12/16/2025
Talking to Your Children About Recent Violence: Guidance for Parents
As a pediatrician and parent in Rhode Island, my heart has been heavy these past weeks. The shooting at Brown University hit close to home for our community, and now we’re processing yet another act of mass violence in Bondi, Australia. Many of you have reached out asking how to talk to your children about these events.
Start by Listening
Your children have likely already heard something—from friends, social media, or overheard conversations. Before you explain anything, ask what they already know. This helps you correct misinformation and understand what’s actually worrying them. Remember: their concerns may be different from yours.
Tell the Truth Simply
Match your explanation to their age. Younger children need basic facts: “Something scary happened, but you are safe.” Older children and teens may want more details and to discuss broader implications. Answer their questions honestly but without graphic details. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know” or “I’m still processing this too.”
Limit Media Exposure
This is crucial. Repetitive coverage and graphic images don’t help children understand better—they just increase anxiety. For younger children especially, turn off the TV and put away devices. Come together as a family instead.
Provide Reassurance (Truthfully)
Children often ask: “Could this happen to me?” While we can’t promise absolute safety, we can truthfully say: “Our schools, police, and community work hard to keep us safe. These events are rare, even though they feel overwhelming when they happen.”
Address the “Why” Carefully
Children may want to assign blame. Help them understand that violent individuals don’t represent entire groups of people. This is a time to reinforce our values of inclusion and acceptance of all people, regardless of race, religion, or background. Some children may worry about being targeted themselves—listen to these fears with empathy.
Watch for Signs They’re Struggling
It’s normal for children to be upset for a few days. But if your child:
• Has trouble sleeping or eating
• Shows persistent fear or anxiety
• Has difficulty concentrating at school
• Withdraws from friends and activities
• Seems very upset beyond a few days
…it’s time to reach out for additional support. Contact your pediatrician, school counselor, or a mental health professional. Don’t wait—early support makes a real difference.
Help Them Take Action
Once children feel safe and understand what happened, many want to help. Encourage this impulse:
• They can check in with friends who might be struggling
• They can practice kindness in their daily interactions
• Older children might want to get involved in community efforts
• Everyone can focus on being the kind of person who makes others feel safe and included
Don’t Avoid the Conversation
Some parents worry about making things worse by bringing it up. But silence doesn’t protect children—it leaves them alone with their fears and misconceptions. Your calm, honest presence is exactly what they need. You don’t have to have perfect answers; you just need to listen, validate their feelings, and be there.
Take Care of Yourself Too
Our children look to us to gauge how worried they should be. If you’re struggling to process these events yourself, that’s completely normal. Reach out to your own support system, and let your children see you managing difficult emotions in healthy ways.
For Our Rhode Island Community
The Brown shooting affected many of us directly or through friends and colleagues. If your child has connections to Brown, they may need extra reassurance and support. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared, sad, or confused—and that these feelings will ease with time.
For comprehensive guidance, I recommend the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement’s resource guide:https://www.schoolcrisiscenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Guidelines-Talking-to-Kids-About-Attacks-Two-Sided-Onesheet-Format.pdf
Please reach out to our practice if you need additional support or resources. We’re here for you and your children.
https://www.schoolcrisiscenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Guidelines-Talking-to-Kids-About-Attacks-Two-Sided-Onesheet-Format.pdf
