Above the Norm Counseling and Wellness Services

07/01/2023

“Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.”

Where do you want to be next year at this time in the following areas:
Health/fitness; Relationships; Professional; Financial, Intellectual, Emotional and Spiritual?

Build your life by design!

The action you take today and the following days and months will determine where you will be in the aforementioned areas.

Small consistent action steps can lead to big results over time!

05/01/2023

Anxiety is thought without control.
Flow is control without thought. ~ James Clear

09/02/2022

I recently met with politically active members of our community and they wanted my input regarding kids' mental health over the past two years. Here is a short version. Trigger Warning: Topics such as depression, loss, and su***de are covered.

What We Knew Before and During the Pandemic
Prior to this pandemic, according to the CDC, youth su***des increased 56% from 2007-2017. Moreover, the CDC also noted that su***de rates tripled in younger age groups (10-14 years of age) in that 10-year period. This disturbing trend was pre-pandemic.

·Isolation and loneliness correlate with depression. Data from the National Institutes of Health also tells us that the duration of loneliness is more strongly associated with mental health symptoms than the intensity of loneliness. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7267797/
The act of school closures and cancellation of all school-related activities induced isolation and loneliness in school-aged kids leading to devastating mental health effects.

Early on, data from the CDC told us that mental health Emergency Room visits in school age children increased significantly between April -October 2020 compared to the same time the previous year in 2019: a 26% increase in mental health emergency room visits in 5-11-year-old children and a 31% increase in mental health emergency room visits in the 12-17-year-old group. Again, these were mental health ER visits. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6945a3.htm

Data from the University of Cambridge showed that school-aged children (ages 8-12 years old) experienced increased depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm due to the isolation and loneliness from school closures. https://www.dailywire.com/news/depression-among-children-has-increased-under-lockdown-study?fbclid=IwAR1ZLlh5pnEf58g8ejjj8LW3ATCwND9pibwdj95darYK0l7PRQmwoanyF6U

·Loss is also associated with depression. Social connections offer a protective factor against depression.
The losses our school-age suffered were profound. When some think of losses these kids experienced, they may think of prom and graduation. And while those are significant losses and mark major milestones, there have been so many other losses related to school closures that are imperative for social, emotional, and physical health.

For example, loss of social connections that are formed in-person at school. Loss of playing with friends at school.
Neuroscience tells us that social connections offer a protective factor against depression and are important for brain health. Learning through play is how the youngest children learn. Socializing and playing at the elementary school level is developmentally crucial for overall well-being and learning.

Loss of physical activity which also supports mental health, loss of nurturing relationships from adults outside the home, loss of self-esteem opportunities, “Let me show you Mom and Dad”, related to musical performances, art, sports, band, awards and recognitions.

For the kids who went back to school, there were still losses including cancellation of sporting events, classroom parties, field trips, musicals, etc. Moreover, the highly important aspect of socialization was negatively impacted by social distancing, mask-wearing, etc. For example, some kids were not allowed to play on the playground unless they were masked and stayed 6 feet apart. Did you know that some second graders had never seen their teacher’s full face and don’t know school without social distancing from their peers, plexiglass dividers, and wearing masks?

College age students were remote or had to social distance, wear masks and missed out on “spreading their wings” and forming new social ties while trying independence for the first time in their lives. They too have not experienced the “normal” college experience especially when forced to go remote.

·Trauma is associated with depression.
Trauma may be due to a singular event; however, it can be a result of “sustained periods of toxic stress over weeks, months, or even years.” Trauma affects the ability of one to cope and function in healthy ways. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can lead to higher risks of health problems such as heart disease and cancer in adulthood as well as adverse symptoms in overall well-being as an adult affecting education and job opportunities.

·Obesity is correlated with depression. Obesity in children pre-pandemic was already a concern for healthcare providers. Physical activity is also associated with not only physical health but mental health as well. Too much sitting has been correlated with poor health outcomes, including low HDL (good cholesterol), high triglycerides, and metabolic syndrome. According to a study in the journal Pediatrics, obesity rates and weight gain increased profoundly in the early months of the pandemic amid the school closures. Sadly, children between the ages of 6-11 had the most significant increases in obesity. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2021-050123

Depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation had significantly increased so much that the surgeon general said we currently have a mental health crisis in our youth population. The same sentiment was echoed by the American Academy of Pediatrics stating we have a “national emergency” in our youth mental health.

