The magnitude of Malakai

03/18/2025

A couple nights ago I went into Walmart and this wonderful, beautiful and kind young lady work in the cash register that I walked up to gave me one look and immediately said I recognize you. To which I replied I’ve lived in the area for at least the last five years, without a second thought she said no that’s not it, it’s the Internet. She asked me if I was on social media, and I started to say kind of, but she already remembered where she had seen me clearly and said you were the mom on there with your kids and you had a little boy right? Last year, I think it was something happened? And she saw the tears again naturally I felt horrible. It was her that started apologizing and hoping that she hadn’t upset me and I shook my head so fast I think I heard my brain’s rattle.
Just as I explained to my awesome New Friend at Walmart, do not ever for any reason, hesitate to bring up my son or my family and should you see me in public and recognize me- particularly because of my children, please please please I ask that you say something. Share that moment with me. I would appreciate it and be so grateful🥺. It helps more than you know I promise. It’s much easier than the moments where I don’t have my baby boy and he just doesn’t exist in this unnecessarily cruel world that we live in.  although I come across some wonderfully kind people that are incredibly supportive and sweet, they don’t know what a Mali is and that hurts. No one gets to see him and enjoy him anymore. It’s definitely not easy. I don’t know what to do with that. 

I can’t tell you just how much it’s still throws me to this day when I go out in public and someone recognizes me because they’ve seen us on the Internet. Particularly when they recognize me and I’m without my children, which was always the case as Maui has never been easily portable. But these days, especially we barely even recognize me so it’s a real shocker when someone sees me and instantly knows exactly where they’ve seen my face before and, more importantly, knows who my son is. I absolutely hate that my sweet baby boy is not living in this world in my life today that I don’t have him here to share with you all. There is moments that exist when someone sees me, when someone sees him, they are absolutely everything to me. I couldn’t be more grateful and I hope that I get to enjoy many more of them and im able to show my appreciation more often as I continue trying to get through this difficult period in my journey.

I have to say thank you so much to all of you who genuinely adore and value these wonderful kiddos I’ve been blessed with, no matter where we may go, I pray that we take Mal with us always and I can do a much better job at carrying his torch. Genuinely, I should take notes from sister who has made me so incredibly proud to meet her mama. We have really been struggling and I’m desperately trying to get back to work regardless of the complications I have faced or any lack ranters we have. I run out of time to search for those answers. We have to live so right now I have to just accept that my life has more challenges than me at times feel like I can handle, but that’s why I’m trying to rejoin my community and find all the help I can in any help that I may need to Escape this situation. I’ve never known how to except being told that I am a good mother, as a mother I assume everyone feels the same and it’s just never good enough because these are our children. It’s only been bc of this community I’ve had behind me and the little family we’ve built over the years that have extended your kindness and provided essential support, that I can see the possibility of those words being true. So many, who have been there for us in a variety of ways, and to this day continue to, have helped me be the most amazing mother I can. I never dreamed this would become the catalyst for not only rebuilding my support system but for rebuilding my tiny family, even humbling me with the blessings of a sister. In addition to the generosity of keeping me from the dire circumstances that would threaten everything I’ve overcome, she individually inspires me to continue learning how to be a better mother as well as a better person and always motivates me to seek every way I possibly could to provide any and everything possible for my children.
I know this will get better somehow. I may not know how yet but I know it will get better somehow. living without Mal is never going to but I’m hopeful, it becomes more tolerable as we learn how to shine that light. I will absolutely be back to share with you once I’m able, but currently I have pressing matters at hand so I just ask that you please keep us in your hearts and prayers. Also, please look for me on marketplace as I am selling many things that I can’t fit in anymore or don’t use- i’m partying with everything I can afford to mentally in hopes of being able to afford getting out of this debt and back to a life that much more closely resembles ours. Thank you so much to those of you that you asked as well as those that have helped and heard any support. Please do not feel obligated, but know that we are so grateful to those who are able to, especially with the current state of our economy, provide assistance in various ways. I appreciate your understanding as well, I think anyone knows it’s very difficult to ask for this can help and shameful not to be financially stable. I’m sure many are struggling in all kinds of ways and I hope to be of help as well, but I had to take a moment to acknowledge what a tremendous difference it makes to share a moment of today with anyone, in which my baby boy existed and was loved and revered for the beautiful miracle he will always be. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity. God bless you.

