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What are the chances that a relationship and especially a marriage will always feel good? Close to no chance. The fact is that all relationships require a turnaround and/or adjustment from time to time.
Why? People change, life changes, needs change and who we are changes over time. Thus, the relationship and marriage must change to keep up with the new circumstances, demands and expectations.
This video discusses how to adjust and what we can all do to actively save, turnaround, promote and thrive in our relationships and marriage.
What are the chances that a relationship and especially a marriage will always feel good? Close to no chance. The fact is that all relationships require a turnaround and/or adjustment from time to time.
Why? People change, life changes, needs change and who we are changes over time. Thus, the relationship and marriage must change to keep up with the new circumstances, demands and expectations.
This video discusses how to adjust and what we can all do to actively save, turnaround, promote and thrive in our relationships and marriage.
Have you ever struggled to feel connected with your spouse? If you have been married long enough, it certainly will happen with work, stress, parenting, and lack of consistent dating.
If so, watch this and start building connection (warmth) towards one another to reestablish and strengthen your connection over time. It took time to connect when you first met and will take time now (with the right action) to reconnect again.
If you are only slightly disconnected, this should work almost immediately or take consistency to work over time. I pray that this blesses you.
https://fb.watch/cOAmbGplPt/
In this marriage podcast episode, the founders of A Weekend For Love Marriage Retreat, discuss how to prepare for marriage and make the needed changes to make it work.
Two couples sat down, Dr. Alduan Tartt & Mecca Tartt and Dewayne (Fredrick) Gainey & Michelle Gainey, to discuss how their marriage started and the changes that were needed to stay together happily and avoid divorce.
How Do You Make Marriage Work? Simple answer...you have to change for one another for the good of the marriage.
In psychology, we call this an "accommodation" where both partners willingly make changes towards their partner's desires so that both can be happy.
In marriage, it is necessary to keep score of marital satisfaction so that both husband and wife feel mutually satisfied and both needs are meet simultaneously. In order to make changes fast enough, here are three tips:
1) Check in weekly or monthly to assess the state of union (marriage). Ask each other what is working and what could work better.
2) Develop a mindset to express your feelings, needs and wants in a positive yet direct way real time to avoid becoming privately bitter, resentful or feeling neglected.
3) Take action quickly on moving towards your partner so that they can see how much care for them and problems don't pile up. Don't focus on trying to be perfect but rather, making perfect adjustments.
Your marriage needs all the retreats, prayer, counseling, encouragement and support it needs to make it not only work but thrive!
Dr. Alduan Tartt and Mecca Tartt discuss a video discussing "Are There Enough Black Men To Marry?" that aired. We reviewed the US Census data that detailed that close to 83% of African-American women are married or have been married at least once by age 55 and over.
So, there is a lot of hope for women when it comes to finding love, commitment and marriage despite what you may have heard. Yes, the male to female ratio for African-Americans is certainly not even but it is more encouraging than the negative reports that float so pervasively in the media.
Also, evaluating men as "marriage eligible" based on educational degrees and finances solely is offensive to men. What about characteristics that actually matter in a relationship (yes, finances is one but is not the end all be all or even the most important one).
Husbands and Wives took a survey (His Needs Her Needs) of the top five characters they wished for most in a spouse. Use this list to properly conduct your search for a husband or wife versus the very sensitive and largely offensive topic of finances. We also added in the top five characteristics wives look for too to keep it even.
Here is a quick summary of each factor:
What Wives Want in A Husband
1) Affection- Can you touch me and make me feel connected?
2) Conversation- Can we share our world with one another and have fun, stimulating, deep conversations with one another often?
3) Openness & Honesty- Can you open up about your shortcomings as a man and own your mistakes. Can you possess great character? ..
Read more here
https://www.drtartt.com/single-post/are-there-enough-black-men-to-marry-5-qualities-men-desire-in-a-wife-and-vice-versa
Shaquille O'Neal opens up about not being the best husband and what it cost him.
I share my thoughts about Shaq's transparency and what we all can learn from his pain relative to break up, divorce and not seeing his kids daily. He realized his flaws too late to avoid pain and heartache.
Three points...quickly:
1) Relationships should be based on mutual satisfaction based on how well you love one another, not just one person doing all of the giving while the other takes.
2) Marriage is about making "points" or constant emotional deposits into your relationship so that it feels good continuously. If the long term score of the marriage is 45-6, eventually the giver of the 45 realizes that he/she needs to go to avoid feeling like -39 in the relationship.
