Building a Eucharistic Marriage

Building a Eucharistic Marriage Building a Eucharistic Marriage is a 7 part online program for Catholic couples. The Discovering Our Deepest Desire (D.O.D.D.) The D.O.D.D.

curriculum is not just about strengthening marriages, but it is also about building Marriage Education teams in our church that provide marriage support and encouragement to those in need. It seeks to encourage ongoing support versus a “flash-in-the-pan” approach. Too many people wait too long to get help for their marriage, out of fear of what it will look like to others. Often, couple’s wait until their marriage is in extreme crises or at the end-of-the-rope before finally seeking help; and often, at this point, it is too late. concept is built upon creating ongoing support for couples and for reducing the stigma of marriage education being only for those in trouble. Rather, it should be readily available in our churches in order to help couples grow in and work at their marriage, ongoing, with the support of their faith community.

02/24/2026

Marriage Matters Video #87 -- Forgiveness

Matt. 6: 22-23 – “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but ...
02/24/2026

Matt. 6: 22-23 – “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.”

The eyes are the lamp into the soul. We will either bring goodness, or sin into our soul, based off of what we allow our eyes to gaze upon. We may think that our will is so strong, that watching something that is filled with violence, nudity, evil, and darkness won’t affect us, and that we are just being entertained. However, the more we let these images into our heart and soul, the more they wear on our acceptance of sin, and the more emotionally numb we become to its effects.

One of the areas that is destroying relationships today, is the number of people that allow po*******hy into their lives and, believe it or not, into their bedrooms. Po*******hy has no redeeming value, and is addictive and highly damaging to relationships, and to our own emotional health. The neurochemicals released by the brain, every time po*******hy is viewed, eventually causes a “rewiring of the brain,” that leads to depression and anxiety, as well as addiction, and a need for more depraved forms of p**n to satisfy the addiction. In many ways, scientists have found that it is more addictive than crack-cocaine.

We have to realize that sin flourishes inside of us when we stop fighting back against it. We need to guard our eyes, because when we allow images to “be seen” and they are attached with a strong emotion, they ‘burn’ into our memory and stay with us for a long time. So do we want to remember dark and disturbing images long into the future, or the good, the true, and the beautiful images, that have the potential to strengthen peace, hope, and faith? Guarding our eyes is important for our own wellbeing, as well as our view of the world around us, and our loved ones nearest us.

ACTION STEP: This week, find more opportunities to guard you eyes from dark and sinful images and take more time to gaze upon the things that are true, good, and beautiful.

In a world so filled with visual and auditory stimulations, we are often bombarded by thousands of images and sounds tha...
02/18/2026

In a world so filled with visual and auditory stimulations, we are often bombarded by thousands of images and sounds that encompass our daily experience. Some of these stimuli can be beautiful and uplifting, but many of them often tend to be crude, degrading, perverted, and downright evil. When we invite these images and thoughts into our lives, they have a way of affecting our judgements, feelings, mood, and actions, for good or for ill. They can also greatly damage our relationships with others, especially our spouse.

Over the next several weeks, I will be writing about the danger of not guarding our senses (sight, thoughts, tongue, etc.), or, in other words, not protecting our hearts, and the hearts of others, through monitoring our words, thoughts, and actions. Too often, we can justify the things we watch on the internet, or TV, believing that they are not affecting our moral compass. We can justify the things we say, with the belief that the words are true, whether or not they are stated harshly or with poor timing. We can also justify impure thoughts, with the excuse that we are not outwardly acting upon the thoughts. However, Christ warned us of the damage of this type of action, (Matt. 5:28) “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Over the next several weeks, I want to challenge all of us, me included, to understand the damage that comes from not protecting our senses, and also the power and gift it can be to ourselves and others when we do safeguard them. It takes, not only our own will to do it, but also, and most importantly, our asking God for grace to overcome these temptations we struggle with. We need to have the resolve of believing that in doing so, we are actively protecting ourselves as well as the wellbeing of our spouse and children.

ACTION STEP: This week, start thinking about all the ways you justify allowing sin to enter into your life or how you allow it to come forth from you towards others. Pray for the grace to change these behaviors.

02/11/2026

Marriage Matters Video #86 -- My Gratitude Gift

Our office will be closed on February 16, 2026.
02/10/2026

Our office will be closed on February 16, 2026.

(John 9: 39-41) Then Jesus said, “I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those...
02/10/2026

(John 9: 39-41) Then Jesus said, “I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those who do see might become blind.” Some of the Pharisees who were with him heard this and said to him, “Surely we are not also blind, are we?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you are saying, ‘We see,’ so your sin remains.

I am going to attempt to comment on what I believe this passage is saying and then relate it to marriage. Why? Because that’s what I do. In this passage, Jesus is not solely talking about physical blindness. When referring to the Pharisees, he’s alluding to their spiritual and even moral blindness. The Pharisees are not the innocent blind, willing to accept the testimony of others but rather they refuse to see their long-awaited Savior in front of them because of their arrogance and pride. Their rejection of Christ is their sin and their downfall. Christ spells out the symbolic meaning of the cure: If you allow yourself to admit you don’t know everything, then I (Christ) can teach you something that will help your wellbeing. But because you say ‘We see’ or we know better, you cannot learn, and thus your hearts will not be open to the remedy for your sinful pride. Thus, your sin remains.

In therapy, I often hear the complaint from couples that their spouse informs them that they are wrong as soon as they hear something they don’t like from them. They are quick to argue, and defend, and explain until both end up yelling at each other and then walking away angry. But, when I am able to help couples, in session, really listen to their spouse and to seek understanding, 9 times out of 10, most of them discover that all they are arguing about is the ‘symptoms’ of a situation and not the root cause. They miss the deeper fear, or need, or concern, and thus nothing ever changes. Their problem (sin) remains.

