11/12/2025
Is deeper work really better work?
Not always, it turns out! I know, imagine that!
First off, let's talk about your nervous system and how healing fits into this. We toggle between the Fight/Flight (Sympathetic) and Rest/Digest (Parasympathetic) aspects of our nervous systems. We need the sympathetic part to get up in the morning, to do cardio, to work, and more. We need the parasympathetic to settle down, to process heavy emotions, to appreciate beautiful things around us and to fall asleep.
Massage therapy normally puts us into that parasympathetic mode. The massage room itself is usually calming, the music is generally calming, the lighting is often very relaxing. So we're put at ease just walking into the space.
Then I usually ask what you're feeling, which parts of your body are speaking to you, where you'd like me to focus and how you'd like to feel by the end. A lot of people say they want really deep work at this point. They want to feel the effects (usually soreness) of the massage for a few days afterward, to get their money's worth! Trust me, I completely understand this and have heard it a lot over my career.
Here's the deal though. When you're getting worked over that deeply, where you're holding your breath, where you're squinting your eyes, hoping it's almost over, telling yourself it's just for a few more seconds and it'll all be worth it in the end, you are completely in Fight/Flight/Freeze mode. Your body is tensing itself somewhere against the pressure (Fight), your nervous system wants to get off the table and run away (Flight) and that deep exhale once the deep pressure is released says you've been tense (Freeze). Your nervous system thinks you're under threat and is telling you it's not actually healing in that moment. The switch is fully in sympathetic mode.
It's not always a bad thing to be in this place. But if every massage we're getting keeps putting us in this sort of response, where it takes a couple of days to convince the body to come out of it, we're not ever getting into the Rest/Digest/Heal system. In fact, we could be continuing the trauma we think we're healing, pushing it deeper into our tissues.
Well then, what now? What do I suggest instead? Well, I'm going to answer that with another question. What if you asked for less pressure, just to that edge before you hold your breath? What would happen if you used those signals from above as warning signs that the work is too deep and needs to be subtly adjusted? How would the massage change if you stayed in the parasympathetic experience more than 50% of the time? You would probably be sore less, yes, and you run the risk of feeling better for longer.
Here's the point. Deep massage shouldn't hurt, ever. And if you feel a sense of accomplishment from hurting after a massage, please know you are hurting after a massage that shouldn't hurt. It's that simple. Perhaps there's something scary about letting your body truly relax and heal. "Good" pain and "bad" pain are both pain to our feeling brain, the nervous system. The thinking brain has negotiated a vocabulary around the pain. But the truth remains that pain is pain, and you are tolerating, even encouraging it by hoping to hurt after a deep tissue session.
I've been in the field for over twenty years, I've worked on a lot of bodies, and I am happy to discuss the subtleties of this with you during your entire session. Trust me when I say I have found that direct physical experience of parasympathetic deep tissue work is the most effective for people. You have to feel the difference between deep tissue parasympathetic massage and deep pressure sympathetic massage in your own body.
Hopefully this gets you looking forward to your next massage! Ask your therapist to back off just a touch when you feel an intense sensation, wait five breaths, and I bet you notice the tension releases a touch faster than you expected.
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