The Data Was Clear That Schools Should Have Never Closed:

The decision to close schools was unethical and immoral as the data will show in this report. The draconian policies were harmful, and at times deadly to our youth.
The data was clear that children were not likely to be a transmission threat to adults (teachers) and the virus was not a threat to their mortality.
·It had been known before the summer of 2020 that kids do not have enough viral load to be a threat to adults. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/146/2/e2020004879
·Data from the AAP and Children’s Hospital Association also told us that children who get COVID-19 have a mortality rate that hovers at 0%.
https://services.aap.org/en/pages/2019-novel-coronavirus-covid-19-infections/children-and-covid-19-state-level-data-report/
·According to Doctors Lee and Raszka with the American Academy of Pediatrics, they told us that children were not to blame. They cited data from studies quoted in the journal Pediatrics,
“The child was not the source of infection and that children most frequently acquire COVID-19 from adults, rather than transmitting it to them.” Benjamin Lee and William V. Raszka Pediatrics August 2020, 146 (2) e2020004879; DOI: https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2020-004879
·Zero healthy kids died from covid-19. Too many kids died from su***de, overdoses due to isolation, loss and loneliness.

Examples of Heartbreaking Real-life Implications:

One of the nation’s largest school districts, Clark County District in Nevada, shut down in March 2020 and by December of that same year had 18 students die by su***de, the youngest 9 years old, forcing them to recognize that they knew they must re-open.

A freshman college student had missed out on her senior year in high school due to her school shutting down. When she eagerly arrived for her freshman year in college, she was not allowed to have a dorm mate due to social distancing. Many normal and anticipated events were cancelled and the college wound up going remote. She told her father that she did not fear the virus, but feared for her mental health. Nine months later, she died by su***de. Her father stated that he would have rather had his daughter die due to a microbe, than by loneliness.

A high-school student who had been forced to learn remotely for months spent much of his time isolated and alone in his room and died by overdose.

We must wake-up as a nation. Our youth are hurting and some are dying not by a virus but by harmful decisions being made by the powers that be. Teacher unions who have been advocating for school closures have money, power, and lobbyists. Children do not. It is time to stand up for our kids. We must not let them be used as political pawns.

Where Do We Go From Here:

It’s time to put the focus back on our kids and give back their collective childhoods. America’s kids cannot get back the time and losses suffered during their formative years.
I want to issue a warning. We do not know the long-term ramifications of the detrimental effects on kids’ education, social-emotional, mental and physical health regarding the past two years of isolation, loneliness and loss. Be prepared. Licensed mental health experts should be available for students. I suspect residual symptoms past one year for some.
*Join politicians in demanding that the CDC release the 2021 youth su***de data.
*Educate the masses that one cannot always trust the government including the “top” health officials. Focus on “facts not fear.” The virus was politicized and Americans must wake up to that reality that haven’t already. Yes, it is a significant betrayal to healthcare providers that the CDC issued guidelines that were not in the best interest of kids’ public health. The CDC recently issued new guidelines that focuses on “individual decisions” and retracted every guideline that was put into place that was harming kids, thereby admitting they were wrong without verbally saying it. Can someone say, “Midterm elections?”
*Class action lawsuit for those who knew better, i.e. Dr. F for violating the Hippocrates oath, “Do no harm.”
*Legal action on behalf of kids suffering losses, emotional damage, learning setbacks, closing of schools?
* Legal action for damages for those who lost loved ones from death by su***de or overdose due to isolation, loneliness and loss?

And finally, If and when the question arises, “Should schools go remote?”
If one wants what’s best for the next generation, the answer should always be:
Never again.
“To be kept in solitude is to be kept in pain…” E.O. Wilson, sociobiologist

Maria Roettger, MA, LPC

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) presents arguably the greatest public health crisis in living memory. One surprising aspect of this pandemic is that children appear to be infected by severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2), the virus that causes COVID-19, far less frequently than...

05/30/2022

Our Kids Are Not Okay

I am returning home from a family trip to Destin, FL and we are now returning to OK. We left last Friday and spent summer fun at the beach. On Tuesday, I like other Americans were sickened when hearing the news that another school shooting occurred at an elementary school in TX. I cannot even imagine the horror and fright of 10- year old faces when a shooter came in heinously taking lives of innocent kids and teachers. I can’t imagine the guttural, primal screams of parents being told their child was shot to death in the classroom. I have heard that a child took blood from a friend next to him who was shot and killed and smeared it on his face so the shooter would think he was dead too.
This is incomprehensible. It seems that no place is safe as mass shootings have taken place in schools, churches, grocery stores, malls.

