Family & Relationship Options

10/02/2024

Wishing my FB family and colleagues a Happy, Healthy and Peaceful World this Rosh Hashana. I will be offline Wed Eve until Sat.

03/22/2024

I know Spring is here, despite the snow in my yard! I hope the tulips beginning to grow in my front yard won’t be flustered by the snow predicted for next week!That’s what Colorado is like this time of year - confusing messages, mixed signals.

Seems a lot like talking with our teens or young adults, doesn’t it? Freezing us out one minute, beaming smiles another!

I especially like helping parents to communicate with their kids, because the difference in respect and trust once a common vocabulary for communication is established can be significant. Are you ready to make that leap? In my 45 minute session, Transform Your Family in 1 Conversation I’ll teach you the basics of a great communication technique that you can use immediately. Plus, we’ll talk about developing a mission statement for your family, to guide you to a better future!

Join me next Thursday, March 28, at 5:30 pm mountain time, 7:30 pm eastern!

Get ready to revolutionize your family dynamics with just one conversation - join us online and transform your relationships today!

09/23/2023

Happy New Year!

September is an interesting month. Start of the school year feels new to many people. For me, it is the Jewish New Year, which started Friday, September 15 this year. In the Jewish tradition, the holiday starts 10 days of atonement, when we consider how we have treated others in the past year, and use this time to ask forgiveness from others. The holiday ends Monday, September 25, with the solemn observance of Yom Kippur, we ask for forgiveness for our sins.

The custom is that if you ask forgiveness three times and the other person does not respond or forgive, you are absolved from asking again. The assumption is that you have asked in good faith. What does that mean? A common saying is that we should forgive and forget. But unless you have brain damage, that’s nonsense! Of course we don’t forget!

Instead, I suggest we consider forgiveness as giving up our perceived right to get even. This means we let go of the grudges, the hurt and the despair. We don’t need to hurt the other person back. We can move on and live our own lives without the ongoing pain amd negative feelings.

When we ask for forgiveness in this framework, and we are refused by the other person, we can let go and move on, knowing that we have done our part and that the other person still needs to process their feelings. It’s not our responsibility any more.

Have any of you asked forgiveness after hurting your teens’ feelings? Have you refused forgiveness to your teen and held onto hurt feelings? Same with your teen. Have they asked you to forgive them for a mistake and you didn’t? What was up? What negative feelings were you holding onto?

Let’s book a call to talk about how your family can move on from hurt feelings through better communication and relationship skills!

Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year!

06/28/2023

Talking and listening to each other seems like it should come naturally to people, right? But we learn in relationships that it doesn’t!

Talking and listening to our teen and young adult kids seems even harder sometimes! They seem so rigid, so disrespectful, so hard to understand!

Wait, am I talking about the kids or us the parents?? Sometimes I can’t tell! Both sides could use a good refresher on how to listen openly, honestly and without anger or blaming.

I’m going to offer that chance tonight, Wednesday, June 28 for parents of teens and young adults! Join me for a free webinar on communication and let’s try talking to our kids in a whole new way!

Registration info in the comments. See you tonight!

06/27/2023

Tweens and teens have a lot on their plates right now. A recent article in the New York Times summarized research which confirmed that their mental health is at high risk, with increasing rates of depression and anxiety. The really upsetting thing is that the rise in mental health issues predates Covid, and mental health support for teens has been lacking for quite some time.

Evidence shows that access to electronic devices is strongly associated with poor mental health in teens. Do you limit access for your tweens and teens? What do you do? Especially with online access having to be available during remote learning, how did you manage this?

My kids were allowed 2 hours of screen time, separate from school and homework, plus more on weekends. Giving time limits for social and gaming access seems crucial for teen mental health. Using timers and parental controls seems a necessity these days, when kids' are diving deep into negative cycles.

What are you trying? What’s working, or not working? I want to talk about this.

