Convo

Convo Experts in mental health, relationships, families, and child development.

Just as you are.Happy Mother’s Day.
05/10/2026

Just as you are.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Look, it’s not your imagination … we have access to therapy (and it’s part of the zeitgeist) more than ever before (even...
05/04/2026

Look, it’s not your imagination … we have access to therapy (and it’s part of the zeitgeist) more than ever before (even though access still remains a problem…post for another time…). So why are we soooo unwell?

Because therapy isn’t magic. It’s not the thing that makes people well. It’s just a tool. We can’t send people to therapists and expect that to paper over the effects of harmful systems.

Worries in early childhood are very normal and even essential to a child’s developing mind!Worries are thoughts that we ...
05/03/2026

Worries in early childhood are very normal and even essential to a child’s developing mind!

Worries are thoughts that we WORRY might happen, but they don’t always happen. It’s actually a part of imagination development! Feelings are how we connect to the world around us about REAL things. Beliefs are made up by what we think and feel OVER TIME.

Sometimes when we repeat worries to ourselves, we start hypnotizing ourselves. We start feeling things related to the worry (remember, it’s a thought that something MIGHT happen) not actual experience. Then, we form a belief over time that the worry is real.

Like this:

I’m worried there’s a monster in my room. I feel scared when I think about my worry. I worry and worry. Monsters must be real.

Help your child by disentangling things.

Name the worry:
You are worried there’s a monster. Thank you for telling me your worry so I can help you. But look that’s a worry inside your head. There are no monsters!

Connect back to feelings:
Let’s notice your sage and cozy room. What are all the ways you can see and feel this room is safe and cozy and there are no monsters? Let’s name them together.

Reinforce beliefs:
There are no monsters. We [the adults] always keep you safe. Tell that worry, everything is ok. Let’s say it together.

Build habits in low-stakes moments naming your worries and saying, I am worried, but I also know everything is going to be ok!

No one is looking for “perfect.” When anyone is frightened, worried, or unsure, this is what they are seeking. Our clini...
05/02/2026

No one is looking for “perfect.” When anyone is frightened, worried, or unsure, this is what they are seeking. Our clinical interventions for young children, like Circle of Security, talk about the need for grownups to be BSWK in order to affirm security.

But the truth is, this is a deeply human need lifelong. In the absence of it, people act out or suffer, in all kinds of ways.

We can offer one another security. No one need be perfect or have all the answers…but we must use what power we have where we have it to ensure care.

What is your power?

05/01/2026

I ran into this book a lot of years ago while training in the world-renowned early childhood mental health consultation model in New Orleans at the LSU medical school. It was immediately my favorite book about feelings!

The funny thing is that it doesn’t have a single emotion word in it… not one. Not “sad” or “happy” or “angry.” Instead, it has a bunch of examples of the flow from perception, to feeling, to behavior… sometimes I like to curl up in a ball so no one can see me because I’m so small. Sometimes I like to stand still as a tree, and watch everyone rush around me.

What’s the point of saying the emotion word, if you don’t really know that we are all the time feeling all kinds of ways in this world? Also, why say an emotion word to someone, who isn’t first curious about me and how I feel? Also… what if I can’t come up with the word…? Will you still try to understand me?

This is a book that builds the convo! Do you ever feel like this? I do. Here’s what I like to do sometimes when I feel a way…

How we define the problem shapes how we respond.If we focus only on “getting the child to separate,” we may miss what th...
04/24/2026

How we define the problem shapes how we respond.
If we focus only on “getting the child to separate,” we may miss what the child is struggling to manage.

Sometimes separation is not the problem.
It is where the problem becomes visible.

Instead of asking:
How do I make my child separate more easily?

Try asking:
What support does my child need to manage what feels hard right now?

That question often leads us closer to the real work.

Remember:
Attachment is not the obstacle to independence.
It is often the pathway to it.

Children grow independent not by losing support,
but by building confidence through it.

In collective trauma, not all trauma is the same, and that distinction matters.Primary trauma does not only describe the...
04/03/2026

In collective trauma, not all trauma is the same, and that distinction matters.

Primary trauma does not only describe the experiences of those physically present at the scene of a violent event or disaster. It describes, in general, the experience and reactivity to real threat or loss: a partner on the phone, a staff member whose sense of safety shattered, a community member whose world no longer feels secure.

Secondary trauma is different. It comes from bearing witness to others’ stories and pain.

Within each category exist varying levels of severity, based on many things, but especially based on how intense the perceived risk was/is.

When we blur this line, we risk misplacing care, minimizing those most impacted while misunderstanding our own experiences. This is not about comparing suffering. It is about clarity, so support can go where it is most needed, and so each of us can locate ourselves honestly within the story.

Cortisol isn’t the enemy. It’s your body trying to help you function, focus, and move through the day.After trauma or ch...
04/02/2026

Cortisol isn’t the enemy. It’s your body trying to help you function, focus, and move through the day.

After trauma or chronic stress, that natural rhythm can get disrupted, leaving you feeling wired, exhausted, or both.

The good news is that regulation doesn’t come from one big fix. It comes from small, repeated experiences of safety, connection, and balance over time.

Movement. Sunlight. Laughter. Music. Touch. Rest.
These are not extras. They are how we come back to ourselves.

And still, no strategy can replace the need for environments that are truly safe, humane, and supportive. That is where healing begins.

The goal isn’t to NOT feel. The goal is to stay connected and trust that over time connection leads to sustainable menta...
03/13/2026

The goal isn’t to NOT feel. The goal is to stay connected and trust that over time connection leads to sustainable mental well-being. We will get there. Together.

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03/13/2026

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Tonight I went on local news Fox 2 to talk about how to talk to kids about war. The anchor Roop Raj started in a place t...
03/11/2026

Tonight I went on local news Fox 2 to talk about how to talk to kids about war. The anchor Roop Raj started in a place that was very personal for me… for many parents watching (and remember, this is local Detroit news, that’s the audience) this is prolonged war over years in a region that is not foreign and unknown but to which many of us are deeply connected. We’ve BEEN talking about it. We are TRYING to be anything but helpless. We are TRYING to parent children who are informed, strong, and engaged…we NEED them to be ready to make this world better. The classic textbook advice about children’s exposure to hard things, via the news and social media, has always been to center concerns about their potential secondary trauma—limit their exposure, stay vigilant about their worry. And that matters. But I have always said… it matters just as much that they have FACTS. It matters to people directly impacted that we are ALL teaching our kids history, sociopolitics, and ethics at home. And when it comes to mental health—which is not just about an individual person’s mood, is it about sustaining a world where all humans can thrive—my children, your children need ALL children to be informed. Parenting around hard things can’t be the sum total of holding your breath about what they might hear and see. It absolutely must involve IRL convos where children can trust adults to answer their questions and offer reliable ways to discuss, debate, and learn.

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