Ben Hoogland, LMFT - Couples Therapist and Relationship Expert
Couples therapist. Girl dad x4. Dance comp roadie. Weekend golfer. Gull Lake escape artist. Helping love grow stronger — one conversation at a time.
07/09/2025
The strongest couples you know?
They’ve been through seasons that almost broke them.
They’ve had fights they never thought they’d come back from.
Moments they felt more like strangers than partners.
Times they questioned everything.
But here’s the difference:
They didn’t give up when it got hard.
They leaned in.
They got honest.
They grew—together.
Hard seasons don’t mean you’re broken.
They mean you’re human.
If you’re in a rough patch right now…
this is your reminder:
You’re not failing.
You’re just in a season.
And seasons change. 💬❤️
07/09/2025
The strongest couples you know?
They’ve been through seasons that almost broke them.
They’ve had fights they never thought they’d come back from.
Moments they felt more like strangers than partners.
Times they questioned everything.
But here’s the difference:
They didn’t give up when it got hard.
They leaned in.
They got honest.
They grew—together.
Hard seasons don’t mean you’re broken.
They mean you’re human.
If you’re in a rough patch right now…
this is your reminder:
You’re not failing.
You’re just in a season.
And seasons change. 💬❤️
06/19/2025
06/02/2025
Let’s talk about something that’s hard…
but game-changing in relationships:
Taking responsibility.
Not for everything.
Not to take the blame.
But for your part.
Your words.
Your tone.
Your reactions.
Your impact—even if it wasn’t your intention.
It’s not weakness.
It’s strength.
It says:
“I’m not perfect. But I care enough to check myself.”
Accountability builds trust.
It creates emotional safety.
It makes repair possible.
Without it?
Everything turns into a blame game.
And nobody wins that.
So if you want a healthier relationship, start here:
Own your part.
Apologize when needed.
And be someone your partner feels safe around—even in conflict.
That’s not giving up power.
That’s stepping into it.
05/28/2025
MYTH:
“Couples therapy is only for people on the verge of breaking up.” ❌
⠀
TRUTH:
Therapy isn’t just for crisis.
It’s for connection.
It’s for growth, repair, understanding, and prevention.
You don’t wait for your car to break down to get an oil change.
You maintain it—so it doesn’t fall apart.
Same with relationships.
Therapy is where you learn to:
💬 Communicate without spiraling
❤️ Express needs without blame
🧠 Break cycles instead of repeating them
🤝 Strengthen trust before it shatters
The healthiest couples aren’t the ones who avoid therapy.
They’re the ones who use it before they think they need it.
So no—therapy isn’t a last resort.
It’s a powerful investment in your connection.
05/27/2025
MYTH:
“If trust is broken… it can never be repaired.”
⠀
TRUTH:
Trust isn’t a one-time thing.
It’s a living, breathing process.
And yes—it can be rebuilt.
But not with words alone.
Rebuilding trust isn’t easy.
It’s a choice—made daily.
And it requires both people to show up fully.
So no, broken trust doesn’t mean it’s the end.
It means it’s time to get real, go deep, and do the work.
05/20/2025
Rebuilding connection doesn’t have to feel heavy.
It can be hopeful.
It can be light.
It can even be fun.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“Hey… I miss us.”
Connection comes back when we choose it—
in the way we speak,
in the way we listen,
in the way we laugh again together.
Try this today:
🌈 Share a memory that makes you both smile
🎶 Put on “your” song and dance around the kitchen
📦 Drop the past—just for today—and be present
Rebuilding isn’t about fixing.
It’s about reconnecting.
Choose joy.
Choose softness.
Choose your person again.
05/19/2025
Been through a rough patch lately?
Felt more like roommates than partners?
You’re not alone.
Every relationship hits those moments where connection feels distant…
But distance doesn’t mean it’s over.
It just means it needs attention.
Rebuilding doesn’t have to be dramatic.
