Kiran Nesarajah

Kiran Nesarajah Paediatric Emergency Medicine & (General) Emergency Physician based in Kuala Lumpur. Hi! This page is where I share bits of both - thank you for being here!

I'm Kiran Nesarajah, a Paediatric Emergency Physician based in Kuala Lumpur with a passion for storytelling through visuals. When I’m not in the hospital, you’ll likely find me behind a camera - capturing moody portraits, vibrant scenes, or quiet everyday moments. Photography is my creative outlet, a way to balance the intensity of emergency medicine with the beauty of the world around me.

Every aspect of being a healthcare worker now involves a WhatsApp group. Every single one.You finish a 36-hour call. Cra...
23/05/2026

Every aspect of being a healthcare worker now involves a WhatsApp group. Every single one.

You finish a 36-hour call. Crawl into bed. Phone goes off. Roster changes in the department group. Someone asking who's covering bed 12. A passive-aggressive voice note about discharge summaries that weren't done. And the HOD just dropped a "please take note" at 11pm on a Sunday like we're all just sitting around waiting.

The "urgent" group that has literally never been urgent. And the real one, the unofficial one, where people actually say what they think about what was posted in the official group.

Nobody talks about the shadow groups but everyone's in at least one of these. Someone screenshots a consultants message and suddenly everyone’s a forensic linguists. "Why did she full stop that." "Is he mad or is that just his texting style." Then a smaller group forms to discuss whether the screenshot should've been shared. It never ends.

There's no boundary left. You're on leave and someone tags you asking where you kept the document or what was said in a meeting 6 months ago. You're at a kenduri and there's a 97-message thread about a new SOP that could've been one email.

You're sleeping post-call and wake up to discover you got "volunteered" for a workshop because someone replied for you in a group you muted three months ago.

And you can't leave. You leave, next week you "didn't get the memo" and it's your fault. So you mute everything and let the notification count pile up and just... don't look.

5 years of med school, 20 years in service and half of my evenings this past week were spent reading passive-aggressive texts from people who could've just talked to each other.

Don’t you guys worry, now that I have posted this, I’m too am going to be talked about in another new group.
It’s the circle of life.
Hakuna Matata.

ps. Bring back notice boards and emails. Bring back per shift/daily in person briefings and handover.
ps2. No more formal conversations in chat apps or groups. That’s for family and friends.

Frustrated while working in Healthcare? Welcome to responsibility without autonomy or authority.You're responsible for g...
22/05/2026

Frustrated while working in Healthcare? Welcome to responsibility without autonomy or authority.

You're responsible for getting things done. But you can't make decisions on how to do it. You can't allocate resources. You can't adjust priorities even when you're the one on the ground seeing what actually needs to happen.

Then your superior wants something done. A task lands on you. Now it's yours to deliver. But did they give you the authority to make it happen? Can you coordinate across departments without being told "who asked you to call us?" Can you liase between departmnents without being subtly implied that you have overstepped?
No. You just get the blame when it doesn't get done.

This is the everyday reality. You're handed responsibility like it's unlimited. But autonomy? That's above your pay grade. Authority? You'll get that in ten years. Maybe.

The system expects you to be accountable for results while withholding every tool you need to produce those results. You're not empowered to decide. You're not empowered to act. But somehow you're the one answering for the outcome.

This isn't about tough training or paying dues. This is a structural design where the person who carries the weight has no control over how it moves. And nobody above seems to notice the contradiction because the system works perfectly fine for them.

Responsibility without autonomy or authority is a setup to fail.

The Untouchable Medical Officers: When "Respect Is Earned" Becomes an Excuse to Give None  A growing number of medical o...
19/05/2026

The Untouchable Medical Officers: When "Respect Is Earned" Becomes an Excuse to Give None

A growing number of medical officers have become arrogant and functionally untouchable. Not because they earned that position. Because the system handed it to them by accident.

The houseman abuse reforms were necessary. The cruelty was real. But the overcorrection produced something nobody planned for. A cohort of junior doctors figured out that accountability only flows uphill. They watched what happened when the system punished seniors for bad behavior. Then they looked in the other direction and saw nothing. No equivalent mechanism. No teeth. Just empty space where consequences should be.

