Eastern York County NarAnon Family Group

08/24/2021

Due to personal conflicts, the Tuesday nar anon group has temporarily been cancelled.

06/21/2021

June 21 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Changing The Things I Can

When I came to my first Nar-Anon meeting, I was overcome with pain and anger. I blamed the addict for my weight gain, but mostly I blamed him because I was unhappy. I knew I was not in the wrong, and I felt that what I said and did had nothing to do with my unhappiness.
I realized there was something terribly wrong and I did not want to go on living this way. I felt like running away from this awful life I led: being uncomfortable in my own home, being such a bitchy and ugly person, having this terrible heavy secret that my life was miserable, feeling such over-powering eternal guilt, and blaming myself for my son's drug use. I had to admit the unmanageability of my life.

When we went to family counseling, our counselor pointed her finger at me as the one who took care of and controlled our family. I was indignant, hurt and humiliated. How could she think I was the one who was to blame?

By attending Nar-Anon meetings, I learned what that counselor was trying to tell me. I began to get help in changing myself. Working the steps with a sponsor made me realize that I probably was as insane as the addict was. What an awakening!

Thought for Today: In Nar-Anon, I can look at myself, recognize my defects and work on them each day. I can let go today, realizing that my life is mine, and the addict's life is his. Today I can take care of myself and still be supportive of others, one day at a time.

“It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.” ~ L**h Walesa

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/17/2021

June 17 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Quit Trying To Change Them

My Nar-Anon group leader had finished a reading from the Nar-Anon Blue Booklet. It still rings in my ears, “...to release our addicts with love, and cease trying to change them.” I wondered. I took another look at the reading and I was reminded that it actually says, “We only ask… for the grace to release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them.”
I understand the word “grace” to mean a special favor or a privilege. Rudyard Kipling said, “Each in his place, by right, not grace, shall rule his heritage.” Nar-Anon readings suggest that if I ask for a change in my thinking, versus a change in the addict, I am practicing the principle of release. What is stopping me from releasing my addicted loved one? Am I still seeing addiction as a moral issue, and am I obsessively holding the addict to my self-righteous standard of behavior?

Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity and allow me to accept the addict as he is. Step Six gives me the opportunity to become entirely ready to have my unforgiving and judgmental defects removed. I realize I will find no peace if all I find is fault.

Thought for Today: I ask my Higher Power for help in using the Twelve Steps to release the addict with love and cease trying to change him. I am freed from my feelings of anxiety and fear of the future.

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” ~ Galileo Galilei

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/16/2021

June 16 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Grateful

One day I met my husband at his office. He looked terrible, clutching his stomach, shaking and crying with pain. I asked what was wrong. He said, “I’m not sure; I need to get some medicine.” I had seen him like this twice before. I was sure it was diabetes. Then the bombshell hit. He confessed that he had a he**in problem and was seeing a psychiatrist who has prescribed methadone. He was ill because he was all out. My husband continued on methadone for over a year and we lived in relative normality. Then slowly, subversively, things started getting wobbly. He was using again; anger, tears, and remorse. Then he went back on methadone, followed by a patch of excessive drinking, then he**in again, and on it went. This is the spiral, which I now know is not unusual in addiction. I became as sick as the user.

Finally, we both started going to meetings – him to Narcotics Anonymous and me to Nar-Anon. What a relief! I was not alone. There were people who understood. I remember feeling my anger and resentment lessen at my first meeting when I learned that addiction is a disease, like cancer or diabetes. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. Today I am grateful that I am married to an addict because I have been given the opportunity to explore my spiritual nature and move out of my comfort zones. I have taken a good look at who I am, what I want and where I am going. I am facing my past, my faults and my fears. I am becoming a better person, a happier person, and a more serene person. I am slowly but surely learning not to suppress my emotions and fears, but to release them and grow.

Thought for Today: I am grateful that I live with an addict in recovery because it keeps me from settling into complacency. Working my program gives me the opportunity to look at myself and grow.

“No longer forward nor behind I look in hope or fear. But, grateful, take the good I find, the best of now and here.” ~ John Greenleaf Whittier

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/07/2021

June 6 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Responsibility

Because of the drug use, the stealing and lying, and the chaos that goes along with active addiction, I asked the addict to leave our home. The chaos persisted, and in time, I changed the locks on the house and banned her from the premises. The sadness that followed my decision was intense. I was fraught with anxiety, and shed many tears. Many times, I contemplated allowing her to return home, even though she was still using. I was not prepared for the intense pain and anxiety that resulted from my decision. I felt worse than when the addict was at home.

