Heather Moss LMFT, Relationship & Trauma Therapist

03/31/2025

Making Mistakes Is Better Than Faking Perfections - Let's Change The Narrative For Women.The Burden of Perfection: How Women Have Been Conditioned to Fear Mistakes

From a young age, women are often taught to strive for perfection. Society celebrates flawless beauty, impeccable manners, and unattainable success, leaving little room for the messiness of human error. This conditioning can lead to a harmful mindset: faking perfection becomes preferable to making mistakes.

Perfectionism Starts Early
Girls frequently receive subtle messages that their worth is tied to how well they meet expectations—whether it's excelling academically, looking polished, or being emotionally accommodating. Phrases like “Be a good girl” or “You’re so mature” can unintentionally pressure young girls to equate mistakes with failure, fostering a fear of imperfection.

Faking Perfection: A Protective Mechanism
As women grow, the pressure intensifies. Social media reinforces the idea that others are effortlessly thriving, creating an unrelenting comparison trap. It’s not uncommon to see women presenting a curated version of their lives to meet societal standards. Underneath the façade, however, there may be exhaustion, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Faking perfection becomes a defense mechanism—a way to avoid criticism, judgment, or feelings of inadequacy. But this comes at a cost: authenticity and growth are sacrificed for the illusion of having it all together.

The Value of Mistakes
Mistakes are not failures—they are opportunities for growth. In reality, making mistakes fosters resilience, creativity, and self-compassion. Yet, the societal narrative has long framed women’s errors as personal shortcomings rather than natural steps toward learning.

For example, when men make mistakes in professional settings, they are often seen as risks takers or innovators. Women, however, may fear being perceived as incompetent or emotional, leading them to overprepare or stay silent rather than risk making a misstep.

Breaking the Cycle
Rewriting this narrative begins with challenging the idea that perfection is the goal. Women must be empowered to embrace vulnerability and normalize imperfection as part of their humanity. Here are some ways to shift the mindset:

Redefine Success: Success isn’t about doing everything right—it’s about persistence, growth, and authenticity. Celebrate effort and progress over outcomes.

Be Honest with Yourself and Others: Acknowledge when you're struggling or unsure. Sharing imperfections fosters deeper connections and reduces the pressure to appear flawless.

Model Mistakes for Younger Generations: Show children, especially young girls, that it’s okay to fail. Talk openly about your mistakes and how you’ve learned from them.

Curate Your Social Media Diet: Follow accounts that celebrate authenticity over curated perfection. Diversify your feed with voices that normalize the messiness of life.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend when mistakes happen.

The Power of Imperfection
By embracing imperfection, women can reclaim their authenticity and challenge the unrealistic expectations placed upon them. Faking perfection may feel safer in the short term, but it limits growth and connection. Making mistakes is not a weakness—it’s a testament to courage and humanity. It means you are trying.

Let’s unlearn the need to fake perfection and start embracing the beauty of imperfection together.

At Soul Journey Therapy we help you to heal your relationships (Infidelity Recovery) and yourself through individual and couples therapy in Folsom California. In Individual therapy for adults we provide therapy for First Responders, Neurodivergent people as Trauma therapy, Anxiety Therapy and Therap

03/28/2025

💕Teen Parenting: Creating A Mistake-Friendly Home Fosters Learning, Empathy And Resilience.

Teen therapy, parenting, affair recovery, social media safety, couples communication, social media and teens, communication with teens, parent support, teen support are all things we cover in our therapy blog.

11/19/2024

🩵Check out the latest blog..."Making Mistakes Is Better Than Faking Perfections"
The Burden of Perfection: How Women Have Been Conditioned to Fear Mistakes...

Teen therapy, parenting, affair recovery, social media safety, couples communication, social media and teens, communication with teens, parent support, teen support are all things we cover in our therapy blog.

10/02/2024

Criticism can be especially harmful for someone with ADHD, and it’s often one of the worst things you can do for a loved one with neurodiversity.

✨Here’s why criticism can be so detrimental and what to do instead:

WHY CRITICISM HURTS PEOPLE WITH ADHD

Increased Sensitivity to Criticism: Many people with ADHD are already highly sensitive to criticism due to a lifetime of feeling misunderstood or failing to meet societal or personal expectations. Hearing negative feedback can trigger feelings of shame, inadequacy, or low self-esteem, which may already be heightened due to past experiences.

