your present than your past. I put more emphasis on a fulfilling future than past disappointments. In fact, therapists in my office suite used to give me a hard time, “How come your clients don’t leave your office looking guilty and gnashing their teeth? Why are they smiling and laughing?” That’s because my goal is for my clients to leave feeling better than when they arrive. And frequently, that is exactly what happens. By focusing on solution-oriented tools and highlighting your natural strengths, I help you to maximize your personal and professional potential in areas such as:
managing anger or anxiety
managing stress
effective communication
and dealing with life transitions such as divorce
In my 20 year career in psychology, I have been fortunate to write an award-winning book entitled, How Can I Be Happier? I was honored to serve as a consultant to Pixar’s Academy-award winning movie, Inside Out. I am a fellow of the National Anger Management Association. And I hosted a daily prime time radio show several years ago. On top of this, I have helped thousands of clients in person and on the web to significantly reduce anger, anxiety and stress while increasing their satisfaction with and engagement in life. The foundation of effective coaching is the relationship I establish with my clients. Research has shown that the technique the therapist or coach uses is not as important as the relationship you build together. As the work progresses and trust is created, you will use the alliance between us as a workspace, to resolve problems in your life. As a client, regardless of the areas that you would like to address, please know that you will be understood, validated, and respected. Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change. Give me a call at 925-575-0258 or email John@GuideToSelf.com to see how we can transform your goals into action.
07/22/2025
A conference put on by a good friend of mine, Dr. Jim Bramson of EBMC. Their keynote speaker is Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of a fantastic book - Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Joree and I both read this book cover to cover TWICE. It’s not just about parents, it’s about people in general - how to identify those who are emotionally immature, why it’s important and how to deal with them effectively. We’ve got our tickets. It should be amazing! See below for your tickets!
Battling Burnout: Tactics for a Balanced and Fulfilling Life
The latest episode of The Evolved Caveman has dropped, and this time it’s about stress & burnout, comparing the two, unpacking why you should care and what the hell to DO about them.
Burnout is a soul-crushing abyss, not just tiredness, but a full-blown system crash caused by chronic stress. Dr. John Schinnerer highlights the grim reality:
82% of employees are at risk of burnout, with healthcare workers, teachers, and
younger workers suffering the most.
From financial strain to digital overload, from lack of
control to toxic workplaces, John lays out the causes of burnout. He also explores the
symptoms—mental exhaustion, cynicism, physical issues, and bad behaviors like
drinking and Netflix binging. Differences between stress and burnout? Stress can be
productive; burnout is a hopeless black hole. Take a listen if you’re interested in the
fixes for burnout. If you’re drowning in the burnout ocean, don’t be a hero; seek help.
And hey, be sure to leave a review if this episode saved your sanity, and of course,
subscribe so you never miss an episode!
Link to episode in profile (or wherever you find the top !
07/01/2025
06/09/2025
New episode out!
Evolving Beyond AI: Why Emotional IQ is Men’s Ultimate Advantage
In this episode of the Evolved Caveman podcast, Dr. John explores the next wave of the AI revolution, emphasizing emotional intelligence over
technical prowess. Addressing an audience of modern men, he stresses the importance of evolving beyond outdated ideals of stoicism and rugged
individualism. Dr. John outlines seven practical steps to enhance emotional
intelligence, including naming emotions, staying curious, seeking therapy, practicing vulnerability, slowing down, listening to understand, and taking responsibility. As AI rapidly develops emotional nuances, men are urged to
prioritize connection, authenticity, and empathy to stay relevant and fulfilled
in a rapidly changing world.
Please be sure to leave a 5 star review and share with someone who needs to hear this message. Both help us to build a bigger audience and
teach more people. Thank you!
Link in profile.
06/02/2025
From Conflict to Connection: Transform Your Marriage with Rich Heller
In this episode of The Evolved Caveman Podcast, Dr. John sits down with Rich Heller—a marriage whisperer with two decades of experience and the
brains behind the *Rich in Relationship* podcast. Think of Rich as a relationship mechanic who helps couples stop setting emotional fires and start building actual connection (without needing a fire extinguisher or a
therapist on speed dial).
They dig into the juicy stuff: Rich’s own WTF moments that shaped his career, how generational trauma likes to crash your relationship uninvited,
and why shame is the sneaky gremlin screwing things up behind the scenes without your knowledge or permission. They also take a
sledgehammer to outdated ideas of masculinity (spoiler: being emotionally
clueless isn’t s*xy), and explore how to create relationships that don’t suck—with actual tools, not just good vibes.
This one’s for anyone who wants less drama and more connection—minus the woo-woo fluff.
Link in profile.
05/13/2025
New episode of The Evolved Caveman is out!
The 4 Horsemen of Looming Divorce: The Criticism &
Defensiveness Edition (Part 1)
A special joint episode of The Evolved Caveman and Love Isn’t Enough, where Joree and John lovingly drag your relationship habits into the light—so you can stop sabotaging your love life one passive-aggressive comment at a time.