It’s the little things that matter most:
🧡 A soft “good morning”
💬 A check-in at lunch
💞 A 10-second hug after work
🎧 Listening without fixing
You don’t have to solve everything today.
You just have to start showing up—with intention.
Reconnection isn’t about going back.
It’s about building forward—together.
So if you’ve been feeling the space between you grow...
Here’s your sign:
Start closing the gap today.
05/16/2025
It’s Friday.
The work brain is clocking out…
and the flirty energy is clocking in 😏
So here’s your weekend reminder:
Couples who play together, stay together.
Plan something fun.
📱 Send a cheeky text.
🎲 Try a game you’ve never played.
🎤 Do karaoke in the kitchen.
💋 Or skip the plans and just make out on the couch.
You don’t need a fancy date night.
You just need to show up with some fun energy.
Because the spark doesn’t fade when life gets busy…
It fades when we forget to flirt.
So go have fun. Tease each other.
Laugh until you can’t breathe.
Touch each other like you still mean it.
This weekend, choose fun.
Choose each other.
05/14/2025
What is trust, really?
It’s not just about telling the truth.
It’s not just about being faithful.
It’s deeper than that.
Trust is feeling safe with someone.
Safe to be fully seen.
Safe to mess up—and know it won’t be used against you later.
It’s built in the small, quiet moments:
💬 When they really listen.
🤝 When they show up consistently.
❤️ When they handle your vulnerability with care.
Trust isn’t a grand gesture.
It’s a daily practice.
And the moment it starts to feel unsafe?
That’s when connection begins to crack.
So if you’re asking, “Can I trust them?”
Also ask, “Do I feel emotionally safe with them?”
That’s where real trust lives.
05/07/2025
Ever felt tension growing between you and your partner… but neither of you says anything?
You just brush it off.
Change the subject.
Hope it goes away.
But here’s the truth:
Avoiding hard conversations doesn’t protect the relationship—it slowly erodes it.
Every time we silence what matters, we build distance.
Not peace.
That unspoken resentment?
That unmet need?
That repeated frustration?
It doesn’t disappear.
It festers.
And over time, it becomes a wall between you.
Hard conversations aren’t comfortable.
But they are necessary.
Real intimacy is built through honesty, not avoidance.
Speak up—with kindness, with courage, with love.
Because connection lives on the other side of discomfort.
05/06/2025
You ever say something totally harmless...
and your partner still gets upset?
It’s probably not what you said.
It’s how you said it.
Tone is the unspoken message behind the words.
And when the tone feels cold, sharp, or dismissive—
the words don’t even matter anymore.
Next time you're about to speak, check in with your tone.
Are you rushing?
Sounding annoyed?
Tired?
Triggered?
Try softening.
Try slowing down.
Try speaking to connect, not just to be heard.
Because how you say it...
can be the difference between a fight and a breakthrough.
Address
9531 W 78th Street, Suite 145 Eden Prairie, MN 55344
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No, I never thought I would be a couples therapist! After college I was “sure” I’d never set foot in a classroom again...but, working with youth and families in a church, I felt entirely unequipped to help those who were struggling. I had to pick between seminary (pastor) or graduate school (marriage & family therapy). I picked the latter and was swept away on an incredible journey that changed my life forever.
Two years of graduate school was grueling, but also two of the best years of my life. The self-exploration, the connections and the learning what being in connection is all about? That’s powerful.
Since I graduate, I took a side road into real estate, but the economy (2007) made that route a quick re-route back to therapy. I have worked with all kinds of clients, but finally after starting my private practice in 2014, I found that my passion is...well, passion. I am energized helping people and couples create an intimate and passionate relationship. We, as humans, thrive in connection, but our ancient brains sometimes get scared and sabotage that connection from the meaning we’ve given situations or experiences in our life.
In the last 10 years, I’ve found my love (wife), created my tribe (4 incredible girls), found my passion (relationship therapy & coaching) and become the healthiest I’ve ever been.
