01/16/2026
The Horsemen's Underbelly: Unsolicited Opinions
The epidemic of unsolicited opinions and how we opt out.
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Hi, I'm Anna. Creator of Beyond the Horse. I partner with horses and their humans to help navigate the trails of life. We dig deep to find empowerment and authenticity through horsemanship and coaching. But we don't just do skills and drills, saddle time and equipment talks. No, we pay attention to the barriers that women bring to the barn by uncovering their limiting beliefs, scars and blocks. And those barriers don't just impact connection with their horse, but to life's joy and happiness.
But let’s get to the heart of the matter. Let's talk about the "Unsolicited Opinion".
I've recently begun posting reels and other content on social media. While I've had a presence here professionally for over a decade, I've been hesitant to share too much in the horsemen's space for I know what oftentimes comes next: the onslaught of opinion.
It seems to not matter what the topic is: from skills and drills to horse care, tack talks, and hoof care—Lord, don’t even get me started on hoof care!—everyone seems to have a differing opinion and often no care to how they say (or type) it out.
Opinions are most often times shared with passive aggressive undertones, an "I know more than you", or often a "you're an **%!&^$!!!" way.
Kindly, respectfully and seriously hear me when I say: What the f*ck are we doing it and who the hell do we think we are?
If this is your first time hearing about unsolicited options: pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable hearing about something that makes everyone on the receiving end of it feel pretty darn uncomfortable.
And if you've heard this before: time for a self check. How are you doing with reining this habit in? Where can you do better?
So what's an unsolicited opinion?
It's an opinion you give to anyone, about any topic, without their expressed interest in receiving that from you.
It can be in a verbal conversation, on social media, through a text message or chat. They can be given to people you know and care about or to strangers that you have never, and will never, meet in real life. We give our unsolicited opinions every day and often all day long.
We usually believe we are being helpful over hurtful. We believe that our opinions are actually advice. We think we are older or wiser or have walked through a similar situation in the past and have valuable insight. However, a common side effect of unsolicited opinions is, in fact, being hurtful. The receiver can quickly step into feeling defensive, or less than, or judged, or small, or too big, or not enough, or a plethora of other not-so-good feelings.
And the receiver is often times left feeling those not-so-good feelings with no way of off-gassing or releasing them.
Because what do they say back?
Receivers often say "thank you". And maybe they truly are thankful for they never did think of your opinion or advice before and it is helpful. Yes, that does happen. Of course that can happen. The real truth though is most of us, especially women, are programmed to hear it and smile. We eat the cake even if we don't want it, right? It’s a habit we need to break, but that's a topic for another day.
But be real with yourself here for a second. Have you ever received unsolicited opinions or advice in the past and said "thank you" because you didn't know what else to say? That "thank you" felt like the only thing you could say because you knew "Shut up, I didn't ask you" might not go too well?
So what do we do? How do we stop the unsolicited opinions?
We've got some options on how to proceed. Some will be helpful, some will be hurtful. And that hurtfulness can be to others or to self.
Option 1: You could say nothing. You can internally feel uncomfortable and not do anything. You don't have any off-gassing here and so that uncomfortable stays with you. And "uncomfortable" for you might be mad, sad, scared or a host of other emotions that stay in the body because you have no ability to do anything with them. No ability to off-gas. Get it?
So who gets hurt by this?
You do. And your relationship with your horse does. Because if your outside does not match your inside your horse notices. They notice Every. Damn. Time. And it impacts your time with them. Whether riding on the trail or running around a set of metal cans, if you're incongruent in your body it shows up. They feel the friction in your soul before you even pick up the reins. If you aren't congruent, your horse knows.
Option 2: We can still say nothing, but complain to a 3rd party. We have some off-gassing here because we express our feelings.
So who gets hurt by this?
You do. The 3rd party does. By talking about this situation to a 3rd party, you're entering into a nasty habit, one no better than the giving of unsolicited opinions. You're talking about someone. Gossiping. And that behavior is gross. The 3rd party is now receiving all of this. And navigating that without also talking about someone is hard and most of us fail at that. And same rules apply with your horse because you are still incongruent.
Option 3: You can blow up on the giver of the unsolicited opinion. You can say, "Shut up, I didn't ask you."
Who gets hurt?
This one is easy to answer, right? Everyone. Your relationship with your horse too because I bet you're still running that anger and encounter through your head every so often and its robbing you from being present when you're with your horse.
Option 4: Tell them the truth. Tell them how you feel and ask them for what you want or need. And say it with kindness. Hold that person capable of hearing what you are saying. And hold yourself accountable for speaking your truth in way that doesn't cause more hurt.
Who gets hurt?
Hopefully no one. Now, can we control how the other person hears and holds our truth? Even if we say it clearly and with love and grace the other person may still get hurt. We cannot control that. That is of, course, a risk. Are you willing to take the risk in order to keep yourself, and your relationship with your horse, from being hurt? That's for you to decide.
(If you need to learn how to do Option 4, which most of us do, may I suggest coming to A Hero's Journey Workshop here at the ranch.)
You still here? Good, I knew you were one of my herd. You're just the type of horseman that I wanna be around. The ones who are curious and know that horses go BEYOND what we've always known. They truly are the teachers and we the students and you wanna pick up everything they are laying down. Glad you're here cowgirl.
May I offer you one more option?
Option 5: It starts with you.
Whatever you do, it ripples. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent: it ripples.
So collectively, let's stop giving unsolicited advice. Just flat out stop doing it. Don't offer your advice, opinion or suggestions without asking for permission first. You may see something. You may notice some hard. You may see someone stuck. Remember...that's THEIR process. You need to ask permission before you get into something that doesn't belong to you.
It sounds like this, "May I offer you a suggestion?"
And then you wait.
THEY get to decide. You might hear a "yes" or "sure" or you may hear a "no". You must respect that decision and move on WITHOUT giving your opinion, suggestion or piece of advice.
So let me hear some feedback peeps. What do you think? What did you hear? What questions do you have?
Also, and especially for those who know about this practice, how has asking permission before giving suggestions/opinions/advice gone for you? How do you feel about the practice.
As always, happy trails Cowgirl. Can't wait to see you on one soon.
-Anna
