Nadyne Busichio,LPC

05/19/2022

04/26/2022

According to Dr. John Gottman, when resentment builds up, we begin to view our partner in a negative light.

When we continuously argue with our partner, struggle and don’t see eye to eye we may begin to find ourselves viewing our partner more negatively.

According to Robert Weiss, “Negative Sentiment Override is the result of conflict and arguments distorting our view of our partners wherein we perceive any interaction regardless of its intention as negative.”

This could lead us to easily criticize our partner, bring up issues from the past, not give them the benefit of the doubt or get irritated and annoyed by things they say.

Even when times are good, if we have this negative perspective, we could still view the relationship poorly.

The good news is it doesn’t have to stay this way!

Do you and your spouse need help reconnecting? Couples counseling can help any couple struggling to see eye to eye and assist you in creating a strong foundation. If your ready to learn relationship tools that will help you communicate more effectively, schedule a session today!

03/28/2022

Even if everything seems completely right, anxiety can creep up on us and interfere with our relationships.

This certainly doesn’t look the same for everyone, but sometimes, the tasks can become so overwhelming it could increase your anxiety.

When we’re sleep deprived, overwhelmed and busy with work schedules our first instinct could be to point the finger at your partner which comes across as a criticism and an attack.

This can begin to cause partners to feel like they are no longer on the same team and more like adversaries. When you no longer feel understood, you begin to feel like strangers.

It’s important to communicate with your partner and let them know what triggers you and what your boundaries are. When you are clear on your needs and what the request is, you are creating a partnership and the message is that you are on the same team.

What else could be added to the list? 👇

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03/25/2022

Whenever we’re in a situation that overwhelms us, causes us to feel anger, embarrassment, or ashamed, our brain immediately pulls together information to help us make sense of it.

This information doesn’t need to be accurate; it simply needs to create a complete picture.
This allows our brain to do what it does best, ensure our survival.

When our brain creates a story without all of the information, this leads to increased feelings of fear and anxiety. Interestingly enough, since our brains are created to help us survive and not thrive, it loves these stories and rewards us with a sense of calm.

Since we have an idea of what we think is going on, even if it is inaccurate, it appeases our brain.
Thus, when our partner makes a comment about the house not being clean and laundry having to be done, we take it as a personal attack. However, if we get curious and dig deeper, we may find that they in fact are upset that they forgot to put the laundry in the wash the day they wanted or to ask for help with cleaning the house.

According to Brene Brown, when we catch ourselves, take a breath and say, “the story I’m telling myself is…” we are able to get curious and start a conversation about what’s going on, leading to more connection with our partner.

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03/20/2022

Raise your hand if you are ever stressed out?🙋‍♀️

Stress effects our lives in so many ways. Some minor such as being stuck in traffic to bigger things like demands at work, family difficulties, financial problems, traumatic events, divorce, or illness.

Taking time for self-care is essential to dealing with stress in a healthy manner, and to also help prevent burnout.

It’s so easy to put ourselves last of a seemingly endless to-do list, however, I encourage you to take time to put you first.

Self-care is your obligation “treating yourself”; you’re investing in yourself and your physical and mental health so you can better care for those around you.

How are you taking care of yourself today? ❤ Let me know in the comments 👇

03/18/2022

Did you know being vulnerable is an important part of a successful relationship?

According to Brene Brown’s research, “Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control. In fact, vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences. It’s the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness.”

When we are willing to be vulnerable, we are embracing the fact that we are human, that we are not perfect and have flaws. We are accepting of ourselves and when that happens, we begin to learn and grow.

We no longer feel we need to be perfect.

When we are willing to be vulnerable with our partner, we develop a connection that allows us to have a deeper understanding of one another. We can better relate to one another and empathize with each-other.

This allows us to develop a healthy authentic relationship.

03/17/2022

Shame can wreak havoc on our relationships.

You don’t want to be intimate with your partner because you think they don’t like how you look. Your partner made a comment about how you handled the kids which sparked a fight because ultimately, you feel like a failure as a parent. On and on it goes.

No one is immune from this.

Brene Brown defines shame as, “an intensely painful feeling or experience that we are flawed and therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.” When we feel shame, we believe that we are so deeply flawed that we do not deserve to be loved.

Shame can cause a strain on any relationship because we are not fully representing ourselves. Past experiences of neglect, humiliation, ridicule etc., have taught us that to be safe, we must disconnect from others.

However, in order to survive shame, we have to talk about it. We have to open up to our partners and be vulnerable. When our partner listens to us and expresses empathy, shame can’t survive it. According to Brene Brown, shame can only survive when you buy into the belief that you are alone.

Tell yourself you are worthy of love know. You deserve it all know, just as you are.

Comment below: how have you changed the way you self-talk?

03/16/2022

Have you ever gotten so mad at your partner that you start arguing with them as soon as you see them?

It can certainly be difficult at times to keep your emotions in check. I know I’m guilty of it.

But according to Dr. John Gottman, a conversation will end the same way it begins.

By using these steps to communicate during a conflict, we are more effectively able to communicate our needs.

This helps them see where you are coming from and prevents them from going on the defensive and wanting to attack back. Ultimately leading to a more productive conversation.

When you use this approach, you come across as less critical, your partner’s more likely to be more receptive to your concerns and needs, and to top it off, your relationship is much more likely to be stable and happy.

03/15/2022

Can I ask you a question? How do you view your partner when you’re not with them?

