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Dr Colette Lord: Trauma Therapist

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Dr Colette Lord: Trauma Therapist

Colette Lord, PhD - EMDR Therapy for trauma/complex PTSD & Transgender Affirmative Therapy. Page is

12/28/2024

The difference between fragile and sensitive is something that has been coming up for me with clients lately, so I thought it might be a good idea to discuss here as well.

I think often in our culture we equate sensitivity with fragility, but this is not necessarily true.

People who are sensitive often feel things deeply, so their reactions might be more intense or bigger than others.

This does not mean that they cannot handle those emotions, it is often those around them who struggle to handle their emotional expression.

Just because they feel deeply and have a big reaction doesn’t mean they are fragile and incapable of handling the big emotions. Sometimes this is a misinterpretation from those around them and their own discomfort.

12/26/2024

Just a little glimpse of Sadie enjoying her holiday 💖🐾

12/25/2024

We don’t talk nearly enough about the later stages of healing when you are aware of your unhealthy patterns and how you are trying to be healthier and then you are faced with a gray area, where you can see that it might be healthy, or it might be old patterns.

This is a totally legitimate quandary and often the answer is that there may be elements of both the healthy new learning and unhealthy old patterns that might be getting activated.

If you have someone who knows you and is a healthy sounding board, it can be helpful to get an outside opinion. A therapist is a good bet for this one.

And if you don’t have that or are trying to figure things out in the moment, I will encourage my clients to lean into the healthy side.

When you feel a pull towards old patterns and learning, that is a yellow flag to slow down. And when in doubt lean towards the option that is supported by your new knowledge and how you are trying to show up differently in the world.

And no matter what you choose, remember that this is all about learning and growing. You will not do this perfectly; in fact you cannot do it perfectly. This is a perfect time to practice some self-compassion.
You can do this.

12/21/2024

When you’ve experienced attachment or developmental trauma, part of healing is grieving the life you wish you had or how your life might have been if your childhood had been different.

It is normal to struggle with the unfairness or injustice of not getting the childhood or parents that you should have had.

It’s normal to be angry at having to heal what you did not cause and that others refuse to acknowledge.

12/16/2024

As I deepen my work with chronically ill and disabled folks I am also working to deepen my understanding of ableism and my own internalized ableist learning.

One thing I’ve learned and wish to pass on to you today how the polite, getting to know you question of “so what do you do for a living?” is problematic.

This question presumes that the person you are asking is able to work.

Why do we assume this? Partly you can thank capitalism’s teaching that our value and worth is solely determined by our work and productivity.

But aren’t so much more than this?

This question also presumes that the person you are talking to is able to work.

This is a bold assumption as so many disabilities are invisible. And many of the folks that I work.

Due to internalized ableism, they may feel a lot of shame and embarrassment when asked this question.

So maybe let’s give some thought to other questions we might ask someone when making small talk or getting to know them. Here are a few off the top of my head:

What are you up to?

What are you passionate about?

Read any good books lately?
What do you do for fun?

What are you most excited about right now?

12/14/2024

This time of year, you hear a lot about gratitude and practicing an attitude of gratitude.

I know this can be triggering for some folks, but having a gratitude practice can be very beneficial to one’s health and I want to share why that is. But first, let’s talk about what gratitude is not.

A gratitude practice is not about forcing yourself to be grateful for things you are not in fact grateful for.

It’s also not about pretending the hard things don’t exist, that’s toxic positivity.

A gratitude practice can be powerful as our brains naturally operate from a stance of confirmation bias or looking for evidence that confirms what we already believe. So if you believe you are failure, then your brain is paying attention to evidence that supports that belief and may not notice evidence to the contrary.

This confirmation bias is also more pronounced when you have a mental illness such as depression, anxiety or PTSD.

So when we engage in a gratitude practice we are purposely searching for the things in our lives for which we are grateful, not relying on our brains to automatically notice these things.

Most of us have things we can be grateful for, no matter how small. This might be for the sun shining, the taste of your morning coffee, the smile of a cashier, or the smell of rain.

Noticing these things makes it easier to notice others and is likely to result in a less bleak outlook on your life.

12/13/2024

When doing work with trauma, we often talk about trauma time.

Trauma time refers to how people (or parts/alters) who’ve gone through trauma can get stuck in thinking and reacting as though they are still in that period of their lives when the trauma was actively occurring.

This can range from a full reliving, such as a flashback, to seeing others as dangerous (like the abusers), or feeling really young (like you were when the was occurring).

Trauma time is feeling like you are still there-and-then, instead of here-and-now.
One way to cope with this is to help your nervous system reconnect with the here-and-now by utilizing time orientation skills.