Sadly, I no longer know how the Internet works. After being gone for so long, they’ve changed many things and I’ve not been back enough yet to have time to relearn them, but I will - and soon. Please know that I only ever share this information with appreciation And without expectation.

For financial support:
Cash app- $KristWarnock
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/kristwarnock
Venmo- https://venmo.com/u/Kris-Warnock

For social/physical support:
(Hangouts and general vicinity where we might be if we’re looking for muscle)
-Montgomery County resident in Dayton, Ohio
-grocery stores
-Laundromat
-car wash
-YMCA (South branches) when not in crisis

For spiritual support:
-practicing catholic
-seeking parish. Not necessarily local, but that’s a long story for a different post- soon.
- all prayers, invocations, tefillah, salat, adhan and any other form of positive intentions that you would like to offer, please feel free to send our way as all are absolutely accepted.

03/16/2025

I can’t tell you just how much it’s still throws me to this day when I go out in public and someone recognizes me because they’ve seen us on the Internet. Particularly when they recognize me and I’m without my children, which was always the case as Maui has never been easily portable. But these days, especially we barely even recognize me so it’s a real shocker when someone sees me and instantly knows exactly where they’ve seen my face before and, more importantly, knows who my son is. I absolutely hate that my sweet baby boy is not living in this world in my life today that I don’t have him here to share with you all. There is moments that exist when someone sees me, when someone sees him, they are absolutely everything to me. I couldn’t be more grateful and I hope that I get to enjoy many more of them and im able to show my appreciation more often as I continue trying to get through this difficult period in my journey.

I have to say thank you so much to all of you who genuinely adore and value these wonderful kiddos I’ve been blessed with, no matter where we may go, I pray that we take Mal with us always and I can do a much better job at carrying his torch. Genuinely, I should take notes from sister who has made me so incredibly proud to meet her mama. We have really been struggling and I’m desperately trying to get back to work regardless of the complications I have faced or any lack ranters we have. I run out of time to search for those answers. We have to live so right now I have to just accept that my life has more challenges than me at times feel like I can handle, but that’s why I’m trying to rejoin my community and find all the help I can in any help that I may need to Escape this situation. I’ve never known how to except being told that I am a good mother, as a mother I assume everyone feels the same and it’s just never good enough because these are our children. It’s only been bc of this community I’ve had behind me and the little family we’ve built over the years that have extended your kindness and provided essential support, that I can see the possibility of those words being true. So many, who have been there for us in a variety of ways, and to this day continue to, have helped me be the most amazing mother I can. I never dreamed this would become the catalyst for not only rebuilding my support system but for rebuilding my tiny family, even humbling me with the blessings of a sister. In addition to the generosity of keeping me from the dire circumstances that would threaten everything I’ve overcome, she individually inspires me to continue learning how to be a better mother as well as a better person and always motivates me to seek every way I possibly could to provide any and everything possible for my children.
I know this will get better somehow. I may not know how yet but I know it will get better somehow. living without Mal is never going to but I’m hopeful, it becomes more tolerable as we learn how to shine that light. I will absolutely be back to share with you once I’m able, but currently I have pressing matters at hand so I just ask that you please keep us in your hearts and prayers. Also, please look for me on marketplace as I am selling many things that I can’t fit in anymore or don’t use- i’m partying with everything I can afford to mentally in hopes of being able to afford getting out of this debt and back to a life that much more closely resembles ours. Thank you so much to those of you that you asked as well as those that have helped and heard any support. Please do not feel obligated, but know that we are so grateful to those who are able to, especially with the current state of our economy, provide assistance in various ways. I appreciate your understanding as well, I think anyone knows it’s very difficult to ask for this can help and shameful not to be financially stable. I’m sure many are struggling in all kinds of ways and I hope to be of help as well, but I had to take a moment to acknowledge what a tremendous difference it makes to share a moment of today with anyone, in which my baby boy existed and was loved and revered for the beautiful miracle he will always be. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity. God bless you. 

