Stacey R. Young, LCSW

06/27/2025

Avoidance doesn’t solve the problem.
It just postpones the reality.

What you avoid will show up somewhere else—
in your body, in your relationships, in your decisions.

You aren’t “protecting your peace.”
You’re just not dealing with it.

My workbook can help you get past avoiding what you need to deal with. Grab a copy➡️ amzn.to/3hE3jLn

05/22/2025

Be sure to follow the author of this quote Michell C. Clark

04/19/2025

I said this to my undergrads in lecture on Tuesday and it seemed to land, so I’m sharing it here with you. When we’re talking about boundaries, we sometimes focus on the other person- what we will or will not tolerate in someone else’s behavior or demeanor. Those are rules or limits or expectations.

A boundary is about me checking in with me to ensure that I am caring for MYSELF in my relationship with YOU.

And why do I need a process of steady check in with myself?
1. Because I get to choose me and care for me and tend to me.
2. Because our relationship is going to hit a very low ceiling of intimacy, connection, depth, and richness if I am a ticking time bomb of resentment and dysregulation.

A healthy boundary is BOTH self-protective (caring for me) AND loving (caring for you and us).

My preference is for you to FEEL your way into your boundaries- rather than having your therapist or a social media post tell you exactly where to put them. Feel your way into your boundary by checking in with your nervous system.
- When your nervous system is regulated, you feel calm, generous, patient and present.
- When your nervous system is dysregulated, you feel anxious, crabby, distracted, and bitter.

Your boundary is the line between regulated and dysregulated.

There are things we can (and should) do to create more capacity in our nervous systems (see: therapy, mindfulness, movement, breath work, journaling, etc).

These practices are good and healing for us period. But they also help us really learn what regulation even feels like so that we are better able to notice when we’ve moved out of calm into pissy. In order to feel our way into a workable and healthy boundary we have to be able to feel and attend to our internal cues. We have to get familiar with that contrast.

Here’s to boundaries that help us heal and connect. 💓

02/16/2025

03/17/2024

At its core, self sabotage is what we do when we’re afraid and want to control the outcome. One of the most fascinating (and misunderstood) aspects of human behavior is how strong the pull towards the familiar is, even if that familiar is miserable or keeping us stuck. When someone says they self sabotage, what they’re really saying is: “I make sure I can control the outcome because that feels the most safe”

08/26/2023

I know it hurts.

It’s a very strange feeling how someone can be in your life for months or even years and then one day ... all of a sudden not be there anymore.

Maybe the relationship ended on good terms.... or maybe it was completely catastrophic.

Either way .... it’s so bizarre how relationships can change so vast and rapidly.

And you know what .... you may not be at peace with what happened between the two of you ... and thats perfectly fine.

Sometimes the end of a relationship can literally be one of the hardest things we go through in life.

I want you to know it’s okay that your heart still hurts because of what happened.

You have made alot of memories with this person.

And these memories that you have made is something you can’t erase no matter how hard you try.

Whether you like it or not, they are a part of your story.

I know looking on these memories can be hard, and you may wish you could forget them.

But instead of forgetting, maybe we should try to focus on what came from the relationship.

You two joined paths for a particular reason.

Maybe you walked through some of the hardest times together.

Maybe you understood each other in a way no one else ever did.

Maybe you encouraged one another to be strong or to embrace who you genuinely were as a person.

Or maybe your relationship with them opened your eyes to what you truly needed in your life.

Regardless of what the reasoning was, it’s okay to acknowledge that .... that person meant a lot to you.

And it's okay if they still do.

It’s also okay that they aren’t in your life anymore.

What alot of people dont understand is, not every relationship we encounter will last a lifetime.

You shouldn't be lingering in the past questioning why everything happened the way it did.

What you need to do .... is to take what you've learned from that relationship and move forward in your life.

Knowing there are other relationships that will give you exactly what you've always dreamed of and more.

I need you to know that you're not going to feel this way forever.

You will continue to move forward and you will continue to grow with everyday that passes.

Take my advice and remember ....

Sometimes the people you wanted as part of your story, are only meant to be a chapter.

~ Cody Bret