Stephanie Sternes LMFT, LCPC, NCC

Stephanie Sternes LMFT, LCPC, NCC Marriage & Family Therapy. Is your example of what and how marriage works based on an excellent family history? How do you learn to have a marriage that lasts?

Communication & Stepfamily Specialist. I completed my studies in Marriage and Family Counseling at Northwest Nazarene University. I have worked as a resource specialist, teacher, and small claims mediator. I am a a wife and mother with 6 children ages 17 to 43. I work with individuals, couples, families, and groups to problem solve and uncover new areas of positive engagement. Sometimes people get

stuck in what they are doing. We tend to do the same things looking for different results. I enjoy working with people to help them clarify their goals and move forward with plans to help achieve what they are after. I have a particular interest in helping people regain relationships. With couples it is incorporating the past and the future. Today's families are complicated; navigating step families, parent child, couple's and in-law relationships are not things they teach us in school. Knowledgeable support can be key. My approach to counseling is through power of choice and a realistic look at strengths and options. I believe that you are the expert of your own life and with clarity more options are available to you. I am affiliated with Clarity Counseling Connections, a non profit that aims to serve the Emmett community regardless of a persons ability to pay for professional counseling. Visit our website to choose the counselor that you think will work for you!

Why Good Parenting Can Increase Conflict in Two-Home FamiliesA parent starts making changes.More structure.More follow-t...
04/24/2026

Why Good Parenting Can Increase Conflict in Two-Home Families

A parent starts making changes.
More structure.
More follow-through.
More intention.
And in their home… things get better.

The child is more regulated.
More predictable.
Less reactive.
Phone goes off at 9.
Friends are more monitored.
Expectations are clear.

But then something unexpected happens.
The other home starts seeing more resistance.
More pushback.
More tension.
There are no set rules around the phone there.
More flexibility with friends.
A different tone around respect and expectations.

And now both parents feel it.

One feels like they are finally getting it right.
The other feels like they are losing connection.

So the system tightens.
More corrections.
More defending.
More explaining.

But that’s not what the system needs.

In two-home family systems, improvement in one home can unintentionally create pressure in the other.

Not because one parent is doing it wrong…
but because the system is not aligned.

And this becomes even more visible in adolescence.
Around age 13–15, especially for girls,
developmental tasks shift toward identity, belonging, and relational security.

At the same time, sensitivity to relational stress increases.

So when two homes feel different...or out of sync…the adolescent doesn’t just notice it.

She feels responsible for managing it.

So the question shifts again.

What if the problem isn’t the parenting…
but the lack of alignment between homes?
Start here:
Look for where each home is organizing in response to the other.
As a clinician, I am tracking how each home adjusts in relation to the other… not just what is happening inside each home.

Because when homes begin to organize against each other,
the child is pulled right into the middle.

And in adolescence, that pull often shows up as:
Withdrawal, mood shifts, anxiety, or alignment with one home over the other.

Not because she is choosing a parent…but because she is trying to stabilize her world.

And no amount of individual work resolves a system that is polarized.

Most clinicians were not trained to do family systems work at this level.

So in cases like this, I don’t just keep working harder with the child.
I shift the plan.

Co-parenting support or referral becomes part of treatment.
Because when tension lives between homes,
that is what needs to be treated… or referred out.

This is where the work expands.
We didn’t learn this in grad school.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

If you want to keep learning how to work with two-home family systems, you can follow along here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SternesCounseling

Two-Home Clinical Series: When the Symptom Isn’t the ProblemA child is struggling in therapy.Anxiety. Big emotions. Trou...
04/17/2026

Two-Home Clinical Series: When the Symptom Isn’t the Problem

A child is struggling in therapy.

Anxiety. Big emotions. Trouble sleeping.

We build coping skills.
We teach regulation.
We try to help them feel better.

But every week… they move between two homes
that don’t feel the same.

Different rules.
Different expectations.
Different emotional climates.
And quietly… they are trying to belong in both.

So the question shifts.
What if the symptom isn’t the problem?

What if it’s the child responding to the two-home family system they’re living in?

In two-home family systems, children often carry the tension
that adults haven’t been able to resolve.

Start here:
Ask what this behavior might be solving between the homes.

As a clinician, I am always assessing the level of tension between homes.