Sadly, I no longer know how the Internet works. After being gone for so long, they’ve changed many things and I’ve not been back enough yet to have time to relearn them, but I will - and soon. Please know that this is only ever with appreciation And without expectation.

For financial support:
Cash app- $KristWarnock
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/kristwarnock
Venmo- https://venmo.com/u/Kris-Warnock

For social support:
-Montgomery County resident in Dayton, Ohio
-grocery stores
-Laundromat
-car wash
-YMCA (South branches) when not in crisis

For spiritual support:
-practicing catholic
-seeking parish
- all prayer,

Go to paypal.me/kristwarnock and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

03/12/2025

There have been so many moments over the past few years when I truly didn’t know how I would keep going. I’ve faced things that no one should ever have to face, and yet, through it all, I’ve been met with love and support that I never imagined possible. That support has carried me through some of the darkest days, and I will never take it for granted.

As I reflect on all we’ve been through—on the struggles, the moments of absolute desperation, and the heartbreak—I also think about what we’ve survived. I remember sitting in a hospital room with my phone shut off, trying to figure out how to make it to my daughter when my son needed me too. I remember not being able to afford an Uber to get to court or even to see my own child. And yet, somehow, through all of that, I’ve still been able to give my daughter experiences that I never even dreamed of seeing myself. That’s because of the kindness, generosity, and unwavering support from my family, especially, my sister.

Several of you have really done so much more than you ever should’ve had to just to be there to support us, and I am forever grateful, for everything that has been done for our family. Most importantly, I’m beyond fortunate to be so well supported, and so dearly loved. Just as my son always was and in many ways still is. For every bit of kindness we’ve been shown by so many of you- thank you for sharing this all with us and helping ease the pain of carrying his memory despite me taking emptiness, we feel and the endless longing for his beautiful smile .

It has been so difficult every victory and triumph , so hard won, I expected we had to be done battling by now. But here we are again, facing another impossible season, and I won’t lie—it’s hard. Some days, it feels like I’m right back where I started. The weight of it all is heavy, and the grief never truly eases. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I am loved and appreciated.  I am blessed beyond measure to have my family, to have all of you, to be loved by all of you. No matter how hard it gets, I have a community of people who have stood with us, believed in us, and reminded me that we are not forgotten.

To those who have walked this journey with us, thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I am looking forward to reconnecting, to sharing more moments together, and to continuing to find light in the darkness. We went live recently, and the love and support we received was incredible—I need to make that a priority again. I see you, I appreciate you, and I am so grateful to have you in our lives.

With all my love, the blessings of my children and their love, Kris

12/31/2024

*** 1/6 Typos Corrected. Please forgive me. It’s difficult as I am very emotional and have been through so much more (unrelated) trauma since this, trauma that I continue to navigate daily. I am working on learning how to cope well enough to be with you all again ***🙏🏼🙏🏼 