Thankfully, a friend suggested that I attend a Nar-Anon meeting. In time, I began to realize that the addict had never been held accountable for her actions because I had always bailed her out of difficult situations. I realized that unless the addict was forced to accept responsibility for her actions, my home life would not improve. I longed for a normal life and I was desperate for relief from the agony and pain of living with her addiction. I had reached my bottom and knew that I was miserable and needed help.

Nar-Anon helped me to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I learned that I have choices and I can set boundaries that are good for me. I took responsibility for myself by not allowing her to come back home while she was still using drugs. I took responsibility for myself by seeking help in Nar-Anon.

Thought for Today: It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.

“When we go through storms we ask where is God. I’ll tell you where He is. He’s backstage designing a rainbow.” ~ Dr. Robert Schuler

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/05/2021

June 5 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Recovery Is Never Ending

It would be so nice if I could take these Twelve Steps one at a time – in perfect order – and then never have to take them over again. If they were so ingrained in my spiritual, physical and emotional being that they were a total part of me, there would be no more worrying, no more anxiety, fear, or resentments.
The first three steps are the awareness and acceptance steps: I have admitted that I am powerless; I came to believe that there is a Power greater than myself; and I know that I need to turn my will and my life over to this Higher Power. I believe that my Higher Power can help me if I help myself. Next are the action steps four through nine: I have taken my inventory, admitted my shortcomings and I am entirely ready to have God remove them. My amends have been made. Finally, we come to the last three steps, the maintenance steps. Without these I would stop learning and growing. Without these last three steps, I could not pass the message of recovery on to others. That in itself is one of the most important aspects of the Nar-Anon program.
Recovery is a never-ending process. I will always have addicts in my life, whether they are clean or not. I have come to realize that this program offers me a way of life that I never imagined was possible.

Thought for Today: My happiness today does not depend on the happiness of others. I am grateful for the addicts in my life, which led me to this path of discovering myself.

“May the storms of life be gentle showers and the light of God’s love shine brightly upon your pathway.” ~ As We Understood

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/02/2021

June 2 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Awakening - My Disease

I did not realize that I was co-dependent. I took my boys to a concert, and I brought along a book on co-dependency. I bought a drink to relax and sat down in the corner to read. As I read, I began to realize that I had many co-dependent traits. I had been attending Nar-Anon meetings and I wondered why I was not getting better after the addict was out of my life. I thought I was working the steps, but I still had so much craziness, anxiety and insanity in my life. I reminded myself of a dog chasing its tail, going in mad crazy circles, chasing something I was never going to catch. All my focus was on that tail! When I did stop chasing it, I was too exhausted to do anything else. Mental and physical energy were things of the past. I did not know “what my tail was.” I felt as though someone was sitting on my chest all the time. I was so wound up. I found relief in drinking until I fell asleep, or taking a drug to put me to sleep.

The drinking and pills were becoming a habit. I was craving them daily. At first, I only drank at weddings. If there were no weddings, then I did not drink, period. Sometimes it would be years between drinks, but now I was doing it almost every night.

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed someone or something to take care of. I had no clue how to live without being needed. I needed to be needed! I needed to take care of someone, not just me. I did not care about myself. I had no money and went without my insulin, and my health suffered. Now I see that this is classic co-dependent thinking. When I realized my insanity was caused by my need to care for others, it was as if the fog had lifted. The weight of the world was off my shoulders... It felt great! I feel great!

Thought for Today: Today I am thankful for my Higher Power. I am thankful for Nar-Anon and its Twelve Steps. With the help of my Nar-Anon program, I have learned that the only person I need to take care of is me.

“There is only one success—to be able to spend your life in your own way.” ~ Christopher Morley

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/01/2021

June 1 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Fear

If I indulge in negative thinking, I work myself into anxieties about things that may never materialize. This behavior results in wasted worries and possible ill effects on me. I know my peace and serenity certainly suffer. Why is it then that I still contemplate fearful thoughts? Can I not let go? Can I not begin to trust? So what if the addict relapses? Have I not relapsed in some of my own shortcomings?