In this episode, we’re saddling up with the Four Horsemen of the (Relationship) Apocalypse, straight from the research of the OG love nerds, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. These four bad boys—criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, and stonewalling—aren’t just annoying. They’re statistically proven to predict divorce with a freaky 92% accuracy rate.
That’s right. If these habits are riding around unchecked in your ‘ship, you’re not just arguing over the dishwasher—you might be headed for Splitsville.
Today, we’re going deep on the first two horsemen: Criticism (AKA “Let me tell you why you suck”) and Defensiveness (AKA “Oh really? Well what about YOU?”). Joree and John keep it real with personal stories, hilarious moments of self-awareness, and insight from working with clients who, let’s just say, learned the hard way
What You’ll Learn (Besides How to Stop Arguing Like 5-Year-Olds):
* Why your nervous system flips out in the middle of a fight
* How criticism is NOT the same as feedback (and why one will wreck your
weekend)
* The sneaky ways defensiveness kills emotional safety
* How to stop being a porcupine when your partner needs a hug
* Simple ways to shift from reaction to curiosity (yes, even mid-argument)
* The absolute magic of non-defensive listening (hint: your partner might cry happy tears)
* And how to actually connect—even when you’re pi**ed
Because the goal isn’t just to stop fighting. It’s to fight smarter, love deeper, and maybe—just maybe—not feel like you’re stuck in a never-
ending episode of “Who’s Hurt More?”
Link to show in profile or wherever you find your .
05/05/2025
Navigating Anger in Relationships: Expert Advice with Dr. John Schinnerer
Ready for a no-holds-barred chat on anger management, male irritability and their
impact on relationships? Dr. John is dropping some serious self-awareness bombs. Trina Glines interviews Dr. John to help you discover your authentic self and stop life’s challenges from becoming roadblocks. Dr. John breaks down how anger actually works (hint: it’s not just a
secondary emotion) and gives four killer components to pay attention to: emotional, cognitive, physiological, and attentional. He even references John Gottman’s ‘four horsemen’ that predict relationship doom. But hey, it’s
not all bad news! Dr. John’s got the top tools to begin your transformation into Phil
Jackson, aka the zen master.
You’ll learn how to keep your cool, stop fights, and maybe
even enjoy life a bit more. Don’t worry about long therapy sessions—his coaching style
makes this stuff accessible. Whether you’re an executive with an irritability issue, in a
relationship with an testy t**t, or just someone who’s aware of their own anger issues,
you’re in the right place. So breathe, grab your journal, and get ready to take some
notes. You’re about to transform your anger into strength.
Link to show in profile.
04/07/2025
Another Evolved Caveman Podcast is out!
Mastering Stress and Anxiety Like A Monk: Dr. John’s Guide To Keeping Your Cool
Join Dr. John as he does an irreverent and powerful deep dive into mastering stress and
anxiety. With a blend of personal stories, practical tools, & a touch of humor, Dr. John explains what stress & anxiety are, why we experience them, & how to manage them like a seasoned monk. Discover scientifically proven strategies such as the critical question to ask yourself to keep sh*t in perspective, mindfulness, the proper mindset, gratitude practices, reframing, and distanced self talk. Learn to reset your mental
state and regain control over your life while keeping your edge. Tune in for actionable
insights and become your own stress-busting superhero.
01:17 Understanding Stress and Anxiety
01:42 Personal Story: Overcoming Anxiety
05:28 Defining Stress and Anxiety
08:24 Top 12 Tools to Manage Stress and Anxiety
For more info on Dr. John’s work with men, visit GuideToSelf.com. For more on the podcast, visit TheEvolvedCaveman.com. For more details on the couples counseling work John does with Joree, visit LoveIsntEnough.net,
04/07/2025
Podcast Episode · The Evolved Caveman Podcast w/ Dr. John Schinnerer · 04/07/2025 · 31m
03/28/2025
THE DEATH YOU NEED (BUT DON’T WANT): WHY YOUR EGO IS WRECKING YOUR LIFE AND HOW TO BURY IT
Let’s talk about ego death.
Yeah, I know—it sounds like some woo-woo nonsense touted by a bearded guy in a long linen robe at a Burning Man drum circle. But stick with me here, because your ego may just be ruining your life, and a good old-fashioned identity meltdown might just be the best thing that ever happens to you.
Ego death isn’t about losing your personality or becoming a doormat. It’s about getting over what may be the worst parts of yourself —dropping the fragile, defensive, approval-hungry version of you that’s been driving the bus called “you” straight into other cars for years. Sound harsh? Excellent Let’s dig in deeper. For full article visit…https://guidetoself.com/why-ego-death-is-a-worthy-goal/
03/17/2025
I wrote a new article today on stress and its impact on our .