When it sits at moderate or higher for 18 months or more,
I shift from treating the child to addressing the family system… or I refer for a higher level of care.

Most clinicians are not doing family systems work at this level.
And that matters.

So I make referral part of the treatment plan
because reducing anxiety for my client requires addressing its source.

When anxiety is being passed between adults across homes,
treating or referring that out becomes central to care.

Because when co-parents or stepparents are supported,
the child no longer has to carry what the system is holding.

We didn’t learn this in grad school.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

If you want to keep learning how to work with two-home family systems, you can follow along here: https://www.facebook.com/SternesCounseling

Resources for High Conflict Family SituationsSometimes the hardest part is watching a family struggle and realizing no o...
04/04/2026

Resources for High Conflict Family Situations

Sometimes the hardest part is watching a family struggle and realizing no one in the system has the right support in place.

High-conflict divorce,
co-parenting, and stepfamily cases are complex, and many clinicians were never
trained for the realities of two-home systems.

If you are looking for
support, you can find clinicians trained in this work on my website:
https://www.StephSternes.com

I also recently trained the
interns at Tree City Counselors. They offer services at a reduced rate and are
a great resource:
https://www.treecitycounselorsboise.com/our-team/

If you’re working in these
systems and want to keep learning along the way, I share ongoing clinical
insight and resources here:
https://www.facebook.com/share/1Hwzk4A38W/

I am not taking on new
clients at this time. I’ve shifted my focus to training and now offer
supervision, consultation, and advanced training in two-home systems for
clinicians who want to grow in this work. If you need more supervision hours
toward your LCPC or LMFT, this is a great opportunity to meet those
requirements while building a specialized skill set.

Most clinicians are
seeing these patterns every week, but they just haven’t been trained to name or
treat them.

I train clinicians in the 5
core challenges these families face
• Loyalty binds
• Insider and Outsider dynamics
• Polarized parenting
• Grief and loss
• Navigating two home cultures
• Understanding at-risk children and
high-impact developmental stages
• Knowing when to refer for higher levels of
care

Training options include
• 1 day 6 CE trainings
• Private team trainings with group pricing
• Small advanced groups of 5 to 6 clinicians
with case consultation, CE credit, supervision hours for LCPC or LMFT, and great practice for the LMFT exam. Best priced supervision $50 per meeting,
twice per month

Next training April 17 |
Boise and Live Online
6 CEs in one day, including Ethics,
Boundaries and Su***de Assessment in Complex Cases
Lunch is included for in-person attendees
Register here
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1986135722411

Are you working with divorce and stepfamily cases, but were only trained to treat one-home families?If you have your own...
04/02/2026

Are you working with divorce and stepfamily cases, but were only trained to treat one-home families?

If you have your own lived experience in divorce or stepfamily systems, this work matters even more. This training helps you identify and manage countertransference so it does not impact your clinical decisions. This also creates space to normalize patterns you may have experienced yourself.

A counselor once told me about a teen who suddenly refused to see his mom.

Every session focused on anxiety and coping skills.
Nothing was working.

What had never been assessed was the tension between the two homes.

The child was caught in a loyalty bind.

Many of our clients are living in two homes, navigating different rules, relationships, expectations, and levels of conflict. When both homes are not part of assessment and treatment planning, important parts of the system can be missed, and cases can stall or escalate.

I am starting a 25-week Online advanced training cohort focused on complex family systems. This includes divorce, stepfamilies, co-parenting, and children navigating two homes. You will learn how to assess both homes, reduce conflict in your cases, and stay ethically grounded and out of the middle.

Small group. 5 to 6 clinicians. Meets every other week online. Case consultation and supervision hours included. 6 CE hours. $50 per session. This is also a great way to study for the LMFT exam while deepening your clinical work.

Looking for clinicians ready to grow in this area.

Comment or message me for details or email help@StephSternes.com

The clinical stories and examples shared in my work reflect common patterns seen in two-home family systems. Details are intentionally altered to protect privacy and represent composite experiences drawn from both clinical practice and lived understanding.

What the research actually says about two-home systems. 6CEs!Most of what impacts children in two-home systems is not th...
04/01/2026

What the research actually says about two-home systems. 6CEs!

Most of what impacts children in two-home systems is not the divorce itself.
It is the quality of the co-parenting relationship between the homes.

When clinicians assess only one home, they are working with partial data.
When they treat only the child, they are treating downstream symptoms.

