05/10/2024
Mother's Day.
It is such a complex day that holds so many layers and truths.
*****
Mother's Day was one of my mom's favorite days.
With Mother's Day falling on a Sunday, we always went to church that day. Every year, the church sold carnation corsages for the mom and grandma parishioners. My mom was always so excited to get her corsage and wore it so proudly throughout the whole day.
That corsage was very much a badge of honor for her.
My mom accomplished so much in life and had so much to be proud of.
And though it was a rollercoaster at times and filled with many challenges—the one thing that brought her the most pride was being a mom, and later...a grandma.
Throughout my adulthood, this time of year has been especially complex and challenging to navigate for so many reasons.
And with my mom having passed just ahead of Mother's Day last year, there will always be an added layer of heaviness, dread, and a profound sense of grief that will be ever-present throughout this time of year.
Navigating the constant barrage of Mother's Day ads fills me with so much sadness and anger. I would love more than anything to send my mom flowers for Mother's Day and hate that those ads keep reminding me that I won't ever be able to do something like that for her again.
I also hate that it feels so impossible to avoid them, as those reminders are everywhere. I wish more than anything that I could just click a button and opt out of all of those emails forever.
But I can't.
I also can't help but think about my first mother. I was presumably with her for 2-3 Mother's Days before I was abandoned. I won't ever have memories of celebrating the day with her at all.
I have never felt the desire to celebrate my first mom on Mother's Day, but I have needed and wanted her to matter.
I won't ever know if being my mom ever felt like a badge of honor or source of pride for my first mother.
To the contrary, I would imagine that, due to societal stigmas and a lack of resources—my presence in her life brought great shame upon her and that I was likely much more of a burden than a source of pride for her.
And yet I will forever miss both of my moms on Mother's Day.
A part of me would love nothing more than to just stay at home, do absolutely nothing, and just have it be like any other day.
But I am trying to also remember that Mother's Day isn't just about my moms.
My belief is that this day is also about those I love more than anything in my life who call me "Mom" and those who experience me as a mom through each of their lenses of who they are and what roles they fill in my life—be it my sons, my husband, my dad, my siblings, my extended family, my friends, etc.
I feel like this day is about them, too.
So I am trying to keep myself from getting too much into my own head this year and allow the day to just be what it is and what it needs to be for myself and for those I love and am so blessed to have in my life.
I am also holding space for all of the layers, complexities, and truths that exist on Mother's Day and throughout this time of year for so many of us.
*****
My thoughts are with you...
Who identify as mothers;
Who gave us life;
Who raised us;
Who have chosen not to be mothers;
Who are hoping to become mothers;
Who are preparing to become mothers;
Who are questioning their ability to be good mothers;
Who have experienced loss in their hope to become mothers;
Who have experienced loss as mothers...
Who long to know their mothers;
Who have never experienced what it means to have a mother in their life;
Who were rejected by their mothers;
Who have complicated relationships with their mothers;
Who are missing their mothers;
Who are mourning the loss of their mothers;
Who are healing from their experiences with their mothers;
Whose family and mother figures were found and formed outside of societal definitions of family...
*****
Holding space with great care, compassion, kindness, understanding, grace, hope, openness, solidarity, and community in my heart for all we are carrying.
Along with a belief that what we are holding and how we feel about it all matters.
With a reminder that it's okay to just be—whatever that means or looks like for each of us right now.
I carry you in my thoughts and in my heart as you prepare to navigate this weekend—and I am sending so much love to you all. 💙🌸
