Heartwork Counseling Center

09/22/2023

I've seen this with people running long-distance races. Whenever they hear people in the crowd cheering them on, they rally and pick up the pace. This is also true for more day-to-day tasks.

When a student is studying for a big test it's nice to take a short break when a parent or friend checks in with them to see how it's going, and encouraging them with the words, "You're working hard, you’re doing a good job."

Just as other people can give you emotional support, you can encourage yourself.

As you work on your project, take a periodic break, pat yourself on the back, and remind yourself "You got this!" Your confidence can help!

09/21/2023

When Jennifer takes her walk, she nods or smiles to anyone who makes eye-contact with her. Once someone asked her, "Why do you do this? You don't know me."

And she answered "We are both in the same community. I'm glad to show you some friendliness." and the person accepted this with a smile.

Human beings, and all mammals, have a need to be social. The small acknowledgements of other people help us get the socializing that we need to be emotionally healthy.

Making eye contact is a great way to do a brief bit of socializing. It opens us for an exchange with others.

09/19/2023

We don't meet face-to-face as much as we used to. We don't spend as much time looking into each other's eyes when we talk with them.

The creators of cell phones understand the value of social interaction.

In their homes, they have a place to collect cell phones when family members come home. This allows for real family time, where people look at each other and talk to each other, strengthening family ties.

Being with friends without cell phones changes the experience from parallel play to greater social involvement.

This builds friendships and social skills and adds to the enjoyment of each other.

09/17/2023

You will also have losses in your relationship with your body- slowing down, changes in balance, vision, hearing.

You may also have to deal with surgeries and getting used to new aches and pains in addition to the old ones.

These can help you age well:
- Regular exercise helps you stay active and handle the stresses in your life
- Get enough rest
- Eat well
- Visit your doctor for regular appointments
- Do what you love
- Stay connected to people you care about
- Fill your senses with things that smell good, are lovely to look at, feel good to the touch, sound good to your ear
- Learn something new
- Enjoy the moment!

09/15/2023

Their grades may drop and they may withdraw, spending less time with parents and siblings.

As parents start dating after the divorce, they dash any hopes the children have that their parents will reconcile, and they feel hurt.

As you start to date, remember to consider your children and remind them that they won't be forgotten.

It will be helpful for you to wait until you’ve developed a stable relationship before introducing a new person to your children.

Young children may have concrete questions to answer.

Older children need to be reassured that their complicated feelings are understandable, and that, although they need to be respectful of this new person, they can develop feelings of caring in their own time.

09/14/2023

Making physical contact with others through hugs, handshakes or a pat on the back reminds us that we are connected to others.

When we don't get enough physical touch, our bodies produce less Oxytocin, the hormone that triggers us to feel happy.

Elderly, ill or home-bound people may be isolated and in danger of being "Touch Deprived", also called "Touch Starved'.

Lack of touch stresses us out and may contribute to anxiety and depression.

Some things that help with Touch Deprivation are:
- Getting a pet will give you a living being to touch.
- Singing, dancing and telling jokes will raise your oxytocin levels, helping you feel better.
- Joining on-line classes
Chatting with friends online, seeing as well as hearing them.

09/06/2023

Sometimes it's easy to forget that you are one of a kind. But you are. We're all special like snowflakes in that way. I'm sure you've heard that snowflakes are unique. Of all the possible designs, each snowflake has its own one. It's part of their exciting and fragile beauty.

Well, that's true for people too. We also see the world in our own unique way. If you had parents who raised you to encourage you to shine just like the snowflake, you may have the opportunity to show your world your fragile beauty.

If somehow your parents failed to do that, it's possible for you to learn to shine by going to counseling or therapy and getting some help.

Look forward to you knowing about your specialness.

09/01/2023

Children need the backing of their parents to happily grow and develop.

With a divorce, they are left with unanswered questions, and worries. Who will they live with? Will they have to move and change schools? Will their parents stop loving them too?

The difficulties are compounded if parents use the children to punish their ex-spouse by sabotaging visitation or lying to them. This adds to their confusion, disappointment and hurt.

Parents can make the decision to share parenting and maintain communication to help their children adjust to this difficult change and move forward in their lives.

Counseling can be helpful for guidance at this time.
And if you’re going through a divorce and need some extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out.

08/31/2023

When a couple divorces they are faced with the failure of their relationship and their inability to continue to love and value each other as they once did.

The spouse who initiates the break-up has been in pain. If their partner wasn’t aware of this, they will be shocked and lost when they hear the news.

In addition, if the spouse went outside the marriage to get their emotional needs met, the partner may be deeply hurt, confused and in need of support.

Each partner deals with the grief and pain of the past as well as the uncertainty that the future holds.

It is a difficult journey through uncharted territory.

In a future piece, I’ll write about how divorce affects the children of the family.

And if you’re going through a divorce and need some extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out.

