Compass Counseling and Behavioral Health

07/15/2024

Limit-pushing behavior can confound even the most attuned parent or caregiver. Why would our sweet darling throw her toy at us when we’ve just asked her not to, and then add insult to injury by smirking? Is she evil? Does she have a pressing need to practice throwing skills? Maybe she just hates us…⁠
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Sensitive, intensely emotional, and severely lacking in impulse control, toddlers often have “unusual” ways of expressing their needs and feelings. If it’s any consolation, these behaviors don’t make sense to our children either. The simple explanation is the unfortunate combination of an immature prefrontal cortex and the turbulent emotions of toddlerhood. More simply: children are easily overwhelmed by impulses bigger and stronger than they are.⁠
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In other words, your child very likely understood that you didn’t want her to hit you or her friends, siblings and pets, dump her food or water onto the floor, whine, scream and call you “stupid”, but her impulses made a different choice. And though she smirks, this isn’t out of ill will.⁠
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Rule #1: never, ever take a child’s limit-pushing behavior personally. Our children love, appreciate, and need us more than they can ever say. Remind yourself of these truths multiple times daily until you’ve internalized them, because a healthy perspective on limit-pushing is a crucial starting point. Respecting children means understanding their stage of development, not reacting to their age-appropriate behavior as if they are our peers.⁠
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I share more in The Real Reasons Toddlers Push Limits: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/10/the-real-reasons-toddlers-push-limits/

03/29/2024

Dubuque Area Friends! This is the last weekend for early bird pricing for the 2024 No Foot Too Small Angel Invitational on Friday, June 21st! We are proud to support and help sponsor this event- we hope to see you there!

We're addressing an important issue that affects many people. Our mission is to spread awareness and raise money for solutions we have identified. We created this event for everyone to contribute at various impact levels. Be sure to review the ways you can make an impact and please share this pa...

01/05/2024

Parents. Grandparents. Teachers. Educators. Aunts. Uncles. Sisters. Brothers. Humans. Our hearts are with you as we continue to face a scary reality.

If you are angry, your anger is valid.

If you are scared, your fear is real.

If you are discouraged and confused, this is normal.

If you are sad, you are not alone.

If this week has felt harder and heavier, we see you. If you didn't want to send your preschooler to school today, if you weren't sure how to answer questions from your high schooler, if you drove a little slower on the way to drop off your middle schooler- you are not alone. You do not have to be okay.

We stand with the victims in Perry, their families, loved ones, and the community that is grieving. We stand with parents, grandparents, teachers, and family members across the country whose hearts feel a little heavier today.

You are not alone.

Early this morning, a shooting occurred at Perry High School in Dallas County.

It’s virtually inevitable, unfortunately, that your kids may hear about this school shooting. So we wanted to provide a resource for parents, on how to navigate this conversation.

How you talk about school shootings with your child will depend on their age and maturity level.

You know your child better than anyone, so only you can determine what level of information they can potentially handle.

The following age-by-age guide can be used as a general rule of thumb for talking about this difficult subject with your kids.

https://parents-together.org/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-school-shootings-an-age-by-age-guide/

This resource was provided to us from Polk County Behavioral Health and Disability Services.

11/21/2023

The Holiday season is upon us and we are going to be right here offering support, insight and a little bit of guidance to help navigate some of those trickier moments that might pop up when spending time with family and friends.

10/12/2023

“All that a child truly wants is an affirming, connected relationship with the people that’s re supposed to love them most in this world…. Children behave best when they feel the most loved. Shame isn’t a strategy to encourage good behavior; it leads to compliance and then to rebellion.” - Sarah Boyd

09/20/2023

09/16/2023

09/07/2023

We see you 🤍

08/17/2023

Recommended Read Alert! Boy Moms- have you ever wondered "WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!" after your kiddo made a questionable choice? This post from expert Maggie Dent is a must read! https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/what-was-he-thinking/

"Boys’ behaviour is their language – when a little boy runs up to his best friend who is leaving kindy after having a great day together he sometimes punches him in the head or knocks him flat on his back! ‘Aggression nurturance’, a term coined by Michael-Gurian, is a non-verbal way of boys showing affection and the intention is to express his affection not to hurt! Wrestling and rough and tumble play are both ways that many boys connect physically with those they love. So reframe this behaviour next time you see it and teach him some less painful farewell strategies."

08/11/2023

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

08/08/2023

Our feelings change minute by minute, second by second. If you’ve practiced self observation you’ll know this.

Here’s an example:

You’ve made a really hard decision to speak a truth to someone. Right afterwards you feel terrified. Sitting alone at home, you start to feel confident. yes! I did it. About an hour later, you’re in the kitchen and you have feeling of regret or shame. “Was I too harsh?” “Why did I say it like that?” “I think I made the wrong decision.” By bedtime you’re neutral. You don’t feel great about it, but you don’t feel awful either.

Feelings change. Throughout a single day we can feel countless different things. And, just because we feel something doesn’t always mean it’s true. For example, we might feel guilty or like we’re selfish for setting a boundary. In reality, we made a healthy choice.

This is why it’s important to learn how to *observe* our emotions. How to let them come and go. How to not react to them, but instead make CONSCIOUS CHOICES in alignment without values.

When we make conscious choices in alignment with who we want to be in this world—we create self confidence.

We jump off the emotional roller coaster, the up-and downs of letting temporary feelings guide our permanent choices

08/01/2023

“But if my child doesn’t listen to me, shouldn’t they know they have made me upset?“

Our children are not responsible for our emotional triggers, even when their actions are the trigger. It does not teach empathy. But empathizing with your child does teach empathy.

Whenever I notice that one of my children’s behaviours is a trigger for me, I start with me. I look inside to see why I feel triggered. I respond to that feeling of being triggered and THEN I try and figure out what need they are trying to meet.

You may think this is choosing myself over my child. I would have thought this before too but actually, I’ve realized, overtime, that when I try to understand my child’s needs, while triggered, I see things differently than I do when I am regulated.

So in order to meet my child’s needs. In order to really hear what they are trying to say, I need to respond to my trigger first. Or else, they will not get what they need from me and I very likely will escalate the situation instead, despite every effort to appear calm.

Our children will do things that trigger us. It is our job to process the triggers, not expect our child to change, in order to avoid triggering us.

Learn more about how to process your emotional triggers and respond to triggering behaviours without shaming your child 👇📖👇
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Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣
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Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣

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