Do you think of all the ways they help out around the house? The fun vacations you’ve gone on? How they are a hard worker?

Or do you tend to think about how they could help out more and the last fight you had?

Our brains are wired to keep us alive. For us to survive, not thrive. So, it needs a story to protect us. When we lean towards thinking about the negative aspect of our relationships, our brain is doing so in order to help us survive.

When we take time everyday to connect with our partners and let them know we appreciate them, are interested in what they have to say and listen with interest we begin to rewire our brains.

03/14/2022

Listen up, if you’re in a relationship and you’re not arguing, then according to Dr. John Gottman, you’re not communicating.

We all know those couples who always seem to have it together and never seem to argue, and maybe sometimes they do. But if they have gotten in the habit of staying silent and not communicating when they are hurt, angry, disappointed etc.; this silence could slowly destroy the relationship.

Although it may seem scary, when we face conflict in our relationships in a healthy way and respect our partners boundaries, we have an opportunity to grow within the relationship, deepen the connection and strengthen the bond.

Arguments are going to happen, and that’s not a bad thing.

So, speak up and keep talking.

How do you feel about conflict? Comment below!

03/13/2022

May I make a confession?

I recently took on some additional volunteer hours at my kids’ school and it’s proving a bigger challenge than I might have bargained for.

It’s a lot to handle sometimes, but deep inside, I know it will be worth it.

To avoid burnout, I give myself permission to pause… whether for a day, a weekend, or just a single breath.

If you need permission, too, here it is. You got this, friend!

How will you pause today?

03/12/2022

Fact: self-care is not synonymous with self-indulgence.

It’s checking in with ourselves and becoming attuned to what we need to maintain our physical, emotional and mental health.

This will look different from person to person, but it’s all the things we do to manage the stress we face on a daily basis.

Investing in yourself is the best way to improve your quality of life and it will be the best way to serve others.

How are you taking care of yourself today? Let me know if the comments

03/11/2022

Truth: boundaries are meant to protect your integrity, your values and meet your own needs.

They clearly define your own personal limits which protect, support the overall well-being and set a strong foundation of respect for your relationship.

Clearly communicated boundaries come from a loving place that say, “I’m not out to get you, I’m not here to hurt you, I’m just taking a stand for myself.”

However, ultimatums are a need for validation which comes from an anxious place. They are about forcing things to be your way or else, why trying to control the situation. When giving an ultimatum, your partner is put into a position where they are forced to do what you want; choose you; or else.

Ultimatums come from a place of fear, whereas boundaries come from a place of love.

Boundaries allow for growth, connection and the opportunity to form a deeper bond with your partner. It comes from a place of WE vs. the problem as opposed to ME vs. You.

Let me know what you think about setting boundaries in the comments!

03/10/2022

Can I trust you? And if the answer is yes, why?

Charles Feltman defines trust as, “choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”

He defines distrust as, “what I have shared with you that is important to me, is not safe with you.”

She uses the acronym BRAVING because according to Brown, these are the elements that help us understand if we do or don’t trust others, and ourselves.

She uses this acronym because she says, “when we trust, we are braving connection with someone else.”
Here’s what it stands for:

B: Boundaries - You respect my boundaries and I respect yours.
R: Reliability - You do what you say you’ll do, not just once, but every time.
A: Accountability - You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
V: Vault - You don’t share what I tell you in confidence.
I: Integrity - You choose what is right over what is easy, choosing courage over comfort and practicing your values not just professing your values.
N: Nonjudgement - We can ask each other for what we need and talk without judgement.
G: Generosity - You give the benefit of the doubt

This is Brene Brown’s anatomy of trust.

This allows us to say what we specifically need in our relationships instead of saying we don’t trust someone or more importantly, ourselves.

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03/09/2022

Let me let you in on a little secret: setting boundaries in a relationship is necessary.

They are an important part of your self-care. Without boundaries, you can feel overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, angry, resentful, taken advantage of, taken for granted, and burnt out.

Boundaries are defined as, “a limit or a space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends… The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you.” (IPFW/Student Assistance Program)

When you set healthy boundaries, clearly communicate them and stick to them, you are better able to make decisions that are good for you and not just the people around you.

When our boundaries are violated it not only effects our comfort levels, but also effects our self-esteem and self-worth.

Clearly knowing and communicating boundaries allows you to stay connected to your relationship. It also shows you respect and honor the relationship by putting forth the effort and work to ensure the relationship stays protected.

03/08/2022

Happy International Women's Day!

I would like to take a moment to thank all of the strong women in my life who have supported, inspired and guided me through my life. I wouldn't be where I am without any of you!

Let us continue to lift, build, empower and celebrate one another.

Tag a woman who has inspired you in the comments! ❤️

03/07/2022

Raise your hand if you have ever felt resentful towards your partner. 🙋‍♀️

You are not alone. However, we often think this is because our partner isn’t meeting our needs in some way.

We start to think our partner doesn’t feel our needs are important, or our needs don’t matter or that our partner simply doesn’t care.

But that is often not the case. The truth is resentment is a signal that you have not clearly expressed your boundaries or you’re not enforcing them very well.

When you set boundaries, you are letting your partner know what’s ok and not ok; what’s acceptable and not acceptable; what’s tolerable and not tolerable.

It’s taking a collaborative approach and coming together as partners to be committed to solutions and not be focused on the problem.