Brook L. McKay, Therapy

12/01/2025

FIRE. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘if you play with fire, then you’ll get burned’. For the most part this statement is true. If you choose to get involved in a potentially risky or harmful situation, then negative consequences can ensue.⁣
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At some point in every relationship, career, or venture, we will find ourselves walking into the fire. Fire, referring to a place of deep uncertainty and discomfort. Yet, taking risks does not always lead to negative outcomes. In life, it is not allowing fear to prevent us from taking a risk because in the past we got ‘burned’. When we let fear talk ourselves out of asking a person we fancy on a date, changing careers, or ending a relationship, then we are denying ourselves potential happiness by not taking a risk.⁣
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Homework: Take a calculated risk – don’t let fear allow you to get burned in life.⁣

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11/24/2025

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LOVE-HATE. Ironically, these two extremes of human emotion can coexist. Sadly, love can turn to hate in a matter of minutes with a significant other in your life, but how and why? The simple answer - reciprocity.⁣
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For example, we invest in a relationship for years. We reveal our authentic self – the good, the bad and the ugly. We become vulnerable by being ourselves and trust this person with our vulnerabilities; a calculated risk in any meaningful relationship. When this person hurts, disrespects, ignores or neglects us, then resentment sets in and trust is broken. The relationship becomes one-sided and prone to conflict and hate, but that does not mean love is lost. It just means the other person is not loving us back in the way we need or deserve.⁣
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At the end of the day, the love-hate relationship boils down to our ongoing need for balance between connection and autonomy. To love another (connection) without losing ourselves (autonomy) and being consumed by hate (when reciprocity is not in balance).⁣
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Food for thought . . . research suggests that love and hate can activate similar regions in the brain, which supports the idea that both emotions can co-exist and be felt in relation to the same person.⁣
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Homework: Transform something you hate into something you can love.⁣
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Artwork explained per : The hands of an LA Gang Member. Location and identification confidential. Observations of the intriguing choices humans make as individuals to protect and project themselves through adornments, material possessions, verbal and emotional armor.⁣
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We all construct our narrative and create mental walls to communicate to the world how comfortable we are in our own skin and how close we are willing to let others come into our life story.⁣
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Materials: Giclée archival print, hand-blown glass lettering, red & blue neon, black acrylic box mount⁣
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11/17/2025

ENCOURAGE. Hanging 296 meters off the 75th floor off a building is not for the faint of heart. For some it is a rush and for others a fear. Yet, as with any task, it is usually mind over matter.⁣
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In life it helps to be encouraged by others to push boundaries and overcome our mental blocks. I am sure you can think of a time when someone believed in you when you were doubting yourself. In a world where we often get discouraged, it is worth knowing we have allies who want to see us succeed at accomplishing our goals or overcoming our fears.⁣
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For example, while ‘tiny’ anxiously retreated on our first attempt together at the I-Tilt, he gave it another try on his own. The way we made it back was by listing all the challenging things he had overcome in the past, which allowed us to reframe his thinking and take some of the fear out of the equation. In the end, he daringly/boldly/bravely did it - a little encouragement goes a long way!⁣
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Homework: Encourage someone you care about to do the thing they find challenging and in doing so, remind them of all they have accomplished thus far. You got this!⁣
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11/10/2025

CLOSER. Many of us with clear skies had a fortunate viewing of the majestic supermoon this past week. Of course, as a full moon orbits closer to earth, it appears larger and brighter than usual. Like a moth to a flame, we as humans are drawn to the moon, but why?⁣
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In the world of astrology, the moon is revered to reveal our moon sign. For some there is a spiritual significance to the moon with different rituals and meaning for each phase. For others it is knowing this shared experience brings us all closer together, if even for a moment of light in a dark sky.⁣
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Whatever the reason, one thing is certain, the moon brings people together free of charge and lets know we are not alone in this world.⁣
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Homework: Gaze at the next supermoon on December 4th/5th, 2025 and know that in a world divided, we bring ourselves one step closer together in a moment of awe and wonder.⁣
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Photo credit: My Google Pixel 8 Pro camera unfiltered.⁣
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#2025

11/03/2025

PROTECT. There is an instinctual drive to keep children safe, especially knowing there is an opposing force that can intentionally harm them. Getting the balance right between protecting children and overprotecting is difficult. If we constantly shield a child from every external threat, we can instill physiological states of threat, anxiety, stress and distrust. That is, if we consistently prevent a child from navigating a challenging situation on their own such as standing up for themselves to a bully or riding their bike to a friend’s house, then we are not encouraging self-growth.⁣
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At the end of the day, we want children to develop independence and resilience. We do this by being a secure base children can rely on when needed, but allowing them to navigate on their own, when the risk is manageable.⁣
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Homework: Protect children with restraint when the situation is warranted for their development.⁣
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10/27/2025

