11/15/2024
Dear friends,
There are three core elements of compassion (turned inward or outward): mindful awareness of suffering; kindness and concern for the alleviation of suffering; and recognition of the common humanity of suffering. I would like to focus on the third element, especially as it relates to the recent US election.
People's reactions to Trump's sweeping victory are strikingly different. Some are feeling happy or relieved, believing that Republicans will correct course for a country on the wrong track. Others are despondent and fearful for the future of American democracy and the planet, or worried about women’s right to control their bodies, or frightened for the safety of their loved ones in the immigrant or q***r communities.
For those of us who are upset about the election results, the first step is to give ourselves compassion for our pain and remember that we aren't alone. Millions of people are having similar reactions and feelings. We need to be warm and supportive with ourselves right now, validating our distress and connecting with the care and concern that's driving it.
If you like, you can do a meditation called Giving and Receiving Compassion that will help compassion flow both inward and outward.
Giving and Receiving Compassion
The next steps, when we're ready to take them, will be multiple. Some will involve using fierce self-compassion to ensure that people's rights are protected and that harm is minimized.
Other steps will involve trying to learn from what's happened. For instance, we might consider how feelings of alienation spurred many to join Trump's MAGA movement. We may want to explore whether there are ways to create a sense belonging for those who have been historically oppressed and excluded that don't feed into feelings of alienation for the mainstream. I don't have the answers, but I do know that our inquiry needs to be rooted in our shared humanity.
The common humanity component of compassion recognizes that the pain of alienation is part of the shared human experience. The ways in which and the extent to which people experience alienation, structural inequality, discrimination, economic insecurity, trauma, oppression, or marginalization are different. But compassion understands that everyone suffers in some form or another. It also acknowledges that all suffering - even when expressed in ways that are unskillful - is worthy of attention and concern.
Unlike self-pity, which says poor me, self-compassion says poor us. As we process the results of the election and focus on how to move forward, common humanity can help us remember that it's not us versus them. It's only us.
I wish everyone well at this time of transition, with hopes for learning, growth, and a future in which all are respected, treated justly, and feel they belong.
Warmly,
Dr. Kristin Neff
