04/08/2026
As moms, most of us think back to our middle school years with a cringe. Somehow we got through it (thank goodness, right?) But it’s harder to know what our boys need as they are in the middle of these tough years.
As they grow into young men—with their gangly bodies, cracking voices, and big emotions—it can be tough for us to find common ground and connection as their moms.
As much as I wanted to give up most days during middle school with my twin boys (or ship them off to boarding school), I realized that my sons still needed me as their mom—a lot.
What your son needs during these tough and confusing middle school years.
He needs you to back off
He may remind you daily that “I’m not a little kid anymore, mom!” and it’s true. He’s growing up. Middle school is the perfect time to give him more autonomy over his life. Where you decide to give this independence is up to you, but they need to become responsible for some of their decisions.
We ditched a designated bedtime for our twins in middle school. While we still said “screens off” at 9 pm, they could stay up as late as they wanted. Giving them this freedom helped them learn to manage their own sleep needs, as well as learn the consequences of staying up too late.
I also learned to bite my tongue about fashion choices. If he wants to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt and sport shorts every day, so be it. And I gave up fighting the Battle of the Coat. If they chose to wear a hoodie to school on a -7 degree winter day, the consequence of being cold was on them.
Continued below.