It is better to be alone and even with yourself than -39 with another person. Ouch!
3) Love yourself enough to leave when you realize that the score is what it is. You are in a relationship with someone who is either unwilling or unable to love you the way you deserve. Honor your self-esteem and ask them to change and leave if they refuse or cannot. Otherwise, you are staying in misery forever. That is not God. That is emotional neglect.
4) What is the score in your relationships? Are you loving towards your dad, bonus mom/dad, mom, son, daughter, sister, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, employees, employer, etc.?
You need to know the score so you know when to step or ask for your spouse to step up before it is too late.
I pray this heals versus hurts. God Bless!
Join me this Saturday as I host a panel discussion on Fatherhood & Mental Health with Dear Fathers & Atlanta Hawks pre-game before they face the Brooklyn Nets.
We will address "What men should do when triggered" in reaction to the Will Smith & Chris Rock incident and how to achieve mental wellness AND how to model and teach mental health for our sons and daughters. It will be a good time and I'll get to do a little group therapy with some talented brothers!
Special guests include Carl Anthony Payne II, Ryan Wilson & Jay Nicks and host James Meeks. Come to the panel pre-game at 5:45 and stay for the game at 7:30pm. Find out more here
https://dearfathers.com/dear-fathers-night/
The Science of Making Yourself Happy Even When You Don’t Feel Like It:
Listen, these days, you have to make yourself be happy because life can throw curve balls at anytime and it has. So, let’s do something about it!
In this video, I literally show you how your approach to life and mindset might be causing your circumstances and making you unhappy. Then, I’ll give you real answers for how to make yourself happier…now.
Here are a few tips:
1) Avoid seeking happiness in the future or in a goal. If you delay happiness, it will become a habit and you will never find it because you have a “delay mindset”. Also, once you hit the goal you will then look for “what’s next” & chase vs. feel happiness.
2) Avoid the YOLO mindset (You Only Live Once) as a lifestyle. What you do today (drugs, eat badly, smoke, sell drugs, unprotected s*x, slap somebody at the Oscars lol, tell an off color joke, etc.) will come back to cost you future happiness.
3) Avoid just sitting in your sorry life. If you dislike your job/life now and it has no future payoff that will make you happy later, you are slowly dying inside my friends. The technical term is nihilism. You will get depressed.
4) Avoid talking about what you “are going to do” and actually do it now.
5) We are what we do not what we say we are going to do. So…
6) Make happiness a HABIT by scheduling it into your week. If you hate going to work and back home then schedule Zumba, the movies, dinner with friends, a date, catch a game, etc. on your way home once or twice a week.
7) Only do what makes you happy now and later in all things that you do as often as you can. Example- go to school for culinary arts and be a chef your entire life/own a restaurant later.
😎 Surround yourself with happy people so you can catch their energy. Energy is contagious. Happy evoked happy just like misery loves company.
9) Intentionally pick an area of your life to flourish in that can pay off in a HUGE way. Start that podcast, do the body makeover, lift weights, start that business, plan a dope vacation with your spouse and find a way to do business where you vacation, etc. Do something with the potential to be BIG to boost your hope.
Ok, that should keep you busy and happier. God Bless!
Breaking Down Both Will Smith & Chris Rock Dealing With Mental Illness:
Did you know that Chris Rock was diagnosed with NVLD (Nonverbal Learning Disability) which is similar to Aspergers where you struggle to read, understand and respond appropriately to social cues?
There are many people who are intellectually gifted but socially challenged, and they struggle in interpersonal relationships. This explains a lot about his miscues at the Oscars and interpersonal challenges in relationships.
Meanwhile Will:
Will is obviously dealing with childhood trauma, impulse control issues, marital stress and overall stress which all cascaded into acting out against Chris Rock.
He explains in his book, “Will”, how he labeled himself as a “coward” for not being able to stop his father from physically abusing his mom and how he created two personas to cope:
1) Uncle Fluffy- the lovable guy everyone laughs with
2) The General- the aggressive protector of his family and ego when teased
This is a form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which affects so many men and women who have witnessed violence and s*xual abuse.
How sad is it that both disorders collided on the biggest stage for the world to see?
It shows that even Black men at the highest of success levels are struggling with mental illness or at least “not being okay”.
Brothers, it’s okay to deal with your stuff proactively before it deals with you. 1 in 3 people have experienced trauma in their life. It’s common and will not go away with just time. It will continue to resurface until treated.
Come talk about your stress, trauma and social issues and gain control of it so it doesn’t control you and cost you. Love you brothers!
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