Chronic Stress: The Silent Killer of Everything Good in Your Life
Stress in small doses is normal—hell, it’s even useful. It’s what kept our caveman ancestors from getting eaten by saber-toothed tigers. The problem? You’re not running from a tiger. You’re dealing with:
– A relentless workload (at home and at work)
– Financial pressures that never seem to let up
– Family responsibilities (because apparently, you’re supposed to have it all together)
– A phone that never stops buzzing with emails, texts, and “urgent” notifications
– The constant, nagging feeling that you should be doing more, achieving more, being more (often thanks to social media and the inevitable comparisons it brings up!)
And your body? It doesn’t know the difference between an actual life-or-death situation and just trying to survive another day in corporate America. It reacts the same way—pumping out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, keeping you in a state of fight-or-flight.
Over time, this chronic stress wrecks your body and mind.
– Physically? It jacks up your immune system, messes with your sleep, raises your blood pressure, and makes you feel like garbage.
– Mentally? It fries your patience, fuels anxiety and depression, and turns you into a short-tempered, irritable version of yourself.
– Relationally? It makes you a nightmare to be around.
How Chronic Stress is Destroying Your Relationships
You ever notice how when you’re stressed out, your patience evaporates? You snap at your partner over stupid things, get irritated with your kids, and suddenly feel like everyone is just… annoying.
Full article is at https://guidetoself.com/chronic-stress-is-wrecking-your-life-and-your-relationships-heres-how-to-stop-it/.
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Hi. I’m Dr. John Schinnerer, founder of Guide To Self, a company focusing on coaching high performing clients using scientifically proven tools to achieve professional and personal potential. My goal is for my clients to be successful and happy at home and at work. Short of this, there is no true success.
Let me share a case study with you to give you a clear idea of what I do. Note: This is a mash-up of several clients and the name has been changed to maintain anonymity.
A former client of mine, “Bob”, came to me and said, “I live in a prison. I am a slave to my family and my work.” Bob is 51 years old, married with two sons - one in college and one in high school. At our first meeting, it was clear he had lost his passion for life. When I spoke to him about a positive future, he didn’t have one. He was simply going through the motions. Bob and his wife bickered frequently. She was “not attracted” to him anymore. At work, he was valued, appreciated, successful and knew what was expected of him. At home, he was in the way, struggled with communication, suffocating in his marriage, and rapidly losing the respect of his sons.
He told me, “I’m lonely, even when my wife is around. I’m sad and lonely if I’m being honest. I want to feel loved again. Appreciated. Adored. Valued. I miss my wife — the way it used to be.”
For Bob, it was easier to stay at work, than to come home and be with his wife. “I know what’s expected of me at work. It’s clear. When I come home, I’m in for a ration of s**t. And I just sort of stopped wanting to be alone with my wife because every time we’re alone, it ends up in an argument.”
“Years of burying myself in my work have led me to become maritally brain dead. I sacrificed everything to provide for my family. Now I’m losing them because of my sacrifice. What do I do? It’s been a long slow process of bloodletting - drip, drip, drip. My life is so normal now, and, by that, I mean fu***ng boring. How did we wind up here? If you looked at us, THEN, and look at us now,....sheesh! When we first started dating, we’d never scream at each other. We had s*x all the time. We never went days without speaking. We weren't this pi**ed off and hurt. Now we just get on each other’s nerves...all the time. We have become so hardened with petty hurts and slights and exhaustion that we just don’t fit together anymore.”
Marriages don’t typically end due to one large transgression, like an affair. Marriages die due to thousands of tiny paper cuts -- a long, slow process of disappointments, resignations, grudges, annoyances, and hurts which caused Bob to turn away from his spouse instead of towards. As the paper cuts accumulate, they lead to stonewalling, contempt and disconnection. They lead to a dynamic in which there is no room for course correction. Despite their love for one another, the smallest hurt now leads to angry withdrawal. They give up out of self-protection, and resignation. They stop trying to connect because of the anticipated lack of connection — the rejection is just too painful. And nothing ever gets resolved or improved. Their dance of numb survival continues.
Unfortunately, this hurt and anger didn’t leave Bob when he went to work. It packed a bag and went with him. And it made itself known as irritation and impatience with those he managed. It slowly eroded his social capital within his firm. He lost trust. He began to manage out of fear and intimidation. And his employees began to leave his company, because, employees don’t leave companies, they leave managers.
So I taught Bob. I taught him scientifically proven tools to improve his communication with his wife, his sons, his employees. I began to teach him how to motivate others positively rather than negatively. I taught him how to master his own mind — thoughts and emotions. We developed a plan for a positive future so he has goals and a vision to look forward to — both personally and professionally. I taught him about forgiveness as the way to let go of those past hurts and disappointments. He learned about passion, positive emotions, and awareness. He became more realistically optimistic, and as a result less pessimistic and less depressive and irritable. Now he no longer is at the mercy of his anger, his fear, or his hurt. He is happier at home and at work. He enjoys life again.
Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change — at home and at work. You need happiness, purpose, and satisfaction at home AND at work for a truly contented and satisfying life. Give me a call at (925) 575-0258 or email DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com to discover your peak performance.
