Center For Relationship and Sexual Wellness

07/26/2024

07/25/2024

07/23/2024

Important blog.

Here are some strategies to deal with a partner with narcissistic behavior to help improve your relationship.

07/22/2024

Discernment Counseling focuses on 3 distinctive paths for couples with mixed agendas.
- Path 1: Stay the course, neither divorce nor seeking therapy
- Path 2: Separation/divorce
- Path 3: 6-month commitment to couples therapy, with divorce off the table during that time.

The goal is to help the couple find clarity and confidence in their decision-making about the future of their marriage based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to their marriage and each person’s contributions to the issues.

Visit www.DiscernmentCounseling.com to learn more.

07/22/2024

What role did the Four Horsemen, relationship phases, flooding, and perpetual problems play in your past relationships? People who are single and seeking to heal from past relationships should reflect on these experiences to learn, grow, and examine both their own patterns and those of past partners.

Wondering how to start healing from past relationships? Check out our dedicated blog post here: https://bit.ly/3L8fCOU

07/21/2024

You can use your relationship as a crucible for your own transformation and deep healing.

But you have to be willing to give. You have to let go of a “you vs. me” mindset and shift into one of “us vs. the problem.”

And when you complain, control, or shut down, you’re in “you vs. me,” and you’ll never get what you want from your partner.

To get more of something in your relationship, try giving it.

Instead of complaining you never have fun, arrange a night out for the two of you.

Instead of whining about your non-existent s*x life, find out what turns your partner on and try giving it to them.

Ask your partner what you might do differently to evoke a different response from them. And when they make a suggestion, try it.

07/19/2024

So important.

07/19/2024

07/18/2024

There is so much research behind this conversation they are having.

07/15/2024

I'm deeply saddened to hear of the passing of my esteemed colleague, Dr. Ruth Westheimer. I vividly recall the first time I encountered the spunky s*x therapist with the exotic accent. I thought, "How wise! She is the myth-busting grandmother, the insightful foreigner who pierces the dark corners of another culture, and the refugee who has faced enough adversity to become fearless." To me, she was the woman who understood pain and loss, and who became the outspoken voice on the erotic.

Her influence extended beyond the realm of s*x; she embodied aliveness, vibrancy, pleasure, and joy. That bold message resonated deeply with me. During my initial years in the United States, I was self-conscious about my accent and my identity as someone not "Made in America." How could I effectively communicate my views on U.S. social norms? Dr. Ruth showed me there was more than the conventional path.

She was a media sensation who used her platform to champion post-traumatic growth. She spoke to millions, challenging the social status quo around the nuclear family, LGBTQIA+, abortion, and AIDS. Listening to her, and identifying as a fellow European, as a child of parents directly affected by the Holocaust, and as a therapist, I gained the confidence to explore the intricacies of erotic desire myself. I never had grandparents, but I often thought that if I could choose the grandmother of my dreams, it would be Dr. Ruth.

07/15/2024

The good news is, YOU can show yourself the unconditional love you need to tend to your inner child and build a loving relationship with your partner.

07/11/2024

This is important information on people pleasing.

07/11/2024

Allow ourselves the opportunity to rejuvenate, create mental space, recharge our systems and play. And when you have time off, "your only job is to make room for serendipity."

For more on this topic, explore one of my previous newsletters, "Why is it so hard to take a break?" through the link below.

https://bit.ly/3ONkZV3

07/11/2024

No change will occur in a relationship stuck in distance and blame unless one person can calm down and begin to observe and change their own steps in the old dance. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

06/26/2024

Often, we prioritize winning an argument rather than repairing with our partner.
But the problem is if your partner loses, you lose too.
Remember, you’re on the same team.

06/23/2024

As we grow, the challenge becomes—how do we know when to resolve the tension and when to hold the contradictions? It takes practice and patience. Dr. Alexandra Solomon has said that “patience is also a form of action. It’s not purely passivity. It’s not a resignation.”

Relational ambivalence is a fact of life. It will be in every relationship we have. Where in your life do you experience Relational Ambivalence? In which situations did you feel the need to make a resolution, and in which did you feel the resolution was to not make a definitive decision in either direction?

06/19/2024

Friendship, emotional intelligence and making a plan for intimacy are some of the strategies to improve your s*x life with your partner.

06/18/2024

One of the most dreaded types of couples for therapists, couples on the brink of divorce, become welcomed, dread-free couples for therapists trained in Discernment Counseling. It’s a short term way of keeping volatility out of the sessions while offering both people deep learning and greater understanding of themselves in their marriage—and based on those learnings, to decide on their future.

https://discernmentcounseling.com/

06/18/2024

Such an important message to women about our expectations of men.

06/17/2024

Research shows that about half of all people classed as narcissistic are driven
by inward shame. The other half simply think that they are better than everyone else: this is due to false empowerment in childhood.

If you are struggling with grandiosity issues, or someone you love is, I’d ask you to take a moment and open your heart a little. Think of yourself or your partner as the child they once were.

No one asks to be groomed for grandiosity—it happens to them, through false empowerment, and they generally take it in by modeling a grandiose parent.

06/17/2024

My mentor, Pia Mellody, outlines two aspects of an internal boundary:

- The outside is protective (it protects you from the world)
- The inside is containing (it protects the world from you)

If either is too weak or too strong you either let too much in or not enough in. A good internal boundary is supple, keeping allowing you to effectively filter what you let in.