This involves reminding yourself of how different things are in the here-and-now, compared to the there-and-then.
There are several different categories of time orientation skills: time, distance, power, choice, & comfort.

In the category of time this might look like reminding yourself how old you are now, reminding yourself what year it is, or how many years it’s been since you got out of that traumatizing situation.
Brainstorm ideas of what might remind you of how much time has passed since the trauma.

Maybe it's looking at your driver’s license or ID card, maybe it's a degree/certificate/title you’ve earned since that time.

Maybe look at your cell phone at the date.

Maybe it's noticing if your ears are pierced, you wear a wedding ring, or some other adult form of jewelry.

Do you carry a wallet/purse of an adult or a child?

Maybe take a look at your hand and notice how much bigger it is than when you were young, notice any wrinkles, age spots or other evidence of time having passed since the trauma.

Notice how tall you are compared to how tall you were when the trauma was happening.

Remember, not all of these ideas will resonate with you. That's okay, the important part is finding the ones that do work for you and using those when you notice that you're reacting or responding from a place of trauma time.

12/11/2024

Sadie and her furry siblings would like to remind you that in the natural world, winter is a time of hibernation, rest and reduced energy and productivity. So it’s okay if you are less productive, and in need of more rest and cuddling up on the couch with beloved animals and humans. 🧡🐾💛🐾

12/09/2024

Time orientation skills involve reminding yourself that you are in the here-and-now, rather than in the there-and-then (i.e. trauma time).

The category of comfort refers to reminding yourself of the ways in which you can offer yourself comfort that you couldn't when you were a child or an adolescent.

Think about the things in your present life that offer comfort that you did not have or would not have had access to when you were younger.

Do you have a pet now?
What about a friend or significant other who can offer comfort?
What about a weighted blanket?

What are some comfort food or drinks that you have now?

Is there a special food? A particular coffee or tea?

Do you have a cozy spot that you can go to - in your home or a local park?
What about a hobby - crocheting, coloring, etc?

Do you have someplace that you can go and connect to your culture that feels comforting?

What about a spiritual practice or place of worship that offers comfort?

Do you have particular clothes, or a blanket that is comforting?

Remember, not all of these ideas will resonate with you. That's okay, the important part is finding the ones that do work for you and using those when you notice that you're reacting or responding from a place of trauma time.

11/23/2024

Holiday Reminders:

Do not pressure, harass, questions, or judge those who choose not to have contact with their family.

This is typically an incredibly painful choice they've had to make.

It is already going to be difficult enough to manage the holidays without getting grief from others.

* It is not too much to expect family to use your correct name and/or pronouns
* It is not too much to expect your partner to be accepted and treated with respect
* It is not too much to expect to not have your weight or what you eat commented on or critiqued
* You get to decide who you hug or talk to
* Bring items that can help you ground or soothe yourself
* Remember you can leave at any time, not matter what your family thinks
* You don't have to be with your family if it is harmful for you, you have a choice
* Don't expect to heal old wounds or for your family to have changed

11/22/2024

Searching for EMDR Consultation?

I'm an Certified EMDR Therapist & Consultant.

I am part of Precision EMDR Academy which is a training program dedicated to training clinicians to do this important work with the complex, attachment trauma client that most of us see in our practices.

I believe in supporting clinicians to become strong EMDR clinicians.

I want to support you in knowing your stuff backward and forward so that you know why you are doing what you’re doing and if you choose to deviate from the standard protocol you have solid reasoning.

I also want to ensure that clinicians are prepared to screen for and recognize signs of dissociation when doing EMDR therapy.

I believe in preparing clinicians for the reality of complex clients & dealing with the limitations of the real world.

I encourage a focus on an intersectional understanding of who our clients are, and the importance of racial/cultural/identity factors in understanding their experiences.

These identity factors may show up in their trauma histories as well as in their positive resources and connections.

My areas of specialization & experience are using EMDR therapy with adults who have:
* Complex trauma
* Attachment wounds
* Dissociative Identity Disorder
* Multiple complex mental health & physical health issues
* Trans & non-binary folks (whether or not this is a focus of treatment)

I also have experience working in community mental health and trying to integrate EMDR therapy in such settings.

So if you are interested in getting consultation from me, click the link in my bio to find out how to contact me.

11/20/2024

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR).

TDOR was founded by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith as a vigil to honor Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was killed in 1998. The vigil commemorated all the transgender people lost to violence that year and began the world-wide observance that has become the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.

This year again it is important to highlight that the reality that awareness and visibility without active protection of civil liberties, activism and action, leaves trans and non-binary people more vulnerable.

Each year it seems we have an unprecedented number of anti-trans bills being pushed and each year it seems we have an unprecedented number of deaths of trans and gender diverse people. This is not a coincidence.

