12/16/2022
Spiritual bypassing means using a spiritual justification to ignore emotional issues, relationship difficulties, trauma, and social issues. It can happen either because of wanting to avoid the pain of looking at your own stuff or the stuff in your world, or because you just canβt be bothered going into something deeply, or both.
Iβm sure Iβm guilty of it β of thinking, βOh, I can just meditate this feeling awayβ or βThatβs just her stuffβ (about someone whoβs called me out on something accurate).
Iβve also experienced it in many ways and in many instances in the yoga world. Here are just a few examples:
β The studio owner who refused to pay me my full fee because, he said, βYoga teachers need to do more seva.β
β The married teacher who asked for my opinion about her intimate relationship with another teacher because, βWe are so spiritually connected.β
β The student who told me (and this is not a joke) βIf you donβt think about the starving people in Africa, then maybe they donβt exist.β
β The trainer who told me that βYoga is about union, so thereβs no scope for discussing racism or gender politics.β
β The rail thin student who told me she only does hot yoga because βthen I can put cream in my coffee.β
β The kiirtan player whose desperation for female attention would give any rock star a run for his money.
These are all examples of how yoga is used as a weapons - against ourselves, and of course against others.
When we use our supposed spirituality to gain compliance, acceptance, or approval, to get our unmet needs met, to ignore our trauma or the trauma of others, to ignore the problems in the world, then we are spiritually bypassing.
Spiritual bypassing is a way to use the most precious aspect of human life, spirituality, to justify unethical behavior. Although it is often unconscious, nevertheless, it is the most egregious of all offences that can be perpetrated against ourselves or others.
As my life partner Brett (a psychotherapist) has observed, βYoga brings out the divas.β In other words, the yoga world is full of people with narcissist wounds β wounds that have turned them into compliment vortices desperate for an endless stream of veneration and praise (something that, I'm highly aware I'm not personally immune to, and have been working on for many years).
Narcissist wounds may lie at the heart of much of the spiritual bypassing in the yoga world. Why talk about difficult things when we can, much more pleasantly and smilingly, stay on the surface and garner praise?
Some answers may be found in:
β regular, as in daily, svΔdhyΔya, or self-study
β sangha, a real community that holds us accountable for our behavior, not a cadre of admirers
β psychotherapy (of course)
β Doing yoga in the service of something greater, rather than as a way to shore up a dysfunctional ego
β ____________________what would you add to the list?
Spiritual bypassing is something to understand and do something about in ourselves and when necessary, to call out in others.
Never underestimate the power of healing your own trauma β not just for yourself, but for your family, your networks, your community, and the world.
