Begin Again Counseling

Begin Again Counseling Laura Bartek, LIMHP, LSCSW Clinical Social Work and EMDR therapist

Whether we like it or not, this fact about progress is true. We aren’t promised change is inevitably going to come our w...
09/30/2024

Whether we like it or not, this fact about progress is true. We aren’t promised change is inevitably going to come our way. We must show up, do something, and put the work in to make it happen.

One of the hardest things is that even when we are making effort, we don’t always see the results we hope for unfold right away. However, patience, consistency, grit, and fortitude lend themselves well to eventually budging that needle in the direction we are aiming for.

So, what is it that you’re aspiring to see? Are you putting in the work? Are you taking steps towards the life and goals you seek, or are you complacent and simply hoping it will magically land in your lap?

I get it, it’s hard. It can be downright exhausting. But, I believe in you. You deserve to find out what happens if you keep going.

Rooting you on, always.

Hello again 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽!!! It’s been awhile, friends. I’m glad to be back with you. Life did what life does and got a little ...
07/12/2024

Hello again 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽!!! It’s been awhile, friends. I’m glad to be back with you.

Life did what life does and got a little wild. My Weekly Wisdom posts got put on the back burner for a bit. That happens sometimes. But with some rest, recalibration, and recharge - here we are again❤️!

This week’s words are a good reminder about how change and growth are inextricably linked. If we want to learn new things, we must try untested strategies. It’s hard! We like predictable. We like comfort. We like mastery. We like success. But if we want to keep building our skills and lives, that comfort and predictability can turn into chains around our ankles and ceilings blocking us in.

Reminding myself that old ways won’t open new doors 🚪 gives me a bit more incentive to get out there and open up to the unknown. I hope it does for you, too.

Cheering you on. Always ❤️

05/03/2024

Follow along my colleagues challenge for daily practices all month!! ☀️

What is at the essence of your life driving your decisions, actions, and habits?Is it the purpose you want there providi...
04/07/2024

What is at the essence of your life driving your decisions, actions, and habits?

Is it the purpose you want there providing the structure and foundation to build higher scaffolding?

If not, recalibrate, Find that true purpose that fuels your life, invigorates your soul, and brings that sense of fulfillment alive.

Life isn’t a race, an accumulation of accolades, a building of a bank account, a series of wins or losses, or an esthetically pleasing social media feed. It isn’t titles, trophies, or GPAs. Those things are nice, worth praise and recognition - absolutely, but that isn’t what this is all about.

Life is relationships. Life is love. Life is now. Life is here.

What are you going to do with yours?

Live with purpose, on purpose, and of purpose.

Rooting you on!

So what will it be for you? Which side of the coin do you choose?What would it be like to look through the ‘miracle’ gla...
03/24/2024

So what will it be for you?

Which side of the coin do you choose?

What would it be like to look through the ‘miracle’ glasses?

For me, it helps. It doesn’t mean things look pristine and perfect or that we aren’t permitted thoughts and experiences of struggle. But, it drastically shifts how those moments feel. I hope the same for you.

In your corner, always.

“What you practice grows stronger”It is commonly understood that as we practice skills and tasks we gain efficacy and ef...
03/18/2024

“What you practice grows stronger”

It is commonly understood that as we practice skills and tasks we gain efficacy and efficiency. Simply stated, we get better at what we do the more we do it.

I think we typically do an excellent job connecting how practice leads to improvement. We spend many days reviewing the alphabet and letters’ accompanying sounds in kindergarten to build the foundational reading skills needed for success. We drill dribbling, shooting, and defensive strategies in basketball practice to ensure peak performance come game time. We draw blueprints, build models, trial recipes, and complete algebra homework all with the understanding these efforts will guide us to optimal outcomes when it really matters.

How often, though, do we think about practicing and strengthening habits of thought, or even thinking of thoughts in that way?

That’s my focus for the week. Just like these observable skill-based efforts of repetition, routine lines of thought can be practiced and strengthened. I often hear self-critical, shaming, judgmental, and self-deprecating dialogues of self-talk. Is that what we want to keep practicing? Do we want to get stronger at that?

I don’t find it to be helpful for me or anyone else. In fact, I find it to be harmful and fuel for whatever was hard and challenging in the first place. We’d never respond that way to a toddler learning to walk who fell down, a young student struggling to keep pace with coursework, or a friend trying to learn a new skill at work. We wouldn’t respond that way because it doesn’t help and frankly, it’s cruel.

Instead, what shifts when we practice thoughts of kindness, compassion, love, and understanding? I’d like to find out. Would you?

I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but without a doubt if you asked me if I wanted to get better at shame and criticism or kindness and compassion, it would be an easy question to answer. The latter far outweighs the former. I don’t want to get better at hate, shame, judgment, anger, etc. The world has enough of that already.

This week, I am making an effort to double down on practicing patterns and skills or thought which are aligned with my ultimate goals. I hope you join along.

In your corner, always.

This week is a doozy, folx. So why not throw it back to some good ole 80’s cinematic gold?! Well, the long and short of ...
03/11/2024

This week is a doozy, folx. So why not throw it back to some good ole 80’s cinematic gold?!