When I find myself indulging in negative thinking, I use the tools of my Nar-Anon program. I call my sponsor or another member and talk about my worries to release my fear. I read my Nar-Anon literature. I remind myself that I cannot see the future and that worry never stopped or prevented something from happening. I then turn my worries over to my Higher Power and tell myself, it would be better if I stay in the here and now. I must let go of the future and the rest of the world.

Thought for Today: I must live one day at a time, as tomorrow is not promised to me. Therefore worrying about tomorrow and what-ifs will not bring peace and serenity to my life. Creating attitudes that show my sincerity towards others and trust in my Higher Power will bring me what I want, a balanced existence away from the fearful ups and downs of obsessive worry and fear.

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Taken from the Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/25/2021

May 25 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Maturity

When faced with the absurd behavior and the resulting negative consequences of addiction, I still thought I could respond, in a mature way, with reason and dignity. You've gotta' be kidding!

At first, I found that I would rather retaliate for the hurt and pain by getting even. I took great pleasure in telling my war stories to anyone who would listen, even strangers.

I could never purge my hurts with enough self-pity. Other people stopped being interested. Even the police were not interested. They are interested in crime and in evidence, not in the blues. All I had was my own self-destructive behavior and it bored other people.

As I grew in Nar-Anon, I discovered the maturity I wanted through the shared experiences of others who are also affected by addiction. I am maturing through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I am maturing by understanding such concepts as co-dependence, detachment, enabling, and denial, in myself and in the addict. I am maturing by learning about the nature of the illness of addiction, its progress and pitfalls, and most recently, recovery. I also mature by learning the nature of my own illness. I am growing more mature. I am recovering.

Thought for Today: There is a peace in knowing what I can and cannot do to influence outcomes. I can still be hurt and disappointed, but I do not have to react in the same old immature ways.

“Maturity doesn't come with age - it begins with the acceptance of responsibility.” ~ Edwin Louis Cole

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/24/2021

May 24 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

The Lies That Blind

Falling in love with an addict was a blinding experience. Our life together never lacked drama, though it did eventually lack all else. We went through car accidents and a fire that destroyed everything I owned and everything he had brought to this country. He was arrested and jailed. Still, I felt fiercely loyal.

He had asked me to marry him within three weeks of our meeting. I attributed his hurry to his having "found the right one," and not wanting to lose a minute together. He pressed me incessantly to have a child. I did not understand at the time that this was his way of keeping me tied to him. This impetuous decision-making was a departure from my normally cautious nature and a sign that my own disease was active. As I allowed myself to become more dependent on him, I was getting sicker and sicker. I was not able to see that I was becoming obsessed with my husband. He became less and less dependable and I became more and more focused on how to help him so he could be more dependable for me. I was still in denial about my motives, so I told myself things such as, "If I were the one who had a terrible disease, I would want him to be there for me. How can I offer him less than that?"

I came to Nar-Anon when I was nine months pregnant, desperately in need of support, and finally convinced that I could not survive my life's insanity without help. The minute people started sharing, I felt as though I had come home. My crazy experiences were theirs. Nothing I said seemed to shock them as it had my friends, and they had a peace and acceptance in them that I wanted.

Thought for Today: I will listen to my own dreams and not throw myself into the dreams of others. I will grow stronger as I follow my Higher Power’s will, as He does not give me burdens I am not strong enough to bear.

“A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.” ~ Edgar J. Mohn

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/21/2021

05/21/2021

May 21 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading
Tradition Five
Many newcomers are taken aback when they learn that we are working the same Twelve Steps as our addicted loved ones. Tradition Five explains why this is necessary and how it helps. The Fifth Tradition demonstrates the loving nature of our program. I learned by working the steps that the answer to recovery is not only to love and accept the addict but, more importantly, to love and accept myself.
One of most important lessons I learned is to stop the fighting and let go of the resentments. This is essential for my recovery. When I accept and practice the First Step, I accept that I am powerless over the disease of addiction. So what benefit would I get by going to meeting after meeting, reliving my war stories about the addict and complaining and blaming the addict for all of my problems? This behavior hurts me and does nothing for the addict. Further, it adds little or nothing to my fellow members' recovery.
The second part of this Tradition is our fellowship's role in sharing our message of hope and healing to others who are suffering. We can do this by supporting a newcomer or fellow member in crisis, providing information about our program to local drug abuse treatment centers, schools and prisons, and letting others know there is a better way to live.
Thought for Today: I am grateful for my Nar-Anon program, which teaches me that changed attitudes and encouragement to others will help me far more than focusing on my problems. In helping others and supporting my Nar-Anon group, I can reap the rewards of recovery.
"Each Nar-Anon Family Group has but one purpose; to help families of addicts. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our addicted relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of addicts." ~ Nar-Anon Tradition Five
Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/20/2021