If it's hard to talk to your teens about this, join me for a free webinar on communication on Wednesday, June 28! Registration info in the comments.

06/26/2023

As many of you know, I work with most of my clients 1:1 on goals that we have set to help them improve their day to day life. Currently, I work with a teen in high school, and the biggest thing we have found helpful for him is talking about his mindset.

Before he starts a homework assignment, music practice or a sports practice, he has learned to set his mindset. He thinks about what he wants to accomplish, what he needs to do to be successful and how he can do that. It’s been life-changing!

There is solid research showing that positive thinking about your immediate goals and steps to achieve them can be highly effective.

Have you tried this in your life? What about your tween, teen or young adult? Ask them and let me know!

Want to talk with your teen or young adult with respect and clarity? Join me on Wednesday June 28 for a free webinar to learn to do just that! Registration link in the comments!

06/25/2023

Teens amd young adults tell me that communication with their parents is a huge obstacle. When I dive a little deeper, some key issues come up over and over.

First is that parents don’t listen, instead repeat their point of view .

Second is that oarents don’t show respect for their kids’ needs, feelings or ideas, but get hugely upset if they feel disrespected. That seems unfair, right?

Third is kids feeling punished for having a different point of view. This might happen by conversation being cut short, money being cut off, or privileges being taken away.

As a parent, do you recognize yourself here? What’s going on for you? Are you ready to change?

If so, please join me next Wednesday, June 28 for a free webinar on how to communicate with your teen! Registration info in the comments

06/24/2023

Lying is a normal part of adolescent testing of adult boundaries, annoying though that is. Certain diagnoses, like ADHD, accelerate the rate of teen lying, unfortunately! This is because a teen with ADHD would rather avoid the immediate consequence of their negative behavior by lying, and ignores the fact that they will have two issues later on - the original problem plus getting caught lying!!

Impulsive lying can intensify if there are not consequences for both negative behaviors. And consistency by parents is crucial!

Are you dealing with lying? What have you tried? Has anything worked? Please share in the comments.

For my teen son, the only thing that worked was two negative consequences - one for the original negative behavior, like taking stuff from his sister, or not doing his homework, and a second consequences for the lying, like telling me he had turned in his HW or done his chores. Consequences for the original behavior included grounding him from his electronics, or assigning extra chores. But consequences for the lying were more serious, such as losing money from his allowance.

In the long run however, the real intervention that helped was identifying his ADHD and managing it with medications and behavior support. We learned that he didn't have control over his impulses at all, and that the lying was an impulse he simply couldn;t control. No amount of punishment was going to help.

One important way to help was learning to talk with him respectfully and calmly, not when all of us were angry and blaming. Want to learn how to do that? join my free webinar next week - registration info in the comments!

06/23/2023

Hello to my friends, clients, colleagues, future audience!

It’s been a while since I posted regularly, so I thought I’d reintroduce myself by posting ten fun facts about me. I’d love your feedback and comments.

❤️I appeared on 20/20 with John Stossel in 1994 to promote the couple communication program I helped create.

😀My favorite food is lobster. Just served it to my family for my husband’s birthday last month!

🎈I love to crochet and make my own jewelry and I own hundreds of skeins of yarn and thousands of beads.

❤️I met my husband on my first date with his best friend! The friend and I broke up 6 months later, amd my husband and I have been together ever since - that was 1975!

🎈both my kids were born prematurely, very tough pregnancies, but they are now young adults with good jobs

🎆I love to read and read at least two or three books every week - murder mysteries or science fiction.

💡my lightbulb moment as a mother: my kids told me I taught them to be caring people who do good for others

😀my son made up a joke when he was four - why did the garbage truck eat the watermelon? Because it was hungry!

❤️I’m a huge foodie and love to post pictures of my meals

👍I just broke my foot for the fifth time - 4 times on the right, once on the left!

I’d love to hear anything fun from your life that my list reminds you of!

looking to help your family? join me at my next free webinar - registration infor in the comments!