I was raised primarily in the 80’s. Started first grade in 1980 and graduated high school in 1992. This was pre-Columbine. Active shooter drills were not something we experienced because they were non-existent; school shootings were not taking place in elementary and high schools. We had tornado and fire drills~ acts of Mother Nature to fear. We did not have to worry if today a shooter might come in and kill us. We did not have to prepare via active shooter/intruder drills “just in case” a mass shooter came in with intent to kill my classmates and me. We did not have to be suspicious of who in the school might be the likeliest to bring a loaded weapon in and take us out. The fact that school-age children have to fear this is incomprehensible. The act of intruder drills has been shown to increase anxiety in kids.

This is the reality that our kids are faced with daily. I cannot imagine what that feels like when just growing up brings with it anxieties of its own, let alone the anxiety and fear that comes along with a possibility that a school shooter could come in and kill my classmates and me on any given day at school.

What has happened to the soul of our people, namely young people? People like to immediately go to “gun control” or “mental health.” They want to place this horrific act in a box and when said box is wrapped and dealt with, the problem will be solved.

The act of mass shooting is a symptom of so much more than lack of gun control or lack of mental health access. Of course, we need to do better on policies to decrease the chances of guns getting in the wrong hands. Of course we need to do a whole lot better of making sure mental health access is available to those who need it.

But we are missing all the multifaceted factors that attribute to the death of a living spirit and its rage to act out towards others. This does not happen in a vacuum. It is not because one had a bad day. It is like a pot of water that starts out lukewarm but as the temp rises, it gets a little hot, and under more pressing heat, gets hotter and hotter and over time becomes boiling and if not addressed in time, literally spills over.

In short, we are missing on how to prevent what leads up to the deranged mind. How can we prevent the development of a school shooter? How can we be proactive (prevention) instead of reactive.

So, what has happened in- between and between the time I graduated?

*We have had the breakdown of the nuclear family. Despite what some say, research shows that kids thrive when in a home with a healthy mom and dad who love and support the kids. If kids do not have that, then it is critical that they have at least one stable caregiver that they trust and can attach to and feel safe with. This (attachment) is crucial for healthy brain development.

*We have decreased the quality time spent as a family with both parents working a lot of the time.

*We have decreased the quality of time by being distracted on devices. Even when families are together, many times they are staring at individual electronic devices instead of face to face interaction, connecting and communicating with devices no where in sight.

*Depression and anxiety have skyrocketed in children between 2007-2017. Suicides by children increased by 56% during that time!
What happened during that time? Want to take a guess? …. The iPhone.

*Smart phones have addictive factors by design. Some kids have been comparing themselves to peers, how many likes and followers they have. Bullying is a constant in this digital age. Kids do not get a break from the bully when they get home from school. The bullying is pervasive and never ending because it continues online.

*We have had a mental health crisis in our youth pre-Covid!

*Throw in Covid where leaders shut down schools and kids were left to do “remote learning” isolated in their home without socializing, staring at a screen confined to their home for up to 2 years even though the mortality rate in kids with Covid hovers at zero percent. Did you know that isolation and loneliness correlate with depression? Children learn through play. Social connections offer a protective factor against depression.

*The isolation, lack of sleep, decrease in face to face interactions related to the addiction to the devices increases depression, anxiety adding to the desire to isolate and the cycle continues.

*Add in a desensitization to violence with realistic violent video games being played by developing minds. The degree to how violent a video game is, the more dopamine is released attributing to kids getting addicted to very real-like simulated violence. Most of these games are rated “M” for mature, yet are being played by kids as young as 6-7 years of age.

*I would be remis to not include how kids are being exposed to p**n by the ages of 8-10 due to access on a digital device, whether their phone or a friend’s. It is a problem leading to more poor mental health and addiction in our youth.

Our kids need to feel safe, attached to adults who care for them, have “real” social connections with peers not just in the digital world. Our kids need a sense lof belonging Our kids need values. What are your family’s values? Do your kids know what they are? Do you live them? A pastor once recommended looking at your checkbook or online money history and see if it aligns with what you value.
These are good questions for all of us to think through.

Our kids are the next generation and have lived through so much trauma and loss. I have heard that elementary kids in our state and others have cried on the last day of school this year symbolizing the loss of normalcy in childhood the last 2 years with this school year ending being somewhat “normal.”

I can’t imagine what the surviving elementary kids and victims’ families are going through…the worst kind of loss imaginable.

What are your kids focusing on?
It’s time we put down our devices, spend quality time with our kids, encourage social connections, increase faith based community.
It has been said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”
I will add, “If you’re already doing that, spread your light to others.”

