Pamela G Tinoco, LMFT

07/08/2025

05/24/2025

This.

02/03/2025

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Releaders Bookclub We're raising millions of intentional readers globally.

01/18/2025

11/26/2024

Some people who want a relationship—badly—are deciding that the effort of searching for love isn’t worth it, Faith Hill writes. https://theatln.tc/Pnd5wYkO

Some people simply stop dating. “They still want a relationship—and they wouldn’t refuse if one unfolded naturally—but they’ve cycled between excitement and disappointment too many times to keep trying,” Hill writes. “Quitting dating means more than just deleting the apps, or no longer asking out acquaintances or friendly strangers. It means … [imagining] that they’ll never find the relationship they’ve always wanted. Facing that possibility can be painful. But it can also be helpful, allowing people to mourn the future they once expected—and redefine, on their own terms, what a fulfilling life could look like.”

“Drew Clement, a 37-year-old in Ohio who told me that his ‘entire approach to life changed’ when he quit dating,” Hill writes. “He used to attend concerts often, but he was always distracted by the possibility of romance—he’d make eye contact with someone in the crowd, then spend the rest of the show thinking about smiling their way or trying to get their number. But he doesn’t worry about that anymore. For the first time, he’s just watching the stage and listening to the music.”

Giving up dating altogether comes with risks. “What if you miss the date that would’ve changed everything?” Hill asks. “But with a laser focus on romance, you might pass up other possibilities.” The singles that Hill spoke to said they felt like they had more freedom, and more time to explore hobbies and focus on their careers.

“Marching on, after so many letdowns and embarrassments, is brave. But so is the decision to stop, a choice that American society too often doesn’t celebrate or even present as an option,” Hill continues. “Refusing to continue isn’t a cop-out so much as an affirmation of everything else precious that fills one’s days.”

Read more: https://theatln.tc/Pnd5wYkO

🎨: Ben Hickey

10/23/2024

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞?

I would suggest that motivation is a human system whereas discipline is a human strategy….

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Motivation is related to rewards and punishments that emerge in our environment and that drive our approach and avoidance behaviour.

Discipline is more a human strategy that we might use to retain a goal-orientation

Motivation is a part of us no matter what. It is a constant. Discipline is a strategy that we use or don’t use (on a continuum)

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Well this post took off. 97K likes and over 30K shares…1.2K comments…

I appreciate all the comments…thank you.

I’ve read some of the comments and I have some further points to make…

1. I didn’t create the graph. I didn’t post it to comment on the idea that motivation changes over time.

2. The idea of motivation as a human system is pretty undeniable. Human behaviour is heavily driven by rewards and threats that influence approach and avoidance behaviour. See the work of 20th century psychologist Jeffrey Gray for more on this. His Biological Basis of Personality is heavily accepted by neuroscientists (my understanding)

3. I’m suggesting that discipline is a strategy based on the work of personality development science. Specifically in the area of character adaptations…and specifically the work of Colin DeYoung and his Cyberneyic Big 5 theory of Personality. Discipline is a strategy that constantly pressures conscientiousness (in order to meet our goals).

3. Yes…neurodivergency is constantly influencing characteristic adaptations such as discipline

4. Habit could be considered the sum total of DeYoung’s three characteristic adaptations (goals, strategies, interpretations)

5. Science is science - it’s up for debate. But the notion that motivation is not a system that is constantly pressuring behaviour is nonsense.

6. Yes…both motivation (always present) and discipline (not always present) exist…both are needed…

10/23/2024

Your emotions don’t define you—they are a part of you. Embracing anxiety rather than battling it, has brought me peace.

10/23/2024

10/19/2024

“What does it mean to be included?

An important conversation that really gets kids reflecting! Zoom in to see some thoughts from 4th graders❤️” —Tina Centineo, SEL Specialist

10/04/2024

My sister always says to me: "We had two VERY different childhoods." ⁠
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(via on Threads)

09/11/2024

Hailey Paige Magee