Center For Relationship and Sexual Wellness

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These inner child exercises, such as writing letters to your younger self, can help you heal from painful childhood experiences. ❤️‍🩹 https://ter.li/a828mn

Feeling lonely around the holidays can make us feel as if something is wrong with us. Everybody else seems to know how to be happy, how to be together, how to be festive, merry, and bright. But feeling lonely around the winter holidays is extremely common. In fact, the media-perpetuated wrapped-in-a-bow fantasy is rarely the reality for most people. More often than not, the holidays are a time of increased stress and loneliness—even for self-proclaimed holiday fanatics.

Many of us experience conflicting emotions of love and loss, joy and sadness, exuberance and melancholy—it can be quite disorienting. Even memories made in adulthood can serve as shattered windows to the past. It’s the memories of a former lover with whom we created new traditions, who helped heal childhood wounds, only to eventually create newer traditions with someone else. It’s driving past the apartment where we celebrated with an old friend who’s no longer in our lives. It’s buying gifts our children will get bored of in two weeks. It’s pouring eggnog for one.

Relationships are often the strongest protective factors to keep us tethered to ourselves. And whether you're spending the holidays with family, friends, or on your own, it's important to keep the lines of communication open.

Who in your life lifts you up?
Who can you turn to in times of stress?

Whether they're a FaceTime away or in the next room, I encourage you to reach out this season. What you might find is that seeking help or just a listening ear also gives the person you're reaching out to the sense of purpose and closeness they were craving as well.

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Boom!!! truth bomb!

For more than 20 years, Dr. John Gottman's Sound Relationship House model has helped countless couples lay the foundation for a strong relationship.

The Sound Relationship House builds one level on another. When the first three levels of the house are strong, partners are able to view one another and their interactions positively. This is called Positive Sentiment Override, or having a Positive Perspective.

This month's free Love Notes download helps you explore each level of the Sound Relationship House. Get started: https://bit.ly/30JWG2H

Current Love Notes subscribers will automatically receive the free download.

Research shows that two-thirds of couples who have a baby experience significant increases in hostility when a baby is born. Lara Elfrstrand, of Little Elf Family Services shares tips on how to practice "small things often" when you are Bringing Baby Home.

"I like to say that babies are emotional sponges." When you use the 'small things often' approach to feel better, your baby will feel better too."

Happy Friday!

As the holiday season ramps up, it can be easy to be caught up in to-do lists and stress. It's all the more reason to take a few moments to verbalize positive thoughts. It can improve your loved one's day — and yours!

Stop asking 'how are you?' Harvard researchers say this is what successful people do when making small talk

Stop asking 'how are you?' Harvard researchers say this is what successful people do when making small talk Next time you're in the elevator with your boss, avoid using the three most useless words in the world of communication: "How are you?" — and you'll be amazed by where the conversation goes.

‘Gray divorce’ brings struggles and a possibility of late-in-life reinvention - The Boston Globe

‘Gray divorce’ brings struggles and a possibility of late-in-life reinvention - The Boston Globe Ending a marriage and flying solo later in life — while grappling with the eternal question, “What’s next?” — may be the most difficult reinvention of all.

Divorce can be a long and emotionally taxing process. But there are ways to make it shorter and less painful.

The first step to getting through your divorce is to understand what to expect and how to prepare yourself both emotionally and financially. The best way to do this is to understand the timeline of divorce:

1️⃣ Denial: In this stage you avoid feeling your feelings and distract yourself by focusing on other things like your job or your kids.

2️⃣ Bargaining: You try to convince yourself that if you just work hard enough, things can go back to the way they were before they started going downhill in your relationship.

3️⃣ Anger: You feel angry with your spouse, yourself, or others as you start dealing with your emotions.

4️⃣ Depression: You recognize that there is little hope for the marriage to be saved and you feel the sadness about your marriage and intact family ending.

5️⃣ Acceptance (or "moving on"): This stage comes when you accept the fact the marriage is over and there's no going back; the best thing for you is to move on with your life.

You'll go through these emotional stages as a process towards healing. It's important to remember that it will not always be easy, but will always be worth it. ✔️

Be a part of a community that understands what you are going through, join our free facebook group now! Click the link below to join. 🔗

https://www.facebook.com/groups/separationanddivorcesupportcommunity/


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Do you stonewall during conflict? ⁠
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Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsemen, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy. ⁠
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Self-soothing is the antidote to stonewalling. When stonewalling happens, stop the conversation and take a break. It can be helpful to agree on a signal, phrase, or gesture to clearly communicate when you're feeling overwhelmed. By taking a break (Gottman recommends self-soothing for at least twenty minutes), you can calm your nervous system and return to the conversation with a clearer perspective and a better ability to problem solve.

An Honest Letter from the Couples Therapist You're Not Seeing

An Honest Letter from the Couples Therapist You're Not Seeing Best you know what you’re (not) getting into.

Some basic rituals. HIGHLY recommend daily "shaking" (remember what dogs do?) for about 5 minutes OR whenever you need to reset the nervous system. I do it before important meetings or challenging ones! 🎯

"SHAKING OR TREMBLING, which comes from the limbic brain (the part of the brain that holds emotions), sends a signal that the danger has passed and that the fight-or-flight system can turn off. They are literally finishing the nervous system response to release the traumatic experience from the body."
illustration from Anima Mundi Herbals

Thanks to Anima Mundi Herbals for this beautiful illustration! + thanks for the 🎯 Cathy Malchiodi!

If you or your partner are considering divorce, Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It's a chance to slow down, take a breath and look at the options for your marriage. To learn more please visit https://relationshipandsexualwellness.com

I am 100% on board with this idea.

The Walkaway Wife Syndrome, Revisited

The Walkaway Wife Syndrome, Revisited Why some men don't change.

In the new research area of divorce ambivalence, one large survey found that 25% of married people have seriously thought about divorce in the past six months. Most haven’t told their spouse. Discernment Counseling is for couples when one spouse has told the other they are seriously considering divorce but are not completely confident about following through on it.

Squirrel on TikTok

A lot of people struggle with loneliness around the holidays. I wanted to share this tiktok with you all. ❤️

Squirrel on TikTok Feeling ?