Well, the long and short of it is that time does go FAST and yet it moves at the same pace every day for us all. Every single one of us have the same 24 hours to do with what we need and desire to do. (Except for on that lovely gift of daylight savings time we are all navigating again, but that’s not the point. However, best of luck with that my fellow humans.) None of us know how many more days we will have the luxury of living. And while I certainly don’t propose we live in fear of this being our last, I ponder - what if it was? What would you do differently?

Would you take your kids to the park? Call a friend? Give a hug? Get ice cream? Skip the laundry? Let the thought go? Apologize?

Would you slow down? Would you hear and really soak up the sounds around you: birds, wind, chatter, music? Would you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin pe*****te a bit deeper? Delight more thoroughly in the magic of children playing and using their imaginations? Connect with awe and amazement in the wrinkles and lines on aging faces as it shows the life that’s been lived? Appreciate the simple pleasures we often overlook like the warmth of a blanket and aroma of coffee? I think I would. In fact, I know I would. I would want to capture it all, intentionally, and to the fullest potential possible.

My eldest child turns 9 this week. NINE! That’s halfway to 18. How in the world did that happen? I tend to get a smidge weepy around their birthdays. It is such a time of reflection. That first half of her time here at home with us seems to have happened in the blink of an eye. I want to make sure I am tuned in to the next 9 years. I know this life of ours won’t be slowing down anytime soon.

Here’s to my public intention of being present, soaking it up, looking around, and making sure I am not missing out on my one and only very precious shot at life.

Rooting you on, always ❤️

Along the course of my lifetime I have gotten intimately familiar with two of my strengths: tenacity and stubbornness. T...
03/04/2024

Along the course of my lifetime I have gotten intimately familiar with two of my strengths: tenacity and stubbornness. These traits serve me well when trying to achieve or accomplish an identified goal. They help me push through setbacks, show up day after day, and persevere.

However, sometimes these ‘skills’ of mine get in the way of what is ultimately in my best interest. See, I am well-equipped when it comes to sticking to a task, seeing something through, and remaining focused. But, what happens when over time you realize what you began pursuing isn’t what is ultimately best for you?

For me, that pivot can be difficult. Adjusting the plan is far, and I mean miles and miles, from my favorite thing. Yet, I think it takes way more strength and power to let go than to push through. Allowing my grasp on what I thought was meant to be to ease up and instead adjusting to ‘Plan B’ takes a strength much greater than keeping my blinders on and barreling towards my initial target.

This is nuanced, certainly. Sometimes we want to stay committed. That is important. However, there are also other times where we benefit from surrender and adjusting course. For example, last night it meant going to bed early instead of staying up and getting my Weekly Wisdom written ‘on time.’ This isn’t as clear cut as any Type A personality would like it to be. Such is life!!

Looking at this ability as a sign of strength helps me allow the much needed option in my life. I hope it does for you, too.

In your corner, always.

Keeping it simple this week. What are you holding onto that has hit its expiration date? Maybe it’s…. ……a habit of...
02/26/2024

Keeping it simple this week.

What are you holding onto that has hit its expiration date?

Maybe it’s….
……a habit of action or inaction,
……a thought about yourself or those around you,
……a belief system,
……a relationship,
……a job,
……an identity.


Whatever it is, if it isn’t working for you anymore we can always let go and begin again.

Rooting you on this week and always ❤️

Let’s face it, being a human is hard. Change is challenging. Decisions are tough! Whether contemplating career moves, he...
02/19/2024

Let’s face it, being a human is hard. Change is challenging. Decisions are tough! Whether contemplating career moves, health goals, parenting strategies, or heck - even paint colors, switching things up can be a beast of an endeavor.

I think we often use the phrase and idea of ‘one day’ doing ______ (fill in the blank) with this fantasy of being more ready, equipped, and prepared at that future point in time. While that may or may not be true, we don’t ever get the time back of starting now.

When I think back on my life I can’t think of many, if any, times where I think “Gosh, I am sure glad I waited to begin _____” when it was something I wanted or cared about. Even if I stumbled through at the beginning, which has often been the case, I learned, grew, and developed invaluable skills along the way. Hardly ever has anything been a straight shot to perfection and success. Barriers are part of it. Hurdles are normal. Setbacks, in hindsight, have been set ups.

What happens if we decide to trust the process? What would you start if you knew you could achieve it? We don’t have to wait until we feel ready to begin. Maybe we are ready as we are. What’s the worst that can happen? Regrets outweigh failures by a landslide.

I am betting on you. I’m in your corner.

I first learned about the concept ‘sympathetic joy’ while exploring meditation works on mindfulness and compassion. I di...
02/12/2024

I first learned about the concept ‘sympathetic joy’ while exploring meditation works on mindfulness and compassion. I didn’t know what it meant or what to make of it. Historically, when hearing the word ‘sympathy’ I thought of offering tenderness and warmth concerning someone’s loss or endured hardship. Having this word paired with ‘joy’ felt like a stretch my brain wasn’t quite equipped to know how to process.

