08/16/2024
Thinking of my Grandpop this August 16th!
Although itās a date that indicates the last moments of his perseverant soul existing on this Earth, that typical summer day back in 1992 was the finale of a not so typical, brilliant legacy.
He passed down the journey of life to me as well as all my a-million Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, my own Dad and my own brothers. (He really set us up for some good family parties.) Shout out to my Uncle Ger as itās also his birthday today actually!
Heritage is a strong theme amongst us 100+ and counting Ruffenachās, we are bonded by our bloodline and unconditional love for each other (thanks to Grandmom for teaching unconditional love) but also by my Grandpopās decision to make us a funeral directing family.
He raised 10 kids in his funeral home and now here I am with the privilege of calling it my āhomeā and āworkā every day.
When I try to remember him something about my Grandpop Ruff, I can really only rely on inklings, mostly based on pictures and stories that have been shown or told to me.
He died shortly after I was born at the age of 67.
I wish I had the chance to spend quality time with him as a fully conscious being.
Whenever Iām wandering around the funeral home alone, dusting and cleaning and declutterring the years and years of receipts and paperwork in the office or if Iām simply just lost in thought, I start to wonder what it wouldāve been like if he was still here.
I try to picture him in a suit, in and out, on his way to the post office and all the other daily errands Iāve watched my own funeral director Dad do for years. I think about the bond I wish we couldāve had, the stories of this business back in the day that Iād love to hear straight from him.
Despite his death, my life has been so uniquely molded by his legacy and thatās something truly remarkable to me.
This man, who in reality I barely knew and will never know, left this very peculiar calling, this abnormal fate for me to be a part ofā¦Even if I didnāt work in this business, Iād still have inherited a different way of thinking because of the way death care affects brain chemistry and for that I will forever be thankful.
Without being beside me, my Grandpop Ruff gave me access to observing the depths of love and grief and how often they go hand in hand.
Grief is something like a big long receipt for love. Itās the first step of realizing you invested yourself into something.
You spent your time, your care, your valued admiration on someone or something and sometimes its sad when you get that āconfirmation of purchaseā or āout of stockā feeling because youāll never get the recklessly exciting thrill from all that spending back or even be able to purchase it again.
Itās that initial buyerās guilt when we get handed the āgrief receipt.ā Loving and wanting things is inevitably costly and the anticipation of missing that love sometimes discourages us from even wanting to spend at all again.
I, like my previously save-every-piece-of-paper fathers before me, accidentally hold on to receipts for a little too long sometimes.
They get buried in the bottom of my bag or lost in my pockets. Whether itās to remind me to hold back from overdrawing my ever so unpredictable bank account or because I just donāt know what else to do with them.
I say to myself Iāll keep track of these, this grief receipt, and Iāll be better at managing how much love I spend because I donāt like this buyers guilt but really life keeps moving and I find more things to spend my love on. My receipts start to take up a lot of room after a while so I make sure to go through them but eventually I do a full declutter and grief goes away.
It is okay to hold onto your receipts but make sure they donāt discourage you from spending anything at all, save some money and love for yourself but remember money is made to be spent wisely and love is made to be given freely.
