Building a Eucharistic Marriage

Building a Eucharistic Marriage Building a Eucharistic Marriage is a 7 part online program for Catholic couples. The Discovering Our Deepest Desire (D.O.D.D.) The D.O.D.D.

curriculum is not just about strengthening marriages, but it is also about building Marriage Education teams in our church that provide marriage support and encouragement to those in need. It seeks to encourage ongoing support versus a “flash-in-the-pan” approach. Too many people wait too long to get help for their marriage, out of fear of what it will look like to others. Often, couple’s wait until their marriage is in extreme crises or at the end-of-the-rope before finally seeking help; and often, at this point, it is too late. concept is built upon creating ongoing support for couples and for reducing the stigma of marriage education being only for those in trouble. Rather, it should be readily available in our churches in order to help couples grow in and work at their marriage, ongoing, with the support of their faith community.

How often in life do we find ourselves slipping into a state of complacency in any one area of our life: our job, our fa...
11/12/2025

How often in life do we find ourselves slipping into a state of complacency in any one area of our life: our job, our faith, our friendships, and our marriage. With everything we have going on in our life and with all the stress we have coming at us, we often find ourselves going into ‘auto pilot’ in any one, or most of these areas of our life, out of routine or out of necessity. We trust that our boss, our friends, our spouse and even God will understand the lackluster effort I am able to give right now because I have been so faithful for so long. Or so we think.

Then we start to realize how other people seem to be taking us for granted and not putting a lot in their relationship with us: no praise at work, no calls from our buddies asking how we are doing, no flowers from or no date nights with our spouse. In time, we feel like life is ‘stuck in a rut’ and our frustration with this often leads to discontent and agitated interactions with each other. Where this is most dangerous is when complacency happens in our marriage and our faith. If our marriage and prayer-life is suffering, it will affect every other area of life. Why, because these two are (or should be) the most intimate of relationships.

I challenge all who are reading this to consider striving harder to be more intentional and aware in understanding and refreshing those areas of your marriage and faith life that have become routine or commonplace. Seek to find new ways to intentionally think about your spouse and plan dates and fun things to do together. Put more effort into special day like their birthday or your anniversary. Consider getting off of your phone more or off social media more and just spending time walking and talking together or playing games.

With your relationship with God, seek more times of silence where you can just pray and have a conversation with Him. Make more time for going to church, reading Scripture, or doing works of mercy and love for your ‘neighbors’ and the world around you.

ACTION STEP: This week (and this year), spend time recognizing the areas of complacency in your life, and set a plan in motion to change that behavior!

Building a Eucharistic Marriage Course is coming to the St. Margaret of York Catholic Parish in Loveland, Ohio.
11/10/2025

Building a Eucharistic Marriage Course is coming to the St. Margaret of York Catholic Parish in Loveland, Ohio.

11/10/2025

Marriage Matters Video #81 -- Parenting 101

In every challenge of life, we have choices. Choices to act, react, or do nothing. Some actions are wise and some are un...
11/04/2025

In every challenge of life, we have choices. Choices to act, react, or do nothing. Some actions are wise and some are unwise; some actions are thought through and some come out of pure emotion; some actions are selfish and some are selfless, and the list goes on. The reality is that, even with the best of intentions, we all are going to make mistakes throughout our life. It’s not a question of if, but when. But the greater question is: “What are you going to do with the consequences – learn and grow or grumble and look for someone or something else to blame?”

We all make mistakes in life, but the question we all need to answer is: “Are the mistakes made in life, especially in marriage, going to make us better or bitter?” Many couples that I work with in therapy often don’t learn from their mistakes, have tons of excuses for their actions, refuse to apologize, and are incredulous when their spouse won’t just “let it go and move on.” But we can’t just ‘move on’ because there is a lingering fear that the hurtful behavior will happen again and again. When actions, that are unhelpful to our relationship, don’t change, because of our stubbornness and pride, there is strong tendency for spouses to become hopeless and bitter.

God calls us to be ‘help-mates’ to our spouse, which necessitates our willingness to learn from our mistakes and to work to improve from them for the sake of the wellbeing of our marriage. We are called to apologize and to improve and to see this as a positive, and ultimately to become better. Combining lives together requires a willingness to work together, to learn, and to grow. This is an opportunity to stretch ourselves and develop; to become better. But, when we are self-focused, at the expense of our spouse, we encourage bitterness.

So, again, is our marital trials inspiring humility and growth, or pride and frustration, to becoming better or bitter. My encouragement is that our ‘sacrament of sacrifice,’ our marriage, has the great blessing of challenging us to be better, but only if we work at it.