Reinforces Negative Self-Perception: Individuals with ADHD often struggle with self-regulation and executive functioning, such as attention, time management, organization, and impulse control. When criticized for things they genuinely struggle to control, it reinforces negative self-talk like "I’m not good enough," or "I can’t do anything right." This can contribute to anxiety or depression.

Worsens ADHD Symptoms: Stress and emotional overwhelm can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. When a person with ADHD feels criticized, their brain may go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, making it even harder for them to focus or manage their behaviors. The criticism can lead to increased distractibility, forgetfulness, or frustration.

Damages Trust and Communication: Constant criticism can erode trust in relationships, making the person with ADHD feel less safe and supported. Over time, they may become defensive, withdraw emotionally, or stop communicating about their challenges altogether.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Practice Patience and Empathy Instead of focusing on what your loved one is doing wrong, try to understand that their ADHD brain functions differently. Show patience and compassion by acknowledging that they are doing their best, even if things don’t always go as planned.

Use Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcement can be far more effective than criticism. Praise their efforts, even small ones, and acknowledge their progress. This helps build their confidence and encourages them to keep working on areas of difficulty without feeling judged.
For example, if they struggle with time management, instead of saying, “You’re always late,” try, “I really appreciate the effort you made to be on time today.”

Offer Support, Not Criticism: Instead of pointing out their mistakes, offer to help them with strategies that align with their needs. For example, if they struggle with organization, suggest using a shared calendar or reminders rather than telling them they're "too disorganized."
Frame it as a partnership: “How can we work together to make this easier?”

Focus on Solutions: When challenges arise, try to focus on finding solutions together rather than dwelling on what went wrong. If your loved one forgets something important, avoid shaming them. Instead, ask, “What can we do to help you remember next time?”

Communicate Kindly and Constructively: If you need to bring up an issue, do so in a calm, constructive way. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements, which can feel accusatory. For example, say, “I feel stressed when deadlines are missed, can we talk about ways to avoid this in the future?” instead of “You never get things done on time.”

Acknowledge Their Strengths: People with ADHD often have unique strengths, such as creativity, enthusiasm, or problem-solving skills. Make sure you regularly acknowledge these traits to balance out any feedback they receive about areas of difficulty.

For more support feel free to reach out for a consultation. 916-761-5492 Soul Journey Therapy

09/16/2024

What is EMDR & How Does It Help You And Your Brain Heal?

What makes EMDR especially supportive is that you don’t have to go into every detail of your trauma. For many, this can be a relief, as talking about the experience can sometimes feel like reliving it. Instead, EMDR focuses on how the memory is stored in your mind, helping to resolve it at its source. Over time, you may find that the memories which once triggered such intense reactions no longer control you. The symptoms of PTSD, CPTSD, anxiety, addiction, or depression can lessen, allowing you to experience a greater sense of calm and emotional freedom.

How Does EMDR Help You Heal? — Soul Journey Therapy

Teen therapy, parenting, family therapy, counseling, social media safety, social media and teens, communication with teens, teen counseling, parent support, teen support.

05/17/2024

Group youth therapy can be an effective way to help young people manage and overcome anxiety. Here are some reasons why it can be beneficial:

Peer Support: Being in a group with others who are experiencing similar issues can provide a sense of understanding and solidarity. It helps young people feel less alone in their struggles.

Shared Experiences: Hearing others talk about their experiences with anxiety can help participants gain new perspectives and coping strategies. It can also validate their own experiences and feelings.

Social Skills Development: Group therapy provides a safe environment to practice social interactions and communication skills, which can be particularly beneficial for those whose anxiety makes social situations challenging.

Learning from Others: Teens can learn from each other's successes and setbacks. This shared learning can be powerful and can lead to the discovery of new techniques and approaches to managing anxiety.

Facilitator Guidance: Group sessions are typically led by a trained therapist who can guide discussions, introduce therapeutic activities, and ensure that the environment remains supportive and productive.

Building Confidence: Sharing one's story and offering support to others can boost self-esteem and confidence, which are often areas of struggle for those with anxiety.

Cost-Effective: Group therapy is often more affordable than individual therapy, making it accessible to a wider range of people.

Community Building: Developing connections with peers in the group can create a sense of community and belonging, which is beneficial for mental health.

Overall, group youth therapy offers a supportive environment where young people can learn, share, and grow together, all while receiving professional guidance to manage their anxiety effectively.