Our kids are not okay.

They need a hero. They need to feel safe. They need a sense of belonging. They need values. They need real quality time with loving parents and friends.
A monster is not born, it starts lukewarm…..

Regardless of denomination or belief system, may we start with:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.” Philippians 4:8-9

May our kids be okay.

03/14/2022

Are you feeling stressed? You’re not alone according to a recent study.

*Most Americans are feeling overwhelmingly stressed.

“Americans have been doing their best to persevere over these past two tumultuous years, but these data suggest that we’re now reaching unprecedented levels of stress that will challenge our ability to cope,” stated Arthur C Evans, CEO of the American Psychological Association.
In conjunction with the Harris Poll, the American Psychological Association (APA) conducted a survey between February 7-14th, 2022 to better understand the past two years' effect on stress in Americans. With the recent events of the Russian invasion and inflation, an added poll was given on March1-3, 2022 to complement the survey.
Over 80% of adults rated inflation and the recent Russian invasion as top stressors. In fact, 87% of Americans reported the rising costs of everyday items as a significant source of stress. Namely, the increase in prices for everyday items due to inflation such as grocery costs, gasoline, utility bills, along with global uncertainty were significant stressors.

*Americans are grieving the many losses over the past two years.

Americans are now dealing with the aforementioned while still reeling from the devastating effects of the pandemic and its restrictions over the last two years. The past two years have been filled with so much loss. Over 60% of Americans stated that their life has been forever altered by the pandemic. 64% are grieving the experiences and time they can’t get back. Many (64%) report major life moments were stolen from them due to the restrictions from the pandemic. In my view, children received most of the brunt of the loss and time stolen due to school closures. (See my previous posts on school closures and its devastating effects on kids’ mental health.)

*Americans are worried about their children's overall development and mental health.

Speaking of children, the survey showed parents are significantly concerned regarding the long-term and short-term effects on their kids’ development (including social life 73%, academic development 71%, emotional health 71% and physical health development 68%) related to the school closures and restrictions that have occurred over the past two years. More than half of the parents surveyed (57%) stated they believed their child could have benefited from mental health services since the onset of the pandemic. Previous research has shown that there has been an increase in the need for mental health services for school-aged children, even those who had never experienced a mental health issue prior to the restrictions. There is no question that lockdowns negatively affected children. Research from the CDC showed that mental health emergency visits in school-aged children increased by 54% between April and October 2020 compared to the same time in 2019. (The American Academy of Pediatrics, APA and surgeon general have recently stated that kids in America are in a mental health crisis/emergency due to the lockdowns, restrictions, loneliness over the past two years.)

*Americans have experienced relationship strains or the ending of a relationship over the past two years.

More than half of adults (58%) reported a relationship hardship or end of a relationship due to conflicts related to the pandemic such as cancellation of events due to covid concerns, differences of opinions on vaccines, differing opinions on mask wearing and differing views of the pandemic overall.

*Loneliness has affected almost half of Americans.

Almost half of Americans (47%) have reported feeling very lonely during the pandemic even if there was no relationship strain. (Loneliness correlates with depression.)

*Americans report unhealthy habits and weight changes since the onset of the pandemic.

Many Americans report unhealthy coping skills and worsened health since the pandemic. For example, almost half of Americans (47%) reported being less active than they would like. More than half (58%) of Americans reported undesirable weight changes. The average amount of weight gain reported was 26 pounds. For those with undesirable weight loss, the average decrease in weight was 27 pounds. (Did you know that changes in weight, increase or decrease in appetite and lack of activity correlate with depression?) Some Americans (23%) have coped in unhealthy ways such as an increase in drinking alcohol during the pandemic to deal with stress.

*So, what’s the good news?

71% of Americans report they have become better at prioritizing what’s important in their life and 53% have enjoyed having fewer plans since the pandemic started.

In summary, if you are stressed, you are not alone. Mental health is health. Reach out to a licensed mental health professional if depression and/or anxiety are affecting daily living (school, work, socializing).

~Maria Roettger, MA, LPC

Source :
Apa.org

***

02/23/2022

“There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way.”
~Dave Willis

01/03/2022

Exercise is medicine.

Exercise for weight loss and its link to long life is explored in new research. Exercise carries many health benefits, independent of how much weight loss occurs.

12/30/2021

Never Again

There has been talk in some parts of the country on whether or not to go remote after winter break. In fact, some schools and colleges have already decided to not have in-classroom learning at the start of the spring semester.