So now you have MOs who talk to senior nurses like they are room service. Who treat correction from specialists as a personal attack and route it straight to HR. Who show up late, push back on everything and wrap it all in "respect is earned" like that phrase is a legal defence. And nobody can do anything about it. Not really.

"Respect is earned" is a fine principle until you ask the follow-up: earned it how? It means "I don't have to listen to anyone and you can't make me." That is a child who found out the teacher can't send them to detention.

A specialist who wants to formally address a disrespectful MO needs months of documentation, HR navigation and institutional patience. The MO who wants to file a complaint against that specialist needs a single form. That asymmetry is doing a lot of heavy lifting.

Seniors who push back get labelled as bullies, dinosaurs, people who "can't handle the new generation." So they stop pushing back. They absorb the disrespect, pick up the slack and burn out quietly. The MO transfers to another facility, starts with a clean slate and does it all again. No institutional memory follows them. Nobody at the new hospital knows.

When bad behavior costs nothing, you get more of it. Nobody should need a policy degree to understand that.

And at the ground level, seniors and nurses need to stop absorbing this quietly. Disrespect that goes unchallenged reads as permission every single time. You do not have to shout. You do not have to play the old-school power game. But you do have to say "that is not acceptable" and write it down. Refusing to be disrespected by someone with a fraction of your experience is not bullying. It is the job.

We spent years fighting to stop the system from eating its young. Fair enough. But if the young have now learned they can bite with impunity, and nobody is willing to say that out loud, then we have not fixed the culture.

Unfortunately we have just rotated who gets to be cruel.

Why Emergency Medicine Might Be the Last Specialty StandingEveryone's talking about which specialties AI will hollow out...
15/05/2026

Why Emergency Medicine Might Be the Last Specialty Standing

Everyone's talking about which specialties AI will hollow out first. Radiology. Pathology. Dermatology. The pattern-recognition specialties.
But here's the thing nobody's saying out loud: the specialty that's most structurally protected isn't even surgical specialities. It's Emergency Medicine.

AI needs clean inputs and structured data. The ED is where structured data goes to die. Patients arrive undifferentiated. History is incomplete. You're managing a chest pain, a psychotic break and a pediatric fever simultaneously while the trauma pager goes off.

You can't telehealth a car accident. You can't remotely manage a STEMI. You can't virtualize a trauma bay.

Complexity alone isn't a moat. Radiology is complex but it's still a pattern-matching task on structured visual data. The differential diagnosis process is fundamentally Bayesian. AI will get good at that.

What makes EM hard to automate isn't the medicine. It's the environment in which the medicine happens. Radical uncertainty, resource constraints, physical intervention and constant interruption, all at once.

The bottleneck isn't information processing. The bottleneck is presence.

Burnout in healthcare doesn’t hit everyone equally. The doctors who burn out fastest are the ones who care the most. The...
11/05/2026

Burnout in healthcare doesn’t hit everyone equally.
The doctors who burn out fastest are the ones who care the most.

The ones who stay late.
The ones who follow up on patients from previous shifts.
The ones who teach juniors while running on fumes.
The ones who say yes to covering a colleague because they know the department falls apart otherwise.

The system selects for these people and then punishes them for being exactly who it needed them to be.

The ones who aren't burnt out?
Clock in, do the minimum, dodge work, skip teaching, leave on time, manage duties via WhatsApp.
So very happy all the time.

They’re not burned out.
They’re also not carrying anything.
Except the burden telling others how they are doing it wrong.
And they'll let everyone know they are right and everyone else is not.

Burnout is targeted.
It hits the people you can least afford to lose.
And then you lose them.

Over the past few days (after the last post) , I’ve received a steady stream of messages from specialists across the cou...
07/05/2026

Over the past few days (after the last post) , I’ve received a steady stream of messages from specialists across the country. The tone is consistent. They feel the national conversation around housemanship training has tilted too far in one direction and they want a more balanced discussion.

I want to be upfront: nothing I write here is an endorsement of bullying, harassment or toxic supervision. Those problems are real, well-documented and indefensible. But if we are serious about fixing housemanship in Malaysia, we cannot keep having a one-sided conversation. There are uncomfortable truths on the other side of the table that need to be said out loud.

The competency problem nobody wants to name

A significant number of house officers entering the system are not ready for the real world.

This is not a hot take. This is what supervising clinicians are reporting across specialties and across hospitals, consistently and repeatedly.