May 20 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Gratitude

Before I was in recovery, I had days when I was miserable because things did not go as I planned or wanted. In the Nar-Anon program, I learned that I have tools that help me cope with life’s disappointments. I still have days where I am unhappy and disappointed in events and situations that do not unfold as I desired, but I have learned that life is neither all good nor all bad. Even when I think times are bad, I can choose to take care of myself with the help of my Higher Power by focusing on the positive and being grateful.

I was recently confronted with the loss of a loved one. I was angry, hurt and full of resentment. I felt because I was working what I believed to be a good program and asking my Higher Power for direction, that only good things would happen and I would be happy. When I shared my feelings at my Nar-Anon meeting, my group suggested that I might not be using the steps and practicing the program’s principles, which could help me through this loss. One member suggested that I try using gratitude. By actively practicing gratitude, I could change my attitude towards the event. It is my choice. Do I want to be a victim of circumstances by focusing and obsessing about things that do not go my way, or do I want to focus on the good things happening in my life and be thankful for the things I have?

Thought for Today: When I look at the word gratitude, I see attitude. When things are difficult, I can acknowledge the good and be grateful. I can change my focus and thinking to promote a good attitude, which is a step in the right direction.

“Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us. Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most situations.” ~ Each Day a New Beginning - Daily Meditations for Women

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/19/2021

May 19 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

No More Excuses

My son is an addict and I loved him by rescuing him. Each time I rescued him, I believed that this was the rescue that would work, and he would see the error of his ways and stop using. Instead, I kept rescuing and my son kept using. After years of this cycle, I found Nar-Anon. Taking the focus off the addict and putting the focus on me made no sense to me when I first started to attend Nar-Anon meetings. How would not helping the addict help the addict?

Members of my Nar-Anon meeting shared their experiences, wisdom, strengths, and hope. I learned from them the difference between enabling and helping. I learned how protecting someone from the consequences of their actions was not only disrespectful, but by doing so, I was standing in the way of their recovery. This was not my job and my behavior was harmful. I needed to get out of the way and let things happen, despite my fears. I had to learn to trust something greater than myself. I had to learn to trust that by letting go of my son, serenity was available to me.

The slogan “Let Go and Let God” comforts me in my recovery, and reminds me that my son has a Higher Power, and it is not me.

Thought for Today: I will remember that I am not in control. I will trust in a Power greater than myself. I will release my addicted loved one and all the other problems that I cannot solve to my Higher Power. Today I know that is the best thing I can do.

“Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. Maybe in the past we couldn’t trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold.” ~ Melody Beattie

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/17/2021

May 16 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Many Lessons

For some reason, my Higher Power has decided to put a variety of addicts in my life. Not only my immediate family suffers from addiction, but also other relatives, friends and acquaintances. I felt my job was to make them all well. Each time a new addict came along, I took it as my personal responsibility to fix them. In my thinking, they needed to know about the Twelve Steps, they needed to know about our program and the Narcotics Anonymous program and meetings. I had them ready for recovery, commitment and service. All they had to do was follow my plan. The problem was that my plan did not work when I tried to apply it to others.

When I start taking control, my Higher Power seems to let me know, gently at first, that I should not be getting involved in someone else’s program. I should not be getting too comfortable, thinking that I have conquered the “letting go” part. I need to remember that I do not have all the answers. That is the job of a Power greater than I am, and if I decide not to listen, I am nudged a little harder and reminded that there are many more lessons where those came from!

Thought for Today: My Higher Power is there to teach me and remind me that I have to “Let Go and Let God.” I am powerless over everyone but myself.

“I am still learning about the major themes of my recovery – patience, judgment, isolation and detachment.”