We know that school closures in elementary through college have been detrimental to students’ mental health. Mental health emergency visits in school age children have strikingly increased. Emergency room visits related to su***de attempts were 50% higher among girls aged 12-17 in February - March 2021 compared to the same time in 2019 per the CDC. Depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation have significantly increased so much that the surgeon general said we currently have a mental health crisis in our youth population. This has been echoed by the American Academy of Pediatrics stating we have a “national emergency” in our youth mental health.

Prior to the pandemic, youth su***des increased 56% from 2007-2017. Moreover, su***de rates tripled in younger age groups (10-14 years of age) in that 10-year period per the CDC. The school closures resulting in isolation, loss, and loneliness have remarkably exacerbated this alarming trend.

This is the next generation and the draconian policies have detrimentally affected this population at large, especially those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. However, do not be fooled. Depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation do not discriminate based on socioeconomic status and the devastating effects of isolation and loneliness have affected kids across socioeconomic lines. Isolation and loneliness correlate with depression, yet that is what the powers that be have induced by closing schools.

Loss is also associated with depression and kids have experienced so much loss over the past two years. When some think of loss these kids experienced, they may think of prom and graduation. And while those are significant losses and mark major milestones, there have been so many other losses related to school closures that are imperative for social, emotional, and physical health. For example, loss of social connections that are formed in-person at school. Loss of playing with friends at school. Neuroscience tells us that social connections are important for brain health. Learning through play is how the youngest children learn. Loss of physical activity which also supports mental health, loss of nurturing relationships from adults outside the home, loss of self-esteem opportunities, “Let me show you Mom and Dad”, related to musical performances, art, sports, band, awards and recognitions.

For the kids who went back to school, there were still losses including cancellation of sporting events, classroom parties, field trips, musicals, etc. Moreover, the highly important aspect of socialization was negatively impacted by social distancing, mask-wearing, etc. For example, some kids were not allowed to play on the playground unless they were muzzled and stayed 6 feet apart. Did you know that some second graders have never seen their teacher’s full face and don’t know school without social distancing from their peers, plexiglass dividers, and wearing masks?

College age students have been remote and/or have had to social distance, wear masks and have missed out on “spreading their wings” and forming new social ties while trying independence for the first time in their lives. They too have not experienced the “normal” college experience especially when forced to go remote.

Now, some will say, there is a virus going around and that we must protect others. It has been known before the summer of 2020 that kids do not have enough viral load to be a threat to adults. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/146/2/e2020004879

Since when have we masked up healthy individuals when the flu was prominent? When a person has TB (tuberculosis), he or she is isolated, not everyone around him or her. Yes, people with pre-existing conditions are more likely to be affected by the virus than their healthy counterparts. They are more likely to be negatively affected by the flu as well. However, we should not force healthy people, especially our youth, to isolate, shut down because there are some with pre-existing conditions. Why would we as a society harm kids in light of the aforementioned? The “cure” cannot be worse than the virus itself. Plus, the virus is not going anywhere by its nature of being a coronavirus, and will continually replicate. People need to learn how to live with it. This is for another topic.

Zero healthy kids have died from covid-19. Too many kids have died from su***de, overdoses due to isolation, loss and loneliness.

Examples of heartbreaking real-life implications:

A freshman college student had missed out on her senior year in high school due to her school shutting down. When she eagerly arrived for her freshman year in college, she was not allowed to have a dorm mate due to social distancing. Many normal and anticipated events were cancelled and the college wound up going remote. She told her father that she did not fear the virus, but feared for her mental health. Nine months later, she died by su***de. Her father stated that he would have rather had his daughter die due to a microbe, than by loneliness.

A high-school student who had been forced to learn remotely for months spent much of his time isolated and alone in his room and died by overdose.

One of the nation’s largest school districts, Clark County District in Nevada, shut down in March 2020 and by December of that same year had 18 students die by su***de, the youngest 9 years old, forcing them to recognize that they knew they must re-open.

We must wake-up as a nation. Our youth are hurting and some are dying not by a virus but by harmful decisions being made by the powers that be. Teacher unions who have been advocating for school closures have money, power, and lobbyists. Children do not. It is time to stand up for our kids. We must not let them be used as political pawns.

When the question arises, “Should schools go remote?”

If one wants what’s best for the next generation, the answer should always be:

Never again.

“To be kept in solitude is to be kept in pain…” E.O. Wilson, sociobiologist

Maria Roettger, MA, LPC

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) presents arguably the greatest public health crisis in living memory. One surprising aspect of this pandemic is that children appear to be infected by severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2), the virus that causes COVID-19, far less frequently than...