Some house officers are barely competent in basic clinical tasks. Some show little interest in learning. Some are physically present but functionally absent, “snaking away” during working hours, disappearing when there is work to be done, reappearing when the heavy lifting is over.

This is not about one or two bad apples. The volume of these complaints suggests something systemic. Whether it’s a problem with undergraduate training, selection, attitude or all three combined is a separate discussion. But the frontline reality is that many supervisors feel they are babysitting rather than teaching.

The transfer carousel

Here is what happens when a house officer is flagged as underperforming or genuinely dangerous to patients.

In theory, there is a process. In practice, the most common outcome is a transfer to another hospital. The problem doesn’t get resolved. It gets relocated. The next department inherits the same house officer with the same deficiencies and the cycle repeats.

Meanwhile, the supervising clinician who raised the flag pays a price. There is paperwork. Mountains of it. Forms to fill, reports to write, documentation to compile. Then comes the meeting where you sit across a panel and explain your assessment, defend your observations and justify why you flagged the issue in the first place. It’s an interrogation dressed up as a review.

The message this sends is clear: raising concerns about a house officer’s performance is more trouble than it’s worth. So many supervisors stop bothering. They sign off, move on and hope the problem sorts itself out downstream. It rarely does.

Mental health is valid. It is not a free pass.

Some house officers have been diagnosed with mental illness. That is a legitimate medical reality and it deserves compassion and proper support.

But here is where the conversation gets difficult.

A diagnosis cannot become an indefinite shield against accountability. If a house officer is consistently going missing from duties, failing to perform basic tasks or putting patients at risk, those problems need to be addressed regardless of the underlying cause. Support and accountability are not opposites. They should work together.

The current approach often treats them as mutually exclusive. A house officer with a mental health diagnosis becomes untouchable. Supervisors are afraid to document poor performance for fear of being accused of insensitivity. The result is a system where genuine illness and strategic weaponisation of that illness become indistinguishable. That helps nobody, least of all house officers who are actually struggling and need real intervention.

The ones who pay the price

The good house officers are absorbing the cost of this broken system.
Every time an incompetent colleague disappears, someone has to cover their patients.

Every time a dangerous house officer gets transferred instead of remediated, the remaining team carries a heavier load. Every time accountability is avoided because the paperwork is too painful, the conscientious ones pick up the slack.

They do it because they care about patients. They do it because they have a sense of professional duty. And they do it because they are not the type to complain or push back.

These are the house officers who burn out quietly. Who lose their enthusiasm not because of harsh supervision but because they watch their peers coast while they carry the weight. Who start to wonder why they bother being excellent when mediocrity faces no consequences.

If we lose them, we lose the future of Malaysian medicine. And we are losing them.

A fairer approach would look something like this.

1. Protect house officers from genuine abuse. No argument there. Bullying and harassment have no place in medical training, full stop.

2. Make it easier for supervisors to flag underperformance without being punished for it. The current documentation and review process is so burdensome that it actively discourages accountability. Streamline it. Make it supportive rather than adversarial.

3. Stop transferring problems. If a house officer is not meeting standards, they need targeted remediation at their current placement, not a fresh start somewhere else where the same issues will resurface.

4. Separate mental health support from performance management. Provide robust psychiatric and psychological support for house officers who need it. But maintain clear performance expectations that apply to everyone. These two tracks should run in parallel, not cancel each other out.

5. Recognise and protect the good ones. The house officers who show up, do the work and carry their teams deserve more than silent exploitation. They deserve lighter loads when colleagues are removed, formal recognition and a system that does not treat their reliability as an excuse to pile on more.

I know this piece will be uncomfortable for some.

It will be read by some as an attack on house officers. It is not. It is an attack on a system that fails everyone: the house officers who need better training and support, the supervisors who need functional accountability mechanisms and most of all the good house officers who are quietly paying the price for everyone else’s failures.

We can hold two truths at once. House officers deserve humane training conditions. And they also need to meet a minimum standard of competence, professionalism and accountability.

Until we can have that conversation honestly, nothing changes.

