10/16/2025
Yesterday I heard new song Raíces (which means Roots) and this phrase just stuck with me. As a family and couples therapist that works with a lot of attachment trauma, estrangement in families and just basic heartbreak, I can say that it is so important that we understand that when we are raising a child, we are cultivating their self esteem, and essentially the relationships they will have in the future with others and YOU.
There is no child that doesn’t want a relationship with their parent. Ultimately what they don’t want it the rejection, control, heartache, anger or shame that comes with an unhealthy connection.
Even with our best intentions, let’s not forget that we can cause harm.
For example:
• A parent who constantly corrects their child’s behavior may think they’re teaching discipline — but the child may instead learn fear or self-doubt.
• A parent who pushes for high achievement out of love might unknowingly plant anxiety or a feeling of never being “enough.”
• A parent who avoids hard conversations to keep peace might plant emotional distance instead of safety.
Just like this is your child’s first time in their world, learning to navigate it. It’s is also your first time. It’s OK and necessary to ask for help, learn and make changes where necessary.
There is no shame in that!
