03/06/2026
Dearest Gentle Readers,
It has come to this author’s attention that while many citizens take great pride in their daily strolls about town, a small yet noticeable number appear to have forgotten a most basic social courtesy.
One may admire a loyal canine companion; indeed, they are among society’s most devoted friends. Yet with such companionship comes a duty that, though unpleasant, is far from optional. And still, evidence of neglect continues to appear upon our fair sidewalks, parks, and green spaces.
Permit this author to share an unfortunate truth: what is left behind does not simply vanish. Pet waste harbors bacteria and parasites most undesirable to both people and pets alike. When carried away by rain into our cherished lakes and rivers, it contributes to pollution, depletes oxygen in the water, releases ammonia harmful to fish, and fuels the growth of weeds and algae. Elevated levels of E. coli can even render our waters unsafe for swimming and recreation; hardly the sort of reputation our beautiful lakes deserve.
One must also note that our City Ordinance is quite clear on the matter. Those who choose to ignore their responsibilities may find themselves receiving a most unpleasant form of correspondence: a citation.
But let us not dwell solely on scandal. The remedy is remarkably simple. A small bag, a moment of responsibility, and the matter is resolved. Our parks remain pleasant, our neighborhoods clean, our waters healthy, and our community all the better for it.
So as you and your four-legged companion promenade about town, remember this small act of civic grace.
For nothing improves one’s reputation in polite society quite like cleaning up after one’s pooch.
Yours most observantly,
Lady Whistledown