This is where cases get stuck.
Conflict escalates.
Kids carry the stress.
And clinicians get pulled into dynamics they were never trained to manage.

The research consistently shows:
• Co-parenting is the central organizing system
• Conflict between homes is the primary risk factor
• Cooperation between homes is the strongest protective factor

Does your treatment plan include this when you are working with children of divorce?

I would love to help you with your informed consent, assessment, treatment planning, and referral decisions when working with two-home systems.

You are invited to see how this work changes when you begin using a two-home systems lens.

Join us for this 1-day training:
The Ethical Risk of Treating Stepfamilies Like Nuclear Families

April 17
Boise + Live Online
6 CE Hours (Ethics, Boundaries, Su***de)
Lunch is included for in-person attendees

Register here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1986135722411

How Does Enmeshment Happen?It doesn’t start with closeness.It starts with loyalty.In two-home systems, children often le...
03/25/2026

How Does Enmeshment Happen?

It doesn’t start with closeness.

It starts with loyalty.

In two-home systems, children often learn:

To belong in one home,
they must distance themselves from the other.
It looks like connection.
It’s actually pressure.

When Loyalty Replaces Love, Children Get Stuck in the Middle

Over time, that pressure creates what we call enmeshment
not because the relationship is too close,
but because it’s no longer safe to be separate.

This is the Love–Loyalty Paradox™:
when loyalty replaces love as the glue holding the system together.

Most clinicians were trained to treat one-home family systems.

But many of our clients don’t live in one.

If you’re working with divorce, co-parenting, or stepfamilies,
this changes how you assess alignment, risk, and treatment planning.

This Friday – Boise + Live Online
6 CE Hours (Ethics, Boundaries, Su***de Assessment)
Lunch included for in-person attendees

03/23/2026

Are You Missing the Two-Home System in Your Cases?

Most counselors are trained to work with one-home families.
But many of your clients live in two.
If you are seeing:
• Divorce cases that are not improving
• Stepfamilies stuck in conflict
• Kids caught in loyalty binds
• Co-parenting that keeps derailing treatment
You may be working with a two-home system with a one-home lens.
Experts like Dr. Patricia Papernow, Larry Ganong, and Ron Deal have been clear:
Stepfamilies and two-home family systems require a different clinical approach.
(This Ron Deal video explains why.)
________________________________________
Join me this Friday in Boise for a live training on how to assess and treat two-home family systems.
✔ 6 CE hours
✔ Lunch included
✔ Real case application
✔ Also available online
If you work with divorce, stepfamilies, or co-parenting cases, this training is for you.
Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-ethical-risk-of-treating-stepfamilies-like-nuclear-families-tickets-1983594553707
________________________________________
You are not missing something.
You were trained for a different system.

Some people read a clinical story and feel,“This is my story.”In many ways, that response makes sense.The patterns withi...
03/22/2026

Some people read a clinical story and feel,
“This is my story.”

In many ways, that response makes sense.

The patterns within two-home family systems are often predictable.
Divorce, stepfamilies, co-parenting conflict, and loyalty binds.
These dynamics show up in similar ways across different families.

The stories I share reflect those patterns.

They are not one family.
They are not one case.

They are composite experiences, drawn from both clinical practice and lived understanding, with details intentionally altered to protect privacy.

If something feels familiar or personal, I want to acknowledge that experience with respect and care.

You are not alone in what you are navigating.

Caught in the Middle?A couple came to counseling exhausted.They loved each other.They wanted their marriage to work.But ...
03/19/2026

Caught in the Middle?

A couple came to counseling exhausted.
They loved each other.

They wanted their marriage to work.
But every session turned into the same fight.

The ex.
“She is always interfering.”
“He never sets boundaries with her."
“She controls the schedule.”
“You make everything worse.”

At first, it appeared to be a marital communication problem.
And the counselor did what most of us were trained to do.
Focus on improving communication within the couple.

But something important had never been assessed.

For over a year and a half there had been moderate to high tension in the co-parenting relationship between the two homes.

Schedule changes turned into battles.
Holidays were tense.
The kids were starting to withdraw.
And now the stepfamily struggles to attach and is starting to fracture.

This is a moment many counselors miss.
Not because they do not care.

But because most of us were trained to look at one family system in the room.

