bessmorolpc

08/02/2023

Meant to post this yesterday, but a day late is better than never right?!

This is me breastfeeding my 22 month old. Despite a pediatrician suggesting formula just a few hours into Jamie’s life. Despite jaundice being an issue in the first few days. Despite a tongue tie that got worse before it got better (after it was removed by lazor). Despite me needing to triple feed, and exclusively pumping for 2 months while he healed from the tongue tie procedure. Despite my own anxiety around breastfeeding and the messages I received making me question if I could do it. Despite getting free formula in the mail before Jamie was even born. Despite formula companies targeting me saying it would be so much easier if I just gave up.

All formula companies are predatory in the way that they market to mothers. But Bobbie is going above and beyond. By equating formula to “milk” it isn’t milk. Look at the ingredient list. Bobbie, breastfeeding helps with postpartum depression, not combo feeding. I can be a witness to this. Was it hard, hell yes. But once we got everything figured out I will never forget how much I cried because of how BEAUTIFUL breastfeeding is. Knowing my body was making exactly what my baby needed was so empowering. He got COVID, RSV, and Hand foot and mouth and didn’t need to go to the doctor for any of those conditions because of breastfeeding. Bobbie, and all other formula corporations need to stop with the lies and start telling to truth when it comes to their product. What if instead those corporations funded more lactation help and support?

To bad that will never happen because big Pharma and corporations run this capitalist society we live in.

07/14/2023

If we never accept our pain, suffering etc. Then how will we ever heal? I don't have a lot of words this week because of personal things I have going on. So that is all the words I've got for now, but expect more soon.

07/11/2023

If it is our job as parents to co-regulate our children, then we first must know how to regulate ourselves. I personally wish I would have worked on learning more about regulating my nervous system before having my kiddo. ​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
I am thankful I am doing the work now. It is evil that people in the sleep training industry continue to tell parents that baby's should know how to self soothe, when the majority of adults don't know how to do the hard work of regulation themselves.

07/07/2023

I am in the checkout line of Walmart. I see a father shaming his son for making his little sister cry. I think to myself "what is this father doing?!" "WHY IS HE DOING THIS?". The father is avoiding vulnerability.​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
Here's the full situation: Son is upset about something, dad immediately dismisses his son's emotions and starts looking at his phone, son becomes more upset and snatches something from his sister, sister starts crying, dad shames his son and says angrily and full of contempt "now look at what you did".
What could have happened instead: son is upset, dad gets down on his level and says "I understand this is really hard right now, I am sorry, I am frustrated too, this is hard". Dad hugs his son, the son feels comforted and his emotions are validated instead of dismissed. Shame was not used as a parenting tactic or form of disciple. Son is no longer upset.
"Why didn't the dad just do this?" I think to myself as I checkout. Because this would require emotional intelligence. The father is avoiding being vulnerable about how he feels. So instead the father shames his son, shuts him down, shames him again and the son closes off and shuts off all emotion.
If this is happening in public it is most definitely is happening at home. Dad is not a safe place for his son emotionally, son grows up not trusting his father. Son also learns being vulnerable is dangerous and being emotional is not allowed.
What if we could only be vulnerable with our children? What if we showed children that it is safe to be vulnerable, we can handle your emotions, we can walk through this with you.
IT. WOULD. CHANGE. THE. WORLD.

07/05/2023

When I was deep into the postpartum days I was so tired, and foggy that I truly doubted my ability to be a mother. So much so I remember looking at my husband and saying "I'm not sure Jamie really needs me" and "I can ever do this again". ​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
This was 4 months into my postpartum journey, and my mental health (as you can guess from the statements above) was not doing so well. I was barely getting by. I cried so much in those first few months I thought I wouldn't make it to the other side, and on top of that I questioned if my exclusively breastfed baby really needed me, even though I was quite literally keeping him alive.
In this vulnerable moment, I am thankful my husband's response was neither to stop trying to breastfeed (because this was a huge struggle for the first 5 months of Jamie's life) or to stop co sleeping.
My decision to cosleep came before Jamie, and it still continues today. At the 4 month mark I was still waking up in the middle of the night to pump, because I was exclusively pumping at that point in our breastfeeding journey. On average I was getting 5 hrs of sleep a night. IT WAS SO HARD.
But quickly, just a month later, Jamie was able to exclusively breastfeed and I started quickly getting 7-9 hrs of sleep a night. Which continues to this day.
If i turned to sleep training during this difficult period, not only would my mental health been negatively impacted in the long run, but I am confident I wouldn't still be breastfeeding. Co Sleeping continues to be the best situation for us because it is how I get the most sleep at night, which positively impacts my mental health.
Sleep training is not a solution to a bigger problem, it's a bandaid to get women back to work and away from their child.