PAST. Does your past dictate your future? It can, but despite your past, you have the ability to change your trajectory. Grammatically, the past, present, perfect tense tells us an action occurred in the past, continued for a while, and then ended before the present. For example, ‘I was in a toxic relationship for years until one day I decided to leave.’ or ‘I suffered from depression for months until I finally sought therapy.’⁣
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All this to say, the cause and effect in the continuum of life is rooted in our past. Yet our past does not dictate our tomorrow, unless we let it. We can all learn from past experiences to create a better version of ourselves in the present.⁣
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Homework: Ask yourself, what past experience continued for some time and you eventually chose a different path? What was the catalyst of change?⁣
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Brook L. McKay is a limited license psychologist providing individual and couples therapy (telehealth/online therapy services only).

10/20/2025

HEALING. It is a process and not an easy thing to do emotionally or physically. Not any one of us is trauma free in the sense we have all experienced or witnessed some form of abuse or loss (see 🐘 video in comments).
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Take this majestic female elephant who was once owned and abused for financial gain. Now she is able to heal where she is in a safe and nurturing space, but yet the scars of her past remain. ⁣
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We all carry these scars in the hopes of trying to heal and free ourselves of the pain attached to these memories. We might choose unhealthy coping tools to repress or avoid the hurt we attach to these undesirable moments in time, but this is not a long-term solution. To truly heal, we must accept we are always in the process of healing and recovering by resisting the urge to ignore the pain. We face it. We use our pain to grow more resilient and find our safe space surrounded by those who care about us and protect us.⁣
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Homework: Ask yourself what are you healing from? Now commit to starting your healing process.
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NB: If you ever get the chance to go to Koh Samui, Thailand, then give this experience of a lifetime a try at the Samui Elephant Sanctuary!
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10/13/2025

⁣OUTLOOK. How we perceive our outlook on life varies significantly depending on our mood each day. You can wake up and choose to let a negative mindset control your life or you can choose to have a more positive outlook.⁣
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For example, let’s say you were in a long-term relationship and have recently been dumped. You start to think you will never find love again, life feels unbearable and your thoughts end up in a negativity loop. It is only human to be angry, sad and heartbroken, but if you are unable to eventually flip the script, then your perception of life (and love) will be ‘colored’ more negatively. ⁣
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Instead, a more positive outlook to being dumped requires you to cognitively reframe the situation. You start to think about how this wasn’t the right person for you and how over time you will find someone else who deserves you, for you. You view this as an opportunity to explore your options and perceive the positive possibilities in life. ⁣
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At the end of the day, your outlook on life is a choice, no matter the situation. Level up.⁣
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Homework: What is your outlook on life at this very moment? If negative, try to flip the script.⁣
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10/06/2025

ZEN. With so many thoughts racing through our minds on a daily basis, we rarely take time to tune out all the noise. In recently visiting a Buddhist Temple I came to understand how their practices provide a space to reflect and cultivate calm on a path towards enlightenment. It is a sacred space for people to come worship and meditate freely. Personally, I think we could all appreciate more calm in our lives. Whether at a Buddhist temple or in a park, take the time to just be and clear your mind. ⁣
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Homework: Find inner peace today by going to a place that brings you calm and take a moment for yourself to meditate in silence.⁣
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#1972 ⁣
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09/22/2025

EMOTIONAL 2.0. I have used this photo once before and it still makes me laugh (I had hoped it would become a viral meme sensation like “Success Kid” did – Google it, but c’est la vie). The facial expression at this moment in time aligned with Tiny’s distaste for sitting on grass, hence him sitting on the cement scowling at us. This image truly evokes a palpable and relatable feeling.⁣
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Sadly, these days, like the photo I shall name “Distaste Kid”, I wake up physically tense and dislike what is happening to humankind. At this very moment, expressing how you genuinely feel is being censored. As a therapist this is the opposite of what we try to achieve in therapy. Most of the time the goal is to be emotionally expressive in a confidential setting with the hopes of eventually expressing our emotions to others on the outside with intention and compassion. Nobody has to ever agree on what is expressed, but we should always feel the ability to do such.

Homework: Openly express how you feel with uncensored authenticity.
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09/08/2025

PARTNERS. As we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary over the weekend, I thought back to our ceremony in Las Vegas sans Elvis and all we have experienced together since. Both the many trials and triumphs of our relationship, that for better or worse, have made us stronger.⁣
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As a couples therapist, I don’t claim to have all the answers on making a marriage work, but I know it takes work for it to last. Marriage is a partnership; one that is not always a 50/50 split.⁣
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Marriage is a choice; one where you wake up each day knowing whatever comes your way, you have your partner’s back, unconditionally . . . even on the bad days.⁣
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Homework: Name one good bit of relationship advice you have in the comments.⁣
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#20