ACTION STEP: This week, seek to learn from mistakes rather than deflecting the blame and learn how to become better in, at least, one area of your relationship.

10/28/2025

Marriage Matters Video #80 -- AI Don't Fly

10/28/2025

Marriage Matters Video #79 -- Change

Alarm goes off, you drag yourself out of bed, get ready for work, have some coffee, go to work and stay there for 8 hour...
10/28/2025

Alarm goes off, you drag yourself out of bed, get ready for work, have some coffee, go to work and stay there for 8 hours (if you’re lucky), head home to change then run kids to soccer/volleyball/dance/you name it, get home and eat dinner, wash dishes, fall asleep in the first seat you sit in, then drag yourself to bed. Next day, start all over again. Weekends can even feel more overwhelmingly busy with tournaments, endless housework, and other commitments. Sound familiar? The daily grind can be just that: grinding and toilsome. If we are not careful, we will go through several weeks before we get a break from the monotony.

So many couples that come to see me in therapy often can’t find time for or have lost the ability for having fun in their relationship. The amount of responsibility and struggles in life often cause them to struggle in getting their own needs met and have time to relax, which leads to spousal struggles due to being disconnected, frustrated, tired, etc. This is all the more reason I strongly encourage couples to make time, at least once a month, to go on a date. Time to connect, have uninterrupted conversation, woo each other, and hopefully have some fun.

However, many couples often go out on a date and spend more time working through problems and dealing with heavy issues, that the date ends up feeling more like a burden. When I work with couples who are struggling in their relationship, I often give them homework to spend time everyday checking in with each other and dealing with the day-to-day problems so that the problems don’t multiply and swallow them up and ruin their times of dating. Then, I also prescribe for them to go on a date where they are not to talk about all their life burdens and just do something fun, silly, or out of the ordinary. We do have to work out the problems in marriage, but if we stay only in the negative, it will drag us down into the realm of hopelessness. We have to regularly just go and do something fun and out of the ordinary to reignite that deeper part of ourselves that gets lost in the ‘weeds.’ It’s also great to learn how to have ‘little moments’ of fun every day, to keep our sense of joy.

ACTION STEP: This week, set a date to do something fun and out of the ordinary, and then let your inner light find a time and place to shine.

This week, I would like to give some tips on handling finances better as a couple, since this is one of the hot-button t...
10/22/2025

This week, I would like to give some tips on handling finances better as a couple, since this is one of the hot-button topics for many couples (Note: This list is not exhaustive):

1. United we stand, divided we fall – It is important to work together and work hard at coming to agreements when it comes to spending, saving, giving, and managing our accounts.
2. Different bank accounts may sound wise, but it often causes division – Arguments often arise about ‘paying your fair share,’ mystery or concern about how the other is using their money, lack of transparency which can lead to being suspicious of one another.
3. Tithing is vital and is relationship strengthening when you decide on it and implement it together – You can’t outgive God.
4. Understand each other’s philosophy and expectations when it comes to money and why that is important to them – Understand but don’t ridicule it. There are deep reasons people have fears, concerns, and struggles when it comes to money.
5. Live within your means – Hopefully this is self-explanatory.
6. Budgeting with accounting for each other’s different needs is extremely important – We have to know what is coming in and going out if we are to survive financially. We need to have a plan to save and enjoy our money and not always be burdened with an out-of-control financial ‘windfall.’
7. Both individuals need to have a role in dealing with finances – No one person should have total control or there will again be frustration and suspicion that will arise. Both should have a role, and both should be able to see what money is coming in and going out. (Different roles include paying bills, balancing checkbook, online payment management, monitoring checking account, etc.).
8. Couples need to set boundaries and honor them when it comes to letting each other know when they spend over an agreed upon amount of money ($20, $50, $100 or whatever is comfortable to you based off your income, budgetary, and personal needs).

Again, this isn’t everything there is to be working together on your finances, but these are some key ones that I have had to address with couples over the years.

ACTION STEP: This week, consider working on a budget together or updating the budget you already have. Don’t let money divide you but seek to work to respect each other’s financial needs.

(1647) The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the ...
10/22/2025

(1647) The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament of Matrimony, the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning.”

Through our own marital fidelity to our spouse, we have the ability of testifying to our belief in God’s fidelity and His Covenant of love with us. Our sacramental marriage is a microcosm of the heavenly marriage between Christ and His bride, the Church. As Christ is faithful to us throughout history, on a grand scale, so we too are called to be faithful in our own marital commitment with our earthly spouse.