Without you, my son, I am so lost. Without you, the world is so much darker. After watching you leave this place I know it will never look the same and I can’t help but feel the massive emptiness that is left behind without you. Your beautiful sister is growing stronger and wiser every day, but still needs you to watch over her so very badly. I need you to watch over her very badly. I will spend a lifetime completely shattered unable to wrap my mind around how you are not here. These moments are when it’s too painful. The oxygen has left and I can’t seem to find the air to even scream from the pain that I am in. Every single cell in my body feels as though is on fire and I am in literal physical agony. I can’t tell you what I wouldn’t do to have you back, to have us all together where we belong.. to see the part of your sister that went with you the day that you were taken from us, and to give her back the part of me that is forever yours and no longer shines so brightly people turn to look a second time
New Year’s was always such a special time for us, there were so many years that I don’t know how I survived, I don’t know how we survived and I will never forget the relief and gratitude that would wash over me. The ball dropped and we began 365 more days together . I am not looking forward to the end of 2024 surprisingly. It’s more than just not being ready for 2025, it is the abysmal heartache and devastation of having spent 12 consecutive calendar months here without you, and so many more now. Much as I dread to see anything else where you are so blatantly missing, like so many other things in my life. Well, push me into Another year and I won’t get to see your beautiful smile or feel your strong arms clinging to me me or hear your beautiful coos and yells, or even the terrifying breaths that you would take. There is an endless list of things that I miss horribly about you, but tomorrow is the day that I dread possibly the most outside of the day that you were taken from us. All the years that we spent with me clutching you so tightly as I cried and mourned The loss of my family. As I struggled with not having my family whole, the comfort that you brought, and how you managed simply by existing to help me survive some of the darkest moments of my life 💔moments that I did not have my first born where she belonged. I find myself faced with that often in a different way now and I still don’t know how I’m ever gonna do this without you. So I just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other, breathing in and breathing out and trying not to drown in the pain . I hope you understand how sorry I am for the days that your name isn’t spoken, for all the moments that just keep going by unnoticed as we are worlds away from each other, i’m so sorry that you don’t get to feel the love of your sister as she warms the house when she comes through the door after school every day . I’m so sorry that you don’t get to continue providing the unconditional love and support that she was blessed with from you.
Most of all, I’m just sorry. In more than 40 years, I’ve never felt anything so unfair and if I live on this earth, another 40 and happen to come across anything that possibly even compares- I would be shocked. It just can’t be possible. For everything that we have been through together I know that there is no way I could’ve ever done it without you and for all that we have yet to find a way to survive I beg that you watch over your sister the most. She needs you so very much And I know that if you had a choice, you would be there for her like you always have been. I love you with everything in my heart and soul and I’m always going to have this enormous hole in me where you should be living. I’m starting to see that now and I need to figure out how we live like this and do better for you and your sister, I have to love her for both of us now, just like she does me, for both of you 😞 she does so good too. I hate that she has to, we all do- even the cats start getting anxious when they don’t have their human to curl up with at night💔 it’s just so obvious how much of a difference you have always made. It’s absolute torment to be left without you in the wake of your powerful inspiration, and the most precious ways you have led so many others to kindness and compassion, and it is one of the reasons of so many reasons that I am proud and privileged to be your mommy. And I will always be yours. I only pray I’m able to use any of the extremely valuable lessons that you taught me to be a better person than I once was, to be good enough not to allow for any further disappointment, not to lose anymore ourselves. I will be forever remorseful that I failed you, I thank God for giving me such a precious little boy I thank God for teaching me, very early on the value of what may not be able to be seen with the eye or heard by ear but what happens when you listen with your heart? Well, that is the magnitude of Malakai 🤍❤️‍🩹🩶

Happy new years warriors 🤍

11/01/2024

I’m so humbled by the love that I’m met with when I find my way back here. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I’ve been gone. I feel so guilty. Like I’m depriving people of Maui, and I am. That baby spent 5 1/2 blessed years🥺 loving me with every single cell in his body, he was nothing; if not pure, unconditional, genuine love🩵… Until he got mad😅. Which was so much less frequently than he had the right to, by far.

