12/19/2023
Marriage is hard! If you are married, this isn’t fresh news. A secular study on marriage asked, “What makes marriages last over 25 years?”
The number one factor is COMMITMENT!
That news is as old as God! He knew what he was talking about. Even today’s secular marriage scientists find the truth in God’s word!
Attached is a Bible study on Marriage issues with nine personal takeaways. Commit to completing the study for you, your spouse, and your marriage.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
2 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
GOD SPEAKS ON MARRIAGE ISSUES
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KEEPING COMMITTMENTS I CORINTHIANS 7:1-13
Marriage is hard. It is easier to be single. (WHAT are some things today that make marriage hard?)
Marriage is hard because BOTH the husband and the wife must commit to each other. Commitment has to last a lifetime, and the relationship has to be nurtured, guarded, and defended against ongoing attacks. In marriage counseling, it is not unusual for one partner to be committed, and the other not to be very committed. As Scripture wisely points out, "How can two walk together except they be agreed?" You will recall the example of Hosea's marriage to Gomer, where Hosea was committed to Gomer, and Gomer was anything but committed. In today's society, the lack of obedience to God's marriage standards adds significantly to the challenge of marriage. Instead of accepting God's time-tested design for marriage, modern efforts focus upon redefining marriage, e.g. gay marriage, open marriage, and even polygamy as reflected in the relationship of sister wives on the TV program, "Big Love." Added to all the above is the redefinition of marriage as a way to make oneself happy. Self is the focus, as in self-centered, selfish. Since the flimsy foundation of marriage is my happiness, if I'm not happy it's time to end the marriage. Unfortunately, the search begins for a better person rather than to become the better person. Christian marriage is more prone to emphasize my holiness, my righteousness, or my doing the right thing, over my momentary unhappiness. There is great hope for happiness when two people are both committed to doing the right thing and being the right
person.
In Paul's day, Romans had no standard view of marriage. Jews were more likely to practice monogamous, committed marriage. However, polygamy was accepted, female slaves often were concubines, and divorce was easy. Corinthian Christians had a list of questions about several matters, including marriage. Paul
gave God's answers, and, using his apostolic authority, gave his own answers when God had not clearly spoken about marital or s*xual issues. Paul presented a wonderful and positive view of God's plan for Christian marriage. Paul encouraged acceptance and contentment irrespective of one's current marital state.
READ I CORINTHIANS 7:1 WHAT is this passage in response to?
(Matters you wrote about.) Corinthian Christians wrote Paul to ask questions about s*xual matters they were concerned about. Some new believers had not changed from their previous s*xual immorality. Paul instructed them in Christian s*xual morality. New Christ followers raised an opposite question about s*x. They had their own slogan, "It is good for a man not to use a woman for s*x.
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Today, I'm going to approach our Bible study in a different way. For each of the questions raised by new believers, I'm going to ask you for your personal opinion; and we may very well have different opinions, but we will remain charitable. DO YOU THINK it is, or it is not a good thing for a man to use a woman for s*x? (Is it only selfish and loveless, demanded, and not mutual or considerate? Or is it a normal function of marriage?) (Depends on the definition of USE?) The opinion of some Corinthian Christians was that even married people would be better off if they avoided s*xual relations altogether. We would label them as the ultra-conservatives. Most of us would say that that is an extreme position which negates God's intentions and all of the positive benefits of a healthy s*x life.
READ vv. 2-3
WHAT DO YOU THINK about marital duty-is s*x a normal expectation, an obligation that is in the job description of marital partners? (________________)
What is the "because" phrase that introduces v. 2? (Because s*xual immorality is so common)-that was a reality 2 millennia ago and a reality today. WHAT can be done about that reality-what should each man do? (Have s*xual relations with his own wife.) A man most certainly should not avoid all s*xual relations with his wife. That will just make him more vulnerable to s*xual temptation. So, here is God's wisdom, delivered by Paul, to those who said that the best way for married couples to deal with s*x is just to do away with it altogether. No, there is a marital duty. A person who is s*xually content is much less likely to become s*xually immoral. Marital partners can help each other be content.
A couple of centuries ago there was a community in Kentucky called Shakertown inhabited by a strict religious group known as the Shakers. They did not believe in marital s*x. Today no Shakers live in Shakertown and the group is extinct. That experience underlines one of God's purposes for s*x; procreation is for the propagation of the family and the group.
In case you missed it, in v. 2, with whom is each man to have s*x? (With his own wife.) God's standard is for monogamous marriage, extending all the way back to the Old Testament passage in Gen. 2:24, where He established the one flesh principle of marriage between a man and a woman. If we take at face value God's command, then it rules out fornication, adultery, serial marriage, polygamy, gay marriage, and every other possible perversion of s*x in marriage. S*x was originally God's idea. He designed it for His purposes and our good. I hope you noticed that God's commands included no double standards. On what two standards in vv. 2-3 do you see the same standards for men and for women? (Have s*xual relations with your own spouse alone, and fulfill your marital duty to your own spouse.) Just as there is only one proper way to fulfill your s*xual desires, so too there is only one proper way to fulfill your desire for God. Worship the Lord God Jehovah, and Him only should you serve.
READ v. 4
WHAT DO YOU THINK-what about body rights-whose body is it? Isn't my body my body, and I only share it with who I want? What Is the difference in a secular view and the Christian view? (Secular view is that my body is my own, and I do whatever I choose with my body. Christian view is that my body does not belong to me; it belongs to my Creator and my Master. I am a steward of my body; in His wisdom, God says that my spouse has a right over my body. I should be a giver and submit my body to my mate.
