03/09/2024
I know that there are some folks looking at a shift in their life and it is an uncertain one. I know some of them but there are so many more so feel free to pass this on to them.
I had to face the shift of daughter to caregiver, from wife to caregiver. It wasn't an easy shift at first and I knew what was coming. I told God for the first time in my life (and the last time in my life) that I didn't want this shift. I knew what awaited, I knew what was coming. Still, you don't argue with God when He brings you to a valley. You hunker down, dig in, and move as He directs.
Those that are facing this shift into a caregiver for your loved ones, it may be uncomfortable, even daunting at first. You'll encounter interactions that will be unpleasant with your loved one. Remember this, God wouldn't lead you into this without giving you what you need. And you are not alone, you won't be alone.
Your loved one has entered the same season as you. They are experiencing fear, loss of independence and control, loss of focus and clarity. At times they may fall into a despair. They may even talk about not wanting to be a burden, not wanting to be on this earth, not wanting to be like they have become.
Here's the reality of the situation; they are still who God created them to be. They are still your loved one. They just need help is all.
Don't enter into this role with the mind that you will be making all their decisions, making all their plans for their future. You are not to live their life, it's still theirs to live. You will be letting them make the decisions and plans. Just be ready to aid, to research, to support. Oh, and don't make light of their choices. Don't disrespect them because of their state and their decisions. You are giving care, not dictating.
There is a truth in caregiving and that is to always remember love. Your loved one needs your love and support. They need to know you really care. By stepping into this role, you are choosing love. By staying even in the tough times, you are choosing love. It matters not whether they love you or respect you. It never has. Your business is to love them and respect them. Keep that always in your mind.
It's times like this that tests the heart. You find out what you are really made of. It strengthens your love. A lot of good can come from this season if you will let it. The joy from it can overshadow the frustration and sadness that inevitably comes. Find those moments of joy and they will become your strength.
Keep memories alive but don't be afraid to make new memories with your loved one. I remember coming home from one of mom's eye appointments in Watertown. We came down into Lowville by the hospital, down into the Black River valley. I started singing the old song "Down in the valley" and mom quickly joined in. It was a beautiful moment, a favorite memory.
It's been on my heart to encourage you in this endeavor. As I said, you are not alone. There is help out there for you. I have information regarding that help that I have learned over both my stints as caregiver. I was caregiver for my mother and my husband. Seeing the changes they went through and knowing what was to come, I learned as quickly as I could as soon as God gave me the divine connections. If you want, you can private message me.
Do make sure you don't get lost in this shift. Keep your relationship with the Lord active and growing. Keep your prayer circle informed. Keep reading God's word as often as you can.
Remember to love.