We all want to raise kids that we can admire and look up to, my only issue with it is that I would’ve preferred to finish raising him, before I ever had to look up to him or admire him. That was impossible though, really; because from the second I heard that piercing scream echo through Miami Valley hospital’s halls- I was awestruck. I’ve been nothing less than fascinated ever since. Everything they told me, all the fears, the nightmares and anything between.. thank God in most cases they were wrong and, luckily , I didn’t have to face that at birth. Unfortunately, in other cases, they were not wrong, and I carry some significant and lasting trauma from that. From losing him, to not having him here in my arms where he belongs- and as we’re facing the hardest times of our lives I don’t know how I’ll ever be okay again..💔

One thing I DO know is that between Kalla and Mali, I don’t know how I could’ve been blessed more🥹 I’m fighting to hold on as best as I can now with sister and we are working on learning how to love like Maui, while still learning how to tolerate living without him. This might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The quote that comes to mine speaks on the effort it takes to live without someone you love so much.

Since losing the beautiful baby by our side that we have always been so grateful for, every single second and each, and every last breath have been excruciating. We have lost such important and significant parts of our family, parts of ourselves. Parts that we had yet to even realize really and they were gone before we ever had a moment to acknowledge them. I can’t believe I never considered everything that would be changed in his absence…

I guess that’s what it is, I just wish that it wasn’t a loss in every direction that you turn no matter where you look. But that is exactly what it is .. of course, it doesn’t take a genius to know we were never gonna be the same. But this? All this anguish in Mally’s absence is enough to break even the strongest warrior. And I mean break. Because that is exactly what it has done. I have never been more broken, and I couldn’t put into words the extent of the damage that has occurred and just left our family vulnerable too. I’m very upset with myself for not being more aware of that one. As much as I wish I could elaborate, as much as I need to elaborate, I unfortunately cannot. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to come across so cryptically, but there are aspects of our lives that are not very well-known and haven’t been shared. Anyone that’s been around long enough to remember why might be anything I say that comes across that way and why I need to be vague on occasion, thank you for standing by us through all of this and continuing to as we keep trying to determine how to navigate without Mal😔

I’m so sorry that it took me days to post here. This is where it all started I can’t believe that I am just now completing this post and getting ready to upload it days later. I know there are far too many of you sadly that understand. Some things are just too painful. Some things are too much to bear. I will never not be Maui‘s mom. And I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t be.

Therefore my world will consist only of those that are able to honor and respect him and his memory alongside me. I will live in a place where a great many of you are able to help me share the stories of his bravery and the love that he brought into this world. Once I can establish that place, I hope I’m able to start living a bit better. But everything has to start somewhere right? This will be followed by a secondary post that I hope to start the beginning of my feeling and bringing my baby back to my life as well as so many others who loved him.

03/14/2024

How it’s a year of life without you isn’t something my heart can even begin to accept 💔 I can only hope to honor you and try to make you proud. I pray that we can remain strong and feel your love always, you are missed so very much 🥺💔🙏🏼

10/28/2023

Well, this was our birthday without the birthday boy and I’ve survived it enough to share this with you. Please continue to pray for our family as we unfortunately continue to need it. Bless you and we love you all.

08/21/2023

I’m so glad we got the chance to congratulate Cheron, many of you may not know that she was with us that day. I’ll never be able to apologize enough and I can’t tell you how horrible I feel still for what she arrived too. I’m grateful for the understanding and support she has always shown us. I’ve been meaning to post this for a while, but just never feel like I’m finished. I’ve decided to post what I have so far, I don’t usually put things up before I’m finished but this is very important to me.

Not a day goes by I don’t think of every single person on Team Mali. Winter is just around the corner 😭 The frost has returned and as I grabbed my scraper, I was so thankful for Rob. For all the love and support he gave our family. From taking the best care of our handsome hero, to watching out after all of us- even the cats miss him 🥺 Bo Bo is still in the habit of sitting at the door after the sun sets and watches for his car nightly 😔 I’m with him, I miss him having “guys night” in with Mali on the nights we had soccer games 💔 I hated giving up my date nights with my little man, but I was always grateful when Rob cared for him on the evenings I had to.