Trans and non-binary people need our active support and protection now more than ever with the incoming president and the plans he has openly discussed for the future of affirming medical care.

It is well past time to demand justice for trans and gender diverse people in life and not just honor them in death. It is time for those of us in positions of power and privilege to use those resources to up-lift others and fight for their rights and safety.�

11/18/2024

Time orientation skills involve reminding yourself that you are in the here-and-now, rather than in the there-and-then. Today I will focus on the categories of power & choice.

This is about reminding yourself of all the ways in which you have power & choices now, that you didn't have back then.

Think about the physical power & capability of your body now. What can you do now as a fully grown adult that you couldn’t as a child?

· Can you run farther or faster away if needed?
· Can you get in a car or on a bus to get away?
· Do you have mobility aids to help you get around in a way you didn’t as a child?

Notice differences in your body now vs then.

· How much more powerful are you now?
· What are you wearing, that you wouldn’t have been able to wear back then? Is it something that affirms your gender? Your style?

Think of all the choices you now have the power to make as an adult that you didn’t back then.

· You can likely come & go as you please. Your car keys might be a good reminder of that power.
· You can take yourself to the doctor, the park or a friend’s place whenever you want.

You likely have access to credit cards & bank accounts that give you more power over your choices than you had as a child or when you were in a controlling relationship, etc. Take out your wallet & notice these cards.

You have a phone that you can use to call for help or support any time you need to. You may have gotten to choose the cell phone you use, the mobile plan, the case, etc. Take it out & notice those details that you chose. Those are choices you were not likely given as a child.

What are some of the other choices you get to make for yourself now that you couldn’t before?

· Is it your name or pronouns?
· Is it your friends or hobbies?
· Is it what you eat or drink & how much you are allowed to eat or drink?

Remember, not all of these ideas will resonate with you. That's okay, the important part is finding the ones that do work for you & using those when you notice that you're reacting or responding from a place of trauma time.

11/15/2024

Healing is not about never being triggered again.

This is because bad things, scary things, and worrisome things continue to occur in our lives.

If we are healing, we acknowledge this fact of life. Otherwise we are practicing toxic positivity.

Healing is being able to handle our triggers with compassion and healthy coping skills.

11/13/2024

I’ve spent a lot of time recently talking about grounding as a coping strategy for trauma and dissociation. Now I want to focus on the strategy of time orientation.

Trauma time refers to the experience of feeling like you are still in the trauma (there-and-then), instead of the here-and-now.

One way to cope with trauma time is by utilizing time orientation skills, which involves reminding yourself of how the here-and-now is different from the there-and-then.

There are several different categories of time orientation skills: time, distance, power, choice, & comfort.

The category of distance refers to the physical distance between where you are now and where you were during the time of the trauma (the trauma that is currently bothering you).

In using distance to help orient yourself to the present time, think of all the ways in which you are physically distant from area you were in at the time of the trauma.

If you live in a different state, how many states are between you & where you lived then, or how many miles between, or how many hours away it is.

11/09/2024

message during for those feeling overwhelmed, sad, angry, grieving and/or hopeless right now:

Allow yourself space to feel your feelings and honor them as they are valid and need to be felt.

AND....then we can look at how to cope and feel better, after we have slowed down and honored our big feelings.

While it can be easy to get sucked into anxiety about the future, the future is yet undetermined and how we talk about the future and our abilities to navigate it matter, so let’s look at some ways to improve our sense of empowerment and capacity to deal with whatever the future holds.

This might be remembering how we’ve coped in similar circumstances in the past and the reality that we survived and are still here.

This might be looking to history and how people have dealt with and overcome similar challenges and how they have positively impacted the world.

Look to people in your community that are doing the work you are passionate about and get involved, because taking action is empowering.

Look into philosophy, spirituality, and/or religion to find ways that others have made sense of their struggles and made meaning and found purpose in similar situations.

Connect to your community, because it is within community that we are strongest, and we have the most power to effect change.

Many of the ideas were drawn from a presentation by Dr. Jillian Tucker on Interweaves for Processing Global Crisis.

10/26/2024

There are many answers to the
question of ‘what is trauma?’

Trauma is not the thing that happened (or didn’t happen).

Trauma refers to the emotional, psychological, or physical response to an event or series of events that are overwhelmingly distressing or harmful.

It can arise from experiences such as:
* Accidents or Natural Disasters: Events like car crashes, earthquakes, or floods.
* Violence or Abuse: Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, as well as experiences of war or assault.
* Neglect: Not receiving the needed care one is supposed to receive as a child, such as food, clothing, shelter, unconditional love, or protection.

Trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, flashbacks, difficulty trusting others, and physical symptoms.

Healing from trauma often requires support and can involve therapy, self-care, and community resources.

This will be a thread throughout future posts on what types of trauma there are, how it can manifest, etc.

10/24/2024

As discussed previously, grounding is an important coping strategy for when you are feeling disconnected from yourself, your body, your thoughts, etc.

It can be a useful skill for when triggers bring you into the past, a feeling of being there-and-then in the traumatic moment.
�Grounding skills are a set of strategies to help you connect to the reality of the here-and-now. These skills can help remind us that we are safe in this present moment.

Grounding with sound is as simple as identifying and tuning into 3 different sounds in your environment. Name it (out loud or in your head) and identify where it is coming from in your physical environment.

What do you hear, what is the quality of the sound you are tuning into? Is it loud or soft? Is it high pitched or low? Is the sound changing as you listen?

Or you can create your own sound through turning on water, singing, humming, snapping, using a sound bowl or chimes, or turning on music.

Incorporating sound into your grounding routine can provide comfort and clarity, helping you navigate through stressful moments with greater ease. 🌟 What are your favorite sounds to ground yourself?

Address

317 14th Street, Suite E
Del Mar, CA
92014

Opening Hours

Monday	9am - 4pm
Tuesday	9am - 8pm
Wednesday	9am - 8pm
Thursday	9am - 6pm

Telephone

+18582768831

Website

http://Www.colettelordphd.com/

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Precision EMDR Academy offers Basic EMDR training with a cofus on teaching to the complex PTSD & attachment trauma that most of us face in our actual practices. You will leave the training with an understanding of how to approach this work with complex clients and a ruberic for determining which of your clients is ready to get to EMDR memory reprocessing now and who needs more resourcing and support before diving in. Our goal is that you leave with these skills and understanding so that you do no feel you must go to yet another, more advanced training to start this important work. You will gain many of the beginning skills to work with your clients. And then our hope is that you will be so in awe of the changes that can come from EMDR thearpy that you decide to go on and get certified and get more advanced trainings. Those who sign up first are more likely to secure a spot with the facilitator of their choosing, so sign up today! You will find the link in my bio. #TraumaTherapySD #EMDRTherapy #ptsd #CPTSD #emdr #therapy #ceu #emdrtherapist #TraumaTherapy #TraumaTherapist #emdrtherapist #therapisttraining

This is an invitation and a call to all therapists working with CPTSD and clients with attachment wounding to get trained in EMDR therapy. The world needs more skilled healers than ever before and I do not see that changing. As part of Precision EMDR Academy we offer EMDR Basic trainings with a focus on these issues. We are over half way through our current training cohort and our next one will be in February 2025. For more information click on the link in mh bio. #TraumaTherapySD #EMDRTherapy #ptsd #CPTSD #emdr #therapy #ceu #emdrtherapist #TraumaTherapy #TraumaTherapist #emdrtherapist #therapisttraining

My heart goes out to all those who are facing a difficult holiday season.

Just my opinion on this blue bracelet business.

Deep breath. Take care of yourself and your people today. ♥️🏳️‍⚧️💖🏳️‍🌈 #election2024

#AffirmingTherapy #TransAlly #PronounsDay #PronounsMatter

#resilience #survivor

Do you want to learn EMDR Therapy? Precision EMDR Academy is hosting a virtual EMDR Basic Training starting 10/25/24. Our focus is on teaching to the complex PTSD & attachment trauma that most of us face in our actual practices. If you are interested in getting trained in EMDR therapy click the link in my bio or go directly to www.Precision-EMDR.com. #EMDRTherapy #EMDRConsultation #CPTSD #emdr #emdrtherapist #TraumaTherapy #TraumaTherapist #EMDRConsultant

Do you want to learn EMDR Therapy? Precision EMDR Academy is hosting a virtual EMDR Basic Training starting 10/25/24. Our focus is on teaching to the complex PTSD & attachment trauma that most of us face in our actual practices. If you are interested in getting trained in EMDR therapy click the link in my bio or go directly to www.Precision-EMDR.com. And I would really appreciate all of your support by interacting with this post! #EMDRTherapy #EMDRConsultation #CPTSD #emdr #emdrtherapist #TraumaTherapy #TraumaTherapist #EMDRConsultant

Just a bit of chill time on a Sunday afternoon 🩷🐾🩷🐾 #TraumaTherapySD #therapy #TherapyDog #DogsOfIG #CavaliersOfInstagram #SadieTheCannyCavi #CavLife #CavalierKingCharles #DogsOfInstagram #CuteDogs #Sadie #CavaliersOfInstagram #TherapyDogs #Puppies #PuppiesOfInstagram