08/11/2024
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
As the days click by I’m starting to notice something I have feared, start to come into fruition. You see, I have this long list of phone numbers that I will pull out when I'm feeling down and
need somebody to talk to. Usually I don't make it past dialing the first few numbers before somebody answers. Lately that hasn't been the case. Mind you I'm not calling collect, but paying for the phone time out of what little funds I have left. But as the days pass I notice less and less people even have the time to answer me.
In some cases I feel like this is because promises were made to me that were never fulfilled. Things I never asked for, but were offered. I get that they all meant well and may feel ashamed for letting me down, but what really hurts is feeling like I've lost friends and connection to the outside world.
I feel so alone at times. Like nobody understands how much it hurts getting your hopes up, only to be let down time and time again. This jail no longer even has a mental health person that
can come in and speak to us. We have a lady that can only come in one day a week and all she says she can do for us are evaluations. Well after she evaluated me she was in tears and advised me to advocate for this jail’s administration to hire a more qualified person. I did and I got a reply back saying that they are looking for somebody to hire. I have been here 8 months so far and am doing anything and everything I can to hold myself together, as well as, provide support to my fellow inmates.
IT’S JUST SO DIFFICULT. I miss Tom Dwyer so much. He is the jail’s old counselor and he may have a reputation of being a bit odd himself, but he truly cares and that's what matters most. I need more people in my life like Tom who are willing to put in the time and effort before I can even think about healing.
Just please don't make empty promises to anyone who's locked up. I cannot begin to express how much it hurts getting your hopes up, only to be let down time and time again.