READ v. 5
WHAT DO YOU THINK-what about depriving your mate of s*x-what if you don't have that lovin' feeling, isn't it better to forego s*x? What about when you're angry? Tired? Not in the mood? Don't enjoy it? (All no; get yourself into the mood.) What is the one legitimate Biblical exception if a special condition is met? (To devote yourself to prayer or a spiritual exercise, but only if you agree for a time.) I have never known a couple to agree to delay their s*xual relationship for spiritual reasons, although such couples may exist. The implication is clear; the time of deprivation must be limited. Why? (Satan may tempt you.) Needs build over time, and you may be lacking in discipline and control of your s*xual impulses. S*xual deprivation may be dangerous. A word to the wise is sufficient.
READ Vv. 6-7
WHAT DO YOU THINK—is it better to be single or better to be married? (____________________)
Is there a command from God on this? (NO) WHAT is the usual assumption for most people? (Marriage) WHAT was Paul's personal preference and gift from God? (Singleness) ARE both marriage and singleness gifts from God? (Yes, and God knows what is best for each person. We do best when we accept God's plan for us and decide to be content. Paul said I have learned to be content regardless of the circumstances. He had some positive character strengths, being adaptable and resilient. Can you think of any advantages of being single? Of being married?
READ v. 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK-if widowed, do you think you would consider remarriage-why or why not? (______________________)
WHAT DO YOU THINK---what about the unmarried, the single, the never married, the widowed, the divorced-is it a good or bad thing to remain single? (__________________) What did Paul say was good? (To be unmarried.) Did he think marriage was bad since singleness was good? (No.) Paul may have been married and widowed since he was a rabbi, and marriage was a requirement. Afterwards he was single and celibate.
READ V. 9
WHAT DO YOU THINK---what if you are not very s*xually self-disciplined? (You should marry.) Does it make any sense to continually burn with desire, to struggle with lust and s*xual temptation when there is a better alternative? (No, you don't have the gift of singleness; go ahead and marry, but don't be unequally yoked!) If you can't be single and successfully celibate, then marry.
READ v. 10 TO WHOM is v. 10 addressed? (the married) Both real Christians WHAT DO YOU THINK--- DO you believe that the Lord NEVER approves of a wife leaving her husband? (Never is God's standard under normal circumstances.) Under what abnormal circumstances would God allow a wife to leave her husband? (Adultery.) (Hardness of heart.) Moses allowed in the OT in cases of extreme stubbornness that made a normal marriage impossible because the fundamental tenets of marriage were violated, "because you are so hard to teach." That would seem to include those who absolutely refuse to do the right
thing e.g. stop violence and keep the family safe, stop alcohol or drug use that harms the family, failure to work or reasonably support the family (I Tim 5:8 But if anyone does not take care of his relatives, especially the members of his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Crime, gambling addiction, or uncontrolled mental illness can make normal family life impossible. We have been known to recommend what is called "a therapeutic separation", either short term, long term, or legal in order to promote a normalization of marriage. Women's shelters exist in order to protect a woman and her children. Before reconciliation, there should be proof of repentance and change from destructive behaviors. Consultation with a knowledgeable pastor or godly counselor should occur before making relevant decisions.
READ v. 11
WHAT DO YOU THINK-DO you believe that God approves a woman leaving her husband in order to marry someone else? (NO.) WHAT TWO CHOICES does God give to the woman who has left her husband? (Remain unmarried, or be reconciled to him.) Ideally, Go back to him; work out the relationship. WHAT evidence is there at the end of v. 11 that God does not tolerate a separate or double standard for men? (Likewise, A husband is not to divorce his wife.) If a man left his wife or sent her away, we would presume that his choices are to remain unmarried or to reconcile with her.
Read Vv. 12, 13
These final 2 verses in today's study are thought to apply to a non-Christian married couple where one partner accepted Christ and the other partner did not. They now have a mixed marriage and are unequally yoked together. That is not a desirable state for a marriage. DID the Lord Jesus speak to such a situation? (NO) Paul, based upon his apostolic authority made a ruling. He first of all imagined a situation where a brother in the Christian faith had an unbelieving wife who was willing to continue living with him. WHAT was the husband's obligation to his non-Christian wife? (He must not divorce her.) He must continue the marriage. Paul later added that the husband should let his wife go if she was not willing to live with him. He was free to use reason, persuasion, and emotional appeals to her; but he was not to use force or legal maneuvers. If the marriage dissolved, the husband would not be considered at fault. He would not have committed a
sin.
In v. 13 Paul applied the exact same standard to a Christian woman who had an unbelieving husband. The Christian spouse should do whatever she can to maintain the marriage. Paul gave two reasons for attempting to preserve the marriage. First, the unbelieving one might become a Christ-follower. The believer might have a positive influence on the unbelieving partner. Second, the Christian parent has the responsibility to nurture children so they will become Christ-followers. There may be an increased likelihood of becoming a Christ follower for children reared in an intact home with two parents. There may be greater stability, security, and economic support than in a one-parent family. God's plan has always been for a father and a mother to be rearing their children together in the same home, within the guidelines that God has provided in the Bible. God is always for us, never against us, eager to help us and strengthen us for our good and His glory.
What can you do to reflect the sanctity of marriage?
1. Commit and stay married.
2. Be faithful to your life partner.
3. Live a holy life, separated from ungodly, worldly ways, thus demonstrating
a better way of living.
4. Love by giving, sacrificing, showing consideration and kindness.
5. Respect and honor your life partner, showing love in your speech,
attitudes, behavior, and choices.
6. Give praise to your life partner; avoid criticizing and complaining. 7. Pray for and encourage your life partner.
8. Search God's Book for marital wisdom and guidance.
9. Commit your life to Jesus Christ, and stay involved in His church.