When a child lives in two homes, there are two family systems influencing the problem.

If we only assess the couple sitting in front of us, we can miss where the conflict is actually being generated.

And that changes everything about the treatment plan.

When co-parenting conflict has remained moderate to high over time, traditional couples counseling is often not enough.
The treatment plan may need to expand to include REFERRALS such as:
• Co-parenting counseling or coaching
• Structured co-parenting programs
• Individual therapy for emotional regulation or attachment wounds
• High-conflict parenting education, such as New Ways or similar models
• A stable counseling relationship for the children that remains available across developmental stages. When conflict between homes remains moderate to high over time, maintaining an ongoing therapeutic relationship can provide a neutral, safe space where children can periodically process loyalty conflicts and family stress as they grow.

Because as children move through developmental stages, they often reprocess family conflict in new ways.

Over time, we may begin to see:
Withdrawal
Loyalty binds
Resist and refuse dynamics
Sometimes, even the loss of a parent–child relationship
By the time these symptoms appear, the system has often been under strain for years.

This is why moderate to high co-parenting conflict should be addressed preventively in treatment planning.

Just as we document risk assessment and referral planning with suicidal clients, counselors working with two-home family systems may need to document referral to higher levels of care across the family system when moderate to high conflict persists between homes.

This is not about blaming parents.

It is about protecting children from prolonged exposure to unresolved conflict between the adults who love them.
Counselors cannot fix the conflict between homes alone.
But we can see it, name it, and refer appropriately as part of responsible treatment planning.

It is hard to build a stepfamily when the co-parenting relationship between the two homes has never been stabilized.

Counselors:
Were you ever trained to assess both family systems when a child lives in two homes?

If you work with divorce, stepfamilies, or high-conflict co-parenting, this is exactly what we cover in my upcoming 6-CE training on counseling in two-home family systems.

A couple once told me something that stopped me in my tracks as a therapist.“We did exactly what the counselor suggested...
03/12/2026

A couple once told me something that stopped me in my tracks as a therapist.

“We did exactly what the counselor suggested… and things got worse,”

I asked what the treatment focus had been.

They said:

“Control what you can control.”
“Worry about your house, not the other one.”
“Keep your side of the street clean.”
“Parent in your house how you want to.”
“Treat all the kids the same.”
“Put your marriage first.”
“Accept the fact you can’t change the ex.”

All common counseling guidance.

All good guidance…in nuclear families.

But this family was living in a two-home stepfamily system.
Most counselors were never trained for that.

Quick question for counselors:
Look at your current caseload.

How many families in your office today actually live in two homes instead of one?

Divorce.
Co-parenting.
Stepfamilies.
Shared custody.

For many clinicians, it’s 50% or more of the caseload.
And those families require a different clinical lens than nuclear families.

Do you know when a higher level of care is needed?
Who to refer to?

Join us! We would love to have you!

Ethically Counseling Two-Home Families
Live in Boise / Online / March 27
Earn 6 CE Hours in the 5 Big Challenges These Families Have
• 3 Ethics
• 1.5 Boundaries
• 1.5 Su***de Assessment
Lunch included.
Bring your hardest cases.


of Divorce

Conflict Co-Parenting

Address

-
Emmett, ID
83617

Opening Hours

Tuesday 10am - 5am
Wednesday 10am - 5am
Thursday 10am - 5am

Telephone

(208) 918-0054

Website

https://www.thehealingstoryranch.com/

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I completed my studies in Marriage and Family Counseling at Northwest Nazarene University. I have worked as a resource specialist, teacher, and small claims mediator. I am a a wife and mother with 6 children ages 7 to 33. I work with individuals, couples, families, and groups to problem solve and uncover new areas of positive engagement. Sometimes people get stuck in what they are doing. We tend to do the same things looking for different results. I enjoy working with people to help them clarify their goals and move forward with plans to help achieve what they are after. I have a particular interest in helping people regain relationships. With couples it is incorporating the past and the future. Today's families are complicated; navigating step families, parent child, couple's and in-law relationships are not things they teach us in school. Knowledgeable support can be key. My approach to counseling is through power of choice and a realistic look at strengths and options. I believe that you are the expert of your own life and with clarity more options are available to you. I am affiliated with Methodist Counseling Center, which has its main location at 4444 W Taft Street, Boise, ID 83707. Visit the website to see all of our locations!