We offer Youth and Teen Groups, reach out for more info Soul Journey Therapy (916)761-5492

03/24/2024

🩵Premarital Counseling Can Lay A Beautiful Foundation Before Your Exciting Adventure Together.

🫶Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship, including romantic partnerships. How couples handle conflict can significantly impact the health and longevity of their relationship.

🩵Recognizing that conflict is normal and unavoidable in any relationship. Instead of fearing conflict or avoiding it altogether, view it as an opportunity for growth, understanding, and problem-solving.

✨We offer 6 & 12 week Premarital counseling programs. We are here to support you in this important and exciting time in your relationship and future union. Feel free to reach out to learn more @ 916-761-5492

Teen therapy, parenting, family therapy, counseling, social media safety, social media and teens, communication with teens, teen counseling, parent support, teen support.

03/21/2024

What Is Object Infidelity In Relationships?
Object infidelity is a term used in couple counseling to describe a situation where an individual becomes emotionally or romantically invested in someone or something outside of their committed relationship. While traditional infidelity typically refers to engaging in physical or s*xual relationships outside of a committed partnership, object infidelity focuses on emotional or romantic connections with external entities or objects.
Read more...

Teen therapy, parenting, family therapy, counseling, social media safety, social media and teens, communication with teens, teen counseling, parent support, teen support.

02/21/2024

If we want grace, we must be willing to extend grace to others. It’s a beautiful reciprocity of empathy that enriches our lives and fosters compassion.
🩵Supporting your teen when they make a mistake involves fostering open communication, empathy, and understanding, while also encouraging accountability, learning, and growth. By providing a supportive and nurturing environment, you can help your teen navigate their mistakes with confidence and resilience.
Here are some ways to provide support:

Stay Calm and Avoid Overreacting:
When your teen makes a mistake, try to stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively or harshly. Take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding, and strive to maintain a supportive and nonjudgmental demeanor.

Encourage Honest Communication:
Encourage your teen to communicate openly and honestly about the mistake they made. Create a safe and nonjudgmental space where they feel comfortable discussing what happened without fear of criticism or punishment.

Listen Actively:
Listen actively to your teen's perspective and allow them to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about the mistake. Pay attention to their emotions and validate their experiences, even if you may not agree with their actions.

Offer Empathy and Understanding:
Offer empathy and understanding to your teen by acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences. Let them know that it's normal to make mistakes and that everyone learns from their errors.

Focus on Solutions and Learning Opportunities:
Instead of dwelling on the mistake itself, focus on finding solutions and learning opportunities. Help your teen brainstorm potential ways to rectify the situation or prevent similar mistakes in the future.

Teach Accountability and Responsibility:
Encourage your teen to take accountability for their actions and accept responsibility for the consequences of their mistake. Help them understand the importance of owning up to their errors and learning from them.

Model Forgiveness and Compassion:
Model forgiveness and compassion by showing understanding and empathy toward your teen. Let them know that you still love and support them, regardless of the mistake they made, and that you believe in their ability to learn and grow.

Encourage Self-Reflection and Problem-Solving:
Encourage your teen to engage in self-reflection and problem-solving to understand why the mistake occurred and how they can avoid similar situations in the future. Help them develop strategies for making better choices and overcoming challenges.

Celebrate Progress and Effort:
Celebrate your teen's progress and effort in addressing their mistake and taking steps toward positive change. Acknowledge their willingness to learn and grow, and praise their resilience and determination.

🩵If you're concerned about your teen, if they are struggling, or if you need some parenting support during this challenging stage, don't hesitate to give us a call for a free consultation at 916-761-5492
www.SoulJourneyTherapy.com

02/20/2024

"We need joy as we need air.
We need love as we need water.
We need each other as we need the earth we share."
-Maya Angelou

Co-regulation refers to the mutual influence and support that individuals provide to each other in managing their emotions, behaviors, and physiological states. In essence, we are constantly impacting and being impacted by the people around us, particularly in close relationships such as family, friendships, and romantic partnerships. Here's how co-regulation is so impactful:

Emotional Support: Co-regulation involves offering emotional support to others and receiving support in return. This can include providing empathy, validation, and encouragement during times of distress or difficulty. By sharing our emotions and experiences with others, we can regulate our emotional responses and feel understood and cared for.

