The Doula Viv

07/19/2025

07/14/2025

“Giving children control does not make them feel entitled, it makes them feel empowered.” J. Milburn⁣⁣⁣⁣
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When we give an adult a task and ask them to take control of the project, we do not assume that this new found responsibility will encourage a sense of entitlement. In fact, in the adult world, we assume that giving someone control over a task will encourage them to take more ownership in that task. We see how it creates a sense of agency and we expect the person to be better able to complete the task if they are given full control over it. Why do we see children differently? Especially if this fear over creating an “entitled” child is based on concern for their adult life and motivation to perform in the workforce. The adult world actually sees giving control as a motivator for increased responsibility and agency over a project. ⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Edited to add: Seems an explanation is needed here. I am always surprised by the reaction to the word “control.” If the word “choices” feels more comfortable for you, that is fine. We all make our own meaning of words. The other thing that surprises me is how so many people interpret this to mean “give children absolute control.” The article explains what I mean by this, in detail. Also, this child-focused approach is reflected in all my writing about the practice of responsive parenting. Having said that, what I mean is give children control, when you can, when it is safe to. You’d be surprised how little that is. ⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Learn more about how to connect instead of correct in my latest ebook The Connect Instead of Correct Challenge.

Some topics covered
- Bedtime
- Getting ready in the morning
- Out in public (public dysregulation, material wants, impatience, incentives vs. rewards)
- Mealtimes
- Messes
- Aggression
- “Rude” behaviour
- Safety concerns

Link in bio or the website www.responsiveparentinginspirations.com

05/20/2025

Being a village for someone else isn’t hard ✨

05/14/2025

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For too long, a one-size-fits-all approach has been taken to childbirth, overlooking the unique needs of each mother.

That's why we expanded Healthy Moms, Healthy Babies to include Doula Services. With doulas, moms can create a plan that is best for them and their child’s health.