07/03/2023

It has been a world wind of a couple of months you guys...​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
This statement: "The Best Things in Life Include: Challenge and reward". When I originally made this post I was thinking about motherhood. That still rings true. Motherhood is one of the hardest things I have done in life and is most definitely the most rewarding thing I have done in life.
But now this statements rings true in a new way as well. Over the last 2 months I have changed my mind or challenged my thinking about... well everything.
Challenging your beliefs around anything is difficult. What started all of this for me? Listening to a podcast called Problematic by . Thanks Caroline, but also stop challenging everything I believe Caroline lol. But really I do highly recommend. Especially if you are a Christian.
I feel like my eyes have been opened to things I never really considered before. Just to name a few things that I have a deeper understanding of now: Christianity, new ageism, politics, western medicine vs. functional medicine. So nbd just basically everything.
Challenging your beliefs is hard, but maybe it makes us more authentic in the end. If nothing else, I am more educated in why I believe what I believe.
Wanting to dive in yourself? One skill you MUST have before challenging yourself or others is having the ability to LISTEN. Do you get fired up when listening to someone with a different opinion? It is a sign you aren't actually listening.

04/28/2023

How would you define being a "progressive"? Tell be below. ​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
When it comes to old progressives and new there are some huge differences that I am seeing more and more everyday. Old progressives use to challenge things. They would challenge the govt, media, politics etc. Think Martin luther king. THEY QUESTIONED THINGS.
They were the movers and shakers of society. They said what is being done is not enough and called for change. But when I look at "progressives: today. They don't seem to be questioning much.
They just seem to be going along with what liberal media outlets tell them. If they are upset about something it is because the media told them to be. If they are progressive they have to be a liberal and stand by whatever the party decides.
Going along with whatever media, political party, govt says is no progressive. Challenging your thoughts, beliefs, and what you hear and see is progressive. So are progressives all that progressive anymore?
I want to live in a society that questions and challenges, not one that just goes along with whatever the media, politician, govt says you should go along with. If you consider yourself to be a liberal or conservative, that doesn't mean anything anymore.
What that means to me is whatever you are consuming on the daily made you identify that way. Not your actual thoughts, beliefs, values. Maybe we are just all being brainwashed.
When will we start challenging both sides of the political fence and refusing to fit into their boxes. I hope it's soon, and it sure as h*ll involves less polarization on both sides.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Bess

04/26/2023

Tell me in the comments. ​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
First let's define gaslighting.
Gaslighting is: to manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
For me the gaslighting started happening after I gave birth. And at this point it has been countless times that medical providers have gaslit me. Especially when it comes to hormonal birth control and breastfeeding.
Making me feel like I was crazy when I knew something was wrong (enter all the tongue tie information the medical community continues to deny). Then with me telling a midwife I don't need birth control because I was exclusively breastfeeding.
Her basically rolling her eyes at me as i refused to get an iud. These are just a couple of the reasons I plan on doing a home birth for my next child.
It has become clearer and clearer to me that since having my son that the medical system doesn't give two cents about women's health. They don't teach us about breastfeeding before having children. They don't teach us about fertility and then use us as experiments with hormonal birth control.
Will it ever end?

04/23/2023

To be completely honest with you guys I have been holding back a lot on this app. I think this is what has lead to me having a hard time being consistent. ​​​​​​​​​.​​​​​​​​​.
A lot of my worldview has changed over the last year and a half, after becoming a mother. My once liberal ideology and theology is transforming day to day into a new belief system.
I don't fit well in any holes. But something that I am convicted of is that I would like to talk about my faith more and do so freely. I have been holding back in this area because some of my clients follow me here that are not Christians.
I honestly really enjoy working with non-Christians, and so I haven't wanted to push others away. But on the flip side of this I have cut off a part of myself. Which I have decided I no longer want to do.
If you are a current client of mine, or past just know that if you are not a Christian I am no way trying to push you into something. I am in no way judging you. And if you have negative experiences with Christians I hope to change that for you.
More to come.

03/03/2023

For the first time since becoming a mom (17 months ago) I will be leaving my baby overnight. I’m excited to sleep alone and through the night for the first time since he was born but I’m also going to miss him.
I know I am going to get some much needed rest, some time for reflection and relaxation, but it still feels hard. I’m thankful and this is hard. Two opposite emotions can happen at the same time.
As my husband likes to remind me life is not binary and today that is a very welcomed reminder.
So soon I’ll be signing off the internet for a two night retreat, and maybe we will start chipping away at the exhaustion I feel.

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02/23/2023

Disclaimer: this post is in no way meant to shame a mother that decides to use formula. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Breastmilk is optimal nutrition for a baby, the APA came out with new standards for breastfeeding our babies up to two years. But our medical system continues to fail mothers at supporting their breastfeeding goals.

Why is this? Multiple reasons, A. the medical community having a lack of credible research when it comes to tongue ties B. a lack of adequate maternity leave in the united states C. a medical system that is largely funded by formula companies so it is given to infants as soon as possible when there is the slightest breastfeeding struggle.

Mothers need more medical providers that actually support the mother's breastfeeding goals and medical providers that are willing to do their own research. We need a medical system that is focused on the person over profit.

We deserve the support we need, we deserve better.

More from me on the above subjects soon.

Some of my favorite accounts to follow on the subjects above:





Some of my favorite lactation consultant accounts, a good IBCLC is key to achieving our breastfeeding goals.


