01/14/2025
Motherhoods Contradiction
Iāve been the happiest since Iāve had children.
Iāve also been at my lowest.
Iām a much better version of myself.
I also havenāt always liked what Iāve seen when mirrors have been held up to me.
Iāve never been in more company.
And at times never felt so lonely.
Some days I donāt want to end.
Some days I wish away, oh and the guilt from feeling that when they grow so fast.
Iāve never been so sure of who Iām meant to be.
Iāve never wondered so much who I am.
Iāve never felt closer with my husband.
But at times, Iāve never felt more distant.
I believe in myself, I trust myself.
Iāve questioned myself and doubted myself.
I always want to be better for them.
But Iāve yelled and cried and wished Iād handled certain situations better.
Iāve never loved so hard and so fiercely.
And Iāve never felt so vulnerable.
Iāve never been more broken.
And Iāve never been more complete.
Iāve never smiled so much.
Iāve never cried so much.
Iāve never craved alone time more.
But when I am I always feel like somethings missing, like an arm.
Iāve never been so excited to watch them grow.
And simultaneously wished theyād stay little forever.
Some days I feel like Iāve achieved nothing.
But as I think of them at night, I know Iāve achieved everything.
Iāve never looked forward to so much.
And Iāve also, never looked back.
Itās one beautiful contradiction.
A journey of wrong turns that are probably still right.
And dreams of the future even if you donāt get enough sleep to dream.
Exhaustion but effortless love.
The hardest and most rewarding thing ever.
Motherhood.
amazing poet