Fat Tony's Beer 'N Bait

04/24/2022

For a limited time only, Fat Tony is having a HUGE Fire Sale!

One of our dumber staff, Toby Derwin, dumped some gasoline into the big burn pit behind the bar, and the whole thing fu***ng exploded and burned down the whole bar! So, come on down to Fat Tony's, grab a couple of bags of our special Fat Tony free charcoal, buy a bottle a' Dollar Store Platinum Label vodka, plop your ass down on the dirt, and let 'er rip!

Bring lots of money. Fat Tony needs some cheering up. Money makes him very happy.

12/07/2021

DRINK FREE ON CHRISTMAS!

Big Tony has a great idea!
As an experiment, Big Tony will serve any and all traditional mixed drinks, with methyl alcohol substituted for ethyl alcohol, free to his loyal customers, just to see what happens.

Just drop on by, sign the waver, and soak up the good times!

11/16/2021

Fat Tony is pretty sure YOU stole some "bar room bric a brac" crap he had carefully scattered all over the place to give the place some phony class to attract the valuable hipster-bunhead crowd.

Return it today, and Fat Tony will give you a free airliner-sized bottle of peppermint schnapps for you to drink while he f***s you up real good.

09/05/2021

Fat Tony has decided he no longer likes YOU.

Staff has been instructed to attack you on sight.

07/25/2021

05/06/2021

If you show up at Fat Tony's on Sunday, April 9, 2029 accompanied by a visible, intelligent, and interactive plasma cloud, created with common objects and substances found in a typical kitchen, Fat Tony will honor both you and your plasma guest with a pitcher of beer raised to 170 proof by the addition of extra ethanol!

We'll be waitin' fer ya!

04/22/2021