08/30/2023

Well, it is. We're all like snowflakes in this way!

I'm sure you've heard that snowflakes are one of a kind. Of all of the possible designs, each snowflake has its own. It's part of their exciting and fragile beauty.

That's true for people too. Our individual genetics means we are born with different qualities than anyone else.

We're all human, but with an individual twist of how we look, our potential height and weight and how our insides function.

If you have been raised by parents who encouraged you to shine, just like the snowflake, you'll have the opportunity to show the world your exciting and fragile beauty.

How nice that you're uniquely you!

08/25/2023

You may be in a crisis or preparing for a new venture.

You may have had an argument with a loved one or dealing with an illness in the family.

During these times, it is good to have a listener who is not involved in your personal life so they don't have their own agenda as they hear you.

These are times when a psychotherapist can be helpful.

A therapist knows how to listen and ask questions to help you to sort things out.

They can help you get clear about your thoughts and what you are feeling, helping you get grounded so you can move forward.

If you think sharing your thoughts with a therapist would be helpful, don’t hesitate to reach out.

08/24/2023

Structure helps children learn their boundaries, and that the world is a predictable place. When a mother plays Peek-a-boo with her baby, she is helping him learn Structure.

Nurture helps children learn that they are loveable. When a daddy pets his beautiful baby, he is helping them learn Nurture.

Engagement helps children learn about playfulness and enjoyment and feeling safe. When a daddy tosses his baby in the air and catches her, he is helping her with engagement.

Challenge helps children know that they are competent. It builds confidence. When a mommy encourages her toddler to take their first steps, "Come on, You can do it", she is helping him with Challenge.

08/19/2023

You can do these to help lower your risk:

-Develop a positive attitude toward aging. Remember that “age is just a number”.
-Stay connected to friends and family. They can nurture and encourage you.
-Regular exercise (3 x per week for 30 minutes) can protect you from conditions that raise your risk for dementia.
-Quit smoking and limit alcohol
-Notice memory loss, confusion or difficulty concentrating
-Keep your brain active - play word games and puzzles, learn an instrument, take classes
-Get your hearing checked. Hearing loss leads to social isolation and difficulty processing sounds.
-Sit less. Shift to standing or walking periodical
-Laugh more and do the things that make you happy.

08/18/2023

You can make your new home inviting by combining old favorite things with new touches. Take a walk around your property and stake your emotional claim on it.

What does your new neighborhood have in store for you?

Where are the shops? Libraries? Gyms?

Where are the places to go for a good cup of coffee or an ice cream?

Local newspapers and libraries have information about activities. Meetup.com also helps you know about the goings-on in your area.

Don't forget to be kind to yourself.

Moves are stressful and some TLC is always helpful. It won't be long before you've made some memories in this new place and it begins to feel more like home.

08/17/2023

No matter the reason for the move, you are in the position of having to say good-bye to people and things you've come to care about, leaving the home that's been yours and saying good-bye to your old haunts.

Preparing for a move, you'll have to decide what to take with you and what to leave behind.

As you prepare to go to a new place, learn about the neighborhoods you may want to live in.

Where are the grocery stores, restaurants, houses of worship? Where can you find good schools? Where are parks and places to walk or bike?

Even as you grieve what you're leaving behind, it's helpful to stay open to the new and different Hellos that come in your new location. You can do this!

08/17/2023

The Goodbyes and Hellos of a Long-Distance Move

Hi, I'm Linda Weiskoff, sharing a bit about the goodbyes and hellos of making a long-distance move.

Moves are difficult! People relocate for many reasons: a new job, job transfer, being closer to family, seeking adventure, or countless other motivations. Whatever your reason, moving means saying goodbye to people and places you love, leaving behind your familiar home, habits, and hangouts. Preparing for a move also involves decisions about what to carry with you and what to leave behind. But even amidst the goodbyes, you carry your memories with you.

As you get ready for your new destination, there are many things to consider. Do you want to secure housing before moving, or would you prefer temporary housing until you find a more permanent home? Which neighborhoods appeal to you? Where are the grocery stores, restaurants, and places of worship? Which areas have the best schools if you have children? Would you like proximity to parks and green spaces? And as you mourn what you've left behind, how can you remain receptive to the new experiences and "hellos" awaiting you?

Continue reading:

Moves are difficult! People relocate for many reasons: a new job, job transfer, being closer to family, seeking adventure, or countless other motivations.

08/11/2023

When you recognize that you’re feeling anxious, ask yourself questions about it.

What am I trying to accomplish or why am I having a difficult time, or what are the demands that are causing the feeling now?

When have I felt this way before? How did I deal with the anxiety then?

Let yourself be clear about what you’re hoping to achieve and focus on moving in that direction. Feel free to encourage yourself. What can you tell yourself that would encourage you to move forward?

For example “You got this!” and “You’ve done hard things before!”

Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that most people go through this from time to time.