Laura Anderson Psychotherapy

08/01/2023

Many people are surprised when I ask about their childhoods and they come up blank. They can’t remember specific stories, entire years of their lives, and they have few, if any, memories of getting support.

This is what we call emotional memory, and when we don’t feel emotionally cared for by our caregivers, we tend to push away our feelings in an attempt to become emotionally independent—as in, independent of our feelings.

If you find it challenging in adulthood to express emotions to people you’re close to (including positive ones, like, “You make me feel so good” or “I love X about you”), you might still be cut off from your emotions, which gets in the way of experiencing the joy of emotional connection.

Need help reclaiming your story?

Pick up a copy of my workbook ⬇️

https://amzn.to/3uzmaPs

07/28/2023

02/02/2023

Now accepting Medicare insurance clients

01/27/2023

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I am able to change."

--Carl Rogers

12/14/2022

12/14/2022

You can't choose your biological family, but you can select what family looks like for you--friends, blood relatives, mentors, etc.

Do you have chosen family?

07/29/2021

Let's talk about the shift from victimhood to power...

Triggers. Baggage. Trauma.

Everyone has them. There is no such thing as an uncomplicated relationship. For example, if you have experienced childhood, you can benefit from therapy.

Adults need to develop an awareness of the way that things we've experienced affect our behavior, patterns of thinking, and mood. And we need to shift away from using defenses like shaming ourselves/others, shutting down feelings, and projecting onto other people when we feel something uncomfortable.

Messy feelings need to unravel. Then we can slow down and be more clear instead of digging in with defenses, and taking other people's messiness personally.

Do your best and be gentle with yourself and others, regardless of what the situation is. ⁣

We tend to think and feel the way that we do because it's what has protected us in the past; because it's familiar; or because we have convinced ourselves that this is the only way it can be. But I'm here to tell you that there is so much more.

Click the link below for more.

03/02/2021

As parents we can give our kids a safe space to experience their feelings by letting go of our need to teach. We want to give our kids the tools to succeed in life, and that includes our values, knowledge, skills, etc.

But when it comes to feelings, we often choose teaching instead of listening. All of us are guilty of this. It’s an honest mistake. And it’s certainly a forgivable one.

We want to fix the problem or take away the pain we see. Most of us are tired. Many of us lack our own safe spaces to show our weakness. Many of us grew up in an environment that taught us vulnerability was shameful. Many of us were not given a robust vocabulary for our own feelings, or we weren’t taught that accountability and self reflection were important abilities.

Adults need spaces where we can safely come apart without fear of shame and judgment too.

It’s not important that we “fix” our children’s feelings. But it is important to show them that having their feelings doesn’t actually hurt themselves or us. If we show them that we have the capacity to listen and not teach, we can give them an even more valuable gift— the gift of feeling heard. We teach them that they are strong and resilient— that they can tolerate the discomfort of the moment and move on.

The way we talk about feelings in our families is the primary place we learn how to identify and process them for a long time.

And remember, if you’re struggling: having support and a safe space to show vulnerability is not a matter of luck or a frivolous pursuit. It is the foundation of all human relationships. And it is worth the work it will take to build.

02/21/2021

02/11/2021

Just a reminder...

The goal isn’t to stop feeling; it’s to accept the things you feel without judgment.

The goal isn’t to never disagree; it’s to disagree with respect, and to know when it’s important to stand your ground.

The goal isn’t always to be seen perfectly; it’s to get to a place where you know who you are even when others don’t.
And eventually; to find the ones who do see you with all the love and respect you deserve.

❤️❤️❤️

02/04/2021

Please others when it truly pleases you. ❤️

Please others when it truly pleases you... (-a passage from my book, Hearticulations)