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01/20/2023

01/13/2023

It starts with us. ​​​​​​​​
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This week I have been talking a lot about unconditional positive regard. Which is basically unconditional acceptance and belonging when experienced with someone we trust. Maybe you did not grow up in an environment where this was offered to you, but there is hope.​​​​​​​​
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You can reparent yourself. You can love and accept yourself uncondtionally. We can not give to others what we can not give to ourselves. We must first believe that we are truly accepted and loved, and have a personal sense of belonging. Then we can pass unconditional positive regard/love to our loved ones. ​​​​​​​​
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Which I would argue is the best gift that can be given to our children, spouse, family. If family is supposed to be a safe space (and I would argue this is why family was created), then it starts with unconditional love and acceptance from the parents. ​​​​​​​​
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There are many things that can cause barriers for this sense of belonging and self worth. The barriers are usually deeply buried and we fear them being exposed. So we must find a safe space to expose them for growth and healing to happen.​​​​​​​​
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Do you feel like you love yourself unconditionally? Are there parts of you are having a difficult time accepting? This is normal and working with a trained therapist could help. There is hope for healing, and it starts when you begin your journey of healing and put in the work of vulnerability.

01/06/2023

So the time to find your tribe is now. Pre Baby.​​​​​​​​
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Not every friend that has a baby is going to be supportive of your breastfeeding goals, so my advice to my younger pre-baby self is to find friends that breastfed and to be in your corner during the journey. Because it is hard work and such a learning curve for first time moms. ​​​​​​​​
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But if it is important to you and something you want to do, you deserve the support you need in order to make your goal attainable.​​​​​​​​
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Also find an IBCLC that is in private practice that you trust before you have a baby. I had some people in my corner before Jamie was born, but I wish I found my IBCLC and met with her beforehand. ​​​​​​​​
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Not every IBCLC is created equal, and those in the hospital are so wrapped up in the western medicine world that incorrect information is given out on the regular. Same goes for pediatricians. But more on that later...​​​​​​​​
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If you want to breastfeed your baby and this is your first baby or you weren't able to breastfeed as long as you would have liked with your last baby make sure to listen to my stories from today.​​​​​​​​
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09/11/2021

Hi all, I am looking to hire an LPCC in my private practice to take on incoming referrals while I am on maternity leave. This person would have access to my office on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. My office is located just West of Washington Park. Please DM me if you are interested and would like more details.

06/04/2021

EAT THE DAMN DONUT! I am sick of living in a food shaming culture. Not a body shaming culture (which is also an issue), but a food shaming one. You know where you go out to eat with someone and they order a salad and you really want the hamburger, but you order something “healthier” instead.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This also includes when you go to the grocery store and you are either judging what others have in their basket, or feel that someone is judging yours. (This happened to me last night).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We live in a society that puts so much value and identity in what we eat. And guess what? It does not matter! It’s okay to have the hamburger, it is okay to have the donut, and if someone is judging you for it? That’s THEIR problem! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We do not have to feel guilty for breaking the “rules” we have set up in our head (or that society has). We get to make our own rules. We get to decide what is best for our body, not others. A donut is not going to kill you. So eat the damn donut, savor it, and move on with your life.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What you eat is not your identity. If you feel guilt about eating something, are you really enjoying it anyways? Comment below👇🏼

06/01/2021

To those that are grieving If you could give any advice to your support system what would it be?
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We live in a society that doesn’t know how to deal with grief. Grief is often treated with solutions or false empathy
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Like “I am so sorry that happened to you”, “I am sorry you feel that way” What people actually need is true empathy. Empathy is sitting in the s**t with someone. It is simply listening. 😊
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Here are 4 simple ways to support someone suffering from grief.
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1. Do not pity them, they do not want to feel like a victim. This causes them to feel more alone in their emotions. They simply need a listening ear of someone that doesn’t feel the need to talk them out of their dark emotions.
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2. Actively listen and empathize. Active listening is a skill were what you do in a conversation is repeated back to you at a deeper emotional level. This helps others feel heard and seen, and accepted for where they are.
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3. Sit with those that are grieving in their pain. Literally cry with them, or sit with them while crying without saying anything. Hold space for them, the pain that they are experiencing is unimaginable until it is something that you feel yourself. Grief is proven to be one of the hardest emotions someone can feel, it is hard s**t.
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4. Tell them that you are there for them and mean it. This looks like calling them unannounced to check in on them, bringing them food when they don’t feel like they can get out of bed and visiting for a while, randomly stopping by their house and giving them a hug, the list goes on.
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Don't ✖️ say that you will be there for them and never pick up the phone or be unavailable when they might need you the most.
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Those that are currently grieving or have experienced grief what would you add to this list? Tell me below.

05/28/2021

Having a safe space to process is so important for my clients. I strongly believe that if a client doesn't feel safe with you then progress will be difficult, if not impossible.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So when I get the feedback I got last week from a client that is really struggling with grief, that my office was the only safe place for them to share their deepest and darkest struggles. I knew that though our sessions have been hard and heavy we were taking a step in the right direction.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I believe everyone deserves to experience this type of safety. Where is this safety for you? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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