04/06/2023
So seriously, do you always have to ask for permission, even if you are in a long-term relationship or married?
Let’s cover a few things first.
1. Let's look at the stats. 10-14% of married women experience r*pe from their husbands and 15-25% of women from their intimate partner*.
2. Emotional IQ matters. Are you self-aware of your wants, needs, and desires? Can you communicate with them effectively and hold your boundaries?
3. Are you observant of others' body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions? Do you take the time to correctly interpret and RESPECT those cues?
4. Do you know your romantic partner does not owe you anything, especially access to their body? This makes no difference whether or not you have a marriage certificate.
5. Any agreement regarding another person's body can be REVOKED anytime.
Now that we are clear on that let me answer the question.
If you BOTH are solid and in agreement on items 2-5 that I listed, then YES, there are physical actions that you and your partner can create a blanket consent agreement that it's okay to do.
The what, when, how, and where is up to you both to MUTUALLY decide upon. And, of course, can be REVOKED anytime by either party.
But if I'm going to be completely honest. Many couples need to improve at ALL of these things, even if they've been together for a long time.
It's easy to get complacent and forget to romance your partner.
It's easy to treat your partner as your stress relief toy rather than as a person with complex thoughts, needs, and desires.
It's easy to forget that both parties are responsible for creating an environment where both want and willingness can thrive.
That's why being direct with what, how, why, and where you want your partner is the exact opposite of a mood killer.
Making it your goal to get that "yes" because they want to and not just because they are willing kicks things up a notch.
So yes, there are instances where blanket consent is appropriate.
But I'm here trying to change our overall view on consent. It's not a romantic wet blanket—rather a romance igniter.
*The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
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www.wholeheartedconsent.com
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