Sympathetic joy, or mudita in Sanskrit, is the practice of finding happiness and delight in others' successes. It involves celebrating their achievements as if they were our own. Aha, yes, this is such a valuable and yet challenging mindset to adhere to. Living in such a high-paced hustle culture has its benefits; we are driven towards innovation, growth, and achievement. But an unavoidable drawback is we often view one another as competitors. This, in turn, evokes fears or jealousies when we see someone else achieving and succeeding because we think their good-fortune leaves less on the table for us.

What might it be like if we recalibrated these thoughts and practiced sympathetic joy for each other instead? What might it be like if we cheered each other on and rejoiced in their successes as if they were our own?

Beginning anything new can be challenging and scary. Change, even if desired, is hard. Over the past month I have had multiple individuals, some I haven’t spoken to in over a decade, enthusiastically reach out as I embarked on the journey establishing my private practice. I experienced first-hand individuals extending mudita by their offerings of insight, guidance, and excitement. It has felt truly wonderful. Having others celebrate my endeavored successes while rooting me on has been such an invigorating blessing.

To delight in another’s good fortune is something I want to continue to operationalize and embody. There is more than enough to go around and we increase our joy and happiness by taking stock in one another’s. If the only way I can feel happy in this life is by experiencing joy from my own personal accomplishments, I have myself alone to rely and depend on. If instead I practice sympathetic joy, access to said happiness increases by the billions.

I’m with the Dalai Lama on this one, those are pretty darn good odds.

It has been awhile since I have had the opportunity to sit and write. December rolled in and with it came holiday celebr...
01/28/2024

It has been awhile since I have had the opportunity to sit and write. December rolled in and with it came holiday celebrations🎄🎁, school winter break 🗓️ , snow day after blustery snow day ☃️❄️, and a whole slew of illnesses 🤒 which traveled through every member of my family, sans my partner. Lucky duck!

The end of the year and beginning of another often cause folx to pause and take inventory of their lives, myself included. I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions as I think they typically are a shame-filled set up for feeling badly about yourself (usually by say, January 3rd or 4th🙃🙄). But, I am all for intentional living and reflecting, there’s a reason I am a therapist! I find I’ve been thinking especially about a recent interaction with my oldest daughter, Marlo.

One of the quotes I chose for our weekly wise words before that metaphorical and literal December storm was, “The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.” Sharon Salzburg, one of my favorite mindfulness teachers, said this and when I heard it, it resonated deeply with me.

Typically, when I pick the words for the week I write them on the board after the kids go to bed Sunday evening. It has become a favorite activity of mine and feels like a positive way to wrap up the weekend and set the tone for the upcoming week, something I often need come Monday morning - am I right?! After school that first day, I have Marlo read the quote aloud and we have a conversation about whatever the chosen words are. These conversations range in how they go, some are a few seconds long and totally off-the-mark and others more insightful, on-target, and eye-opening.

When I had her read Salzburg’s quote I asked what I usually do which is ‘What do you think that means?’ She paused, took a breath, and then knocked my dang socks off 💥💥💥 with how she answered. She said, “Well Mom, I think it means we should pay attention to our attention. We should notice what we are paying attention to.” My eight-year-old spoke truth so succinctly and clearly it stopped me dead in tracks 🤯.

“Pay attention to our attention.” Wow. Yep, that is it. That is wildly profound dear daughter. She didn’t know how relevant her wisdom was going to be for me in the following weeks, but I had many opportunities to practice paying attention to my attention.

Did I want to pay attention to the missed naps and whiny behaviors at bedtime or the magic of seeing them excitedly play with one another during the day?

The missed school days and lack of routine or the fact I had a warm house and proper clothes for myself and my children?

Being sick and down for the count or my access to medical care and insurance coverage?

Roadblocks on a work project or the luxury of having a project to work on at all?

Unplanned changes in my schedule or the fact I have a flexible career and ability to adjust even when or if I’d rather not?

My body getting sick or my body recovering from illness?

The never-ending requests and needs of my family or the fact I have four incredible humans I get to spend my life with?

Having life’s challenges or HAVING a life?

You get the drift. Now, I’m not trying to serve a dish of toxic positivity here. The hard parts are still hard and that hard is valid. Choosing to focus on one side of the equation doesn’t make the other go away, but it definitely affects how it feels. Attention is our magnifying glass 🔎. Am I zooming in and amplifying the parts of my life I want and most benefit me?

I am certainly not batting a thousand on this, but the more intentional I am about it, the better I feel.

It is far too easy to get pulled into the ‘this isn’t fair’ and ‘if only’ thoughts we have. We don’t have to beat ourselves up for that, it’s normal, we all have them. We do, however, also possess the opportunity to pay attention to our attention and redirect that energy and focus at any given time. The way our lives feel are much less about the details of one’s life story but more so how we relate to those details 🤗

Pay attention to your attention.

Noted, Marlo. Noted ✅

As always, learning more from them than they’ll ever learn from me ❤️

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