Taken from the Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book
Copyright © 2007 by Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. All Rights Reserved

05/13/2021

May 13 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Service

When I came to Nar-Anon, I felt life was unfair. Why did my husband have to be an addict? Don’t I deserve a normal, healthy family? This was my second marriage and I was determined to make it work. I thought if I were kind and giving, he would want to get better and act the same towards me. I gave with expectations. My giving and what I thought was love had strings attached. However, as my husband’s addiction progressed, I could no longer maintain the illusion of a loving, normal family or relationship. I worked so hard at hiding his addiction, and trying to cure him, but both our behaviors became more and more bizarre and unhealthy. It was apparent that there was a problem, and it was not just him. When we finally broke up, I felt my world had fallen apart. I felt alone, a failure, discouraged, and wanted to isolate.

I had started attending Nar-Anon meetings before our divorce was final, and I continued afterwards. It became the only time I went out, except for work. After a year of program, I was asked to be a group service representative and I accepted, thinking it would be another night out, which I knew I needed. At my first area meeting when one of the officers announced she could no longer serve, I volunteered. This time the results were different. What I discovered is through Nar-Anon service work, I can carry the message of recovery as I experience it. I learn I can help others in a healthy and supportive way when I give freely
Thought for Today: For me, giving back to the Nar-Anon fellowship is an expression of unconditional love and part of the healing process. When I give freely, without expectations, I help create a healing environment for others and myself.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ~ Lao-Tzu

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/13/2021

May 12 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

The Steps

One of the practices of my home group is to study one of the Twelve Steps on the first meeting of each month. Each person discusses what the step means to him or her and how it has helped in his or her recovery. Visiting a different step every month helps me to obtain a deeper understanding of the Nar-Anon program. I am learning by re-visiting the program’s principles and seeing how I can apply these principles in my life. This journey of discovery and growth often reminds me of peeling an onion. Layer by layer, and sometimes with tears, I peel away. I do this in order to remove the damaged layers so I can move forward in my recovery. I focus on each step month by month and write my reflections in a journal. I can then compare my progress with earlier years.

I came to believe the steps are my path to serenity and peace. I take these steps beside my program friends and we are led to a new understanding and insights, personally and collectively. I feel blessed and grateful to have a structure for measuring my progress. As I grow in my recovery, the understanding of the steps helps me to grow, change and mature.

Thought for Today: Studying the steps is important to me, as they are the foundation of my recovery. I can apply them to all of the problems I encounter. They also remind me that I do not have to face life alone; I have my Higher Power and my Nar-Anon family.

“The steps offer me a road map for living that leads to a spiritual awakening and beyond.” ~ Courage to Change

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/11/2021

May 11 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading
Taking Step Five
When I heard that my area was sponsoring a Fourth Step weekend, I knew that God had decided that it was time for me to attend. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize what I would uncover about myself when I got there. Working Step Four gave me an understanding of who I really was and what I needed to do to continue my path of recovery in Nar-Anon. I determined that in order for me to get the full benefit of working Step Four, I would need to move on to Step Five, “Admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.” What a wonderful healing experience it is to share with a sponsor or fellow member of Nar-Anon what I have learned about myself!
Admitted to God: Because of this step, I am more open to the presence of God in my life and the guidance I receive from him. Today, I can not only admit my wrongs to God, but I can thank him for giving me the lessons I needed to learn. I am where God wants me to be. I could not apply this program without my Higher Power’s presence. As I admitted my wrongs to God, I felt the healing taking place.
Admitted to myself: The key to Step Five for me was admitting who I am to myself. I had to be totally honest. I could try to fool others, but I could not fool myself, and I certainly could not fool God. I have found a better understanding of myself when I am open-minded enough to accept my shortcomings and realize that I need help.
Admitted to another human being: When I share my thoughts with another Nar-Anon member, and experience no condemnation for my actions or feelings, I feel very grateful and humbled. I felt only love, concern, and acceptance after taking this step.
Thought for Today: In the years since, I have taken my inventory many times and have found hidden qualities, characteristics and weaknesses that God has helped me channel into strengths and new abilities that I did not know I had. I am glad I have the Twelve Steps to continue learning about myself and improving my life in the process.
“The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.” ~ Vance Havner
Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book