David Flowers Couples Teletherapy

04/11/2026

Facebook dings me when I share something from another page and don’t include my own unique ideas about it.

The problem with that is that Terry Real is one of the preeminent relationship therapists on the planet, and one of my gurus. And this is good enough on its own. I just can’t really improve on Terry.

So I will add only this: the fear is real. But SO IS THE FREEDOM.

04/10/2026

I’m sure 37necklace won’t mind the share, even with my included comment that this is positively, definitely not how you fight for a marriage that’s slipping away.

If buying your partner a necklace, or any other piece of jewelry, substantially moves the needle when it comes to the state of your relationship, it was never slipping away to begin with.

Of course I don’t have any issues with buying jewelry. It’s fine. But to fix a relationship that is slipping away, what really needs to happen is one/both partners learning that there are no small moments, and how to connect to each other in those normal, mundane places.

04/06/2026

I think the essence of a marriage is to choose and be chosen. And each person‘s job, day after day, is to live and act toward the other person in ways that make them *feel* chosen.

[This is opposed, of course, to insisting and arguing to them that you ARE choosing them when they come to you and tell you they’re not feeling it.]

This will, and should, affect every area of your life—your money, your calendar, your friend choices, your sleeping arrangements, the temperature in your house, who does what around the house, what is and is not considered cheating.

EVERYTHING.

This is what most people think they are getting when you choose to marry them, unless you have specifically arranged things otherwise. So if you’re going into an intimate relationship concerned about yourself and your own space above all else, you may not be ready for what this relationship requires. And if you’re not consciously planning to choose your partner above all else, you owe it to them to tell them that before you marry or move in with them.

I think a strong argument can be made that choosing a person, day after day, is also a pretty good definition of marital love.

03/05/2026

I can usually take any two people who are deeply committed to relationship therapy and willing to do the work to make things better and help them get the relationship they want. But seven qualities in particular seem to make therapy work better and faster and I feel hopeful the more of these signs I'm able to see in a couple early on.

https://davidflowerstherapy.com/signs-that-relationship-therapy-may-be-successful

02/27/2026

Are you with someone like this? Many women who come to therapy are convinced their partner is a narcissist. Most of the time it’s not true. But if this truly describes your partner, don’t even come to therapy with them. Get away from them as soon as you can. And be very careful about how you do that. Make sure you have somewhere safe to go.

02/27/2026

I mean it’s comedy, but there’s an excellent point he’s making here. Especially in light of couples therapist Stan Tatkin’s observation that to choose a life partner is to choose a particular set of unresolvable problems.

02/09/2026

With Valentine’s Day coming up in five days, I show couples how to resolve the perennial Hallmark Holiday issue by thinking in a different way.

Matt and I had a lot of fun on this one.

With Valentine’s Day coming up in five days, I show couples how to resolve the perennial Hallmark Holiday issue by thinking in a different way.

01/05/2026

Anybody out there wanna go deep today?

Here is a 25-minute training I did for the Michigan Mental Health Counselors Association on couples therapy. This video was made for other therapists, specifically other couples therapists, but I think could be extremely enlightening and helpful for people who find these communication impasses in their relationships.

Specifically, this video takes on one of the most confusing things beginner couple therapists often run into, which is that one partner often thinks the relationship is a complete disaster, and has very little hope for it, while the other partner thinks everything is great, that things are fine.

How can two people in the same relationship, living in the same house, have such radically different perspectives? It took me years, but I figured out the answer to this question and, once I did, I was able to take gigantic leaps in my work with couples.

If you want to skip the intro stuff, start at four minutes 30 seconds.

David Flowers LPC talks with therapists about what he has learned as a Couples Therapist.

12/11/2025

“In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other’s emotional well-being.”

12/01/2025

I always use a real-life bird story with my couples, so this is perfect!

11/03/2025

I haven't been posting these regularly, but this one from last month is probably my favorite so far.

Most couples talk about everything BUT their relationship. Then, when problems come up, there can be anxiety around simply having a conversation about something important. In this video you will learn three questions couples can ask and answer daily to a) make real conversation a normal part of the relationship, and 2) stay in emotional contact with each other.

Most couples talk about everything BUT their relationship. Then, when problems come up, there can be anxiety around simply having a conversation about someth...

11/03/2025