10/28/2025
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how hard it is to know what to do when people around you are struggling ... especially during health scares, layoffs or big life changes.
If you're like me, you care and you want to help. But sometimes it’s hard to know what that actually looks like.
It’s easy to feel helpless when we don’t know how to show up in a way that actually helps.
Here’s what I’ve learned as a coach, a friend, and a human who’s been on both sides of really hard seasons.
1. Don’t underestimate the power of presence
You don’t need perfect words.
You don’t need a detailed plan of how to help.
You just need to be there.
A text that says, “Thinking of you. No need to reply.” can mean more than a long conversation full of advice. Sometimes the best support is quiet, consistent presence.
2. Don’t rush to fix what can’t be fixed
When people we care about are hurting, our instinct is to make it better (at least mine is). But pain doesn’t always need fixing. Sometimes people need to 'feel the feels' and just want to be heard.
Try: “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”
Avoid: “You’ll find something even better soon.”
One brings comfort. The other skips the emotion.
3. Help with the heavy stuff
When someone’s going through a divorce, layoff, illness, or loss, they’re not just hurting emotionally. They’re also juggling logistics, finances, and everyday life.
Instead of “Let me know what you need,” try something specific:
“Can I drop off dinner next week?”
“Would you like me to review your résumé?”
“Can I share your post with my network?”
That level of clarity turns intention into impact.
4. Your support shouldn’t end when the initial crisis fades.
Often after the initial tough news, people stop checking in. But that’s typically when the loneliness and helplessness sets in.
Set a reminder a few weeks out. A simple “Hey, just checking in ... how are you holding up?” can make someone feel remembered and seen.
5. Check your own energy first
If you’re running on empty, it’s hard to give genuine support. It’s okay to take a breath, regroup, and come back when you can show up from a grounded place. Compassion doesn’t mean carrying it all.
6. Be generous, but realistic
Not everyone can donate, offer jobs, or make introductions. That’s okay. Support looks different for everyone. Listening, sharing resources, or sending encouragement all matter.
If you can help someone professionally, do it. If not, your compassion is still valuable.
Showing up for others isn’t about fixing their situation, it’s about reminding them they’re not alone in it.
And the secret to doing that well?
Care deeply, but carry lightly.
If you are going through a difficult time, please reach out. I’m happy to help however I can — even if it’s just listening, making a meal, driving you somewhere or connecting you with someone in my network.
