05/31/2025
A very good read.
It started with a long drive home — the kind that gives your mind space to stretch, wrestle, and whisper questions your busy day had drowned out. I had just ended a conversation that left me feeling drained and deeply unsettled. I knew I had allowed someone too much access to my peace. As I scrolled through my audiobook library, the title Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst felt like an invitation. Or maybe a rescue. From the moment I hit play, Lysa’s voice — tender, weathered by experience, yet anchored in conviction — wrapped around each word with a kind of authenticity you don’t just hear, you feel. Her narration isn’t just storytelling. It’s soul-speaking. She doesn’t rush the truth. She lets it land. Here are 8 lessons I gathered, not just as words, but as lived revelations:
1. Love and boundaries are not enemies. I had grown up with the idea that love means endless availability. Saying no felt like betrayal. But Lysa gently dismantles that belief. She explains, with both biblical insight and personal stories, that boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out but gates to keep love safe. I remember pausing the audio, tears unexpectedly forming. I had never heard love and limits harmonized so beautifully. For anyone who’s felt guilty about stepping back to protect their mental or emotional health — this chapter is liberating. Love isn’t proven by how much you tolerate, but by how well you steward your soul.
2. Not everyone is safe, and that’s not unchristian to admit. There was a particular point where she said, “Jesus didn’t entrust Himself to everyone.” That line echoed in me. It’s so simple but seismic. Sometimes, especially in faith communities, we’re taught to keep giving, forgiving, and staying accessible — no matter the cost. But Lysa uses Scripture to remind us that discernment is not judgment. She walks the listener through how to evaluate if a relationship is healthy, toxic, or redeemable. That lens gave me language for relationships I hadn’t been able to define. If someone is constantly damaging your sense of self or disregarding your value, it’s not only okay — it’s wise — to walk away.
3. “You can’t put a boundary on someone else. You can only put a boundary on yourself.” This lesson snuck up on me. I had been trying to “fix” someone by constantly setting rules for how they should treat me. But what Lysa emphasizes — and repeats in different tones throughout the book — is that boundaries are not ultimatums for others. They’re commitments you make to yourself. That shift was huge for me. Instead of, “You can’t talk to me like that,” it became, “If you choose to speak to me like that, I will leave the conversation.” The power returned to my hands — not to control them, but to protect me. That’s a truth that empowers anyone tired of playing emotional referee in a dysfunctional relationship.
4. Grief is part of boundary-setting. I didn’t expect this one. I thought if I set the right boundary, peace would follow. But Lysa prepares you for the grief that can come when someone you love reacts negatively to your boundary. There’s a gentle honesty in how she explains that loving well sometimes means letting go. I felt seen. I had lost a friendship after a healthy “no,” and I had doubted myself. But her words validated my pain — and reminded me that grief doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing. It just means you cared deeply.
5. Goodbyes can be holy. This one was hard. Because we’re not wired to celebrate endings. But Lysa shares her own personal stories, including a heartbreaking goodbye she had to say in her own life, and how God met her in the middle of it. Her narration in these moments isn’t performative — it’s raw and reverent. There’s a sacredness she carries that helped me see that goodbyes, when made from a place of wisdom and wholeness, can actually honor God. They make space for what He wants to do next. For someone clinging to a harmful relationship just to avoid pain — this lesson is a quiet release.
6. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re stewardship. This one punched me in the gut — in a good way. Lysa connects boundaries to the biblical idea of stewardship — taking care of what God has entrusted to you. That includes your emotional energy, your time, your body, your calling. I had never seen my “yes” and “no” as sacred decisions. But Lysa reframed it: every yes to someone else is a no to something else — possibly even your purpose. That convicted me. It helps readers realize that honoring God might look like saying no more often — and with less guilt.
7. People may not like your boundary — and that’s not your responsibility. This was a hard pill to swallow, especially for someone like me who’s spent a lifetime trying to keep the peace. But Lysa points out, gently but firmly, that healthy people respect boundaries. Unhealthy ones will resist them. And their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong — it means it’s working. I found myself going back to that part, needing to hear it again. If you’ve ever been gaslit, guilted, or manipulated for trying to take care of yourself — this is the validation you need.
8. Healing isn’t just for the broken moments — it’s for the boundaries we build after. Toward the end of the book, Lysa’s voice shifts slightly. There’s a warmth that comes from someone who has walked through fire and made it through. She reminds us that boundaries are part of healing, not just protection. They’re how we begin to walk in wholeness, unapologetically. It’s not about revenge or withdrawal. It’s about reentering life with wisdom. That resonated deeply with me. Healing isn’t passive. It’s active. And boundaries are one of the most powerful tools God gives us for that journey.
Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/43xEXL8
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