Yourfaithfultherapist

02/21/2023

Littleton, Colorado--Grief Counseling Group run by yours truly. Consider reaching out yourself or sharing this with a friend!

09/03/2022

$50 ONLY this Labor Day Weekend (usually $299)! Use promo code: YFTLABORDAY at checkout.

We honor God, our Creator, by appropriately taking care of each part of ourselves, which includes our mental health. Whether or not you struggle with your mental health you will benefit from this course.

08/17/2022

I recently had the privilege to be interviewed for Eileen Tully's podcast on grief and trauma. Eileen is the founder and operator of Present in the Pain, an apostolate ministry for grieving mothers. The whole interview was on this topic of grief vs. trauma, so for lots more information be sure to check it out!

https://presentinthepainpodcast.buzzsprout.com/

08/16/2022

Secondary losses are what cause the grief process to last for so long, because it complicates the ability to just "move on". They cause distress and discomfort and disrupt what we know or feel to be true. These are just a handful of secondary losses, but you can probably name a handful more from your experience. Which do you relate to, or what new one are you willing to share?

08/15/2022

Loneliness can be debilitating when grieving. We experience loneliness mentally and physically. We feel alone in our thoughts (no one gets it; no one can understand how I feel; I have no one) and in our space (I'm alone in this house, my family is far away, my friends don't call). Loneliness can easily slip into isolation which makes the grieving process that much more difficult.

For those experiencing loneliness, two suggestions: 1. Know that spiritually-speaking, you are never alone. Find comfort and companionship in Christ, the saints and angels. 2. Be cautious not to assume those around you can read your mind. If you feel lonely, you need to tell someone. Call a friend or family member and make plans. I know it is daunting and likely exhausting, but it will help.

For those knowing someone grieving: 1. Don't assume they want to be left alone. 2. Invite them again, and again, and again-even if declined. Eventually they will take you up on your invitation.

08/14/2022

Every person I have worked with regarding grief has felt guilty. Every. Single. One. Why is this? In my opinion, it's our human brain's trying to make sense out of the loss or death. As humans we like to have control--death throws us off kilter because we have no control over it. So to try to return to homeostasis, our brains look for the things that we SHOULD have done, or COULD have done differently, to make a different end result. In grief language, this is called "Bargaining".

"If I took her to the doctor sooner, she would still be alive." "I shouldn't have gotten angry with him before he got in his car, because then he wouldn't have had the accident." "It's my fault, because I wasn't a good daughter."

These statements are creating guilt, when nothing wrong was done. And nothing could have changed the outcome...time doesn't work that way.

So when we feel guilty after a loss, it's important to acknowledge it. Remember how common it is to fall into that thought. But also, to call it out as most likely untrue.

08/13/2022

Can you relate to these symptoms? These are all natural, just like grief is. Of course we hope and pray that the intensity and duration of these symptoms dissipate with time, but their presence in the moment can be accepted as a normal reaction to loss.

Know someone going through grief? This is a small window into their likely experience. Try and support this person while they journey through these symptoms.

08/12/2022

There are a lot of things in the world right now that are divisive. Issues become divisive usually because we feel misunderstood or unacknowledged. Grief, however, is universal. We all have lost loved ones, friends, relationships, jobs, or experiences throughout our lives. Our grief journeys may look different person to person, but the realities remain the same.

I'll be exploring grief in the next handful of posts. Comment below with what you would like to learn about grief and healing.

08/02/2022

How often do you answer “Who are you?” with “Well, I’m a child of God, of course!!!!”? I’m going to go out on a limb and say not very often ;) But it’s true, right? Do you believe you are a child of God? A beloved son or daughter? Chosen and given life by God?

Does this impact how you see yourself and form your identity? My experience in working with clients is that we understand this concept on an intellectual level, but perhaps not on a felt-sense level. The classic head vs. heart dilemma. I think this is true, but do I identify with this truth?

If we allow ourselves to identify with this notion I think it helps integrate the other parts of identity that we have already spoken about (vocation, job, family of origin, attachment, production, thoughts, symptoms, etc.).

What do you think? Do you have a way to practically apply this truth to your identity?

07/30/2022

As we learned in the attachment post, our identity is formed from day one. As we grow up, mature, and explore our identity, our family system remains a powerful influence. We identify roles within our system: mother, daughter, sister, auntie, etc. We identify with our function within our system: the strong one, the quiet one, the problem child, the outcast. We identify with our purpose: maintain the peace, lead others, challenge members, heal one another.

Family systems progress, form, and change on their own. We grow up thinking our family system is just like everyone else’s. Until around middle school or beyond when we realize that friend’s of ours, and their families, do things differently than us. Then we begin to reflect on our family life asking “is this normal?”

So now that you are an adult, what do you think of your identity in relation to your family system? What is your role, function, and purpose within your family?

07/27/2022

Our identity begins formation as early as infancy. Attachment theory supports this notion, stating that our psychological health is dependent on caring, loving, and attentive parents or caregivers that provide a sense of safety from an early age. These relationships begin, for most of us, with our families of origin.

Therefore, it’s vital we form our identity now with insight and awareness towards our attachment and family life as a child.

Here are some attachment question prompts to get your started to think through this:
-When I think of my childhood, do I have a sense that I was safe?
-Were my parents present? (or absent, neglectful, busy, occupied with other things)
-When I experienced distress/discomfort/got sick or hurt, did my parents care for me?
-Was I told “I love you” by my parents?
-Were emotions (good or bad) accepted in my childhood home?