Couples need to stop arguing from their own ‘not-fully-informed’ perception, and truly seek to completely understand each other’s perceptions, root concerns, and needs if they are going to have any progress and healing. But first we have to admit, “I’m blind, and need a cure for my blindness.”

ACTION STEP: This week, take more opportunities to ‘pause’ your reactions to your spouse, and put effort into understanding the ‘root’ fear, need, or concern behind each issue.

01/29/2026

Marriage Matters Video #85 -- Lasting Memories

One of the great destroyers of rebuilding trust in a marriage is when we hide things from our spouse in this process. Tr...
01/20/2026

One of the great destroyers of rebuilding trust in a marriage is when we hide things from our spouse in this process. Transparency is vitally important, especially in today’s culture. Trust is getting harder and harder to rebuild once broken because we live in an age where we can live secret lives and do secret things, through our computer or cell phone that can be erased and denied. Secrets kill, so we need to kill the secrets! If you have been keeping secrets, stop immediately and work to heal and create more transparency in your relationship. If you have not – GREAT! I will also add, don’t start - because this area can become, a very tricky one from which to rebuild trust, even with the best of therapy.

I have seen many couples, one or both persons, who have struggled with having had an inappropriate relationship with another person through Facebook, texting, or through chat rooms, and are savvy enough, to try to get rid of the evidence. The person doing this behavior is creating a pattern from which it can be hard to regain trust, when they do decide to stop, because their spouse may never know if they are truly changing or just getting better at covering their tracks. This can become a struggle for both, even if the offender is really trying to change. It takes a lot more time, effort and, in some cases, a lot of money to really prove that you are truly being transparent and trying to change.

Transparency is your best defense in marriage, right from the beginning. If we are one flesh but feel like our spouse is hiding stuff from us (feelings, relationships, bank accounts, etc.), this will only result in us living a life that is a lie and a mockery of our covenantal oath before God Himself. How can we expect God to bless our vows as we are destroying them! We need to build in firewalls or boundaries into our life that keep an open line of communication with, and a view into our daily events for, our spouse. Trusting our helpmate is critical on this journey toward Heaven!

ACTION STEP: This week, take stock of all the ways you keep things about your life secret from your spouse and consider getting those things out of your life and, if needed, repair the damage that it may have done.

I’ve said to my children on many occasions that unless we are willing to do what is challenging or uncomfortable in life...
01/13/2026

I’ve said to my children on many occasions that unless we are willing to do what is challenging or uncomfortable in life, we will always limit what God can do through us. He can make us so much more than we could ever imagine, through His Grace & love, yet it is when we hide away in our comfort zones and don’t seek to stretch ourselves, that God is limited in working through us because of our resistance. Our marriage calls for us to seek to create a life together that takes the best of who we are and magnify it; that takes the worst of who we are and, with help from our spouse and God, reshape it into something that is life-giving and of value to our family, or maybe even to get that pattern out of our life altogether. For the most part, we are not called to deny or change the “in-born” parts of who we are, but with aspects, such as our personalities, for example, we certainly can seek to control aspects to benefit our spouse and our families.

By nature, I may be a person who needs organization in my life. That’s fine as long as it doesn’t always rule my family by forcing them to be so organized that it stifles their creativity or time to relax. On the other hand, these skills can and should be used to benefit the physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing of the family as a whole. As a couple it would be important to see the value of the organizational skills in things like finances, home order, or even event and time management. If a person has a personality of being more playful, it may be important for them to not always use their jovialness to avoid dealing with problems, but rather consider utilizing humor, at appropriate times, when life seems overwhelming. Their playfulness could also be used in planning vacations or events like family time or date nights.

Too often our differences attract us to each other before marriage and then annoy us during marriage. It is important as a couple to work together in making our individual qualities an asset to our marriage versus a burden. This has much to do with our perspective and desire to open our hearts to the value of what the other person brings to our life, not just before marriage but ongoing throughout.

ACTION STEP: This week, consider both spouses taking a personality assessment and utilizing the information to learn more about each other’s strengths and areas for growing in.

01/07/2026

Marriage Matters Video #84 -- New Year's Pattern

Coming out of years of putting my foot in my mouth in conversations with my wife, I have developed a saying in response ...
12/30/2025

Coming out of years of putting my foot in my mouth in conversations with my wife, I have developed a saying in response to my wife’s frustration, “Listen to what I mean, not what I say.” The first time I used that, my wife was not too happy, and it led to a long discussion. Now that our relationship is much more in sync with each other and we have worked at a better communication style, I use this phrase only to joke around and to get her to laugh when I actually say something without thinking it through and know it was not well received. Then I try again.

What I’ve learned through many mistakes in my marriage is that we need to develop patience and gentleness in our ‘more lively’ discussions. Numerous couples, that I have counseled over the years, have expressed regret over many things that were said in their marital spats and readily admit that it was due to being caught up in the emotion. These thoughtless responses, accusations, and sometimes foul words, mixed with an angry tone, only become memories that spouses find harder to forgive than the original offending actions.

So, my recommendation, first and foremost, is to take a time out when conversations get heated. Calm down and pray for patience, gentleness, and a spirit of understanding. Then when you go back (hopefully not days later) to discuss the issue further, take time to truly hear what is being said and to try to understand your spouse’s intent or meaning behind their words. Take time to think through your responses, and at all cost, say things with gentleness and a desire to build up and not tear down.

ACTION STEP: This week, work at patience, gentleness and a spirit of understanding whenever possible.

12/17/2025

Marriage Matters Video #83 -- Parenting 103

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