In spite of what the world around us is teaching about love, our willingness to be faithful, through sacramental graces, in good times and bad, sickness and health, times of wealth and times of poverty, until death, can be a true witness of Christ and His love for us to those who are searching. We bear witness to those around us that, “through Christ, all things are possible.” It is also an enormous witness to our children when they see us truly living out our fidelity each day, especially when we are faced with extremely difficult moments when our marriage has been severely broken.

God never gives up on us or our marriage. When we choose to stay faithful in our marriage and work to strengthen and enliven it every day, through God’s grace, we bear witness to each other, to our children and to the world that God is real and is the source of all love. It is in this resolve to ensure the indissolubility of our marriage that our love for each other “receives a new and deeper meaning.”

ACTION STEP: This week, discuss with your spouse new ways you can enliven your marital experience and show marital joy to those around you.

(1646) “By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the...
10/22/2025

(1646) “By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’ The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demands total fidelity from the spouses and requires an unbreakable union between them.

This passage calls married couples, as Christ called them, to a nuptial covenant that is unbreakable and a life-long commitment of mutual charity (Matt. 19:6 – “They [man and wife] are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”). Why? Because, “love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’”

God loves us and despite our failures, He constantly fulfills His covenant of love by calling us back to Him and NEVER giving up on us. We too are called to this same kind of love with our spouse; to love them in spite of their failures and to work together to grow, improve and heal. Our actions have consequences, some good, some bad, and some are neutral. So, when we make the marital promise of ‘until death do us part,’ we are opening the door for our spouse to feel secure in sharing their heart or deepest parts of themselves, which can be very scary. Their security depends on this fidelity. Our kids also need this same kind of security in their parents, whom they love and learn from on how to love in a safe and committed way. This is why the passage states that our inviolable fidelity is vital for the “good of the children.” Without this fidelity, hearts and lives are often damaged.

This passage is a beautiful reminder that the consequence of our marital vow is a demand for total fidelity. And through that covenant, we have the grace-filled promise of Christ, as He was instituting the Heavenly Nuptial Feast here on earth at the Last Supper, that He will “not leave you orphans; He will come to you [through the Advocate or Holy Spirit].” We have Christ as the source of our marital strength, ready to help us and guide us if we are willing to seek Him out.

ACTION STEP: This week, seek ways to strengthen your marital fidelity through doing a ‘marital examination of conscience’ or through prayer, together with your spouse, asking for God’s grace to strengthen your marital bond.

Again, I would like to turn your attention back to two more passages from the Catechism (CCC) and then follow up over th...
09/30/2025

Again, I would like to turn your attention back to two more passages from the Catechism (CCC) and then follow up over the next couple of weeks to reflect on them. This week, I encourage you to read these passages below together with your spouse and then both reflect on what part of it stood out to each of you and why.

(1646) “By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’ The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them.

(1647) The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament of Matrimony, the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning.”

ACTION STEP: This week, read the passages together and reflect on what stands out to each of you and how you feel it applies to your life and your marriage. (Again, I will be giving some thoughts about it over the next couple weeks).

(1641) "By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the Peo...
09/17/2025

(1641) "By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God. This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple's love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children.

Too often we enter into marriage, walk through the changes, and struggle with the problems as if it is all on us to make the marriage work. We often wait until things get really uncomfortable before we seek direction and help. But God wants so much more for us and is always calling us to seek His assistance.

As stated in this passage, our marital covenant comes with “special gifts” of grace that are specific to our needs as a married couple. God wants to give us grace at every moment and in every circumstance, but often we don’t ask Him for it, and He won’t force it on us. I often encourage couples to pray for God’s grace in every aspect of their lives and to be open to whatever He wants to show them, teach them, or give them in any particular situation. This can be hard at times since we often pray with an expectation of God to answer our prayer in the way we would like it answered. But God knows best what we need in any situation, even if the answer is ‘no’ or ‘not now.’

But as this passage states, through His grace, God wants to shower on us assistance in “attaining holiness” in married life and in being open to having and raising Godly children. God wants our marriage to succeed and grow in love and peace even more than we do. But we have to be willing to let go of having a ‘my will’ mentality and be open to having a ‘Thy Will’ approach. And the success of this way depends on our willingness to ask for the grace and to be docile to the Will of God.

ACTION STEP: This week, seek more as individuals and as a couple to ask for God’s grace in the critical areas of your marriage and family life.

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