This morning, the Paediatric Emergency Department had the privilege of hosting Hospital Tunku Azizah's Perhimpunan Pagi ...
18/04/2026

This morning, the Paediatric Emergency Department had the privilege of hosting Hospital Tunku Azizah's Perhimpunan Pagi at Auditorium Perdana.
It was a proud moment for our department to take centre stage in front of the wider hospital family. It is an opportunity to showcase the spirit, professionalism, and commitment that defines our team every single day.
A heartfelt thank you and congratulations to every member of the PED family who contributed to making this morning a success. From the planning committee to the support staff, from our nursing colleagues to our medical officers, specialists and consultants, this was a true team effort.
Your dedication and pride in our department shone through.
Special appreciation to the hospital leadership and all departments who joined us.
Your presence and support mean the world to us.
The future of paediatric emergency care in Malaysia is bright.

𝐊𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫’𝐬 𝟖-𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫. In real life, most organisations never even get past Step 4. 1. Create...
05/03/2026

𝐊𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫’𝐬 𝟖-𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫.
In real life, most organisations never even get past Step 4.
1. Create urgency
2. Build a guiding coalition
3. Form the vision
4. Enlist a volunteer army

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝𝑠.
Not because the strategy is wrong. Not because the vision is unclear. Not because the leaders are clueless.
It stops because there are no volunteers.
No one wants to be the first mover. Everyone agrees change is needed, but everyone is busy. Or tired. Or cautious. Or quietly hoping someone else will carry the risk, the extra workload, the politics, the blame if it fails.

So the organisation does what it always does:
• Holds another meeting
• Writes another proposal
• Builds another slide deck
• Announces another “initiative”
• Creates another committee

But nothing actually moves.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: “Volunteer army” is not a motivational slogan. It is the fuel. Without people willing to take ownership before there is certainty, change becomes a PowerPoint activity.
𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬 “𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞” 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞.

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐑𝐌2,000 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯.Healthcare workers across the Malay...
25/02/2026

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐑𝐌2,000

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯.
Healthcare workers across the Malaysia are saving lives every single day with skills learned through local training, mentorship and hands-on experience. But the moment they walk into a training programme, their expertise gets dismissed. Why? Because their certificate doesn't have the "right" logo on it.
That's not a quality standard. That's gatekeeping.

Yes, internationally recognized courses have value. Nobody is arguing against quality education. But when we use expensive certifications as the only measure of competence, we're not protecting patients. We're protecting a system that profits from exclusivity.

𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠.
It's time we stop confusing access to expensive courses with clinical competence and start building systems that recognize both formal AND local training pathways as legitimate.

Share this if you believe healthcare knowledge belongs to everyone, not just those who can afford the gatekeepers.

Your child's cough might not be "just a cough."Malaysia has recorded 3,161 TB cases as of Week 6 this year. That's a 18%...
25/02/2026

Your child's cough might not be "just a cough."

Malaysia has recorded 3,161 TB cases as of Week 6 this year. That's a 18% jump in a single week. Sabah leads with 755 cases, Selangor follows at 596.

As an emergency doctor, I want parents to know this during Ramadan:

1. Children under 5 are the most vulnerable to TB. Their immune systems can't fight it the way adults can.

2. Crowded, poorly ventilated spaces increase transmission risk. That includes enclosed bazaar areas and packed prayer halls.

3. A cough lasting more than 2 weeks, night sweats, weight loss or fever that won't break - don't wait. Get screened.

TB is treatable. But late diagnosis in kids can be devastating.

KKM is deploying mobile screening units to Sarawak's rural areas. If you're in Sabah, Selangor or Sarawak, take advantage of free screening.

This Ramadan, the best thing you can do for your family is stay informed.

I genuinely didn't expect this. 🙏When I built pemcalc.com, I just wanted to solve a problem I kept running into at work....
21/02/2026

I genuinely didn't expect this. 🙏
When I built pemcalc.com, I just wanted to solve a problem I kept running into at work. A clean, fast calculator built for paediatric emergency medicine. Nothing fancy. Just useful.
But looking at the numbers this week — 5,770 requests. 127MB of traffic. In 7 days.
And it's not just Malaysia.
United States. United Kingdom. France. Russia.
Doctors and clinicians across the globe are pulling up pemcalc.com when they need it most — at the bedside, in the resus bay, in the middle of a shift.
That's not a vanity metric. That's real clinical use. And it means everything.
To everyone who's shared it, recommended it to a colleague, or just quietly used it without saying a word — thank you. You're the reason it exists.
This is just the beginning. 🚀

Address

Thongwa

Website

https://spoonfedpem.substack.com/

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