Shine Integrated Therapy

06/06/2025

.kellyvincent

06/05/2025

Made me laugh out loud!

04/09/2025

04/09/2025

https://drsuejohnson.com/the-knitting-group-dilemma-navigating-the-complex-threads-of-social-dynamics/
"In our efforts to address problems or hurts in our world, we adopt positions and actions that are all about self-protection or promotion. Unfortunately, they simply add to disconnection from others and an obsession with threat and righteousness. Safe connection—the key way to collaborative and effective problem-solving—is lost."

From the wise and loving Dr. Sue Johnson. Seems very fitting right now. We need safe connection to be well and so many forces are working to keep us separate and afraid.

“I can’t resist sharing this short narrative; it encapsulates much about our world. It’s amusing yet thought-provoking. A close friend, seeking companionship and relaxation from the stress of the working world, joined a knitting group—a small gathering of middle-class white women.

04/09/2025

It has been a while since I’ve been really triggered by something … ooh but it happened today.
I’m not ready to write about the details but I will say that I could feel myself shutting down into a state of confusion and powerlessness. My husband was amazing, he stayed very present with me, at one point i asked him to hold the front and back of my chest firmly so i could feel my body. Eventually I started to feel my emotions, finally I wailed in his arms.
I talked it through with loved ones, including my mom and step-dad who empathized tenderly. I will come out the other side.
I also know that some deep process is moving into my consciousness just as I prepare to leave on spiritual pilgrimage in Bhutan. This is a time for deep spiritual healing. I am ready.

I write about complex trauma because of my own experience. Fawning and appeasement was a lived experience for me. It is a trauma reaction that subtly wove its way into my identity. I got such a clear glimpse of this today, and how true this was for me as a teenager. Now, I’m holding her close and talking to her with so much love.

Thank you for reading. Like I said, I will be ok, I’ve got good support, and, I’m oh so human.

Relate? You might also appreciate the blog posted in the comments.
Here is an excerpt:

“Children require healthy, caring, and attentive adults to help them develop their social and emotional intelligence. It is the job of a parent to help children feel safe enough to express uncomfortable feelings. When children feel supported, they learn that stressful moments are only temporary and that they can resolve into positive experiences of empowerment or deepened connections in relationships.

However, when parents are emotionally withholding, controlling, or abusive, they fail to help their children develop a healthy emotional landscape. Within this unsafe territory, children become explosive or cut off from their feelings. In some cases, children become hyper-aware of their parents’ distress or are compelled to take care of their parents’ emotional needs. This process of abandoning self for the purpose of attending to the needs of others is called the Fawn Response.

The fawn response involves people-pleasing to the degree that an individual disconnects from their own emotions, sensations, and needs. In childhood, this occurs because they must withhold expressing their authentic emotions of sadness, fear, and anger in order to avoid potential wrath or cruelty from a parent or caregiver. As a result, they turn their negative feelings toward themselves in the form of self-criticism, self-loathing, or self-harming behaviors. In adulthood, an unresolved fawn response can then become the root of co-dependence, depression, or somatic symptoms of pain and illness.”

02/14/2025

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_kind_workplaces_are_more_successful?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=8364cabcd6-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_February_6_2025&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-8364cabcd6-69913559

It matters. Just spent time with other Emotionally Focused Therapists discussing attachment in the workplace. We need to be connected, seen and valued, supported to take risks in a safe environment.

Research suggests that having leaders, managers, and employees who are generous and helpful can boost the bottom line.

02/10/2025

Being flexible in challenging interactions doesn’t mean giving in—it means staying open, adaptable, and responsive.

When we recognize our own rigidity and make room for change, we move through difficulties with greater ease and resilience.

01/16/2025