Miss Tracy was a tremendous gain to our team also. I really have to fight the sadness I feel for the interruption of her care. As with Mali, we didn’t get enough time together, which is so disappointing because of the remarkable support she brought to our home. I’m so grateful for her contribution, the kindness and patience she showed us- even in my most stressful and overwhelming times. I still have a Dr Pepper in the refrigerator with her name on it😅🥺😔 I’m working on getting strong enough to sit together some day so we can look back at these amazing moments that we shared.. 🥺🙏🏼

On some of the hardest days, I come home and wrap myself in a beautiful blanket that reminds me, “Mali is a warrior” and it helps. I just hope our amazing Kristy is doing well. I pray whoever is lucky enough to have her appreciates what they have. That woman really deserves much more credit than she gets and we miss her tremendously. I’ll never be able to thank her enough, after the equipment failure we had… I’ll never forget her saving my son’s life right before my eyes. Thank God we didn’t have to go through this any sooner, I can’t imagine..💔

Speaking of under appreciated, I really hope whoever has our first Christie is grateful, too. One of the original nurses that began TEAM Mali, (once I finally admitted we needed overnight nursing😅😴) this inspirational woman helped teach me so much. Always making sure to provide quality care for my guy; but more than that, she’s one of the best providers I’ve ever come across because of the extent she contributes to the entire home. We’re blessed to have had her walk through all of this with us, I mean ALL of it 🥺💔🙏🏼 I can’t say I’ve ever known nursing duties to include officiating services, but that’s the kind of care we’ve been privileged to have 🥹

As fantastic as our nighttime team has always been; one of the things I miss the most are the mornings. Especially after I drop my little bear off, when I return home. I was always so relieved and grateful to see Miss Mary pulling up, ready to start the day with us and excited to hear how fantastic our guy did overnight. I didn’t realize how much that moment meant to me, I took for granted the pride and satisfaction I felt when I always had wonderful news for her.. 😔I miss the conversations we had, the daily reassurance of someone with shared views and beliefs. We’ve always been so fortunate to have such love and support.

I know this is a long one, and I apologize. From where I sit, my gratitude is still so understated and abbreviated. But I know it always will be with the depth of appreciation I have for every one of these individuals. I hope you all see this, I wish I could convey to all of you exceptional humans, you are a measure of blessing that there are not words for. I pray you all have as much love and support as you have provided us over the years and that each of you are blessed to work where you are needed the most. I hope you’re all where you are needed the most, where you know what a difference you make. My entire life is forever changed because of you. Without the assistance that you each so compassionately provided, I wouldn’t have so many of these beautiful memories to reflect on. I wouldn’t have parts that keep me going, I can’t imagine what we would’ve done without you.

There’s still more to come, this is just the front line. We deeply appreciate every single person that has shared our journey, together. We are all team, Mali. I know he would want it that way. Even if he can’t be with us, I know he would want us to stick together..💔🙏🏼 especially in times like this. When we need each other the most. It’s not easy that’s for sure. I appreciate those who have asked where to donate, I’m humbled by your compassion and generosity.  All of the links listed on each platform are still active, I just ask that you not put yourself out on our behalf. We’re all going through hard times, and we have to stick together to get through them. I continue to be tremendously humbled, your consideration is such a blessing in and of itself. And, of course, without Santiago‘s angels on earth foundation, so much of this would’ve been impossible. To say I’m grateful doesn’t begin to cover it. 

From BOTH of my children and myself, along with the rest of the family: THANK YOU for absolutely everything. Please stay well and blessed and we’ll look forward to seeing you again. Thank you all for everything you’ve done for us and especially for giving us such a great team. So much love, respect and appreciation- with love,
your Warnock warriors. 💟

My love 💔 the Man, the Mal, the legend 💟