Social Interaction: Engaging in social interactions allows us to co-regulate with others by sharing positive experiences, laughter, and companionship. Spending time with friends, family, and loved ones can boost mood, reduce stress, and enhance overall well-being through shared experiences and connections.

Attachment Bonds: Attachment theory suggests that secure attachment bonds formed in early childhood serve as a foundation for healthy co-regulation in later relationships. Securely attached individuals feel confident in seeking and providing support from others, leading to more effective co-regulation in relationships.

Physiological Regulation: Co-regulation extends beyond emotional support to include physiological regulation. For example, parents may co-regulate their infant's physiological states by soothing them when they're upset or helping them regulate their sleep-wake cycles. Similarly, partners may synchronize their breathing or heart rates when feeling calm and connected.

Overall, co-regulation is a fundamental aspect of human interaction and relationships. By supporting and being supported by others, we can regulate our emotions, behaviors, and physiological states, leading to enhanced well-being and stronger interpersonal connections. Cultivating healthy co-regulation skills can contribute to more fulfilling and harmonious relationships in all areas of life.

02/17/2024

🩵Affair Recovery Is Possible ~ Absolutely, affair recovery is possible, although it requires significant effort, commitment, and time from both partners involved.

Here are some key factors that contribute to affair recovery:

✨Open Communication: Partners must be willing to engage in honest and transparent communication about the affair, their feelings, and the impact it has had on the relationship. This includes discussing the reasons behind the affair, expressing emotions, and addressing any underlying issues within the relationship.

🩵Commitment to Healing: Both partners need to demonstrate a genuine commitment to healing and rebuilding trust. This may involve attending couples therapy, individual counseling, or support groups to work through the emotional fallout of the affair and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

✨Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust is essential for affair recovery. The partner who had the affair must be willing to take responsibility for their actions, show genuine remorse, and demonstrate consistent trustworthy behavior over time. The betrayed partner may need reassurance, transparency, and validation of their feelings as they work through their trust issues.

🩵Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a crucial component of affair recovery, but it is a process that takes time. Both partners may need to work through feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayal before they can fully forgive each other and move forward in the relationship. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the affair but rather letting go of the emotional burden and resentment associated with it.

✨Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries within the relationship can help rebuild trust and prevent future infidelity. Partners may need to discuss and agree upon boundaries regarding communication with members of the opposite s*x, social media use, and other potential triggers for infidelity.

✨Seeking Professional Help: Couples therapy or counseling with a qualified therapist experienced in affair recovery can provide guidance, support, and tools for navigating the complexities of healing from infidelity. A therapist can help facilitate communication, address underlying issues, and develop strategies for rebuilding the relationship.

🩵While affair recovery is challenging and may involve setbacks along the way, many couples are able to heal and rebuild their relationships stronger than before with dedication, patience, and a willingness to confront difficult emotions and issues head-on.

✨This is a specialty of ours at Soul Journey Therapy, don’t hesitate to reach out for a no-cost consultation to see if you’d like further couples therapy support in your relationship.

02/08/2024

🩵When you're in the thick of conflict with your partner there are things that you can do to help each other stay emotionally regulated and to help keep the trajectory of the conversation in a safe space.

Co-regulation in couples refers to the ability of partners to mutually influence each other's emotional states in a way that promotes emotional well-being and connection. It involves creating a supportive and responsive environment that helps regulate each other's emotions. Here are some strategies for couples to enhance co-regulation:

✨Active Listening:
Practice active listening when your partner is expressing their emotions. Give them your full attention, make eye contact, and show that you are fully engaged in understanding their feelings. Put phones away and focus on being fully present.

✨Empathetic Responding:
Respond with empathy to your partner's emotions. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand. Avoid judgment or criticism.

✨Validate Emotions:
Validate your partner's emotions by acknowledging that their feelings are valid, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them. Avoid dismissing their emotions.

✨Mindfulness:
Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Mindfulness exercises, such as meditation, journaling, or mindful breathing, can enhance emotional awareness and regulation. Creating this space as a couple could be very impactful and healing as you are training the brain to find calm in the presence of your partner

🩵By creating a safe space where both partners feel secure expressing their emotions without fear of judgment or criticism you will keep communication and vulnerability open.

If you struggle with this in your relationship consider couples counseling. A trained couples therapist can provide guidance on improving communication, understanding each other's emotional needs, and fostering co-regulation.

For additional support reach out for a consultation @ Soul Journey Therapy

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