Now, consider how these answers may affect you today:
-Is my identity now searching for things I lacked as a child?
-Is it the same as when I was little?
-Do I go out of my way to try and do things different from how I grew up?
-Do I feel safe now, or seek out an identity to feel safe?
-Do my emotions dictate my identity?

07/26/2022

I am unhappy. I lack hope. I am distracted. I feel lost. I’m angry. I am anxious. I am lonely.

These are symptoms. Emotions. Feelings. Do you base your identity off of these symptoms?

If we do, we kind of pigeon-hole ourselves into these feelings. We send subliminal messages to our brains that these are unchangeable. We get stuck and despair further.

We are NOT our symptoms. They affect us. They impact our daily lives. They have consequences. But they do not make up who we are.

Externalize these symptoms and emotions for yourself. Emotions are experiential, but ever-changing. We need to see them as more fluid than permanent.

Here’s your challenge:
1. Catalog your current day symptoms.
2. Ask yourself how much you let these take hold of your identity.
3. Externalize them as separate from who you are.
4. Intentionally choose to live out of your true self, not out of your symptoms.

07/25/2022

What small talk conversation doesn’t start with “What do you do for work?” Our culture (American especially) puts a lot of emphasis on our career/job/role as a working person. Most typical jobs require the biggest chunk of our day. It is not surprising then, that we form our identity around our jobs.

And this isn’t all bad. We can find purpose, fulfillment, motivation, and joy in our jobs. Our jobs can financially provide opportunities to live impactful and meaningful experiences as well. Occupational vocations are callings that, if done right, utilize our individualized strengths.

However, if our identity becomes engulfed by ‘what we do’, our personhood can diminish into ‘what we produce’.

“As a teacher, my job is to teach and prepare my classroom for the required curriculum”--meanwhile working 12 hour days to prepare lessons, teach, answer parent emails, etc.

“As a stay-at-home mom, my job is to ensure the safety of my children but also provide them with activities that keep them engaged and happy”--meanwhile becoming burned out and over-exerting energy.

“As a therapist, my job is to ensure emotional health for my clients, because they are my responsibility”-meanwhile having no boundaries and taking on too much care for another person’s emotions.

Reflect on your job for a moment. If it were to disappear tomorrow, would your answer to “Who Am I?” be unanswerable? If so, I would challenge you to think about this line between healthy identity as a____ (your job) versus focus on what that job has you produce.

07/22/2022

Research is showing that our underlying temperaments are biologically-based and due to differences in our brain structures. Personalities, although seemingly difficult to change, are moldable and are formed through unique experiences and situations present in our lives. (This is why we label infants as having good or bad temperaments…and as children grow we learn about their personalities).

Exploring our temperaments and personalities equips us with knowledge and information about our identity that can be extremely useful when navigating life. We can play up our strengths and delegate our struggles. We can attune to our wounds, and be mindful of our thought-processes. If we choose to do so, we can form our identity around our temperaments and personalities.

There are free tests online you can find that are *mostly* accurate without doing a full psychological evaluation/test. Today, I would challenge you to reflect on your temperament and personality traits. Share below what fits you!

07/21/2022

When asked, “Who are you?”, how do you answer? With your job title? With your role in your family? With how religious you are? With traits that define your personality? With negative statements about yourself?

Now ask yourself, “Is this who I want to be?”

If there is an incongruence between your answer and what you want your answer to be, buckle up! Let’s explore identity together!

In this new theme of identity, I’m going to explore ways that we define and form our identity using various theories and approaches.

To begin, reflect and answer the questions above. Then be sure to follow along, and tag someone that may benefit from these future posts as well!

07/14/2022

Well folks, it's been a minute! I have been removed from this space for a while now because I officially launched my own private practice! Although my day-to-day has remained unchanged, just about everything else has it seems. Opening and owning my own business has been intimidating and nerve-wrecking but also extremely exciting and hopeful.

I have a strong desire to return to creating more content, I do! It's amazing how much time it takes though, so please be patient with me.

So, give me some ideas of what you want to learn, and if you know anyone in Colorado that needs therapy, send them my way!

Blessings!

06/28/2022

A client of mine reminded me that charity is one of the three theological virtues (in addition to faith and hope). The Church teaches that these virtues are gifts given to us by God and are infused into each and every one of our souls. This means we are all capable of being kind and charitable.

The overturn of Roe v. Wade was a historical day regardless of your belief on the matter. But stemming from this it feels like the world is thriving (or seeming to thrive) off hate. There is so much hurt, anger, sadness and hate. My heart literally feels heavy.

So, if you're willing, please pray this Act of Charity with me. Let us individually ask for an increase in this virtue of charity, so that God strengthens us all to be equipped with kindness and love.

06/07/2022

Distraction may feel like a coping skill to many of us. We might be too flooded with negative emotions so we cope by avoiding and circumventing them. This may temporarily work; we might feel better. For a time.

However, as we begin to learn skills of emotional regulation and build up our tolerance of managing distressing emotions, distraction can become a barrier to feeling better. It is important to sit in our emotion, feel it, and move forward from there. Emotions move as we actually sit in them; they change and dissipate. If we distract ourselves from them, we ultimately just delay them.

So when you have an impulse to distract yourself from a negative emotion (through alcohol, s*x, scrolling through social media, becoming absorbed in work, playing a game, texting incessantly, etc.) I challenge you to stop yourself from giving into that behavior. Instead, sit. Feel. Absorb. Digest. Heal.